by Jackie D
Kaelyn hadn’t really considered that either. Had this been seventy years ago, she would’ve. People fingering her belongings, searching for meanings, learning intimate details. But now, in this moment, it didn’t bother her in the least, though it was strange to feel like an archeology project. “That’s okay. I understand.” She unclasped the sides of the metal container and opened the top.
She fell into a tunnel that led to her past. There were pictures of her with friends, graduations, her parents, even her dog. Dozens of memories that had been sealed away, waiting for her to awaken and briefly transport her back to a time she could never see again and people she couldn’t touch. Before she’d agreed to participate in the Phoenix Project, she’d considered the loss of all these integral parts of her life. At the time, they seemed to be a part of the abstract, something that would happen but not something she could touch or feel. Now, here, with the proof in her hands, the reality of it all stuck in her throat, causing tears to well.
She pulled out her old laptop and wiped away the film of age and wear covering the old case. She traced the Duke sticker that still clung to the top. The colors were fading and the edges were peeling up, a representation of a life that she’d never recapture. She pulled open the screen and pushed the power button. Unsurprisingly, the screen did nothing, not even a flicker. “I don’t suppose you have a plug in here?”
Arrow’s brows came together. “A plug?”
Kaelyn picked up the charger and held it in front of her. “You know, a power source. So I can turn my computer on.”
Arrow smiled and was obviously trying to suppress a laugh. “I know what a plug is. Remember, we’ve had years to look at this stuff. We even came up with an adapter for you.” Now she was laughing. “You should have seen the look on your face.”
She walked over to her desk and pulled a small box out of the drawer. She handed it to her. “Here, this will work.”
“Has anyone ever told you that you’re hilarious?”
“All the time.” She beamed.
“Yeah, well, they were lying.”
“Honestly though, I’m not sure if it will work. We never opened your computer. There were explicit instructions from your father that this was the one thing that was to remain private.” She sat in the chair, leaning forward on her knees.
Kaelyn allowed herself a moment to watch the muscles in her forearms twitch with the movements. It might have been a moment too long, since when she looked back up at Arrow’s face, there was a small smile.
She pulled her focus away and plugged the adapter into the AC jack unit. “What powers the unit?” The computer gave a low humming sound, indicating that it was turning on. She felt a flare of hope.
Arrow was taking off her shoes. “That source should last days, but if it runs out, it just needs to be in the sun for about an hour or so to recharge.”
Kaelyn waited as the familiar sounds came from the speakers. “Solar power has come a long way.”
“It would’ve happened in your lifetime too, if it hadn’t been for big oil.” She pulled her black shirt from her pants and started walking toward the bathroom.
Kaelyn forced herself not to think about Arrow taking the rest of her clothes off. She thought of baseball. Do they still play baseball? She started listing the presidents in her head and realized she didn’t know exactly who came after her father. The distraction worked because she didn’t realize Arrow had said anything until her voice grew louder.
“I’m going to take a shower.”
“Okay.”
“Okay.” Arrow leaned in the doorway, looking at her speculatively. “Everything okay?”
“Mmm-hmm.” She nodded.
Arrow disappeared into the bathroom and Kaelyn heard the shower. Jesus Christ, get it together. She looked down at her computer screen. A picture of a dog with a blinking cursor asked for her password. She closed her eyes trying to remember her password. Should have written this down somewhere. She closed her eyes and tried to transport herself back in time, wanting to remember the last time her fingers had touched the keys. She tried her dog’s name first, Leo. The computer bounced back a message saying it was wrong. She tried her best friend’s name, still wrong. She slid her hand over one of the books in the container, typed in “Suffragette” and waited. Her desktop came into focus a few moments later. Photos, books, music, letters to herself, were all listed on the desktop. Her entire digital life was back in front of her. The instant jolt of familiarity and comfort ran through her and it felt like reconnecting with an old friend. She rummaged through the box for her headphones and quickly hooked them up.
