by Lorna Cook
Veronica gritted her teeth. ‘I only have one outfit left that’s suitable,’ she said, pointing at the jade two-piece skirt suit that she’d pulled out from the wardrobe. ‘There’s a dress for dinner tonight and then the black dress I’ll wear tomorrow morning. Not too colourful. A good shade for disappearing into a crowd.’
‘Not long now,’ Anna said. ‘Then you’ll be free of Sir Albert.’
‘Anna, I need to thank you. Now, while we are alone, while I have the chance. There may not be another time.’
‘Hush,’ Anna said. ‘We’ll see each other again. I’m sure of it.’
‘I would like to believe that more than anything,’ Veronica breathed. ‘You’ve been everything to me, Anna, when I had nothing. You’ve kept me sane when I thought I was going to run entirely mad. You know,’ Veronica said, ‘even if I don’t make it out of here, even if I fail … if something happens to me, I will never forget how you tried to help me. You and William. You’re taking such a risk for me. If Bertie ever finds out—’
Anna waved her away with a smile. ‘Ssh, don’t be silly. You’ll start me off.’
Veronica sensed Anna wanted to change the subject. ‘Has your brother found other work yet, now he won’t have the farm to look after?’
‘William’s joining up. He’ll be called up anyway now our dad’s farm’s part of the requisition order. He won’t be in a reserved occupation anymore, so he’s getting a head start instead of waiting to be called up into a service he might not like. He’s going to try for the Navy. He’ll miss the sea if he goes too far inland.’
‘It’ll be a complete change of life for many,’ Veronica said. ‘The move inland, the move away from their homes, the tenant farmers with no farms to run. The shopkeepers losing their only way of earning money. They’ll have to join up or … I can’t imagine. It’s going to be such a shock for so many, especially the elderly. What about you, Anna? Have you decided what to do?’
‘I’m joining up too. I’ll be eighteen in a few weeks. I want to do something for the war effort. The Wrens or the WAAF. I’m not sure yet. I think I’m finished with domestic service.’
‘I should think so,’ Veronica said.
Anna got up from the edge of the bed and went towards the door. ‘I’d better get on.’ As she reached the door, she turned and said, ‘Freddie seems like one of the good ones.’
Veronica gazed at her breakfast tray. During the night, Veronica had awoken with a cold dread that Freddie’s involvement in her departure would drag him down with her. They would forever have a life looking over their shoulders, never quite knowing if Bertie was looking for them. Never quite free. If Veronica left on her own, Freddie would still have a life to live. She knew what she had to do. She had to spare Freddie from a lifetime of running. ‘He is one of the good ones.’
That’s why she had to let him go.
He would be in the beach hut. She owed it to him to explain. She loved him. She loved him so hard, she knew her heart was going to break into a million pieces. Calling it off with him a second time, knowing this time that he really did love her, would be the hardest thing she’d ever have to do, but she had to do it. It would end before it had ever really started again, but it was for the best. She would take his offer to help her leave if he still wanted to give it. And then it would be her journey to make. She straightened herself up as she walked, resolving to leave by herself tomorrow. She would disappear forever. Or she would die at Bertie’s hand.
Tramping across the grass and down towards the cliff steps, she heard a noise from the thicket in the distance. She stopped as the rustling got louder. She could see the shape of a young man in the foliage and then suddenly he lurched out, raised a gun and fired two shots. Veronica screamed, but she could barely hear herself over the sound of the gunshot.
The young man dropped his gun in shock as he saw her, while a small boy dashed past him and ran to Veronica’s right to collect their kill. Clocking Veronica, the boy slowed down and then turned back to the young man with a look of horror on his face.
Her heart thudding in her ears, Veronica glared at the elder of the two. ‘You could have killed me,’ she shouted. ‘What the hell do you think you’re doing?’
The young man took his cap off and started running towards her. ‘Lady Veronica, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. Are you hurt?’
‘No, of course I’m not hurt, but you scared me,’ she said, recognising him from the village now his hat wasn’t shielding his face from her. ‘John, if you’re going to poach, you can’t simply lurch out of the trees and just shoot. You didn’t even check if Sir Albert was watching.’
