When I got there, it was quiet inside. I’d expected to hear Ethan banging out some guitar riffs. But then I did hear something, and the door opened right after. And there was Ethan, along with a raven-haired girl wearing a hot pink tank top. I swallowed hard. No words would come out. Me…he’d called me his wordsmith, and yet I couldn’t find a single word to say.
It could have been innocent. Could have. But the girl wasn’t wearing any shoes, and her hair was mussed up. Ethan’s shoes were off too. And I felt the tears start to well up in my eyes, so I just backed away while I could still save face. I heard him say, “Val…”
But he didn’t come to get me, and before I got to the end of the hall, I heard the door close.
So that was it, huh? Now I knew where I stood. I was up on some pedestal. He couldn’t soil me, but he could sure as hell cheat on me? That didn’t make much sense. And when I got back to my room, Zane was standing in front of the door waiting for me. Without a word, he just wrapped me in his arms and let me cry until there were no more tears to fall.
* * *
Although I’d spent the next two days just focusing on homework and ignoring Ethan’s texts, I still planned to attend the Fully Automatic show that Saturday night. After all, some of the lyrics were mine, and I’d never seen them performed before. Besides, Zane and I had become close friends, and I hadn’t seen Nick and Brad since early December the following year. As far as I was concerned, Ethan could fuck off, but I wasn’t going to miss the show.
Friday night, Zane joined Jennifer and me for dinner. I said, “You sure Ethan’s not going to show up?”
“Yeah.”
When we sat down, Zane asked, “You’re coming tomorrow night, right?”
I nodded. “Yeah. I plan to.”
“What about you, Jennifer?”
“What?”
“I told you about that—the Fully Automatic concert at The Cave.”
“You’re playing, Zane?” He nodded. Yeah…maybe there was still a spark between the two. That made me happy, because Jennifer was a sweet girl and Zane was a nice guy, and both deserved each other. “Then…maybe.” She looked at me. “I could drive us there.”
“Sounds great.” Until she’d said that, since it was April and spring was fully in gear, I’d planned on walking. With a friend driving, though, it would be a lot easier.
The show started at seven, and Fully Automatic wasn’t the first band. There were three bands playing that night, and I didn’t know which one would play first. I let Jennifer borrow some of my clothes, and I put on a black tank top, spiked wristbands, black leather pants, and black heeled boots. I was probably overdoing it, but I didn’t care. I hoped Ethan would see me in the crowd and regret what he’d done to me. I put on bright pink lipstick and dark eye makeup and off we went.
The place was just as dark as I’d remembered. Jennifer pointed out one of the tables a little back from the stage. “Do you care if we sit there?”
“You don’t want to get close to the stage?”
“Isn’t it dangerous there by the moshpit?”
I laughed. “Well, it can be. How about we sit here for now and move up front when the guys play?”
She agreed. So we sat at the table, sipping at the bottled waters we’d purchased, waiting for the show to begin. They were blasting plenty of metal, but the actual bands weren’t yet playing.
I saw someone sit next to me, so I turned my head. It was Brad, and sweet Jesus, he looked better than ever. He was still gorgeous, but his hair had grown some, and he had let a few days’ stubble accumulate on his face. I smiled. “Hi, beautiful,” he said as I looked over.
I wanted to jump him and get all excited, because I’d really missed him, but I wanted to keep my cool. He’d delivered his line as suave as could be, so I didn’t want to just spaz out. “Well, hello back, gorgeous.” I propped my head on my hands, resting my elbows on the table.
Holy shit. There was still some weird magnetism vibrating between us, as though no time had passed since I’d last seen him. I realized at that moment that I felt more sexual attraction for Brad than I’d ever felt for any other guy on the planet, including Ethan. What I thought I’d felt for Ethan was more permanent, more loving, while what I felt for Brad was primal, animalistic, and irrational.
“Um…this is my roommate, Jennifer Manders.”
Ever charming, Brad offered his hand. “Jennifer.” But when she put out her hand to shake his, he instead brought her hand to his lips and kissed it.
