by T. J. Klune
Ryan and Justin stood together, muttering something back and forth, and even though it’d been a long time since they’d been anything, and even though I was sure about Ryan’s feelings for me, I couldn’t help but feel a weird little twisty thing at watching them together. Ryan was my cornerstone, sure, and I knew he understood what that meant, but I couldn’t help but think about how uncomplicated his life had been before… everything. They might not have been in love, but they had cared about each other, enough that they’d been intimate. It’d been an arrangement, beneficial for them both, but they worked well together. And it’d gone on for years. And here Ryan and I were, just over a year together, and how much shit had he gone through because of me?
He’d been chased and captured and injured. He’d killed and maimed and almost died because of me. With Justin, he’d been… safe. With me, he wasn’t.
And now. Well, now there was a prophecy, a destiny of dragons, and Vadoma had shown me one possible future (and in her eyes, it was an inevitable future). A snake dragon monster thing had told me once that nothing was set in stone, and that even if it was, stone crumbles, but Ryan wouldn’t even be in this position if it weren’t for me.
If I were a more selfless person, I might have made a stupid decision, tried to end things with Ryan for his own good, distanced myself to keep him safe. But I wasn’t selfless. In fact, I was selfish. He was mine and I was his, and I couldn’t imagine a life without him. I couldn’t imagine him not being at my side. I couldn’t imagine losing the way he sometimes looked at me like I was the best thing in all his world, that look that made my chest feel tight and my skin a little sweaty. I couldn’t imagine never hearing again the way he gasped as he writhed below me, moaning my name and telling me he needed more, godsdammit, Sam, more.
If I were a better person, I would push him away to save him from this life.
I wasn’t a better person.
So instead I tried not to feel oddly jealous as the Knight Commander spoke with the Prince about something I couldn’t hear. I trusted him. I trusted the Prince. But apparently I couldn’t trust my own feelings.
“You’re glaring,” Morgan said, suddenly appearing beside me.
“I’m not,” I said as I glared.
“Ah,” he said. “I must have been mistaken.”
“It’s okay. You’re getting older. Your eyesight had to fail sometime.”
“Cheeky little git,” he said, sounding unbearably fond.
I shrugged. “It’s kind of my thing.”
“I’ve noticed.” Then, “You know there’s nothing there.”
“Where?” I asked, playing dumb.
“Sam.”
I rolled my eyes. “I know.”
“Do you?”
“I’m just being stupid.”
“Every now and then, sure. You’re young yet. You’ll grow out of it. You have time.”
Right. Because apparently I’d be alive forever while everything around me died. And that was just swell, because I was beginning to sound like Zero Ravyn Moonfire. This day couldn’t possibly get any worse.
And that would have been true had I not decided to open my mouth again. “I don’t know about that.”
“How so?”
I felt a little mean. “You and Randall have plenty of years on me, yet you seem to make mistakes.”
Morgan hesitated. “Mistakes are a part of learning how to be human. There’s a difference between making a mistake and inviting in stupidity.”
“Really. So how would you classify all of this?”
“All of what?”
I laughed. “This, Morgan. The dead at our feet. The people of Verania who hate me. Feng. Myrin. I don’t know about you, but all of this seems to be nothing but an exercise in stupidity to me.”
“You’re angry still.”
I scrubbed a hand over my face. “Yes, Morgan. I’m angry still. I told you that. It’s not as if this is something I can get over quickly. I love you, dude, but sometimes you suck ass.”
“It’s been weeks since Vadoma came to the City of Lockes,” he pointed out.
“I need more time.”
Morgan sighed. “Of course you do. Sam, I’m not trying to make light of the situation. I have acknowledged my mistakes, however ill-advised they may be. I have apologized for them. I don’t know what else I can do for you.”
“I don’t know either,” I said. “Let me know when you figure it out.”
“You’re young.”
“So you’ve pointed out.”
“I forget that sometimes.”
I glanced at him. He was watching the cleanup. “Why?”
“Why do I forget? Because you’ve got an old soul, Sam. At many things, you are beyond your years. And at other things, you are exactly where you should be. I have to remind myself of that every now and then.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You do not have the knowledge I do, Sam. And I’m not trying to minimize anything you’re going through. I’m not trying to take away from everything you’ve experienced. But the life you’ll lead will be a long one, and there will be consequences to the choices that you make.”
That didn’t sound good. “And what about the choices you made? What are the consequences?”
He smiled sadly. “I’m living them. Do you think I wanted this for you?”
“I don’t know,” I said honestly. “It doesn’t seem like you gave me the choice, does it?”
He shook his head. “Had I told you everything when you were a child, what do you think you would have done?”
And yeah, he had me there. “I would have done everything for you,” I muttered. “But at least then I would have known I was a pawn from the start.”
His hand fell upon my shoulder again. “You were never a pawn,” he said, sounding as angry as I’d ever heard him. “And I will not have you say such again. Do you understand me?”
I nodded dumbly.