Music. In relative terms, it wasn’t all that long ago she had listened to music; the suspended state saw to that. But as she listened to the voices come through her headphones, it felt like it had been forever. Next, she opened her favorite book of poems written by Margaret Atwood, The Circle Game. She clicked through the pages, skimming each of the works.
She was almost through the book when the foot of the bed shifted. She lowered the screen of the computer and saw Arrow on the edge. She was now in black sweatpants and a black tank top, and her dark short hair was wet. She was beautiful. It could’ve been the music, possibly the poems, or the way the light captured half her face, but she couldn’t keep from touching her. She put her fingertips to the tattoo on Arrow’s arm. Arrow didn’t move. Kaelyn felt her eyes on her, watching her face as Kaelyn ran her fingertips over the eagle holding an olive branch in one talon and arrows in the other, the seal of the president. The Latin words along the bottom weren’t anything she recognized, Tutor Fidem. She looked at Arrow.
“It means guardian of the promise. It’s the emblem for the Guardian class.” Her voice was quiet, almost a whisper.
She leaned closer, wanting to see it better and drawn to Arrow’s momentary vulnerability. “That’s a lot to take on, a promise for everyone. Even those you don’t know.”
“They need it the most.”
Her face had gotten closer to hers now. She could feel her breath on her cheek, and it was intoxicating. She watched as her jaw tightened and loosened, signaling that she was feeling something as well. Kaelyn brought her mouth closer to Arrow’s chin. She could smell her skin; it was clean from the shower, hints of lavender and vanilla. There were still droplets of water sliding down her neck and onto her chest. “You can’t protect everyone.”
Arrow turned her face, bringing her lips even closer to Kaelyn’s. She was sure she was going to kiss her. She could feel the moment in the air. She could sense Arrow’s hesitation, but her resolve was slipping. The heat from her skin prickled against Kaelyn’s cheek.
“Captain Markinson is here, Major.” CAM’s voice seemed to grab Arrow by the back of the shirt and pull her straight up off the bed. Arrow was standing, face flushed, and looking around the room as if she could find a place to hide the moment that had just passed between them.
* * *
Arrow had a brief moment of not knowing whether to thank or hit Valor for coming into her compartment. She moved away from Kaelyn automatically, feeling as if she’d just been caught doing something illicit. Valor, for his part, didn’t seem to notice he had interrupted anything.
He took his hat off and ran his hand over his bare head. “I just wanted to make sure you two were ready.”
Kaelyn leaned back against the wall. Her face was still flushed, and she seemed perturbed. “Don’t you guys have phones?”
Arrow smiled, keeping her gaze on her feet.
Valor cocked his head, looking confused. “I’m sorry. Were you two ready for bed?”
Arrow decided to change the subject and waved her hand in front of the back section of the wall so a screen appeared. She typed a few words into the translucent keyboard, and all the itineraries for the next day appeared. She pointed to the two that were of importance. “Everything is covered. We’re heading out and so is another transport just in case the soldiers request to see any records.”
Valor sho
ok his head. “That won’t hold up for more than a couple of days, a week at the most. It will only take them a few calls to figure out something is happening. I’m sure they sent more soldiers to the other colonies.”
Arrow waved her hand in front of the screen and it disappeared. “I know. But it will buy us some time. I’m actually banking on them figuring out what’s happening. We just need a head start.”
Valor scratched his chin. “You want them to sound the alarm. That way, everyone will know the Phoenix Project is really happening.”
Arrow smiled. “Exactly. It’s time to make some noise. It wasn’t part of the original plan, but they’re forcing our hands now. If we can start to stir up the people of Eden a little early, that might be in our favor.”
“You two would’ve made great spies in my time,” Kaelyn said.
“Thanks,” they said in unison, and then smiled at each other.
Valor grabbed Arrow by the arms and stared at her for a long moment. “We’ve got this.”
She returned the motion. “Without a doubt.”
