by Bijou Hunter
“One of my first loves was an artist,” Mom said, smiling wistfully. “So full of passion and creativity and I was attracted to it all. I imagined a long life with him. It lasted eight months and the last four were awful. Do you know why?”
“I’m not sure I care.”
“You should. You’re me and Aaron’s Taylor. You are his muse, his inspiration, and eventually his anchor. You’ll drag him down with your wants and needs. A man like Aaron needs the freedom to feel and create. Women like us need security. We drain men like them.”
“Aaron loves me.”
“For now and it won’t be him who ruins things. I should know because I wanted to spend my life with Taylor. I wanted to spend my life with so many wild men. They couldn’t live with all that need. It’s why I work with Larry.”
Nearly making a barfing gesture, I was able to restrain myself. My face must have done something though because she frowned.
“Larry provides security. Before him, life was chaos for me. I never trusted in anything especially myself. With him, I have found a rock. It’s what I needed and it’s what you’ll need one day once your heart’s been broken by Aaron.”
“Did you come here to get me to break up with Aaron? It won’t work. I know him and he’s a good man.”
“I never said he wasn’t. You think I’m attacking you. I know you though. Not because we were ever close, but we’re so similar. I know you because I’ve come to know myself after failing for so long. I know me well enough to know you won’t leave Aaron until he begs you to go. I was the same way. What I felt was too strong to walk away from. Had my mother told me what I’ve told you, I wouldn’t have cared either. I would have held onto Taylor and I still would have lost him. Nothing can change fate. A woman like you and a man like him can’t work. You think you’re creative and I thought I was too. I was quirky and a dreamer and I thought that made me like Taylor. It just made me a groupie, feasting off his talent and needing his acceptance to give me worth.”
“Larry is a jerk.”
“He’s not much of a father, but he’s a good husband and that’s what I needed.”
“Yeah, but we were still kids when you married him.”
“You were fifteen and Raven was nearly eighteen. You had plenty of fathers over the years and didn’t need Larry to care about you.”
“Mother of the year.”
“You can call me selfish, but it’s how the Hancock women are. We might want to be good mothers or sisters or friends, but all of our worth comes from the men we love. When we’re loved well, we’re happy like I am with Larry. If we’re not loved, nothing else matters. Why do you think Raven could just leave us behind? She’s got Hancock blood and her need to be with Dexter mattered more than anything else.”
“I’m not Raven.”
“No, she’s a fighter. I never was unless it was for a man. You’re the same way. When Larry said jump, you said how high. Until it came to having a man you wanted then you were brave.”
“Fuck you,” I whispered. “I’m not you.”
“I would have said the same thing to my mother. I didn’t want to be like her. I wanted to be more. Wanted to be better. Independent. Strong. Smart. I certainly didn’t think I’d be a mother like she was. I thought I would adore my kids and they would give me meaning like I never gave her any. I was wrong and you’ll feel the same way one day.”
Standing up, I thought about the baby growing inside me and wished I knew in my heart that her cruel words were a lie. My mind returned to the memory of Phoenix floating in the pool. I’d destroyed his life because I was too busy living mine. I was a Hancock woman. Maybe one day, I would sit across from my child and give her the same speech I now received.
“I’m not giving up Aaron.”
“I know,” Mom said, standing up. “I never thought you would, but I wanted you to know I understood. When Larry is standing next to me, I have to pretend like you’ve lost your mind and I can’t understand why you behave the way you do. It’s a lie though. I do know and I knew the moment you ditched Dylan at the library. You were truly brave for the first time in your life and I knew Aaron was the reason. In that second, I knew you wouldn’t give him up until he asked you to. When that day comes, I hope you won’t feel too bad. As Hancock girls, we can only enjoy what fate allows. We are who we are and accepting it is easier than living a lie.”
“I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“Nothing, Lark. There’s nothing to say. You feel what you feel and I’m not changing your mind.”
“Are you going to eat?”
“No, I’m meeting Larry for lunch and want to save my appetite.”