John shook his head. ‘I wasn’t thinking. We’re usually quick. No one usually comes here, this close to the cliff.’
‘Usually?’ Veronica repeated John’s word. ‘How often …? Never mind. It doesn’t matter.’
Her breathing slowed and John looked at her intently. ‘You won’t tell him, will you?’ John asked. ‘Only, with the rationing, we never have quite enough and an extra bit really helps. Sir Albert never had his shooting parties this year and there’s so many birds …’ he trailed off. ‘I’ve been feeding half the village,’ he blurted out before biting his lip as if he’d said too much.
Veronica looked at the young man and then laughed. ‘John, we’re all leaving tomorrow. Take as much as you like. Take as much as you can carry.’ She threw her hands up in the air to indicate how little she cared about the poaching.
John nodded at the younger boy, who resumed his run, scooped up the bird by its neck and looped back towards his older brother. ‘This is my little brother Reg,’ John said.
‘Your brother has made you an accomplice, has he?’ Veronica laughed, holding her hand out for Reg to shake.
Reg looked at her blankly, his arms by his side.
‘He doesn’t say much,’ John said.
Veronica lowered her hand and smiled at Reg.
‘But he’s fast on his feet,’ Veronica said pointedly.
‘Which comes in handy,’ John replied with a sideways smile.
Veronica shook her head in disbelief and stifled a laugh.
‘You won’t tell him, will you? Sir Albert. You won’t tell him what you saw us doing?’ John asked again.
‘Of course I won’t. Your secret is safe with me.’
‘Where are you going?’
‘What?’ Veronica asked sharply.
‘When you and Sir Albert leave with us all tomorrow. Where will you go?’
‘Oh, we have a house in London. Sir Albert is busy at parliament and it suits him to be there permanently now we’ve lost Tyneham House for the duration of the war.’ The lie rolled off her tongue too easily. In truth, she had no idea where she’d end up. But it definitely wouldn’t be London. She would be nowhere Bertie would be able to hunt her down. It would need to be somewhere distant, somewhere he’d never think of looking for her, somewhere she could start again and get a job as a teacher or join one of the services and help the war effort. Maybe Scotland?
John coughed and the action snapped Veronica out of her thoughts.
‘Where will you go, John?’
‘I’m going to join the war,’ he said proudly.
‘Everyone’s going to war. It’s very brave of you,’ Veronica said. ‘Which service?’
‘The Army. I’m eighteen. I’m ready to go and fight Jerry. Give him a taste of Britain,’ John said, his chest puffed out.
Veronica reached out and touched his arm. ‘You will look after yourself, won’t you, John. You’ll stay safe. For your mother.’ He was so young. Just eighteen. A boy really. But ready to fight for his country.
‘I’ll do my best,’ he grinned. ‘I can’t promise though. Are you worried about me?’
‘Well, yes of course.’
‘I think of you sometimes,’ John said. ‘How you helped me when I cut my leg falling off that horse. I was that embarrassed. But you were lovely, so lovely.’
‘Oh,’ Veronica said. ‘
Oh, John, I …’ Veronica was lost for words. ‘Thank you. But …’
‘It’s all right. I know. You’re you and I’m me. You’re married and I’m going off to fight. But I want you to know that I think you’re wonderful. And, in another life, if you could have been mine, I’d never have treated you the way Sir Albert does.’
‘John, stop.’ Veronica’s eyes were wide. Did the whole village know what Bertie had been doing to her? The shame.
‘You know you’re too good for the likes of him, don’t you. He’s a bastard, pardon my French. To you, to everyone. I’m not the only one who thinks it. My mum often wonders why you’re still with him.’
‘John, that’s enough. Really. Please.’
‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. He doesn’t know what he’s got. He’s the luckiest man alive and he has no idea.’
‘Thank you,’ she said quietly.
‘I won’t see you again, will I?’ John said.
‘I don’t suppose so, no, John.’
