Nothing to Lose

by Angela Winters

  “She could go work for him,” Billie said. “He’s asked her.”

  “And I turned him down,” Erica maintained.

  “Why didn’t you tell me about this?” Sherise asked, her heart leaping in her throat. “This is . . . Oh, my God, Erica, this is it! You can get access to everything.”

  Erica fell back on the sofa and let out a big sigh, wanting to crack Billie in her head for letting that out.

  “I don’t want to go work for Jonah,” she stated. “This is way too complicated. I could explain it to you, but both of you never want to hear about anything that has to do with Jonah.”

  “How could you be so selfish?” Sherise asked.

  “Hold on a minute,” Billie warned her. “It’s true. This is a seriously emotional issue for Erica. It could—”

  “For fuck sake,” Sherise said, “you have an asshole for a father. Join the club and get the fuck over it.”

  “I’m not going to deal with that at your pace,” Erica said. “I’m not gonna be forced because you have secrets you need to keep.”

  “What exactly are you being forced to do that is so hard?” Sherise asked.

  “One,” Erica began, “go work for Jonah, meaning being around him a lot and letting him be closer to me, which I am scared to death to do.”

  “Getting closer to Jonah is dangerous,” Billie agreed. “Although you probably wouldn’t be around him a lot. He’ll be traveling and working. You’ll probably be at staff headquarters.”

  “So that’s out,” Sherise said.

  “Two,” Erica added, “I would be working for Jonah’s campaign and betraying him by giving you information. You work for the enemy now.”

  “Sherise doesn’t want you to give her information about the campaign,” Billie said.

  Sherise shrugged. “Well, if she’s there, why not—”

  “Because,” Billie said. “That’s why not. You only need to get information on his relationship with Sherise and what he’s doing to keep it quiet.”

  “Then you can quit,” Sherise said, “if it bothers you that much.”

  “And then do what?” Erica asked.

  “You just don’t want to help me, do you?” Sherise asked accusingly.

  “Don’t be ridiculous,” Billie said. “Of course she does.”

  “No, she doesn’t.” Sherise’s tone became high-pitched as the realization hit her. “She wants my life destroyed. That’s it. All this time, you’ve been fighting with me, and now this is your chance to get me for good.”

  “I don’t want to ‘get you,’ ” Erica argued.

  “You think I deserve this, don’t you?” Sherise asked, tears beginning to flow down her cheeks. “You like the idea of me just stewing in my own panic and fear, because it’s what I get, isn’t it?”

  “I don’t want you hurt,” Erica emphasized. “I just want your problems to stop being mine.”

  “Isn’t that what friendship is about?” Sherise asked. “Isn’t that what we’ve always thrived on? Being there for each other? This is my life, Erica. This isn’t just some random favor that could get me out of a bind. This is my marriage, my family, Cady, this baby, everything.”

  “I know what it means to you,” Erica said. “You don’t have to keep repeating it.”

  “And how much of a sacrifice would this be for you in comparison?” Sherise asked.

  Billie didn’t like what Sherise was doing to Erica, guilting her like this, but it was true. They were supposed to do anything for each other; and considering what pain this could cause Sherise, it didn’t seem as if it was asking too much of Erica. Still, Erica had her own demons with Jonah. This would be forcing her to face them earlier than she’d wanted to, maybe earlier than she was ready to.

  “Sweetheart.” Billie reached over and placed her hand comfortingly on Erica’s shoulder. “This might turn out better than you think. You’re always talking about how much you hate your job. This could open the door to so many things.”

  “Jonah already gave me that speech,” Erica said.

  “Well, it’s true!” Billie urged. “And you don’t hate the man. You can be near him at least long enough to find out what Sherise needs to know, so she can be at peace or prepare—whatever the case.”

  Sherise moaned as she looked away. “How can someone prepare to have their entire life completely annihilated?”