“Can’t go over the calories he allows,” I muttered.
Mom smiled. “When you find your rock, you’ll sacrifice for him too.”
My mom hugged me and I let her. Something about our moods made me feel like I was saying goodbye to her. At the very least, I was saying goodbye to the lie of my mother as someone who tried her best and regretted her mistakes. Instead, she just accepted they were part of Hancock legacy. No harm, no foul.
Watching her leave, I wanted to be different. I wanted to take after another part of my family. On Mom’s side was a history of failure. On Dad’s side was a history of crime and addiction. If legacy and fate were any indications, I wasn’t the only one awaiting a failed future. I just hoped the baby took after Aaron.
Chapter Thirty Six - Aaron
Lark had a fake happy smile plastered on her face. She had also covered her freckles and brushed her wild hair into a ponytail. While she looked hot in the pink jumper dress over a purple tee, I knew she was planning to pretend to be anyone except the real Larken Dawn Foster.
My mother would have none of it though.
Maryann Barnes wasn’t a woman to buy into pretensions. She had a way of making everyone feel comfortable. When she and my dad worked as a team, they could get anyone to smile and open up as if speaking to their oldest friends.
Lark never had a chance. The minute Mom hugged her then Dad surmised she was a tiny little bruiser, my girl was charmed. She immediately lost her fake smile and revealed the grin that warmed my heart every time.
“It’s time to make Aaron squirm now,” Mom said and I knew the photo albums were coming out.
Lark must have known too because her eyes lit up. “I hope our baby looks like you.”
My mother heard the word “baby” and squealed. When I told my parents on the phone, I warned them not to freak out Lark. Of course, they weren’t intimidated by my threats. They just wanted a grandbaby before it was too late for them to enjoy the experience.
“How are you feeling?” Mom asked, sitting with Lark on the couch while Dad retrieved those embarrassing albums.
“I’m still dizzy off and on, but I’m on prenatal vitamins and iron pills. The doctor said I’m doing fine. I don’t have to go back in until my second trimester.”
“Oh, I remember when I was pregnant with Anna. I felt great the whole time. Those last weeks were a pain, but I was due in July. The heat will drive a pregnant woman mad. Otherwise, it was easy. Don’t let anyone tell you horror stories and scare you.”
“I won’t. Farah is trying to have a baby. Maybe we’ll go through it together.”
“Baby Cooper and Aaron running around causing trouble,” Dad said, setting an album on Lark’s lap. “Aaron was a very good baby. Didn’t cry at all. Not once.”
When I laughed, Dad gave me a wink. “Here was our boy at three months.”
Lark looked at the picture and laughed. Knowing exactly what she thought was so funny, I explained, “They thought they were adopting a girl, so I wore pink those first few months.”
“Babies grow so fast at that age,” Mom said. “No reason to waste money on new clothes when he wouldn’t know the difference.”
Lark laughed at this comment and kept laughing until the pictures reached when I was three. Her eyes moistened and again I was the one to explain.
&n
bsp; “Lark’s little brother died around that age.”
As Mom and Dad descended on her with hugs, I never saw my girl look so startled. Life was different for her now. No longer was she struggling to survive in a dysfunctional family of revolving fathers and a cold mother. Now, she was a Barnes and we were fully functional and only slightly on the weird side.
“You have curls,” she cooed, running her finger over a picture of me at five.
“I loved those curls,” Mom said.
“She put barrettes in those curls,” I muttered, standing behind the three of them as they looked through the album. Ignoring my parents’ laughter, I continued, “I begged to have my hair shaved short. Once it was, I never looked back.”
“I hope the baby has curls,” Lark said.
When she looked up at me, I knew for the first time she was truly excited about our baby. No more fear or guilt, Lark embraced her future as a mom.
Even young and inexperienced with kids, I felt fearless too. Lark was my girl and she was having my baby and everything just fit.
