Jensen pointed to an empty bench a few feet away. “Why don’t we sit over there?”
Tamar nodded. If they were very quiet, they would be able to hear almost every word. She couldn’t think of any better way to spend the evening than sitting next to the man she loved.
Thankfulness filled her as she realized the truth. She loved Jensen Moreau. His arm encircled her waist and drew her close. If freedom offered other such delights, she would embrace it with a joyful heart.
Blake was a fool. All the gilded arches and velvet curtains of the theater were lost on him. He barely noticed the sparkling chandeliers or the crowds of tiara-crowned, bejeweled women. The only thing on his mind was that he was falling in love with a girl who was all wrong for him.
He glanced at her. Lily was leaning slightly forward, so caught up in the action on the stage that she had forgotten he was sitting next to her. Yes, he was an idiot.
Nothing about Lily should appeal to him. She was stubborn, idealistic, and a prude to boot. Never mind that she came with a ready-made family who would always be a big part of her life. Lily had a caring heart and a mind that worked at the speed of lightning, but those things shouldn’t appeal to a man. He glanced at her again, his gaze caressing the fullness of her mouth and the jut of her determined chin. Funny how over the past months his idea of feminine beauty had changed.
A whisper from Jasmine at the front of the box drew his attention. She was seated next to Camellia and the Thorntons’ son Jonah, while he and Lily were directly behind them. It was the perfect arrangement for chaperones.
When had he grown so old? And why was he spending his days surrounded by this motley crew of a family when he should be wining and dining lovely women from one end of the Mississippi River to the other?
Yet he found himself reluctant to sell his portion of the Hattie Belle to Lily. Although opportunities to open a gambling boat abounded, the thrill of gambling had faded to a distant fantasy. Blake had discovered he enjoyed the variety of alarms and challenges that chased Lily and her family.
Part of him even enjoyed listening to her father talk about his beliefs. Not that he would attend any more sermons in the dining room. But he did like asking Captain Henrick questions about faith in the modern world.
The curtain came down, and he joined the general applause even though he had no clue what had happened during the final act of Richard Coeur-de-lion. But when Lily turned to him, her brown eyes gleaming in the light of the sconces, he took pleasure from the knowledge that she had enjoyed the performance.
Her hand gripped his arm. “That was splendid. Thank you so much for taking us.”
Blake covered her hand with his own. “I’m glad you liked it.”
Jonah stood and stretched his arms over his head. “Their performance was a little unpolished. You should have seen the performance of Don Giovanni last month. The music was much better.”
“I thought it was wonderful.” Jasmine’s eyes were even brighter than Lily’s. She clasped the playbill. “I would like more than anything to become an actress like Miss Tabitha Barlow.”
Camellia sniffed her disdain for the idea.
Blake felt the shudder that passed through Lily right before she pulled away from him. “That’s ridiculous. I can’t think of a more scandalous occupation for a young lady.”
“It looks glamorous to me.” Jasmine’s chin lifted in the same manner Lily employed when she was determined to get her way.
“You’ll feel differently when you grow up.” Camellia tossed a smile toward Jonah, which the young man ignored.
Blake decided to step in before the discussion disintegrated into a quarrel. “I don’t think we need to worry about such things tonight.” He bent a cautionary gaze on Lily. “Let me help you with your cloak.”
Jonah waved at someone on the opposite side of the theater. “Excuse me.” He vaulted over the low wall that separated them from the pit before Blake could stop him.
With a sigh, Blake settled Lily’s cloak around her shoulders. “I suppose he’ll join us before too long.” He helped the girls gather their wraps and gloves.
They exited the box, and he spotted Jonah with a group of youths about his age. Warning the others to wait for the carriage, he went to fetch the young man.
As he approached the group, they stopped talking, looking at him with suspicion. Did they think he was too old to join them? They couldn’t be more than five years younger than he. Had the weight of experience aged him so much? For the second time that evening, he felt old. “Jonah, I need your help with the ladies.”
Jonah rolled his eyes, garnering sympathetic looks from his friends, but he followed Blake back to the porte cochére. “I thought I would walk home to leave more room in the carriage.”
“I appreciate your concern.” Blake didn’t try to hide his sarcasm. “But we have sufficient room.”
They found the others without incident, and Blake guided them to the carriage, feeling like a sheepherder. On the way to the theater, the girls had sat on one bench while he and Jonah shared the opposite one. But somehow this time the girls managed to split up as they entered the carriage. Camellia sat on the forward-facing bench, Jasmine between her and Jonah. Lily sat by herself, leaving only one place for Blake, a development that made his heart beat a couple of extra times before returning to its normal rhythm. He settled in, his knee brushing hers through the material of her skirt.
Each time the carriage turned a corner, Lily’s shoulder leaned against him. She smelled of almonds and honey, a light scent that teased his nostrils. He wouldn’t care if the ride home lasted half the night.
Of course it didn’t. But when Blake helped Lily alight from the carriage, their gazes met. She offered a secret smile that promised she had enjoyed the ride home as much as he.
He was an idiot, an idiot in love with Lily Anderson. It was time for him to make his intentions known.