“How debonair,” I teased.
He lowered his voice. “You…I’ll kiss elsewhere.” I lost my ability to breathe. But then he spoke louder again and said, “So…you here to watch us play, or is this just a coincidence?”
I didn’t plan to quit flirting now. “I came to watch you.”
He smiled, and I could tell he was trying to gauge how much of what I’d said was true and how much was just teasing. “You’re here just for me?”
“Yep. Just for you.” I smiled back and then he winked at me, as though telling me he didn’t care if I was full of shit or not; he just appreciated the effort.
“Gotta go. I’m hanging at another band’s merch table to see how it’s done.” He kissed me on the cheek and then stood. “See you after the show?”
“Maybe.”
He raised his eyebrows and pointed at me. “You better be here.” And off he went.
Jennifer said, “Oh, my God. Who was that?”
“Brad Payne. He’s in Ethan and Zane’s band. He sings part of the time, plays guitar.”
“Holy cow. He’s hot. And he really likes you.”
Yeah, well…I’d thought Ethan liked me too. I wasn’t about to get my hopes up again.
Chapter Thirteen
JENNIFER AND I were completely wired and ready by the time Fully Automatic came on stage. I’d had a mini concert in Brad’s garage months ago, but I’d never really seen them onstage, and I certainly hadn’t heard them singing my words. I might have been angry feeling like I had to watch them had Brad not put in an appearance beforehand. I wasn’t ready to see Ethan.
Both Ethan and Brad split up the singing time. Most of Ethan’s singing really was my words, and even though I was so angry at him I could spit nails, it felt good to hear my stuff. Jennifer fell completely in love with Zane watching him onstage and she seemed mesmerized, but she still took time to ask, “Hey, is that the poem you told me he converted into a song?”
“One of many.”
It didn’t escape my attention that when Brad could spot me just off the edge of the stage, he focused on me. His gaze penetrated deep into my soul and made me feel better about Ethan. I noticed that Ethan noticed me once and then avoided looking at me the rest of the time. Good. Let the bastard squirm. I knew that wouldn’t happen, though, because at some point, Ethan would hit that point where he experienced a performance high, and no one else existed. I’d seen him do it before…disappear into Ethan’s music world.
The second to last song, Brad said, “I’m dedicating this song to the cute brunette standing near the edge of the stage.” He looked over at me. “You know who you are.” He made sure I did know it by looking me straight in the eyes. And since he’d made such a production out of getting my attention, I made sure I gave him plenty of mine. I had plenty of admiration to give him. He’d stripped his shirt off midway through the show. I’d already noticed a new tattoo on his left arm, but I had no idea that he’d had a couple under his shirt. But more impressive than the tats was the definition of his abs and pecs. He was covered in a slight sheen of perspiration which just made each muscle stand out more. He’d been wearing a Black Label Society t-shirt over knee-length faded jean shorts with black Converse shoes. I scanned his calves for more tattoos and found none, but I knew that could change over time.
His hair, now fully past his chin, was damp, and I saw a bead of sweat slide down the side of his face. His dark eyes, though, were hotter than anything else on his body, and he was c
aressing me with them every chance he got. “This song is called ‘Want You’.” Okay, so that really got my attention, and I knew I hadn’t heard this song when I was in his garage. Had he written it since I’d last seen him?
I didn’t catch all of the lines, but I caught enough, because this song didn’t have screaming vocals—they were all clean. And even though some of the lines still suffered from what he’d described as being generic, they got the point across better than any other words could have. And I wasn’t the only one who thought so. By the end of the song, some of the girls in the crowd were waving their lit-up cell phones over their heads.
I’d heard the chorus enough to know what he sang:
“Want you, baby, be mine tonight.
I need you more than words can say.
I’ll make you my queen, make you my whore,
But I know I can’t have you anyway.”
I wondered if the actual words were supposed to mean something to me or if he just wanted to dedicate his sexiest song to me to send a message? Either way, I got the hint.