Chapter Thirty Seven - Lark
A few hours after the sun set, I heard a knock on the door. Aaron was out back with the dogs. Even though he said not to answer the door at night because he had loser friends who showed up drunk, I peeked out the curtains to find a familiar grumpy face.
Throwing open the door, I smiled at my sister.
“Preggers, huh?” she said, pushing messy blonde hair away from her blue eyes. “Aunt Raven has a nice ring to it.”
Lunging for her, I melted in her embrace. All those months of anger at her leaving faded as she embraced me back. I had called and she hadn’t ignored me.
“I missed you,” I whispered. “I can’t believe you’re here.”
Raven looked down at me and sighed. “I fucked up and it was easier to pretend otherwise without you knowing the truth.”
“I don’t understand.”
When Raven glanced around, I realized we should go inside.
“This is your man’s place?” Raven asked as I shut the door. “Homey and artsy. Who is this guy?”
“Aaron is amazing. He’s out back with the dogs.”
“I’ll meet him in a bit, but we need to talk first.”
Expecting a lecture about the baby, I sat at the kitchen table with Raven who pulled off her leather jacket and hung it from the back of the chair.
“Are you here alone?” I asked when she said nothing.
“I’ve been alone for months. Fucking Dexter took our cash and ran off with some bitch he met at the cash checking place. He left me a text about how she didn’t hassle him like I did. She was cool, you know? Man, he’s lucky I couldn’t track down his ass or I’d have kicked it so hard that he’d be shitting from his mouth.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, patting her hand.
To my surprise, Raven grabbed my hand and held it. “You thought I left because of you? How fucking stupid are you sometimes?”
While I tried to pull my hand away, she kept it tight in hers. “I had this stupid idea that I could leave my problems behind,” she said in a rough voice. “Like I was drowning in shit because I lived in a shithole. In reality, I take the shit with me. Everywhere I go, there I am. When I left, I wanted to prove something else. I didn’t and was embarrassed to admit that to you. It’s why I avoided talking you. I mean, how lame am I to have Dexter dump me? He wasn’t even that fucking hot and he was stupid as shit and I wasn’t good enough for him.”
“What have you been doing for money?”
“I tried stripping for a month or so. Made good money too and that’s how I had enough cash to get home.”
“Stripping?” I asked, grinning.
“Hey, I’m coordinated and hot. I was a fave for some freaks, but then I got fired for punching some fuck in the face. He grabbed one of the girls and the bouncer was too busy flirting with his phone to notice. Apparently, we weren’t supposed to defend ourselves. Asshole owner thanked me for helping out then fired me. I still had enough money to get here.”
“I’m sorry Dexter got away. I can imagine how much you wanted to kick his ass.”
Raven smiled, but her eyes were sad. “You are a piece of shit, Lark. The worse fucking person ever.”
“Why?” I balked.
“I heard that message about you thinking I ditched you. I fucking cried and you know how I hate crying. You’re a cunt for making me cry, but I’m glad you called. I wanted to come home, but I was embarrassed. There are things worse than embarrassment like my little sister thinking I didn’t care about her. You needed me and I’d been dying without you. Turns out, I’m not likable enough to make friends who aren’t my sister.”
Laughing, I kissed her hand. “I’m glad you’re here.”
“I’m staying too. I can strip anywhere. Or get a job that doesn’t involve smiling at ugly guys,” Raven said. “I don’t want to lie to myself. I’m the problem and I need to face my shitty habits and make better ones.”
“It’s not all your fault.”
“Yeah, we had crappy parents, but we’re not kids anymore and I need to fix what Mom broke. I don’t want to be forty and married to some Larry shitface and asking for permission to take a piss. At this rate though, I’ll be married to that fucker by thirty.”
“It’ll be okay, Raven. I found Aaron and he’s really good inside. Not a dick hiding behind a hot bod. Just a really great man.”
“Yeah, but you’re not me. You’ve always been smarter. Remember in high school when I couldn’t figure out how to use my combination lock and you had to help. What the fuck?”