“It was so exciting, Papa.” Jasmine’s violet gaze was fastened on him, seated across from her at the Thorntons’ dinner table later that evening. “Blondel gets free, and Lady Marguerite has a party, and then her soldiers rescue poor King Richard.”
Lily exchanged a glance with Blake. They communicated without words—sharing their amusement at Jasmine’s enthusiasm. Jonah Thornton may have found the evening beneath his standards, but the rest of them rated the music and acting delightful. It had also changed something between her and Blake. He had become a member of their family.
“Only because they tricked Florestan. He loved Laurette, and they used that against him.” Camellia did not hesitate to set her younger sister straight.
Jasmine considered Camellia’s words. “He got what he deserved for putting a king in jail.”
Everyone laughed at her logic.
Jasmine looked a little put out, but she managed to smile. “It was magical. I’m going to sing in the opera when I grow up.”
“I’m so glad you enjoyed it.” Mrs. Thornton smiled at her youngest guest. “It is good to be so passionate. Perhaps one day you will become a great patron of the arts.”
Lily appreciated the woman’s kind words. They soothed Jasmine’s sensibilities as well as her own concern that her youngest sister was too fervent in her response to the opera. All evening Jasmine had been humming the melody. Imagining her sister performing on stage was enough to cause nightmares. Although Lily’s choice of occupation was not traditional, other ladies traveled on the river. If Jasmine decided to pursue a career on stage, she would be disappointed at how tawdry it was.
Mrs. Thornton placed her napkin beside her plate and rose, signaling that the ladies should retire. The gentlemen rose, too.
Lily glanced at Blake once more. How had she ever thought Jean Luc Champney interesting? He might have lived in Europe, but he seemed shallow compared with the man standing across from her.
Blake was a man of honor, and she prayed he would let go of his prejudice against God. Her father had told her about the conversations he’d h
ad with Blake, conversations that let her know God was trying to reach him. It was enough for now. But would it be enough for a more permanent relationship?
So lost was she in her contemplation, Lily almost missed the slight motion Blake made with his head. She frowned at him. Again Blake tilted his head, his gaze intense. He must have some information to impart, probably about the Hattie Belle. Had they been robbed again? She nodded to him, praying his news was nothing serious.
Mrs. Thornton, Camellia, and Jasmine went to the front parlor.
Lily hung back until Blake joined her. “What’s wrong?”
He shook his head and steered her toward the back of the house.
The air had cooled as night settled around them. Although the full moon had risen, its silver light did not impart warmth. Lily’s arms were covered by long sleeves, but she wished she had a shawl. Maybe the problem wouldn’t take long to solve.
They strolled along a dim path, saying nothing until they reached a stone bench. “Would you like to sit?” His voice sounded odd. Strained.
She sat and watched as he paced back and forth. “Whatever the problem is, Blake, you had best just tell me.”
He stopped and looked at her, opened his mouth, shut it, and took another turn around their quiet corner of the garden.
“If you continue walking around in circles, one of us is going to become dizzy.”
Moonlight touched his black hair as he sat beside her, taking her hands in his grasp. “I want to talk to you about the future.”
Lily’s heart missed a beat. “What?”
“We’ve made a lot of money on the Hattie Belle. I never thought shipping would be so lucrative, but you have pulled it off, Lily.”
Did he want to end their partnership? She tugged on her hands, but he wouldn’t release his hold. “I couldn’t have done it alone.”
He smiled. “I appreciate your kindness, but both of us know I had a completely different view of how to use the Hattie Belle.”
Lily hoped she had mistaken Blake’s intention. She hated the idea of living on the Hattie Belle without his reassuring presence. Who could she trust as much as she did this man? “It took both of us using the talents God gave us.”
He leaned toward her, and Lily thought he was going to give her a brotherly hug. Anticipation warmed her. His hands released their grip, and his arms came around her shoulders. “Lily, you’re a special woman.” His head dropped lower. His eyelids drifted downward. And his lips covered hers.
She melted for a fraction of a second. But then reason returned. What was she doing? She pushed at his chest with enough force to stop his kiss. “S–stop, Blake.” Was that breathy sound her voice? Lily cleared her throat. “I value your friendship deeply, but I cannot allow this.”
Shock was evident in every line of his body. “I thought we understood each other.”
Lily’s mouth still tingled from his touch. She had never dreamed a kiss could feel so right—and so devastating. But she would have to consider the implications of her very confused emotions when she was alone. For now she needed to explain to this man why they were not right for each other. “Blake, you gave me the most excellent advice anyone could have offered at a time when I desperately needed it. You’re the reason I’ve grown closer to God. You’re the person who helped me see how far I’d strayed from Him. I’ll always be grateful to you.”
“I don’t want your gratitude.” He stood and faced the house. All she could see were his clenched hands behind his back, the same hands that had held her so gently moments ago.
“You’re my best friend, Blake. You’re the one who counseled me to tell my family the truth. I wish I had listened, as things would have been much easier.”
He kicked at a stone, making her think of an angry child.
She hated being the cause of his anger. Hated hurting him. Praying for the right words, she drew another breath. “Letting this thing between us continue would be a lie.”