  Erica couldn’t contain how apprehensive she felt about this. She felt a sudden urge to get up and leave; but then she heard a noise, a crackling of sound right in front of her. She looked down at the glass coffee table and saw the baby monitor. She could hear Cady making the most adorable sounds. It seemed as if she was laughing a little bit. A smile immediately came to Erica’s face at the sound of it.

  “Can you do it for her?” Sherise asked, jumping on the opportunity as she saw the familiar softening of the usually hardened Erica just at the sound of her baby.

  Billie’s phone made a beeping sound and she reached into her purse for it.

  “Fine.” Erica threw her hands in the air, giving up. “I’ll do my best, but I can’t make any promises.”

  Sherise jumped up from her chair and leapt toward her friend. She wrapped her arms around her, hugging her tight and thanking her profusely. Erica struggled to break free of Sherise’s kung fu grip, looking to Billie for help.

  “Can you get this fat, pregnant woman off me?” she asked, laughing.

  Sherise slapped her on the arm. “Fuck you! Even pregnant, I’m going to be the hottest bitch in every room, just like I was last time.”

  “Oh, dear” was all Billie said in response to the text she read.

  Both girls turned to her as Sherise finally released her hold on Erica.

  “What is it?” Erica asked.

  “It’s a text from Michael,” she said. “He wants to have dinner with me.”

  “Who’s Michael?” Erica scooted closer to her.

  Usually very interested in Billie’s dating life, Sherise was too relieved at Erica’s agreement about Jonah to care about Billie’s social life right now. She leaned back on the sofa and took a deep breath, barely listening as Billie told them about her initial meeting with Michael on the train and then again at the office, followed by the flowers and the personal visit.

  “Why are we just now hearing about this?” Erica asked.

  Billie shrugged. “Because it’s nothing. I’m focused on my new job.”

  “You need to get some, though,” Erica said.

  She knew Billie was having a rough time since Ricky. She wanted Billie to get back in the saddle just as much as she wanted it for herself.

  “You’re blushing,” Erica said, laughing. “You like this guy. You say he’s gorgeous. Sherise, get your tablet. Let’s Google him and see what he looks like.”

  “No,” Billie said. “Trust me, he’s fine. But he’s too close to where my bread is buttered.”

  “He doesn’t work with you,” Erica said. “He doesn’t work for the company. He’s a consultant. There’s no conflict of interest here.”

  Billie just shook her head, not wanting to get into it.

  “You’re doubting yourself now,” Erica said. “That’s not good. You made a mistake. Just like you got past everything that happened with Porter, you can get past what happened with Ricky.”

  Billie rolled her eyes. “Speaking of Porter.”

  “Can we not?” Sherise finally asked, her ears perking up at the sound of Billie’s ex-husband. “Nothing good ever comes from a conversation about that asshole.”

  Billie told them about her first case and that the firm had hired Porter. Erica looked a little cautious, but Sherise managed to form a big smile on her face.

  “Oh, it’s on now,” Sherise said.

  “What do you mean?” Erica asked.

  Sherise leaned forward. “This is your chance to make his life a living hell for all the mess he did to you. You’re the client now. He’s the servant boy and you can whip him to your own delight.”
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  “She doesn’t want to do that,” Erica said, looking at Billie. “Right?”

  Billie hadn’t thought of it like that. She’d been so busy worrying about the awkwardness because of the current status of their relationship.

  “No,” she said, not at all convincing. “I mean, I definitely saw it as a dynamic that would favor me, but the last thing I need to do is allow my personal and professional life to conflict again. That’s never gotten me anywhere good.”

  Both women looked at Billie with very concerned faces.

  “I can handle it,” Billie insisted. “Trust me. I’m not someone who doesn’t learn from her mistakes. I can handle working with Porter.”

  “You mean having Porter work for you,” Sherise corrected.

