It certainly wasn’t fair to whomever he married. His wife, whether it be Lady Phoebe or Lady Susan, would know that she came second, just as he would know he was only going through the motions. In his heart he would understand that whatever he did, he would be doing it because it was expected of him, rather than because it was what he wanted. There would be no love in his marriage or satisfaction in his life. Nothing close to the joy he’d experienced since falling in love with Catherine.
Nor had he any idea how he was going to face his father again. It wasn’t logical or fair that he blame Alderbury for his separation from Catherine, but Valbourg did, and he doubted those sentiments were going to change. She was leaving because she was afraid to stay in London. Circumstances were forcing her to leave behind everything she knew in order to make a better life for herself and her son. She was being incredibly brave...and he was not.
That awareness brought him up sharply. Catherine was doing what was best for herself...but he was doing what was best for his family. If he were to do what was best for him, he would be with Catherine. He would disappoint his father and alienate everyone he knew. He would certainly prove Dorothy right and most likely lose Sebastian. But at the end of the day, when his future stretched long and empty ahead of him, what really mattered? The opinions of others or his own happiness? Could he really turn his back on Catherine and watch her walk away simply because everyone else told him he was doing the right thing by letting her go?
* * *
His father was playing billiards when Valbourg called later that evening.
‘Richard, what a pleasant surprise. Have you come to play?’
‘Actually, I’ve come to talk,’ Valbourg said, watching his father chalk the tip of his cue. ‘I have something to tell you.’
‘Very well.’ Alderbury took his shot and then set his cue on the table. ‘Brandy?’
‘No, thank you.’
‘Mind if I have one?’
‘Not at all. I suspect you’ll want one before we’re through.’
‘I’m not sure I like the sound of that,’ his father said. ‘What’s this all about? Have you come to tell me you’ve proposed to Lady Phoebe?’
‘I’m afraid not, though it does concern a lady.’
‘Lady Susan Wimsley, then.’ His father grinned. ‘I thought you were more partial to her, and to tell you the truth, so am I.’
‘It’s not Lady Susan either.’
‘No? Lady Juliet Ransome? Mary said she saw the two of you riding in the park the other day.’
Taking pity on his father because he would never guess the correct name, Valbourg said, ‘The lady to whom I refer is Catherine Jones.’
‘Miss Jones?’ His father’s smile abruptly disappeared. ‘I thought we’d already said all that needed to be said about her.’
‘In your mind, perhaps, but after what I learned yesterday, I realise there is a great deal more to say.’
‘Oh? And what exactly did you find out?’
‘That she has made up her mind to leave London, possibly as soon as next week.’
‘Well, that is her business, of course,’ his father said, looking visibly relieved. ‘Though I suspect her audiences will be disappointed. They’ll just have to wait until next Season to see her again.’
‘She isn’t coming back,’ Valbourg said. ‘She told me she is afraid Reverend Hailey will try to take Thomas away from her and that she fears for her own safety from the men who continue to pursue her.’
‘Then she should let one of them set her up as his mistress,’ Alderbury said. ‘Gain the protection of his name and have done with it. There must be someone who doesn’t care that she has a child.’
Valbourg shook his head. ‘She refuses to become any man’s mistress. And even if she did, who can say it would prevent other men from trying to seduce her? A gentleman’s code of honour is hazy where mistresses are concerned.’
‘Yes, I suppose it is, but what have her plans to do with you, Richard? Why are we even having this conversation?’
‘Because I would like to ask her to marry me,’ Valbourg said quietly. ‘And I would like your blessing.’
‘My blessing?’ Alderbury snapped. ‘Are you mad? The woman is an actress. With a child. Have you any idea of the shame you would bring upon the family by doing this?’
‘I know what the family will think of my decision, but gentlemen loftier than myself have run off with actresses or married their mistresses,’ Valbourg said. ‘The Duke of Bolton married Miss Fenton twenty-three years after she became his mistress. If I married an actress, it would no doubt create a scandal for a time, but like everything else, it will pass. But I can assure you, my feelings for Catherine will not.’