He swung around. “A lie? What I feel for you is as real as that house. How can that be a lie?”
“I’m a Christian.” She let her words sink in before continuing. “That means I can’t link myself to someone who does not love God with his whole heart. I cannot put my eternal soul at risk for a transitory feeling. I beg you to understand.”
“Understand?” He swallowed hard. Then his face smoothed out, becoming an emotionless mask. But the moonlight was bright enough to reveal the pain in his eyes.
Tears threatened to overwhelm Lily. With a wordless cry, she stood up and rushed past him to the house. Running up the stairs to her bedroom, she slammed the door and threw herself across the bed.
Hot tears streaked her cheeks and soaked the pillow. She didn’t cry for herself but for the man she had deserted. The man who might never understand why she had rejected his love.
Chapter Fourty-seven
Wondering why her father had summoned her, Lily pulled her cloak tighter as she plodded up to the pilothouse. The wind scraped at her cheeks and tugged at her skirt. The weather was a perfect reflection of her emotions.
She had seen Blake only once in the past week, the day of their departure. He’d moved out of the Thorntons’ garçonièrre the day after he kissed her. She’d wanted to talk to him, explain why she had spurned his advances, but when she got to the boat, a single glance at his cold features destroyed that impulse.
Papa pulled a cord, and the long, low note of the steam whistle filled the cold air.
Lily stepped into the pilothouse and looked out over the water. Another stern-wheeler was churning south, riding low in the water. Bales of cotton were piled high on every available surface of the other boat. “How do passengers move about on that deck?”
He waved her forward, giving her a hug before answering. “I doubt they’re carrying passengers. Their cargo alone will make the trip profitable.”
The cotton must be getting wet from the water washing onto the deck. “If the boat doesn’t sink before it makes port.”
Her father withdrew his prized telescope from the inside pocket of his coat and held it up to his right eye. “She is riding low, but the pilot is taking his time. I doubt he’ll sink her.”
A feeling of peace stole over Lily as she and her father watched the boat until it passed them. She couldn’t thank God enough for reuniting her with her father. “Did you need something from me, Papa?”
He studied her, his brown eyes filled with compassion. “I’m worried about you.”
“Worried?” She lifted her chin and wished she had done a better job of hiding her sorrow. “Everything is going well. We found the perfect school for Camellia, we’re making money faster than I dreamed possible, and you’re with us. My family is reunited. What more could I want?”
Her ruse didn’t work. “Water Lily, I know I haven’t been around like I should have been for you and your sisters, but I’m not blind. Maybe God intended for me to be here now so I can help.”
“I don’t need your help, Pa–Papa.” Trying to pass her stutter off as a reaction to the cold air, she shivered. “It’s cold out here today, isn’t it?”
He shook his head. “You can’t fool me, honey. You and Blake spent a lot of time together in New Orleans. I tried to talk to him when he showed up here early one morning last week, but talking to that boy is like trying to swim upstream. When I saw how the two of you avoided each other yesterday and again this morning, I started to understand the problem.” He cleared his throat. “He didn’t try to take advantage of you, did he?”
Lily’s cheeks felt as if they were glowing like twin flames. “No—”
“Good.” The word cut off her explanation. “I would hate to have to toss that boy overboard.”
Lily would have laughed, but his gaze told her he was not making a joke. “I care about him very much, Papa. But we have no future together other than as co-owners of the Hattie Belle.”
“Is this because of his past?”
A sigh filled her chest. “Not exactly
.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
“He’s turned away from God.”
A frown wrinkled her father’s weathered brow. “Has he told you this? That he doesn’t believe in God?”
She nodded, her heart breaking again as she remembered Blake’s refusal to release the pain of his past and turn to God.
“That surprises me.” Papa adjusted the ship’s wheel to avoid a snag ahead. “He and I have spent some time together, you know. He’s been as full of questions about God and Christ as anyone I’ve ever met. When someone is determined to avoid contact with God, he usually doesn’t want to stay around Christians or give in to his curiosity.”
His words buoyed her, offered her hope. But what if he was wrong? “He probably wants ammunition to use against Christians.”
“I don’t know, Water Lily. I only know that God doesn’t want to bring either of you pain.”
With great effort, she summoned a smile. “I know, Papa.”
“Good.” He focused on the horizon then returned his attention to her. “We need to ask God to reveal the truth to Blake, and not just for your sake. This is more important than whether the two of you love each other—it’s about where he’ll spend eternity.”
Papa’s words were stark, frightening. A shudder shook her. Lily looked at her father. “Can we pray right now?”
He held out his arms to her. “Of course we can. I can’t think of a better time to do so.”
Blake watched Lily cross the gangplank and enter her grandmother’s carriage. A piece of his heart traveled with her. He had to win her esteem. But was he ready to surrender control of his life? And if so, who was he surrendering to? The cold, uncaring God of his childhood or the warm, loving Savior that Captain Henrick and Lily worshipped?
He’d spent years chiseling out a life for himself, learning how to rely on his own strengths. Was he supposed to give all that up?
Lily (Song of the River) Page 31