  “So,” Erica said, “you can handle this thing with Porter, but not Michael? Because it seems like Porter would be the complicated one. Michael, on the other hand, sounds like a win-win situation.”

  “There could be complications,” Billie said.

  “As with anyone,” Erica said. “Fine, just ignore me. Ignore Sherise. What do you want to do? Do you want to go out to dinner with him?”

  Billie opened her mouth to protest, but nothing came out. She stopped trying and just let the smile, which wanted to come, naturally form on her lips.

  “Okay,” she said. “Just dinner.”

  “You got this,” Erica said reassuringly. “Nothing to worry about.”

  “Now that this is settled,” Sherise said, “let’s talk about this bitch in my husband’s office, Elena.”

  Sherise had a great poker face, and she made sure that poker face was in full form when she walked into Jerry Northman’s office at the campaign headquarters in downtown D.C. While she had been on the phone with the office and had attended meetings via Skype, this was the first time she’d been face-to-face with him since announcing her pregnancy.

  She wasn’t stupid; she knew there was doubt. She knew they probably resented giving her the offer, but the truth was she was still the best at what she did. Plus, the baby would be born before the general-election swing began. The preliminaries, when the party candidates did all their infighting to find out who would come out on top, was the focus now. Northman was the clear leader. The hard work, the general election, when he would run head-to-head with Matthews and now Jonah, would come next year. They had to know this; if they didn’t, Sherise would be sure to remind them.

  So she had to bite back her paranoia and beat her value and worth into them until every doubt they had went away. She walked into Northman’s office, with head held high and looking like a million dollars—a million healthy, ready-to-do-miracles dollars.

  “You look good” was the first thing Northman said from behind his desk.

  “I feel great,” Sherise reassured. She took a seat across from his desk and nodded toward LaKeisha, who was sitting in the chair next to her. “All that bed rest was to make my husband happy.”

  “And is he?” LaKeisha asked. There was a pointed tone in her voice.

  “As a clam,” Sherise responded quickly and tersely, before turning to Northman. “I feel great. I’ve done this before. It’s nothing. What I’m really excited about are the talking points I’ve been working on. You got those, right?”

  “If you need help,” LaKeisha continued, “you can just let me know. We’ll add to your staff.”

  Sherise slowly turned her head to LaKeisha. With a stone stare and a bulletproof smile, she said, “The two staff members I have now are all that I need. I won’t need more—”

  “The talking points are amazing,” Northman interrupted. “Nolan has weaknesses that most people don’t know about.”

  “I learned a great deal about him during our short work together at the Domestic Policy Council.” Sherise crossed her legs and leaned back confidently in her chair. “He’s strong on defense, but he has some political weak points. I think his party switching makes him an easy opportunist target and verifies that he’s not someone who can be trusted.”

  “We need to work this angle hard,” Northman said. “Right now, a man who looks very strong needs to be made to look very weak.”

  “That’s exactly what we’re going to do,” LaKeisha assured. “Meanwhile, Sherise will be reminding everyone of what a loyalist you’ve been to the Democratic Party.”

  Northman pointed his finger to his desk and tapped a few times as his brows centered in frustration. “He’s very popular. That’s a problem. With the sympathy for losing Shaplin and Nolan’s popularity, this isn’t good. I think we’ll need more.”

  “We’re working on that,” LaKeisha boasted.

  Sherise blinked for a second, but she regained her composure as she looked at LaKeisha, trying her best not to give anything away. “What do you mean?”

  LaKeisha tilted her head to the side with a self-assured grin. “Nolan is a very rich, very handsome, very powerful man. He’s been married for twenty-five years. There’s something out there.”

  As Northman made a muddling sound, like a moan suggesting he wasn’t comfortable with this conversation, Sherise gripped the edges of the folder she held in her hands. She should have just quit. She was greedy, not wanting to pass up this opportunity to ride to the White House. No, if she quit, it could come out still; but the shit storm that followed wouldn’t be as bad.