‘Then I’ll say goodbye now then. There’ll be too much going on tomorrow to find you so … goodbye.’ He reached down and took her hand within his, startling Veronica. He kissed her hand, a pained expression on his face, and Veronica smiled kindly.
‘Goodbye, John,’ she said. ‘I mean it about staying safe.’
He smiled and put his cap on his head.
‘Come on, Reg,’ he said, turning to wave at Veronica one last time as he and the young boy headed into the thicket.
Veronica watched the young man and his brother until they were out of sight. She looked at her watch and hurried on towards the beach hut.
CHAPTER 17
‘I didn’t think you were coming.’ Freddie stood as Veronica hurried into the hut. ‘I was worried I hadn’t made my message particularly clear to Anna.’
Veronica was flushed from almost galloping down the cliff steps. ‘You did. I’m so sorry. I got held up.’
‘Not by Bertie?’ He looked at her with a worried expression on his face.
‘No, no. He’s still out. I didn’t see him this morning,’ Veronica said. ‘Did you? Did he mention his actions last night? He denied it, I’m sure. Denied all knowledge. It’s his usual way.’
‘He’d gone by the time I was dressed, so I’ve no idea. I tell you, I was ready to have it out with him, Veronica. I was ready to kill him. He has to be stopped.’
‘Not by us. Not by you. He’s your brother.’
‘It doesn’t mean anything. Not anymore.’ Freddie brushed her comment aside.
‘You’re wrong, Freddie. It means everything. He’s not doing this to you. He’s doing this to me and he won’t be doing it for much longer.’
Freddie nodded and moved towards her, smiling a sad smile that made his eyes crinkle and a dimple crease in his cheek.
Veronica forced herself to move away from him when all she really wanted to do was kiss him and run her fingers through his hair, pulling him close to her. She shook her head and strengthened her resolve.
‘Freddie, you must listen to me. I can’t do this. Not with you. I want to. Please understand that I want to.’
Freddie’s face fell. ‘What?’
‘I can’t go with you tomorrow,’ she said. ‘I’m not mad enough to refuse your offer of help. I won’t take your money, but I will borrow it, please. I need to set up somewhere new, somewhere far away from here – so far away that Bertie will never think to find me. Some highland village will probably do the trick. I’m going to take a different name. It’s easy enough to pretend that I’ve been bombed out and get papers in a new name. If Bertie is to be believed, this war is wreaking havoc with paperwork.’ Veronica realised she was going off on a tangent. ‘But I can’t go with you,’ she said.
Freddie raised an eyebrow. ‘Why ever not?’ his voice was flat.
‘Because I love you,’ she said. ‘Because I love you and I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to bring you with me on this … this fool’s errand. I can run from Bertie. I can blend in and hide easily. But you … I don’t think it’s possible for both of us to do that.’
‘You think I’m going to be in your way?’ He stepped forward. ‘Veronica, we can do this. We can do this together. I won’t be in your way.’
She grabbed his hands and held them within hers, pleading with him to understand. ‘No, that’s not it. Not even close. You won’t be in my way. I’ll be in yours. Don’t you see that?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I can’t ask you to come with me. I can’t ask you to leave behind your life, your friends. I can’t ask you to hide for the rest of your life, which you will have to do if we are ever going to stand a chance of outrunning Bertie. And if Bertie finds us together, it will be far worse than if he just finds me alone. He’ll work hard to ruin your life as well as mine. He won’t hesitate. I just know it. I can’t ask you to sacrifice everything for me.’
Freddie closed his eyes, clearly exasperated. ‘My God, you’re impossible.’
Veronica raised her eyebrows.
‘You don’t get it, do you?’ he continued. ‘After all this time. After all these years? Was I not clear yesterday? Do you still not understand that I love you? You aren’t asking me to sacrifice anything. What am I giving up exactly? Bertie? He’s nothing to me. Not now. Not anymore. He’s lost to me. He’s lost to himself. He deserves to be alone. He doesn’t deserve you and he doesn’t deserve me. I can easily overlook the things he’s done to me over the years. I don’t care about any of that now. I really don’t. But what he’s done to you. My blood boils. I want to kill him. I’m coming with you, Veronica, because I love you. Because I’ve always loved you. I lost you once already. I won’t lose you again. I won’t. If running together is the only way we can be together, then I’ll take it.’
