“At times, we’ve both failed to be the spouse we should have been,” she said. “And, baby, we’re gonna fail again. We’re just human and we have fifty or more years of this.”
He laughed. “If we’re lucky.”
“We will be,” she said, pausing before adding, “again.”
“I know I pushed you away at first,” he said, “but I know now that I couldn’t even begin to get through this without you. You’re my rock, Sherise. You drive me crazy, but I need you more than anything in this world.”
Her heart warmed at not just his words—after all, they were only words. No, it was also the look on his face, the slight crack of emotion in his voice—which told her he meant those words—that reached inside her. She hadn’t been a great wife. At times, she’d been a horrible one, but that didn’t matter now. Nothing mattered now but the three of them and the new baby, who was joining their family. She would die before letting some greedy slut with an eye for dollar signs mess with that.
“No matter what happens,” he said, “we’ll survive this together.”
“What’s going to happen is you’re gonna be exonerated,” Sherise said, “and she’ll pay the price for trying to ruin your life for a few bucks.”
“If you’re talking about a defamation suit again, I don’t know if—”
“She wanted to ruin your life,” Sherise said. “She can’t get away with that.”
“Whatever the case,” he said, “when the truth comes out, she’ll get hers. How much more I want to be involved in that, I haven’t decided yet. First things first.”
“Fine,” Sherise acquiesced. “What happens after that, we can decide together, but we’ll have to do it soon. I have a feeling things are about to turn our way.”
He studied her for a while. “Sherise, we can’t risk—”
“Can’t a woman just have an intuition?” she asked, not wanting him to ask a question that she would feel compelled to answer.
His doubt faded and his smile returned. “So you don’t think I’ll have to get used to being a stay-at-home dad? Although I love spending the day with Cady.”
“Stay-at-home dad, with me the moneymaker?” Sherise frowned. “I think that setup is a bit too modern for my taste. Does that make me bad?”
“You’re already bad,” he said.
14
Standing in the kitchen, making breakfast for two, Billie looked over at Michael as he lay back on her sofa, watching cable news. Everything had gone great, as it had all week. Michael brought up the idea of a weekend in the Virginia country in their near future, and even the sex was getting better. Billie found herself lost in him, feeling her body and mind become one in their desire for him. She wanted to make something with Michael, and she wanted it bad.
He looked away from the television and caught her staring at him. He smiled in a way that made Billie’s knees weak.
“You checking me out?” he asked.
“Mmm-hmm,” she answered. “Sorry, but these eggs might be a little burnt. The cook was distracted.”
“I’ll find something else to eat then,” he said, winking at her as he licked his lips.
“You so nasty,” she said, laughing.
Just as she placed the eggs on both plates, her phone, sitting on the kitchen counter, rang. She knew it was Porter right away from the ringtone. The question was, did Michael know that as well? He’d been there that night when Porter kept calling, but there wasn’t really enough reason for him to believe this wasn’t her regular ringtone was there? Usually, when she was with him, she had it on vibrate, anyway.
She reached for the phone, trying to seem as nonchalant as possible.
“Hello?” She looked at Michael and met his smile with one of her own. “Oh yeah, girl! Hold on a second.”
“It’s Sherise,” she said, not skipping a beat. “It’ll just be a second.”
Michael nodded, but his eyes still held curiosity, which wasn’t a good thing. Billie didn’t have time to worry about that now. She would give Porter a few seconds to give her the news, and that would be it.
She rushed a few feet down the hallway from the kitchen to her bedroom, closing the door behind her.
“I’m busy,” she said. “Be quick.”
“You think I want to have a conversation with you?” Porter asked. “Let’s talk about the weather. I’d rather you’d just go fuck yourself more than—”
“Porter, get yourself under control,” she whispered.
There was a short pause. She really didn’t have time for this.
“Tara will be coming for a week, starting Wednesday,” he finally said in a flat tone.
“What time Wednesday?” she asked. “I’d like to have dinner with her Wednesday night.”
“She’s getting in Wednesday night. I’d like to spend some time with my own daughter first. I haven’t seen her in three months.”
“It’s been much longer for me,” Billie said. “I want to have dinner with her Thursday.”
“Fine,” he said, sighing. “You can have dinner with her Thursday night. Are you happy now?”
“For starters,” she said. “She’s here a week. I want more than one night.”
“Fine!”
“And, yes, I’m very happy,” she said. “I didn’t expect you to comply so quickly, but I’m grateful that you have.”
“You’re not grateful for shit,” he said.
“I am, Porter. I can understand how gratitude might be hard for you to detect, since you’ve never felt it, but it’s time you start acquiring that ability.”
“Is this where I’m supposed to be grateful to you?” he asked.
“Aren’t you?” she asked back. “After all, your career, everything you’ve worked for, is in my hands.”
“But not anymore,” he said. “I’m letting you see Tara. That was the deal, right?”
Billie sighed, almost feeling sorry for him. “Yes, Porter. As long as you don’t fuck this up, you won’t have to worry about me. But remember, I can ruin everything for you, and I’d gladly do it.”