‘Rubbish! You haven’t given this any thought!’
‘I have given it nothing but thought, and nothing you can do will cause me as much grief as the thought of living the rest of my life without her.’
‘I won’t hear of it! I forbid you to do this!’
‘I thought you liked Catherine.’
‘Whether I like her or not has nothing to do with it. She is not worthy of being your wife! Marry Lady Phoebe or Lady Susan,’ Alderbury said. ‘They at least have had the benefit of an upbringing similar to your own.’
‘There is nothing wrong with Catherine’s upbringing,’ Valbourg said, lowering his voice even as his father’s rose. ‘Her mother was a governess, her father a tutor. She is educated, refined and capable of moving at any level of society. You shun her because she is an actress.’
‘Yes, and so should you. Marry the girl? Certainly not. Do you care nothing for your reputation? Your responsibilities to this family? And what about Sebastian? Have you spared a thought for him? Because I promise you, you will lose custody of him if you marry that woman,’ Alderbury said. ‘No grandson of mine will ever be raised by a whore!’
As far as Valbourg was concerned, the conversation ended there. His father wasn’t going to change his mind, and Valbourg knew that if he continued to see Catherine, there would be no going back. His bridges would be well and truly burned. But for the first time in his life, he didn’t care.
‘If you ever say anything like that to me again, I will walk out that door and never come back,’ Valbourg said in a low voice. ‘Catherine deserves neither your contempt nor your condemnation. She is an intelligent, talented and incredibly giving woman. Yes, she made a mistake, but she has paid for it a thousand times over. And after having met and spent time with Thomas, I can no longer view it as a mistake. As for Sebastian, I regret more deeply than I can say that I will no longer be his guardian, but under the circumstances, I can see why it would be wrong of me to continue in that role. So, if you proceed with this, I will speak to Mary and Lord Tyne and ask if they would be willing to take him once they are married. Then I shall apply to the Court of Chancery to have his guardianship changed.’
‘But there is no need for any of this, Richard!’ Alderbury said, clearly frustrated. ‘Think with your head for a moment. Consider all you would be giving up. Wealth, position, the respect of your peers. Is all that worth throwing away on a whim? Take her as your mistress if you must, but do not marry her. You will live to regret it.’
‘What I will live to regret,’ Valbourg said quietly, ‘is that my feelings for her have driven a wedge between you and me and forced this distance between us. I will never regret being with her. Cut me off without a penny and erase my name from the family Bible, but I am going to be with Catherine one way or the other.’
‘Damn it, Richard, I’ve already lost Sarah. Don’t make me lose you as well.’
‘That is your choice, Father. I know what I have to do.’
‘Fine. Then go and be with your whore,’ Alderbury said bitterly. ‘And may you both be happy.’
Realising there was nothing more to sa
y, Valbourg left the room. It was too late for apologies or second-guessing. His relationship with his father was over. It might well be the last time he ever walked through that door. All he could do now was pray that the door to Catherine’s heart was still open.
* * *
He called on her the same evening, knowing Thomas would be in bed and that they wouldn’t be disturbed. What he intended to say needed to be said without interruption.
‘I didn’t expect to see you again,’ Catherine said as she led him into the drawing room. ‘Has something happened?’
‘You could say that.’ Valbourg walked across the room to the fireplace and stood looking down into it. ‘My father and I had words this evening.’
‘“Words”?’
‘An argument.’
‘About what?’
‘What do you think?’ He looked up and knew from the expression on her face that she had guessed.
‘Oh, Richard. Why do you provoke him? You know how he feels about me.’
‘I don’t care. He needs to know how I feel about you.’
‘But you can’t have any feelings towards me. You have responsibilities. Obligations—’
‘None of which have anything to do with the way I feel about you,’ Valbourg interrupted. ‘Marry me, Catherine. Marry me and we will raise Thomas and Sebastian together.’
‘Marry you?’ She stared at him, wide-eyed with disbelief. ‘Do you hear what you’re saying? If you married me, you wouldn’t have Sebastian. We’ve talked about this before, Richard. You know there can be nothing between us.’