“Sam,” he sighed. “Your fate may have been written in the stars, but you must believe me that even if it hadn’t been, even if I’d been a stronger man in my youth and had done what needed to be done, I will always believe that we would have found our way to each other. You may have a destiny of dragons, but my destiny has always been you.”
“Godsdammit,” I said with a large sniff. “You can’t just say stuff like that. You know how I have feelings about you being sappy as shit.”
He looked rather pleased. “That I do.”
“Manipulative.”
“A little, sure.”
“You’re buttering me up, aren’t you?”
He arched an eyebrow at me. “Pardon?”
“Whatever you and Randall were talking about. Before. I’m not going to like it, am I?”
He opened his mouth, then closed it just as quickly. He watched me for a moment before he tried again. “No. I don’t think you’ll like it very much.”
“Fuck.”
“My thoughts exactly.”
Ryan turned then, the conversation with Justin seemingly ending. He scanned the field until he found me, and the smile he gave was brilliant and bright. Even in a field of death and gore, my heart tripped all over itself at such a sight.
“We need to talk,” Morgan said quietly.
“You breaking up with me?”
He jostled me a little.
“Fine,” I said. “Let’s talk.”
Ryan’s smile began to fade.
Chapter 6: The Break-Up Talk
I BLINKED in disbelief. “You want to run that one by me again? Because I think I misheard.”
We stood in Mama’s office, Randall by the window, hands clasped behind his back, Morgan near the floor-to-ceiling bookcase, and me near the door, as if I could escape anytime I wanted to. What remained of Feng had been cleaned up from the floor, but there was a black smudge in the carpet and on Mama’s desk. Both would have to be replaced.
The office itself was still in disarray, though a hasty job had b
een done to right the wrongs: The books were haphazardly placed back on the shelves, the shade to the lamp in the corner sat crooked, the air still smelled crisped and seared. The little wooden bombs Feng had placed around the office had been removed. I had scanned the room when we’d entered, making sure none had been missed.
It hadn’t taken long for Morgan and Randall to drop a different sort of bomb on me, however.
“I don’t see what’s so difficult for you to understand,” Randall said, voice bland and even.
“Indulge me.”
“Don’t we always? And maybe that’s part of the problem.”
I scowled at him. “Maybe you should go suck a gigantic—”
Morgan cleared his throat.
“—lemon because your face already looks a little—”
Morgan coughed.
“Yeah, okay. I’ve got nothing to save that.”
“This isn’t helping,” Morgan said, and I was surprised to see that it was directed at Randall instead of myself. “There has to be another way to go about this.”
Randall snorted as he turned around, backlit by the sun pouring in through the window. “Can you think of any way that won’t bring about his ire? Because if you can, please, go ahead. But I think you know as well as I do that no matter what we say, it will be met with resistance. That’s just in his nature.” He glanced briefly at me. “Unfortunately.”
“That doesn’t mean we can’t be… delicate.”
“You think Sam would appreciate a soft-handed approach? He usually prefers the hammer.”
“I’m going to pretend that you’ve complimented me,” I decided. “So thank you.”
Randall spread his hands as if to say I’d proved his point. Which, to be fair, I probably had. I hated it when I did that for Randall.
Morgan gave us the long-suffering look he did so well. “Sam.”
“Yes, Morgan?”
“You will be traveling with Randall to Castle Freesias. Kevin, Gary, Tiggy, Ryan, and Prince Justin will follow on the roads.”
“So I did hear you right. That’s… unfortunate. Well. No matter. Thank you, but no thank you. I politely decline. Now, if there’s anything else—”
Randall laughed a little at that, and if I weren’t feeling so cornered, I might have been surprised I’d been able to make him do that. “It’s funny how you think it was a suggestion.”
I stared at him. “It’s funny how you think it wasn’t.”
He wasn’t laughing anymore after that. In fact, he looked a little pissed off. And that, regardless of how intimidating it could be, was something I was used to. I’d had that directed toward me more times than I could count. I could deal with that. “It’s not a suggestion. You will accompany me back to Castle Freesias. It’s time I took a more direct approach to your training.”
“And by accompanying you, you mean that sucky teleport thing you can do.”
“Yes.”
“I threw up on you the last time, if you’ll recall.”
“Oh, I recall.”
“I’ll probably do it again.”
“Undoubtedly.”
“Then let’s not, shall we?”
“My shoes can be cleaned.”
“Maybe I’ll aim higher next time.”
“Sam,” Morgan chided.
“What?” I said, crossing my arms over my chest.
“This is for your own good,” Randall said.
“Really. That’s how you’re going to spin this? Why now? In the middle of this shitstorm, now is when you decide to be more hands-on?”
The skin under Randall’s right eye twitched, and I thought maybe I was wearing him down, at least a little bit. “Because of the level of magic you’ve exhibited.”
And that—well. I wasn’t expecting that. “Excuse me?”
“What happened in the desert?”
I frowned at him. “I got Zero on our side. Or rather, we got him on our side. Tiggy did some smashing. You know how it goes.”
“Before that.”
I didn’t know— “The sand mermaids.”
He nodded. “The sand mermaids. What you did, Sam, is not something you should have been able to do. It’s not something anyone should have been able to do.”
