Cayman eyed me and then nodded. “Meet me in the lobby in the morning. Make the most of today. Anything is possible tomorrow.”
thirteen
THAT EVENING, I stood in the bathroom of Roth’s loft and stared at my reflection. My face was flushed, eyes way too big, as usual, and nothing really looked that different about me. But I felt different. Older somehow, and I wasn’t sure what had sparked that.
Outside of the bathroom, I could hear Roth moving around and the soft hum of the TV was comforting. I glanced at the door, and my heart turned into a sledgehammer. It wasn’t until the moment Cayman told me that Grim was back in Hell that it really slammed into me that I was going to go traipsing into Hell to talk to the Grim Reaper. Cayman didn’t need to warn me that it would be dangerous. I knew it would be. Anything could go wrong, and tonight could be my last night with Roth.
I wanted—no, needed—to be close to him tonight.
If something went wrong tomorrow, I wanted to experience as much as I could before then. I wanted to experience Roth. It wasn’t a decision I took lightly. I’d been obsessing over it all day while we roamed the streets, coming up empty-handed. What I wanted from tonight was a big deal. While Roth and I had done things, we hadn’t done that one thing, and I assumed the nervousness I felt was normal. Roth had way more experience than me when it came to this, but as my gaze shifted back to the mirror, I knew I was ready. I just hoped I... I didn’t embarrass myself. That he didn’t think I was naive or had no idea what I was doing, because I seriously had no idea what I was doing in this arena.
My gaze dipped to the straps on my camisole and my skin heated in a flash. When I entered the bathroom, I’d been fully clothed. Of course. But now my jeans and the sweater I wore were folded on the rim of the bathtub, and shoved in between them was my bra. The material of the cami was thin, so much so that I didn’t need to look down to know exactly what could and could not be seen. And I didn’t need the tiny chill bumps racing up and down my legs to remind me that while my undies weren’t exactly skimpy, they sure as heck didn’t cover all that much. I’d never roamed undressed like this, and I had no idea what my butt looked like in these undies and I really didn’t want to know.
I wiggled my toes on the cool tile floor.
“I can do this,” I whispered at my reflection. “I am a badass hybrid...not a donkey...creature. With feathered wings. That are pretty and weird. I can do this.”
My pep talk wasn’t helping.
I just needed to open the door and walk my confident booty out into the bedroom, grab Roth by the shoulders, toss him onto the bed total She-Ra style, and get down to business.
I frowned.
Well, none of that sounded exactly romantic, and really, I just needed to walk out of this room without looking like a total idiot. Forget everything else. Tugging my hair over my shoulders, I took a deep breath, threw up a little in my mouth, and then turned to the door, yanking it nearly off its hinges as I hauled it open.
I took two steps and then stopped.
Roth was standing in front of the bed, staring at the TV with his arm extended, remote in his hand. He glanced in my direction and froze.
My heart was lodged in my throat, and I couldn’t get a single word out as he turned to me, the remote slipping out of his fingers, falling to the floor. It cracked like thunder, but neither of us reacted to the sound.
His gaze started at the top of my head and glided all the way down to the tips of my curled toes, and then slowly made the trek back up to my eyes. The intensity in his gaze created a flutter low in my belly. When he spoke, his voice was rough, sending a series of chills up and down my spine. “I don’t know what made you change your sleeping attire, but I just want to let you know that I am a hundred and fifty-five percent behind it.”
All I could think was that he liked what he saw and that was a good sign.
“Actually, if you want to dress like that whenever we’re alone—to eat dinner, watch the TV, read a book or whatever, I also support that.”
Another great sign.
His heated gaze dipped once more and he made this sound in the back of his throat, eliciting another round of shivers. “Damn, Layla, I...”
He seemed to run out of words, and that made me feel a little better standing there, my hands trembling. He was obviously affected, and that affected me, causing weight to settle in certain areas of my body.
My legs carried me toward him and they felt strangely weak. The closer I got to him, the more tension poured off him. He stiffened, his pupils dilating slightly, and I could barely get air into my lungs as I placed my hands on his chest. The heat of his skin burned through his shirt, and I felt his chest rise with a deep breath. I stretched up, pressing the length of my body against his.
I didn’t have to ask.
Roth met me halfway, lowering his mouth to mine, and although I was the one to initiate the kiss, he was the one who startled me with the passion behind it. I’d set out to seduce him, which was laughable if I really thought about it, but I wasn’t really thinking. The moment his lips touched mine, I was consumed with how he tasted and felt, how my heart was jackhammering when he circled an arm around my waist and lifted me up so that my feet were atop his bare ones. His other hand closed around the nape of my neck, and we were kissing, really kissing, and I could feel the bolt in his tongue. There wasn’t an inch of space between our bodies. I folded my arms around his neck, my fingers sliding through the soft locks of hair.
He suddenly lifted his mouth from mine. Each breath he took as he stared down at me was ragged, and I felt it in every part of me. “I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but we...we need to slow it down.”
My lips felt swollen and my skin was buzzing, but my heart was about to come out of my chest. “I... I don’t want to slow down.”