“I’ll call you Thursday,” Porter said, and then hung up.
Billie was grinning a satisfied smile as she turned to head back out of the room, but she was stopped in her tracks by the sight of Michael standing in the doorway.
“You didn’t close the door all the way,” he said.
“Were you listening in on me?” she asked.
“Is that the strategy again?” he asked. “To make me the asshole?”
“Were you listening in on me?” she repeated.
“I was bringing the plates to the table, but I dropped one and it shattered. I was just coming to tell you.”
“How convenient,” she said.
“Since when did you start calling Sherise, ‘Porter’?” he asked.
Billie sighed, not wanting to go through this again. “This doesn’t count, Michael.”
“It doesn’t count?” he asked, laughing. “That you lied to me? That doesn’t count.”
“No, I know that was wrong, b-but I mean . . .” She stammered for the words. “I—I mean, talking to Porter doesn’t count. We’re talking about Tara. You can’t expect me not to—”
“I know you care about your stepdaughter,” he said. “Your ex-stepdaughter. But what I heard wasn’t about that. What I heard were threats.”
“That’s the only way to deal with Porter,” she said. “You don’t know him.”
“You’re right,” he agreed. “But I don’t know you either, Billie, and I’m tired of trying to.”
He turned to leave and she went after him.
“Wait!” she called out. “Michael, I swear this was the last time. I just needed to make sure he’d let me see her.”
“I heard your words and the tone of your voice,” Michael said, continuing into the living area, grabbing his sweater off the living-room chair. “This is far from over. You were enjoying your threats too much. You’re still focused on hurting him.”
; “What are you doing?” she asked as he reached the door. “Are you leaving?”
“You don’t have to kick me out this time,” he said. “I’ll leave on my own.”
“I wasn’t going to kick you out.” She reached him, grabbing his arm and turning him back to her. “Michael, I don’t want you to leave. I want you to believe me when I tell you that this is it. This is what I wanted. Access to Tara. Now that I’ll get it—”
“Then what?” he asked, freeing himself from her grip. “You don’t even see yourself, Billie. You’re on a terror mission. It won’t be enough, at least not for you. For me, I’ve definitely had enough.”
“Michael!” she called one last time before he walked out.
She didn’t go after him. One, she was in her bathrobe, but she also knew that there was no saving this. She’d lied to him and he was pissed. All the sweet nothings over eggs and sausage weren’t going to take that bad taste out of his mouth. She shouldn’t have said it was Sherise. That was wrong, but he gave her no choice. She was on pins and needles around him when it came to Porter.
She turned behind her to attend to the broken plate on the floor in the dining room. Maybe he was telling the truth, but she still suspected he was spying on her.
She couldn’t lie to herself like last time they argued and say it didn’t matter. They had crossed a bridge in their relationship and she cared for him too much to believe that. But she believed he’d be back. She’d give him a day and then call him. It really was over between her and Porter. She could make Michael understand that. Now that she had Tara, it was really over. Everything was going to be fine from here on.
The second Erica opened her front door and saw Alex standing on the other side, she slammed it shut. I have to remember to look through the peephole, she told herself as she turned and headed back to her bedroom.
The doorbell rang again.
“Erica!” Alex yelled from the other side. “You have to talk to me eventually.”
She’d avoided going to work that day just so she wouldn’t have to face him. After the entire scene at the car wash, she went home and took a shower, emotionally washing herself of all the men in her life. She couldn’t trust one of them. She was hurt by Alex’s joining the dark side, but she was still plenty angry too. She had ignored his calls and deleted his texts.
She stopped, but she still didn’t turn around. “Go away!”
“It’s better to do it here than at work!” he yelled.
She turned to the door. “Maybe I’m not coming into work anymore!”
“Bullshit!” he yelled back. “Stop acting like a baby, Erica. We have to talk about this, and I’d rather not share this with your neighbors.”
She walked to the door. “Be quiet and go away!”
“That’s two orders,” he said. “ ‘Be quiet’ or ‘Go away.’ Pick one.”
“Do both!”
“Fine,” he said. “If the only choice you give me is to talk through the door, I can. First of all, I want to apologize for keeping what Jonah told me away from—”
Erica swung the door open, delivering a seething glare.
“You think you’re funny?” she asked. “Yelling Jonah’s business down the hall?”
“Not funny.” Alex bypassed her attempt to block him and stepped inside the apartment. “Just smart enough to know it would get you to open the door.”
She closed the door behind her.
“I don’t want to hear any of your explanations,” she said. “Men. All of you make me sick. You’re deceptive and greedy.”
“Which are traits that no woman has ever exhibited,” he said sarcastically. “It’s just us men.”
“Do you want to get into a gender argument with me?” she asked. “I’ll blow you away.”
“I don’t doubt it.” Alex sighed, walking closer to her. “Erica, I feel bad, but please just listen to me.”
Erica knew this was probably a mistake, but he looked so earnest and she had a soft spot for him. After rolling her eyes to convey her annoyance with her own choice, she gestured for him to sit on the sofa.