After the last song, one that would have become their signature (had things not changed), called “Bullet Through My Soul,” they got their stuff off stage so the last band could set up. Jennifer and I enjoyed the third band halfway through until Brad came out and headbanged with us for a few minutes. Then he urged us to come backstage.
Well…if you could call it that. Backstage was barely even a room. Crammed in there were several band members from both Fully Automatic and the first band. It was quieter, though, and we could talk.
Zane joined Brad, and I could tell something between him and my roommate had reignited. I was glad, because I wanted them to be happy, but more than that, it meant I was free to feel like I didn’t have to entertain my friend. Brad said, “We’re gonna go party at Zane’s in a minute. Much as I wanna stay and headbang, ‘cause this band’s awesome, Ethan’s in a hurry to get out of here. So…you’ll come by after?”
I smiled. “Yeah.”
“Promise?”
“Yes. I said yes.”
“Just making sure.”
Zane actually kissed Jennifer before the two of us went back in the crowd. Jennifer was ready to leave; I could tell. But I told her the guys would want to clean up before we got there, so it wouldn’t hurt to give them some time.
We left when the last band was done playing, and then we had to wait some for the parking lot to clear out. When we got to Zane and Ethan’s, I knocked on the door, hoping against hope that Ethan didn’t answer the door. I still couldn’t look at him.
Zane answered the door. There were several people in that tiny little room. Zane had been sitting in his desk chair and invited Jennifer to join him. Nick was passed out on the floor in the corner, but there was a girl sitting next to him, trying to wake him up. Ethan also had a girl sitting next to him on his bed. I was surprised that it wasn’t the girl who’d been there earlier that week. I determined then that Ethan was a slut.
Brad had been sitting in the other chair and stood up when he saw me. He came over and gave me a hug. He was wearing fresh clothes, and his hair was damp. He’d showered since I’d seen him, and he smelled fresh and clean. He’d already been drinking, and he had a bottle of rum in his hand. He draped an arm over my shoulders. “We’re getting ready to play some quarters. I know you don’t drink, but will you hang with me?”
“Yeah.”
In between slamming shots, Brad asked me questions about the show, not just if I liked it, but he asked technical questions about particular elements, like how his guitar sounded during certain spots, how his and Ethan styles melded, how they looked onstage. I answered as best as I could, but his arm over my shoulder was quite distracting.
And then, when Ethan started getting more physical with his date, I felt more uncomfortable. Brad was pretty drunk by that point, but he was still sharp. “Wanna get out of here?”
I nodded, and we slipped out of the room. At that point, I wasn’t sure if anyone even noticed we were leaving. I sensed it was getting ready to turn into an orgy, the way people had started groping each other.
Brad moved his arm to around my waist. “Where are we going?”
“Let’s go to my room.” He smiled.
Once we were out in the hall, he said, “So…that shithead Ethan’s not even writing his own lyrics anymore? That right?”
I nodded. “Yeah…a lot of those words were mine.” I worked up the courage to reciprocate by putting my arm around his waist as well. Smooth Brad didn’t say a word and just kept talking.
“Goddamn, girl. Pretty impressive. That one song—‘Metal Forever.’ You write that?”
“Yeah…and ‘Coming Down,’ ‘Intended Punishment,’ and ‘Fates Aligned.’ Also, the basis for ‘Scythe’ was one of my poems too.”
“No shit.” We walked in silence for a while and passed the place in the walkway where Charlotte attacked me. I forced myself to look away from that spot on the polished floor. “Maybe we need to hire you as our full-time songwriter.”
I started laughing. “I just like writing.”
“I’m not fuckin’ with you, Val. You’re writing shit the likes of which we’ve never seen.” I looked down at the ground and leaned my head into him. I didn’t like talking about myself like that. We walked up the stairs and then reached my floor and started walking down the hall toward my room. He said, “Zane told me about some fight you got into. Your ex-roommate just tried to beat hell out of you?”
“Something like that.”
