She set the knife down on the cutting board and placed her hand in his. “You said you’re playing guitar now, right?”
“Yeah.”
“That’s precision work. I’m sure this’ll be a piece of cake, don’t you think?”
He shook his head, a small smile plastered on his face. “Well, with that kind of confidence, how can I not try?”
Erin smiled and busied herself, putting a pot of water on the stove to boil. Then she put another pot on the stove, this one smaller, and cut off half the stick of butter and dropped it in. Then she started seasoning the butter with garlic powder other herbs and spices Riley missed because he was too busy making sure he didn’t slice his finger along with the garlic. He was pretty sure he saw oregano go into it, but beyond that? No telling.
He already knew Erin was a good cook. Her meal the night before had been spectacular. And he hadn’t even said anything about that, had he? “Where’d you learn to cook?”
“My mom.” She kept her eyes on the butter, stirring it as it melted slowly in the pot.
“What you made last night was incredible. Sorry I didn’t tell you that before.”
“Oh, you did.”
“I did?”
“Yeah…you said it was really good or something like that.”
Well, at least his subconscious wasn’t a total asshole. He finished the last garlic clove. “There. Done.”
She looked over. “Nice. See, I knew you’d be a natural.”
God, that smile. He wanted to sweep her up in his arms and consume her with another long, deep kiss, but he knew he should wash the sticky, stinky garlic off his fingers, so he just kissed her on the nose and turned to the sink. “So, speaking of your mom, tell me about your parents. You know mine, so I’m at a disadvantage here.”
“Oh, no, Riley, I don’t know your parents. I’ve met them and I deal with your mom because she’s on the board, but I don’t know them by any stretch of the imagination.”
“Fine…be particular. I can fill you in on anything you want to know.” He hoped she didn’t want to know shit, because anything he had to say would not be kind. “But I don’t wanna talk about them, and I asked first.”
The water on the stove started to boil and Erin dropped a box of bowtie pasta in it, stirring it with a long wooden fork. “Touchy.” She rested her hip against the stove, her hand lazily stirring the pasta without looking, so she could see Riley’s eyes. He was leaning against the sink, hands resting on the edge of the counter. “When I graduated from college, both my parents retired and decided to travel the country. They sold their house and most of their belongings and bought a fifth wheel and they’re flitting from state to state, having the time of their lives.”
He could see hurt in her eyes. “You an only child?”
She nodded, clenching her jaw, a look of strong resolution on her face. “I’m happy for them. They worked hard all their lives and they’re enjoying themselves.”
“I can tell it bothers you, though.”
She sighed and reached over to turn the burner down so the pasta would simmer without boiling over. “Well, yeah, but that’s just the selfish part of me. My parents weren’t able to have kids, so they adopted me. They were already in their forties when they did, and my dad’s in his early seventies now. I’m glad they’re enjoying themselves. They deserve it. I just…miss them.” She turned back to the pot, watching her hand move in a circle. Riley could tell from how Erin said it that she loved her parents very much. “I talk with them on the phone about once a month and they send postcards. Mom even bought a laptop a year ago and she’ll send an email once in a while. She even tried Skype once, but she’s not technologically savvy, so I think she prefers the postcards and the phone.”
Jesus…with Riley’s lifestyle, visiting her parents would be no problem. He wasn’t rich by any stretch of the imagination, but he had plenty of money. And the plan was to become disgustingly rich with this new musical venture. Yeah, if he invested wisely now, he could probably live off what he’d already made and do okay for the rest of his life, but if his new band accomplished what he hoped, he’d never want for anything ever.
And here he was thinking about how that could help Erin.
Fuck…he really was hooked.