“You’re tired. I can tell because you’re cussing more than usual.”
Raven grinned. “See how perceptive you are? That’s my little sis. I can’t believe you’re going to be a mom.”
When I lost my smile from worrying over being a mom, Raven reached over and yanked on my hair.
“Don’t get gloomy on me. That day we lost Phoenix wasn’t about you. That was our shit stepdad. He wanted us to go away and play somewhere, but he wanted Phoenix nearby. It was his fucking fault and you were too young to understand. I was mature enough to get what happened. It’s why I never blame myself.”
“Mature?” I asked, lifting an eyebrow.
“Yes, I hit my maturity at nine then stopped. That’s so me. Advanced then delayed. I’m special that way.”
Laughing, I stood up and got her a Coke from the frig. When I handed it to her, Raven stared at my flat belly then leaned her face against it.
“You’re so lucky,” she whispered. “Your mommy will make you laugh and kiss away the tears. She’ll read you books about self esteem then sing you awful songs until you sleep out of boredom. You’re going to grow up so loved and you won’t know any other way.”
When Raven looked up at me, she smiled at my tears. “I wish I had a mom like you, Lark. Everyone does. You’re going to love the shit out of this kid and you’ll make it look easy. No worries, okay?”
“Okay,” I whispered, caressing her face. “I’m so glad you came home.”
“Me too.”
The sound of dogs’ claws on the wood floors ended the quiet moment.
“Thank goodness we have company,” Raven said. “I was gonna start bawling.”
Startled by a new person in the house, Pollack descended into a barking fit while Professor played tough guy by growling. Raven barked back at Pollack who decided she couldn’t argue with crazy and ran away.
Already laughing before he turned the corner, Aaron took a minute to realize who was sitting with me.
“Raven came home,” I told him and he smiled wider. “She speaks dog too.”
“Pollack has never met a challenge she couldn’t run from,” he said then glanced down at a growling Professor. “Hush.”
The dog grudgingly quieted, but kept an eye on Raven who stood up and shook Aaron’s hand.
“You planning to make an honest woman out of my sister?” she asked in a voice more suiti
ng of a protective dad.
“Yes, sir.”
Laughing, I hugged Aaron who wrapped an arm around me.
“Do you have a place to stay?” he asked Raven.
“I have cash to get a motel rom.”
“Fuck that. We have a spare room. I’ll need to clean out some shit to make it more comfortable, but you should stay here.”
“How did you even find Aaron’s place?” I asked, bending over to pat a still agitated Professor.
“Mom told me. I think she was just praying I didn’t try to stay at her house. What the fuck is that?”
I started to stand up when she grabbed me and pulled up my tee. Knowing she saw the faded bruises, I also knew what she would do.
“Did you do that?” she screamed at Aaron who blocked her punch.
“No,” I said, pushing her back. “It was Larry. When he found out I was sneaking out to see Aaron, he freaked and attacked me.”
“Fuck!” she hollered, pacing back and forth as Professor returned to growling. “Did your man at least fuck up Larry?”
“No,” I muttered, checking on Aaron who likely thought Raven was nuts. “He trashed his car though. Ruined it.”
Raven stopped pacing and stared at Aaron. “You killed Gloria?” When Aaron nodded, my sister’s eyes lit up. “I bet Larry wept like a little bitch over that too. Oh, man, he loved that damn car. Loved it more than his balls, I bet.”
“You can’t attack Aaron,” I said, staring up at her with my pissed off face.
“Oh, stop. He’s a big boy and he has some fast moves too. No worries. I just can’t believe you killed Gloria. That’s fucking beautiful. I never would have thought of that, but the old man loves his car. Way to cut out his heart and make him look at it.”
“Apologize,” I snapped.
“It’s not necessary, Lark,” Aaron said, being too nice again when it came to girls. “She was just protecting you.”
“Fuck that. She could have hurt you because she’s stupid.”
“Stupid?” Raven growled.
“I said Aaron was a good man. Would I really say that about a guy who hits me?”