I unlocked the door to my room and turned on the light. He closed the door behind him and looked around our rather unimpressive room and smiled. He didn’t let me get far. He slid a thumb across my forehead. “I’m glad she didn’t leave any scars on that pretty little head of yours.”
I grinned. “Yeah. And I wouldn’t want to have to sue her ass.” He started laughing…hard. Oh, shit. He’d had a lot to drink—rum, straight out of the bottle, and it was showing. “Come on in.” I walked back to the door and locked it. When I turned around, Brad was starting to sit on Jennifer’s bed. “No, not there. The other bed.”
He stood up and raised his eyebrows. “Oh…you gonna come curl up with me?” He was being so silly, and I didn’t want to laugh, but he was hammered.
“I think I need to put you to bed.”
He looked at me and sobered up quickly. He sat up. “I’d like that. Want me to tell you where to start?”
I couldn’t help but smile as I got closer. “Oh, Brad. You are such a bad, bad boy.”
He smiled back. He had a twinkle in his eye. “You like bad boys?”
God…he was irresistible. “I like you.”
“Did you know I turned twenty in March?”
“Yeah? So now you’re an older bad boy?”
He looked so…desirable in that moment, the look in his eye. I got closer to the bed, and he held out his hands, palms up. I put mine in his. He said, “I think you’re probably the best birthday present I’ve had.” I sat down next to him. He ran his hand along my cheek and kissed me lightly on the lips. Then he opened his eyes and said, “I’m way fuckin’ drunker than I thought. I need to rest my head. The room is spinning.” He lay back, and his head fell on the pillow.
I sighed. I didn’t even get a real kiss. I pulled his sneakers off and then grabbed his legs to pull them up on the bed. Afterward, I went to the bathroom where I brushed my teeth and changed into a Godsmack t-shirt and flannel pajama pants. I switched off the light and curled up on the tiny sliver of bed left after Brad’s body ate up the rest. The only way I could fit was by resting my head on his chest and draping my arm and leg over him. He was so warm, I didn’t need a blanket. And as I drifted off to sleep, I wondered if I’d ever get a chance to really kiss him.
* * *
Pounding on the door. I startled, realizing I was wrapped up like a burrito in Brad’s arms. Somehow during the night we’d both rolled over, and I was truly in his arms. I managed to get
myself untangled from Brad, and he somehow managed to stay asleep in spite of the ridiculous banging on the door. “Hold on a second!”
I glanced at the clock on my way across the room—it was barely six in the morning. I also noted there was no Jennifer, which told me she spent the night with Zane. Then again, maybe Jennifer was at the door, having stayed up all night partying, unable to find her key.
I opened the door to none other than Ethan. “What the hell?” I couldn’t even get the words out of my mouth before he was shoving his way into my room.
“I knew it. You son of a bitch.” He stormed over to my bed and grabbed Brad by the shoulders. “Wake up, you motherfucker.” Ethan was drunk—very drunk. Brad stirred but was still pretty out of it. I shook myself out of my shocked paralysis and started racing over to where Ethan was manhandling Brad. He was trying to hold Brad up off the bed by his t-shirt at the neck. “Did you fuck her?”
“What the hell are you talking about?” He looked around. “Where am I?” Then he saw me standing behind Ethan, frantically trying to pull Ethan off him. Brad wasn’t fighting him, though. “Valerie…Did I? Did we…?”
Ethan finally gave into my tugging. I asked, “What are you doing?”
He turned to look at me and grabbed me by the shoulders. “You mean…you invited him here? Did he force himself on you?”
“Force himself on me? Whatever gave you that idea? Brad is a gentleman.”
I saw Brad raise his eyebrows as he sat up in bed, but he didn’t say anything. Maybe he was remembering my bad boy comment from the night before. Ethan continued. “Gentleman? Then he seduced you.”
I rolled my eyes. The situation was ludicrous, and I was still quite angry with Ethan. Who was he to barge in my room early in the morning and start shouting accusations? “Get out.”
“He did. You did.”
Dirty Boys: Bad Boy Rock Star Romance Box Set Page 14