Chapter Thirty-five
ERIN FELT A little relief when Riley took his first bite of the pasta and his eyes lit up. She didn’t know what his tastes were like, and the pasta dish was something simple she made for herself when she was feeling lazy but wanted some kind of comfort food. While she was throwing the food together, she had Riley put some music in her CD player to keep him busy, because having him watch her so closely made her a little nervous. She stirred the butter sauce over the cooked drained pasta and then sprinkled Parmesan cheese on top. She poured the whole pot into a large glass bowl and grabbed two forks and napkins. Then she asked Riley to pour her a glass of water and bring his and her glasses to the bedroom.
She heard him following her. “Where are we going?”
She couldn’t help giggling. “We’re going to have a picnic in my bedroom.”
“A picnic?”
“Why not?”
He didn’t have an argument for her and instead just followed behind her. When she got to the bedroom, she sat up on the bed and then sat cross legged. Riley joined her. He asked, “Do you want your water?”
“Not right now. Can you just set it on the nightstand?”
“Yep.” He placed both their glasses there and just looked at her.
She handed him a fork as he sat on the bed. “Dig in.”
“Community bowl?”
She shrugged and grinned. “I figured your tongue’s already been in my mouth…and all over my body…” She felt her cheeks grow warm but pushed on anyway. “So why not?”
He licked his lips. God, he was sexy when he did that. “Well, how can I turn that down?” Then he took his first bite and said, “Holy shit. That’s good stuff.”
“Told you.” Relief. She speared a bowtie. “And thanks for your help.”
“I’ll send you my bill.”
She smiled at him, swallowing another bite. She hadn’t realized she was so hungry until she’d started eating. But it dawned on her that she hadn’t eaten much for lunch and her sexual appetite had masked her hunger. Now that that had been quelled for a time, her stomach was thanking her for the food. But she wanted to talk, so she didn’t plan on wolfing down the pasta.
“So tell me about your parents…you know, from your point of view.” She didn’t dare tell Riley what she thought of them personally. His mom could be a bit of a bitch on occasion and she was pushy. Erin had had to stand up to the woman a year ago because she’d wanted to have her seniors in Honors English read Toni Morrison’s Beloved. Fortunately, the principal had backed her, and other board members understood Erin’s rationale. One thing Erin would give Marjorie Schultz credit for, though, was that the woman managed to maintain her civility toward Erin…meaning she was just as cold as she’d ever been. She hadn’t grown worse. But Riley’s dad? She knew nothing about him except for what she’d heard. His family wasn’t rich, but they were certainly upper middle class, and their name was known in Winchester. Erin wondered how the hell Riley came out of that family—he seemed so different…at least from what she could tell.
“Aw, you don’t really want to know about them.” And maybe he felt the same way about them that she did.
But she wasn’t going to let him off the hook that easily. “Yeah, I do, actually.” She grabbed her glass of water and took a sip. “Were you adopted too?”
Riley chuckled and nodded his head. “Is it that apparent?” He shook his head. “Nah…just the stereotypical black sheep. Every family’s gotta have one, right?”
“Yeah, but you get along with them okay, don’t you?”
“Only ‘cause I live several states away.”
“Really? Is it that bad?”
Riley’s eyes were intense and the way he loo
ked almost took her breath away. But she’d already sensed there was a sensitive core, something there she’d never seen. He wore his bad boy rock star persona like a bulletproof vest, but she could tell he was close to diving deep. She decided to stay quiet now. She had been teasing him, but now she could tell there was something here he wasn’t comfortable with, so she wasn’t going to push it. He said, “Let’s just say the little kid in me has vied for their approval his whole life, but there’s a part of me that doesn’t give a shit anymore.” Erin slowly brought another forkful of pasta to her mouth, staying silent. He was looking down at his hands. Then he shook his head. “But you know what? We’re not going to talk about depressing shit right now.”
Erin shrugged. “Sorry.”
He sighed. “No, you asked. And I’m being kind of a shit avoiding your question.” He took a deep breath. “My brother…he’s the one who makes mom and dad proud. He went to the School of Mines, and he’s some kind of petroleum engineer. Lives in Texas right now. Filthy rich. Well respected. Wears fucking suits and ties all the time. Has a sweet Southern belle wife, a dog, two sons and a daughter, a nanny…a perfect life. He is the son my mom and dad wanted. I…well, I’m the one they try to pretend doesn’t exist. They wanted a carbon copy of Brian and instead they got the photo negative.”