His eyes flared a bright, tawny color as his arm tightened around me. “Layla—”
“I don’t want to stop.” My skin felt way too tight as I rushed on. “I don’t want to slow down. I want to go fast.” The moment those words were out of my mouth, I wanted to smack myself. “I mean, I want—”
“I get what you’re saying,” he said thickly. “Damn, do I ever.”
Swallowing hard, I started for his mouth again, but the hand at the back of my neck stilled me. Confused, I felt the tendrils of embarrassment start to build. “I don’t...understand. You don’t want this?”
“Is that a serious question?”
“Yeah.”
With his arm, he lifted me up just a few more inches, until our bodies were pieced together in all the ways that counted. “What do you think the answer to that question is?”
Heat burst through my veins, not out of embarrassment, but because I could feel every part of him. “I... I think you do.”
“There’s nothing else I want more than that in this moment. Layla, I want you. I want you so badly that every time I’m alone with you—Hell, whenever I’m in the near vicinity of you—it takes every ounce of restraint I have not to have you. Make no mistake, the very thought of being with you undoes me,” he said, his voice gruff, and I shivered at the intensity behind his words. “But I only want to go there if you’re ready. There’s no middle ground. There’re no maybes, and I’ll wait for however long that takes.”
Absolute wonder filled me—floored me. It was such an un-demon-like response, yet again, and actually so unlike most guys of any species.
Deep down, I knew a tiny part of me hadn’t been entirely ready up until this very moment, that I was doing this because of the potential of never seeing him again after tomorrow. I was rushing toward it, because I was afraid we wouldn’t get the chance again, and that was really the wrong reason to want to take our relationship to the next level. But this—what he’d just said to me—erased all my doubts. Not the inherent nervousness that came with such a major thing, but it vanquished any lingering concerns I had.
I was ready.
I was ready because he was willing to
slow it down. He was willing to wait. He was willing to let me set the pace.
My hand didn’t tremble as I placed it against his cheek, and my gaze was steady when I met his. “I’m ready, Roth.”
His eyes slammed shut. “Layla.” He said my name harshly. “I’m not a saint. You know this. I want to—”
“I don’t want you to be a saint. I want you to be you,” I told him, moving my thumb along his lower lip. “I love you and I want this.”
He didn’t seem to breathe as the seconds stretched out between us. “Are you sure?”
“Yes.” Then I nodded for extra emphasis, just in case he was confused.
A long moment passed before Roth showed any reaction to what I said, and then he smiled. Not the big, breathtaking one, but a smaller, more intimate one that wrapped around my heart. And then he kissed me.
The initial touch of our mouths was different from the earlier kiss. It was feather soft, heartbreakingly tender—a kiss of reverence. I didn’t even know you could be kissed like that. But the contact...it evolved with the second pass of his lips, and mine parted, welcoming him, and that kiss was far more than something physical.
In that kiss, I could feel our love for one another, our acceptance of each other. It was like taking all our hopes and dreams and rolling them up into one kiss, and it packed so much powerful emotion, that it was a punch to the very core of both of us. It was just a kiss and it was nearly too much and it still wasn’t enough, and it was just beautiful.
Roth lifted his head again, but this time it wasn’t to stop us. Our gazes locked, and a wealth of emotion showed in his tawny eyes as he stared down at me. “You make me...” He swallowed again. “You make me wish I had a soul so that I could be worthy of you.”
I drew in a sharp breath. “You are worthy of me.”
Roth held my gaze and then his lips were on mine again. We were moving and when the back of my legs hit the bed, he guided me until I was lying down the middle of it. My hands fluttered to the comforter as I watched him standing above me.
His smile was soft as he reached down and tugged his shirt off, tossing it somewhere behind me, and my stomach hollowed as his lean muscles moved with fluid grace. The kittens were off him, most likely hidden somewhere in the room. Bambi’s tail was visible along the stretch of taut skin and the dragon was where he always was.
He went to the nightstand and grabbed a small package, tossing it on the bed. “I don’t know if we can produce a child—if I can or you can. So I think we just need to be careful.”
My face was on fire. “Good call.”
Inclining his head to the side, he grinned. “Yeah. Maybe one day, we’ll test that out.”
I think my heart might’ve stopped, because making a baby wasn’t something I’d even briefly considered. Growing up, I’d assumed that it was never in the cards because of what I was and wasn’t. I’d been taught that I didn’t have the attributes for childbearing, and whether that meant it was genetically impossible for me or just not the Wardens’ preference, I didn’t know. But the idea of doing so one day in the future was strange, elating and scary.
Moving toward the bed, he placed his knees on either side of my legs as he crawled above me. Air constricted in my lungs as he caged me in. Our eyes met, and I swore Roth stopped breathing for a moment. Then he slowly lowered himself down, and the weight of him was shattering.
He stared down at me, the tips of his fingers trailing over the curve of my cheek. “I want this to be perfect for you.”
My heart swelled. “It will be, because it’s with you.”
One side of his lips kicked up. “I feel like I’ve—” A choked laugh cut him off. “Like I’ve never done this before.”