She frowned.
‘What’s wrong now?’ he asked.
‘Don’t do this because you think I need saving.’ She spoke quietly. ‘I don’t need saving. I can save myself.’
She was still holding his hands tightly within hers and he slowly manoeuvred one hand away from her grip. He touched her gently on the cheek. ‘I want you, Veronica. I want you forever. I’m not saving you.’ He tucked a stray roll of her auburn hair back in to place. ‘You’re saving me.’
They stood looking at each other, drinking each other in until Freddie bent his head slowly and closed his eyes, kissing her softly and then deeper until she thought she was losing her mind. Freddie loved her and he still wanted to run away with her, even though she’d given him a way out of this madness. Her heart swelled. She couldn’t be without him. She knew that now. She had no idea how she’d existed, these past few years. She would love him until her dying breath.
Veronica pulled back from his intense kiss and looked up into his eyes, conveying everything he meant to her with one desperate expression. She couldn’t stop herself. She wanted him. She’d wanted him before, when they were first stepping out, all those years ago, but he’d been too much of a gentleman to attempt anything.
‘Are you sure?’ he asked, his eyes reading hers. ‘Because if you’re not, we don’t have to—’
‘Yes,’ she breathed. She’d never been so sure of anything in her life. She moved her hands slowly to his shirt, undoing it and running her fingers across his chest until she uncovered his wound; red and white skin raised at the edges from the surgeon’s efforts to remove the bullet. How close had he come to death? she wondered. And she’d had no idea about any of what he’d been through, no idea he’d been away fighting, no idea he had even been in danger. The wound was larger than she had expected it to be and she touched the skin around it softly with her fingertips. Freddie moaned and Veronica sprang back. ‘Does it hurt?’ she asked.
‘No,’ he said, clearly struggling to control himself. He took her hand in his and kissed it.
She started to move quickly, frenziedly, pulling at his clothes with him until he was down to his underwear. His taut body shocked her, or rat
her the effect it was having on her shocked her. She had thought that part of her had died long ago. She helped him with the small pearl buttons on her shirt as he fumbled over them and then discarded her green skirt. Hurriedly, she stepped out of her clothes and kicked them aside until she was wearing only her stockings and slip. He stood back and looked at her, failing to recover his breath.
‘Bloody hell,’ he murmured. ‘You’re so beautiful.’
She shivered in the cold wind that whipped through the beach hut and he pulled her close to him, kissing her. Slowly, he picked her up and lifted her onto the daybed, pulling the covers over them for warmth as he made love to her slowly. He watched her face intently. Through her gasps, she could see his worry.
‘You aren’t hurting me,’ she whispered.
He nodded. ‘I don’t want to be like him. I don’t want to hurt you,’ he whispered as he stopped moving.
‘You are nothing like him,’ Veronica said, holding his face in her hands.
‘I love you,’ he said between gasps of breath as their bodies moved in time again.
‘I love you,’ she returned, her chest rising and falling in quick succession as she looked up into his eyes.
They lay together for a while afterwards. Veronica, in a haze of euphoria she had never felt before, wrapped her arms around Freddie and stared up at the ceiling through strands of his silky dark hair that had fallen over her eyes. She pushed it away and stroked it back into place, enjoying the feel of it between her fingers. His cologne was intoxicating and she closed her eyes, breathing it in, breathing him in, never wanting to let him go.
He held himself up on his elbows and gazed down at her. Veronica was so happy, she could cry. Instead, she smiled broadly and a small laugh escaped her lips.
‘You have no idea how much I love you, Freddie Standish, how much I’ve missed you.’
CHAPTER 18
Dorset, July 2018
Reg was clipping up a photograph that had fallen down from the exhibit boards in the church when Melissa arrived. The day was drawing to a close and there was only an hour before the village was due to shut for the night.