Holy shit. The pain was raw. How many people had Riley ever told that to? Erin could see the hurt in his eyes and she was overwhelmed by the intensity. Had he ever told his parents how badly they’d hurt him by not just loving and accepting him? But then she thought of Marjorie Schultz. Would Erin be able to tell the woman something emotional like that? Hell, no, and Erin wasn’t even invested enough to have to protect her heart like Riley was. It made her want to bury him in her arms and shower him with love, but she suspected that was the last reaction he wanted. Should she say anything or just keep her mouth shut? But she couldn’t hold her tongue. Her voice was quieter than she expected when she said, “How could they not be proud of you, too?”
Riley’s eyes finally met hers, but she could tell he was pulling himself up out of his abyss. He looked like he regretted saying what he had already. He smiled and stabbed a piece of pasta. “Wait till you meet good ol’ mom and dad for reals. Then you’ll understand. Guess I should just be happy they haven’t disowned me.”
Erin rested her fork against the inside of the bowl and then placed her hand on his knee. “You know what? Maybe they aren’t into your music and maybe they wish you’d done something else, but I bet anything part of them is secretly proud of you.” He furrowed his brow and she shook her head. “Seriously, Riley. You are their son and how many people around the world worship you?”
He moved his head from side to side in disagreement. “That doesn’t mean shit to them. Trust me.”
She noticed she’d been rubbing his knee. “Well, they’re crazy then. If you were my son, I’d be crazy proud of you.”
He chuckled and squeezed her hand. “If I were your son, that would be inappropriate.” It took her a moment to understand he was talking about her hand’s placement, not her words.
She started laughing. “Not necessarily.”
“Yeah, it would, ‘cause it’s a turn on.” Erin was glad he wasn’t drowning in his sorrow anymore. Part of her felt bad that she’d said anything but she was also glad he’d trusted her enough to share his pain with her. She laughed and took her hand back and grabbed her fork, even though her appetite had dissipated. “So tell me about this best friend of yours…the one you’ve been friends with since…what’d you say? Third grade?”
“Oh. That’d be Jackie. She is my best friend. In fact, I think she’s my only friend. But yeah. We even went to college together. We both wanted to teach high school—how weird is that? So we both went to Western State…she majored in math and I majored in English, but we both got the secondary education licensure. Between our core classes and the classes we needed for education, we wound up being able to take lots of classes together. We were roommates the whole time too. Another guy from Winchester was going to school there, and they started dating her junior year. He graduated at the end of that year but hung around Gunnison because of her. We all moved back here to Winchester after she and I graduated and then they got married. I was their roommate for a few months until I could find my own place. In fact, after that first place, this is the only other place I’ve rented. Anyway, right now Jackie and Carl are focused on making their first baby.”
“So…she’s your best friend but a little preoccupied all the time?”
“Oh, no. She’s there for me. I forgot to tell you…we work together too.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah, so during the school year, I see her almost every day.”
“That’s not weird or anything.”
Erin put her fork down. “You think that’s weird?”
Riley shrugged. “Oh, what the fuck do I know about friendships? I don’t have a best friend, and I hardly even have guys I’d call friends.”
Erin felt like the tines of the fork she’d set down had just pierced her heart…or his. “You don’t have any friends?”
His visage changed. He looked guarded, as though he’d said too much. But he answered her. “It’s kinda hard now. I mean…someone gets chummy, the first thing I wonder is what they want. It’s because of my position. I’ve had too many people want to be supposed friends just because of what I do. They don’t give a shit about the real me.”
Erin was looking at his knee that she’d been stroking a few minutes earlier. Her voice was quiet again when she said, “What must you think about me?”