Valor gave Kaelyn a quick smile before he walked out of the room and the door slid shut behind him. Arrow looked over at Kaelyn, who was smiling at her. “What?”
Kaelyn pulled her knees up to her chest and leaned forward, resting her chin on her knees. “Do you really think everything is going to work out?”
Arrow sat on the bed next to her. “Yeah, I do. It has to. There’s no other outcome that’s acceptable for these people.”
“What will happen if it doesn’t? I know what will happen to us, but what will happen to them?”
Arrow looked at Kaelyn’s eyes. They were sincere and concerned. Her heart hitched at the vulnerability that was shining in the flecks of green. “If we fail, they’ll become indentured servants, and getting out from under enforced servitude…I don’t need to tell you how hard that would be. The colonies will be burned to the ground and millions will die.”
Kaelyn took a deep breath. “You don’t sugarcoat anything, do you?”
“There’s no point. You’re Phoenix One, and the truth is what I’m sworn to give you.”
“No matter what?” She had her cheek resting on her knee now.
Arrow wasn’t sure where this was going, but she was compelled to find out. “No matter what.”
“Before Valor came in, did something happen between us?”
The easy answer was denial. But her forwardness caught Arrow off guard. She’d only had two romantic encounters with women, and neither happened with straightforward questions. Both had ended the way they had started, without much fanfare or emotion. But neither of those women had looked at Arrow the way Kaelyn was now.
“Yes, it did.” The truth jumped from her somewhere inside her.
Kaelyn smiled and moved her hand like she was going to touch Arrow’s face.
“But that doesn’t mean anything can happen,” Arrow said.
Kaelyn put her hand back down. She looked disappointed and hurt. “Because I’m the Phoenix?”
“That, and we can never be together. It’d be nothing but a distraction for us both. You’re going to be president, and I’m, well, I’m just a Guardian.”
“Your mother is the president and your father is a Guardian.”
Arrow grabbed the sides of the top bunk and pushed herself up onto it. “Yes, but my mother was just holding your place, as the Project outline states. Our people have read about your family their whole lives. Your name is easy to rally behind. Relative to the Kennedys of your time. This is your destiny and mine is to get you there. Once I’ve done that, I’ll come back here and I’ll be assigned a new mission, I assume, from Phoenix Two, although that hasn’t really been discussed yet.”
Kaelyn walked toward the bathroom. “Don’t you think I deserve a say in my own destiny?”
Arrow wanted to tell her that she should have a say-so, but that wasn’t true. “Choice isn’t an option in this world. We do what we must. You’re too important.”
“And you’re too scared.” Kaelyn went into the bathroom.
Arrow wanted to disagree. She’d been called several things in her life, but scared was never one of them. She heard the shower turn on and decided that it was probably better if she let the conversation end there. She’d only make things worse, and she wasn’t wrong. Kaelyn was meant for greater things than her. She would see that the more time they spent together and the more she found out about the world she was now living in. Arrow would just be a blip on her radar, the way it should be. Even thinking it made her uneasy. She barely knew Kaelyn; she shouldn’t be having any of these feelings. But even as she thought it, she knew it wasn’t true. She’d spent her whole life reading about and studying Kaelyn Trapp. The fact that she also happened to be charming and funny was icing on the cake she didn’t need. For the first time in her life, she closed her eyes and wished she could be someone else.
Chapter Twelve
Arrow watched as the minutes ticked off the clock on her wall. She had fallen in and out of sleep all night. Each time she woke, she was keenly aware of Kaelyn only a few feet away. Her breathing was slow, methodic, and comforting in a way Arrow hadn’t expected. Now, with only a few minutes from needing to wake, her heart started to beat faster.
She got up and carefully put away her blanket and pillow, doing her best not to make a sound. Her eyes had adjusted to the lack of light hours ago, and she was able to make do with the glow from the lighted numbers of the clock on her wall. She pulled her uniform on quietly and was lacing up her boots when she heard Kaelyn begin to stir.