  It was too late. She had her chance. Sherise was in this for better, for worse, or for life-ending, apocalyptic disaster.

  “Do you think that’s a good idea?” she asked. “Getting so dirty, so early, generally backfires.”

  “We’ll deal with it later,” LaKeisha said. “For now, on the subject of your pick for vice president, we won’t announce anything until after the primaries are finished, but I’ve been researching probable—”

  “Before we move on,” Sherise interjected, “I have to disclose something.”

  “Again?” LaKeisha asked, sounding annoyed.

  So LaKeisha is going to be a problem now, Sherise realized. The woman who had sought her out and urged her to join the campaign seemed determined now to be a thorn in her side. Sherise understood that LaKeisha was concerned. How Sherise turned out was a reflection on her, so she had reason. But Sherise was not about to be belittled in front of the future president of the United States. If LaKeisha didn’t straighten up, she would have a bigger problem than she thought.

  Sherise ignored her, keeping her focus on Northman. “As you collect tabs on Nolan’s staff, you’ll find a young woman, Erica Kent, has joined it. Erica used to work for Nolan at the Pentagon.”

  “Is there some inappropriate relationship there?” Northman asked.

  “No,” Sherise said assuredly. “She’s relevant to this conversation because she’s a very, very close friend of mine.”

  There was a short moment of silence in the room as Sherise watched Northman process this.

  “What does she do for him?” LaKeisha asked.

  “Nothing yet,” Sherise answered, “but she has no political experience. She’s an admin, so I imagine it will be very low-level legislative stuff. Governor, there’s nothing to worry about. I’m a professional and she’s—”

  “It’s a small world,” Northman said. He made a flippant gesture with his hand. “In D.C., friends work on opposites sides all the time. This isn’t news. You know what you can and can’t discuss, don’t you?”

  “Of course.” Sherise’s voice held no doubt at all.

  She had a great poker voice as well.

  6

  As Billie walked from the Metro, down the street toward her building, she thought of possibly running an errand or two before going home. It was nice outside, warm and breezy. She thought of picking up dinner and then remembered the chicken she’d left out late yesterday. She’d spent enough time on a budget that she’d stopped wasting money on carryout as much as she used to.

  She was lucky now. While getting her financial house in order, she still could afford to splurge on takeout once or twice
a week. She was thinking of all the things she needed to get back on track, now that she was collecting a steady, healthy paycheck again. All the things she’d neglected during those lean months. She was saving up to buy a home and . . .

  She had been so lost in her thoughts that she hadn’t noticed the figure sitting on the steps to her apartment building, looking at his phone. When she reached the gate to the stairs, he looked up and their eyes met.

  “What in the fuck are you doing here?” she asked.

  It had been a while now since she’d last seen Porter, but he never changed. He was perfect as usual. He was always sharply dressed, and his hair was always trimmed tightly to his head. He was six feet tall, but his deep voice gave him a presence that made him seem taller. He had milk chocolate skin and a finely shaven goatee surrounding his full lips. He had dark, mesmerizing eyes that bore into you when he looked at you.

  Things were much better between them when she’d thought of how much he invaded her life and her peace before, using her strong sexual attraction to him to keep her coming to his bed even after he’d cheated on her and moved his mistress into his home. Or they were worse, considering he’d exacted the worst punishment of all on her by sending his daughter to Michigan to live with his mother and forbidding Billie to see her.

  “What are you up to?” he asked, standing up. He wore his usual accusatory expression.

  She slammed the gate shut behind her. “I told you that you weren’t welcome at my home anymore.”

  “I’m not in your home,” he said as she passed him.

  She reached the door to the building and turned to face him. She longed for the day when she would look at him and not wish things had been different. It was getting better, but she still wasn’t there. She hated him and, at the same time, missed what he could have been to her.

  “I know what you want,” she said, “and I have nothing to tell you. It wasn’t my choice to hire your firm.”