He grabbed the bowl and set it aside on the bed, then took her face in his hands. “Oh, God, no, Erin. No. I didn’t explain myself very well.” He sighed, but she could see the sincerity in his eyes. “You never threw yourself at me.” Ah, she wondered, but would she have had he not made the first move? “And I know your intentions were never devious or…or…manipulative or thieving…”
She dug deep and knew he was right. As much as she’d idolized him, it hadn’t taken long for her to realize Riley was a real person. And she cared about him that way. She no longer thought about him as someone out of reach, a celebrity she’d never know and could only read about. No, Riley was genuine, and when she really thought about it, her feelings had moved a notch deeper somehow over the course of the conversation and she cared even more than she would have imagined. But she just nodded and said nothing. Instead, she maintained her gaze and closed her eyes when he kissed her.
“I could tell you stories. But thing is, Erin, if you really are someone who doesn’t really give a shit, then you’re one of the best actresses I’ve ever met.”
Chapter Thirty-six
WHAT THE FUCK was wrong with him? Riley was searching his brain for answers all while searching his soul for meaning and searching Erin’s eyes for the truth. She was the real deal. That much he knew for certain. He had no doubts.
And when was the last time he’d felt this certain about someone? Had he felt that way about Marla? He couldn’t remember. He’d been in an alcoholic, drug-addled haze, and he had no recollection if any alarms had gone off in his head. But the thought made him keep talking. He sat back and said, “I don’t even know why I’m telling you this, but…there was this girl. I dated her for a couple of years. It was at the height of Spawn fame.” He shook his head. “We were in deep. One day melted into the next, and there are weeks that I just don’t remember or that are black or fuzzy I was so wasted. But this girl…she was our band manager. She wasn’t particularly hot, but she wasn’t ugly either. And she wasn’t particularly nice or funny even—she didn’t have any qualities that would normally attract me to a girl. But one night after a show, she just threw herself at me and, after that, attached herself to me. I guess I thought it was a mutual decision. Anyway…she kind of used my naïveté against me. Long story short, she used my infatuation to sway me into backing some of her poor decisions. And I was so fuckin’ blind,
I couldn’t even see…” He shook his head. Was he really gonna go there? Well, he wasn’t divulging all the details; he was just giving her the short and sweet version, and that was good enough. “Anyway…she was fucking around on me.” He shook his head. “And that was that. That was a wake-up call for me. Hell, for the whole band, really. We realized we were pissing our lives away on drugs, parties, women…” He couldn’t look Erin in the eyes, but for some reason, he wanted to keep talking. He trusted her and wanted to share with her. “And so I cleaned up for a little while, but it didn’t take. I had to hit bottom again. I almost died the second time. I overdosed. That’s when I quit for good.”
Erin touched his knee again. God, he loved that. It was such a sweet, innocent gesture. “I didn’t know you almost died.”
“Yeah. It wasn’t the first time I’d OD’d on H, but I’d never been that close to death.” He forced himself to look her in the eyes again. “But I didn’t mean to get all depressing. Let’s talk about something else.”
A small smile formed on Erin’s mouth. She looked almost shy. “Don’t feel bad, Riley. It’s okay to talk about stuff like that.”
“Yeah, but it’s in the past, and I want it to stay there.” He was proud of himself for not ranting and raving about Marla. He’d kept it at the surface level. The bitch had burned him. Fine. Let’s move on.
“I know, Riley, but our past shapes our present.”
He took in a deep breath and let her words wash over him. It was a simple sentiment and yet so profound. “Well, yeah…you’re right there.” Absolutely she was. He wouldn’t be so jaded and guarded if it hadn’t been for Marla. And yet, somehow, he and Erin had moved past that barrier. They were in new territory, a place Riley probably hadn’t been since right after high school. It was kind of scary but exhilarating and liberating.
And after he’d processed her words, he said, “Okay, then. Tell me how your past has shaped your present.”
Dirty Boys: Bad Boy Rock Star Romance Box Set Page 67