“How did you—no. You know what? I don’t even want to know.” Because it meant someone in my group had a fat mouth. Sure, it could be disguised as concern, but still.
“We’re… worried,” Morgan said. “It’s one thing to be powerful. It’s another to let your emotions dictate your magic.”
“That’s not fair.” I took a step back away from them. It felt like they were coming at me from all sides, and I couldn’t help the resentment that flooded through me. “They had Tiggy and Ryan. I wasn’t going to let them—”
“Do you even remember it?” Randall asked me. “Do you even remember what you did?”
No. I didn’t. “Mostly.”
“What words did you use?”
“What?”
“The words, Sam,” Randall said. “What words of the ancient tongue did you say aloud? And if they were not spoken, what words did you think?”
“I didn’t—”
“You didn’t?”
“I didn’t have time to think of words,” I amended, aware of how neatly I was being trapped.
“Magic is a construct,” Randall said, as if I’d never had that drilled into me before. “It’s building blocks. It’s an amalgamation of what you’ve learned, what we’ve taught you. The old words are there as the pieces to be put together by one fluent in the arts. It takes years to be able to use them aloud and even longer to be able to just think them. Wizards spend their whole lives training to do something you’ve accomplished in a decade.”
“You’ve said it before. That I’m not like anyone else.”
“You’re not,” Morgan said slowly. “And we’ve always believed that. You’ve proven that time and time again, in a good way. But there is a ceiling to magic, Sam. And while we’ve never known just how high your ceiling is, we’re worried that you may try and reach it before you’re ready. Or maybe you’ll find out you don’t have a ceiling at all.”
“I have it under control,” I said, even though I wasn’t sure that was the truth. The idea of not having a barrier, of having an unlimited reach of magic, scared the shit out of me. But I didn’t have time to worry about that now.
“Do you?” Randall asked. “Because from what I understand, you were unconscious following the storm you unleashed. And then again with… with Myrin.”
It was one of the few times I’d ever heard him say Myrin’s name, and that alone should have clued me in on the gravity of the situation. The problem was that I felt like a cornered animal, like they were pushing me back and towering over me. And when an animal is cornered, it does the only thing it can: it lashes out.
“I did what I had to,” I said. “Which is something neither of you would ever understand.”
And as soon as I said it, I wished I could take it back, given the way Morgan flinched, eyes tightening, mouth turning down.
Randall was as stoic as always. He gave nothing away. “You’re too emotional.”
“Because I’m human,” I snapped at him. “I can’t just shut it off. And even if I could, I wouldn’t want to. How else am I supposed to be? Your mistakes aren’t mine, Randall. I’m sorry. I really am. I know it sucks. Everything. The dragons, the prophecy… Myrin. But I’m not you. And no offense, but I don’t ever want to be you. You both have told me time and time again that I need to forge my own path, and yet you seem to want to direct me whatever way you want me to go. Maybe it’s not intentional. Maybe you think you’re doing what you’re doing because you know more than me. But it still feels like manipulation.”
“Do you know who else lets their emotions rule them?” Randall asked. “The Darks, Sam.”
And that—fuck him. “Go to hell,” I said hoarsely.
“Randall—” Morgan started but subsided when Randall shook hi
s head.
“Sam,” he said. “Everything I’ve done, everything I will do, is an attempt at your best interest. I believe in Morgan and in his strength as your mentor. I believe in the bond you’ve created with your cornerstone. I believe in the power that you wield. You are wild and unrestrained but inherently good. But you are also foolhardy, stubborn, and one day, if you continue on the path you’re on, I believe you’ll unleash magic that you will not be able to come back from. I don’t see you as a Dark, Sam. But I think that with everything that has happened to you in such a short amount of time, you are in danger—now more than ever—of losing your way. I am not trying to dictate your life. I am trying to protect it.”
I laughed bitterly. “You have a funny way of showing it.”
“Be that as it may, the weight of the world has come to rest on your shoulders. And I fear that it’s heavier than you realized. Maybe than even I realized.” He reached a hand up and stroked it down his beard. “You are young yet. The fact that you have the level of magic you do is remarkable. The bond you have with your cornerstone is extraordinary. The fact that you have done everything you’ve done is nothing short of miraculous. But even the strongest of us will crumble under the weight, Sam.”
“Stone crumbles,” I whispered.
“What was that?” Morgan asked.
I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter. So you don’t think I can hack it. That’s cool. Any other secrets I don’t know?”
“I suppose we could ask the same about you,” Randall said. “Anything you’d like to tell us?”
And I knew what he was doing. Trying to catch me off guard, trying to trip me up so I’d tell him—
(I have awoken, O human child. In this forest deep, in the dark of the wild. And I have seen what is in your heart. Take heed of my warning: you are not ready.)
(Ryan, resting upon a stone slab, skin pale and eyes closed, sword clasped against his chest.)
(Make me mortal. When all is said and done. I will protect my King, this one and the next. I will protect my kingdom. I will do all that you ask, but I want a mortal life for my happy ending. This is my wish.)