“You have five minutes and then you have to leave,” she said. “I’m serious, so skip the bullshit and excuses.”
He sat down on one end and she joined him on the other.
“I know you’re mad,” he said, “and you have every right to be.”
“It was really more disappointing than anything,” she said. “Seeing you basically bribe someone. That’s something Jonah would do, but I didn’t think you’d do it.”
“I didn’t feel good about it,” Alex said. “But Erica, Jonah told me that this Terrell guy, your ex, was a threat to you. He told me his background with drugs and all that. He said you were in danger.”
“He lied.” She couldn’t deny she was touched by his concern. “What a surprise. He thinks he knows Terrell, but he doesn’t. He knows information, but he doesn’t know the man.”
“He took the money,” Alex said. “So Jonah seems to know him well enough.”
“Terrell would never hurt me,” she said. “At least not physically.”
“I don’t want him hurting you in any way,” Alex responded. “You mean too much to me, Erica.”
There was a short silence as they shared a glance.
“Do you really think he’d give some random guy all that money to protect anyone but himself?”
“I don’t ask things that aren’t my business of a man like Jonah.”
“You ask them of me,” Erica said.
“Well, I’m not afraid of you,” he said, smiling. “Well, at least not that much.”
Erica sighed, releasing any anger she’d felt toward him. “It’s not your fault, Alex. Jonah does that to people. He makes you want to please him, do things for him—whether you want to or not.”
Alex nodded. “I felt like . . . I felt honored to be able to do this. It wasn’t until after I agreed to it that my stomach got all tight and I was nervous. At the time he was asking me, I felt like a soldier being given a special mission by my commander in chief.”
“He uses your weaknesses to tie you in,” she said. “With me it was my brother, Nate, or my friend Sherise.”
“What does your friend have to do with it?” he asked.
“Oh, nothing.” Erica looked away awkwardly. “It’s just that he’s a master manipulator.”
“Why does he care so much?” Alex asked. “Things seem so personal with you.”
“When I was working for him at the Pentagon,” she said, her voice stuttering a bit, “he c-clashed with Terrell a few times.”
She could see that Alex wasn’t really buying this. Why would a man like Jonah even notice someone like Terrell, let alone consider him someone worthy of clashing with?
“He got very protective of me,” Erica said.
“I get it,” he said, nodding. “He’s odd like that. Sometimes I think he’s very protective of me too. Other times, I’m just a nameless staff member who means absolutely nothing.”
“I think there’s a part of him that’s human,” Erica said. “A small part, but it’s there.”
Erica laughed until she realized Alex wasn’t laughing along.
“I think he’s a great man,” Alex said. “I really do.”
“But he asked you to pay off someone.”
Alex shrugged. “For a good reason. If someone is a danger to you, Erica, I consider that a problem worth paying money to get rid of.”
“Jonah doesn’t do anything for anyone but himself,” Erica said.
“It’s like you have some underlying agenda regarding him. What is it?”
“Ignore me,” Erica advised. “I’m just mad at him right now. He shouldn’t have done what he did. I could handle Terrell.”
“I feel like you’re mad at him because he was right,” Alex said. “Why do you care so much?”
“I don’t,” she lied.
“I’m not buying it.” Alex shook his head, with a confused frown on his face. “You see
m to dislike him so much. And you clearly hate his wife, which is a story you’re gonna have to tell me sooner or later. Why are you even working for him?”
Erica was getting visibly uncomfortable. “My job at the Pentagon sucked and he was paying me more to do less stressful work.”
“Well,” Alex said, “I believe in him. Besides, I’d do anything to keep you out of danger, Erica.”
When their eyes met this time, it was more intense, not awkward at all. Erica felt a pull in the pit of her stomach, which drew her closer to him on the sofa. Without hesitating, he reached for her face, guiding it to his, and placed his mouth gently on hers. The kiss was soft and tender as their lips pressed against each other.
Having first come to him without a second thought, Erica suddenly realized what she was doing. She was kissing a man for the first time in forever and it felt . . . wrong.
She quickly pushed away and jumped up from the sofa.
“What?” Alex asked.
She turned her back to him, heading to her door. She couldn’t exactly explain why, but she was embarrassed by her own behavior and couldn’t look him in the face.
“I’m sorry.” Alex quickly got up from the sofa and rushed over to her. “I thought . . . I misread you.”
“It’s not your fault,” she offered.
Erica finally looked at him and felt awful at the expression on his face. He looked so guilty, like he’d done something terribly wrong.
“You didn’t read me wrong,” she assured him. “I promise you, Alex.”
“Then what?” he pleaded.
“I just can’t do this,” she said. “I’m really emotional right now over Terrell and everything. There’s just a lot going on.”
“I didn’t mean to add to your problems,” he said.
“You don’t,” she said, wondering if there was anything she could say that wouldn’t make him feel bad. “Honestly, Alex, you’re like the only good thing in my life right now. Everything else is stress or worry or lies or secrets. I just don’t think I want anything . . . romantic right now.”
Alex’s disappointment was evident, but only for a second. He quickly recovered, with a kind and understanding expression on his face.
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