“Well, that makes two of us.” I smiled. “So this could be really good or—”
“It’s going to be more than really good,” he said, dragging his thumb along my lower lip, mimicking my earlier caress. “Yeah, it’s going to be more.”
I shivered as he lowered his head, stopping just short of kissing me. “If for whatever reason, you want me to stop at any point in this, tell me. Okay? Promise me.”
“I promise,” I whispered, wrapping my arm around his neck.
Something soft and amazing flashed across his features, and then we were kissing, and we kissed for what felt like forever. Each kiss had a drugging sort of effect, loosening the rigidness in my muscles. And each kiss was like an eraser, removing everything outside this little world we were creating. I lost myself in him, and he lost himself in me. Time slowed and rushed by, and we were hot and flushed as the kisses increased, twisting against each other.
When Roth lifted his head once more, he didn’t speak or move for a long moment, and my chest squeezed as I dragged my fingers through his hair. He dipped his head, kissing my cheek. “Remember your promise.”
I remembered, but I wasn’t going to stop him and I wasn’t going to deny what both of us wanted. He seemed to realize that because as he settled over me again, not quite touching me, he closed his eyes, expression strained. Electricity snapped between us, tugging at us as a raw feeling pulsed. I turned my head, seeking his mouth, and when I found it, I poured everything I felt for him into the kiss. My hands slipped over the thick cords of his neck, traveled the muscles where they bunched in his shoulders, down his lean sides, and then around to his abs, going lower—over each taut ridge, and lower still. He drew in a sharp breath as I reached the button on his jeans.
He caught my hand, tugging it away and pressing it down into the mattress. My heart jumped as heat rolled off his body. His skin seemed too thin and there were shadows lingering just behind the layer of flesh as he drew his hand down to the hem of my camisole.
I really wasn’t thinking as I lifted my shoulders and the cami ended up somewhere with his shirt, or when I lifted my hips and the last bit of clothing was gone. I wasn’t thinking when his body bowed and he kissed the space just below my new tattoo. And there were no thoughts when, with trembling hands, he began to explore me. My heart was tripping over itself and the fire in my stomach had turned into a wave of molten lava coursing through my veins.
Then his clothes came off, and he was possibly the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen, and when his lips met mine, I was nearly overcome by the strength of the emotions flowing between us. And everything—everything he began to do was downright delicious. We were pressing against one another, straining until I was floating in heavy sensations. My skin came alive wherever we touched, and our hands were everywhere—I was lost in him as his lips blazed a fiery path down my throat and lower, much lower, like he’d done before, and like before, I flew apart with each precise, measured touch, and he pieced me back together with deep, slow kisses.
When he rose above me once more, his fingers were at my hips and he shook as he rested his forehead against mine. Our skin was damp, our bodies flushed. “I need... I need a minute,” he said in a rough, low voice.
I looked at him, really looked at him, and saw that he was close to losing control of his human form. His skin had darkened and smoothed to granite. When I saw his eyes, they were golden, but the pupils had stretched vertically.
Emboldened by the effect I had on him, I touched him, remembering the comment he’d made so long ago about being pierced in other areas, and he so had not been joking about that. He made this sound that curled my toes. His eyes closed as his chest rose deeply and when they reopened, his pupils were back to normal.
His hands were back on me and he slowed everything down, until both of us were clamoring at one another, unable to wait, and then it happened.
I wasn’t entirely sure what to expect since it wasn’t something I’d gotten details on before, not even from Stacey. There was a spark of pain that stole my breath, but Roth...he smoothed over that pain and turned it into something utterly amazing, exquisitely beautiful. It felt like being on a roller coaster, about to plummet hundreds of feet down, and when I did, Roth was there.
And I’d never expe
rienced anything like this before. It was perfect and powerful, and as Roth whispered those three words over and over, our bodies moved against each other. In this moment, Roth wasn’t the Crown Prince and I wasn’t, well, whatever I was. We were just two people in love, and that was everything.
Minutes might have passed, maybe even hours; I couldn’t be sure, but eventually our hearts slowed and we were lying tangled together in the middle of the bed, his arms around me, holding me close.
“You okay?” he asked, sounding like he hadn’t spoken in ages.
It took me a moment to get my tongue to work. “I feel...perfect.”
His lips brushed mine. “I didn’t hurt you?”
I shook my head as my eyes drifted shut. “No. You were...”
“Amazing? Divine? Mind-blowing—”
Laughing softly, I snuggled in against him. “Yes. To all of those things.”
His embrace tightened and neither of us spoke for a long moment as he smoothed his hand up and down the center of my back, lulling me into a pleasant, blissed-out haze. “Thank you,” he said.
“What are you thanking me for?” I whispered.
Roth kissed my brow. “For everything you have given me.”
fourteen
I DOZED OFF in Roth’s arms, but when I stretched out my arms some unknown time later, I found the bed was empty. Blinking open my eyes, I was met with darkness. It was still night, and as I wiggled my toes, I refused to allow thoughts of the morning to creep into my languid happiness.
Every Last Breath Page 16