“How do you turn on the lights?” Kaelyn’s voice was gravelly with sleep.
A moment later, the lights turned on in the compartment. “Good morning, Kaelyn,” CAM said.
Kaelyn sat up and rubbed her face. “I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to that.”
Arrow pulled on her hat and looked at herself in the mirror. “It’s a rather handy mechanism, actually.”
Kaelyn’s feet hit the floor and she stretched. Her shirt came up just enough to show her stomach, and Arrow forced herself to look away.
“What time did you get up?”
She put her pack on the bed and checked it one last time for any provisions she might need if they were forced to leave the transport. “Just a few minutes ago. We have ten minutes to get down there. I put several uniforms together for you. They’re in the pack over there. You’ll need to look like one of us until we can get to Eden.”
Kaelyn stood next to her and put a hand on her arm.
Arrow felt that tingling sensation she was beginning to associate with Kaelyn wash over her body.
“I’m sorry about last night. You’re right about what you said. We both have enormous tasks in front of us, and a distraction, even a good one, isn’t what we need.”
Arrow felt her body tense at the statement. As true as it was, it still made her sad. But Phoenix was bigger than the two of them, and it deserved their undivided attention. She figured with time, the burning desire she felt in her stomach would dissipate. She wanted to say something meaningful, thoughtful, a way to express her feelings without the promise of a tomorrow. But all she was able to do was nod her agreement.
Kaelyn went into the bathroom and Arrow busied herself with straightening up her room. She wasn’t sure when she would be back, but she needed to know that things would be in order upon her return. Her return without Kaelyn.
After a few minutes, Kaelyn emerged from the bathroom and put a few of the items from her storage box into her pack. “Will you send me the rest later?”
“Of course.” Arrow already knew she’d use any reason to see Kaelyn after they had parted ways. She’d bring the items in person if she could.
Kaelyn pulled the pack onto her back, and Arrow took a minute to look her over. She could pass for a Guardian now. Her uniform made her indistinguishable from her colleagues, and no one would think twice about her being in the transport with the rest of them, which was th
e important part. No one outside of the Resistance would know what the tattoo on her wrist meant, and if asked, they’d deal with it then.
“You ready?” Arrow intended it to be more of a statement rather than a question.
“As I’ll ever be,” Kaelyn said.
Kaelyn’s body language betrayed her words. She looked nervous as she shifted her weight back and forth and played with the straps on her pack. Arrow wanted to ease the uncertainty that seemed to be coursing through her. She put her hands on her shoulders. Kaelyn’s cheeks flushed pink, and she took a deep breath.
“I’m going to get you there, I promise.” Arrow rubbed the sides of Kaelyn’s arms.
“Have you ever felt completely out of place? Like you’re living someone else’s life?”
Arrow’s stomach turned. Kaelyn had been thrust into this world, she hadn’t had enough time to adjust, and now she was feeling the weight of it all, crushing down on her. “I can’t imagine how difficult this must be for you. You’re in a new place, new people, there isn’t anything you recognize, and now you have to take on a seemingly insurmountable task.”
“This might be the nerves talking, but I feel like I recognize you. I know that sounds bananas, but I just can’t shake the feeling. I feel better with you around.” She looked straight into her eyes.
Arrow swallowed and fought the growing urge to be as physically close to her as possible. She had to tamp it down before it spiraled out of control. She allowed herself to pull Kaelyn close to her. She hugged her for a few moments, allowing her body the warm sensation Kaelyn provided with her mere proximity. “I know. It doesn’t make any sense. I’ve talked to you for as long as I can remember. I’d sit beside your tube for hours, trying to keep you up to date on everything that was happening. I knew you couldn’t hear me, but it made me feel better.”
Kaelyn’s grip around her back tightened. She could feel her breathing into her shirt, and the soft, slow movement was making Arrow’s head spin. She forced herself to pull away from Kaelyn’s embrace.