‘Why not? Such alliances are not unheard of. Dukes and earls have done it. I told my father as much.’
‘Dukes can do as they please and wealthy noblemen don’t have the Marquess of Alderbury as their fathers,’ Catherine pointed out. ‘Alderbury would be horrified as would the rest of your family.’
‘But if he were not?’
‘He will be.’
‘But if he were not...’
Catherine sighed. ‘This is pointless, Richard. Your father has made it very clear how he feels about me. And you haven’t answered my question.’
‘Which one?’
‘The one about losing Sebastian.’
‘I won’t lie and tell you I don’t care because I do. I love Sebastian like a son. But you are my life, Catherine,’ he said with quiet intensity. ‘I’ve tried to picture my life without you in it...and I can’t. As for marrying someone else, it’s a poor husband who marries one woman...when he is so deeply in love with another.’
* * *
He loved her. Catherine closed her eyes, not sure whether to laugh or cry. He loved her. Loved her enough to give up Sebastian. Loved her enough to go against his father and ask her to marry him. They were the words she had longed to hear. Words she had imagined in her dreams. But now that he had said them, she realised it didn’t matter. She couldn’t let him do it. He was the one who would suffer the most for their liaison. The one who would be shamed in the eyes of the world. How could she destroy who he was and all he stood for? How could love justify such selfishness?
‘I love you, Richard,’ she whispered. ‘I’ve made no secret of that. But I will not marry you. Too many people would be hurt. And you would lose everything.’
‘If I were to lose you, then, yes, I would have lost everything.’
Catherine closed her eyes, fighting for the strength to say what she must. ‘What about your father? He may not disinherit you, but he can choose to have nothing more to do with you. In his eyes, and in those of your family, you would cease to exist. You would become an outcast; unwelcome at any of their homes. You would never see your nieces and nephews. Have you thought about that?’
A muscle flexed in Valbourg’s jaw, evidence of the control he was exerting. ‘There must always be sacrifices in matters like these, but what matters most is how we feel about each other.’
‘No, it isn’t,’ she whispered. ‘What matters most is doing what is right.’ Her brows drew together and she had to force herself to say the words. ‘If we were to marry, Thomas would still be a bastard. Your marrying me won’t change that.’
‘I know. But I am happy to raise him as my son...because he is yours.’
‘And what about any children we might have together?’ she continued. ‘Your father would never recognise them. Never see them. Would you wish that upon them? Know they would never be accepted as members of your family because of our actions?’
Valbourg laughed, but it was a bitter, cynical sound. ‘What are you trying to do, Catherine? Side with my father and convince me not to marry you? Do you not care that I love you so very much?’
‘I care deeply,’ Catherine said, the pain of losing him nearly taking her breath away. ‘It would be so much easier if I did not. But I know better than you what our life would be like because I have already experienced that life. I know what it is to be looked down upon and ignored. How it feels to be treated as though you have no feelings. How can I inflict that kind of humiliation on you and our children? On myself?’
He put his hands behind his neck and glanced towards the ceiling. ‘I cannot control how society views the situation, Catherine. It would be enough that I could have my father come to terms with it. However, I will ask you this. Are there any conditions under which you would agree to marry me?’
She walked slowly across the room. ‘Yes. If your father said he had no objection to our marriage and that he would allow you to retain guardianship of Sebastian, I would marry you in a heartbeat. But without his approval, my answer must remain no. I will not be the cause of your dishonour, my darling. I love you too much to bring that kind of destruction to your life. Or to watch you fall out of love with me when you wake up one day and realise all you’ve sacrificed to be with me.’
His hands fell to his sides, the expression in his eyes bleak. ‘I will never stop loving you, Catherine. Know that as surely as you know the sun will rise tomorrow. But just as I know the sun will rise, I know my father will not change his mind and agree to our marriage.’
‘Then this discussion is over.’
‘For now. But I don’t intend to give up. Not until you tell me you don’t love me.’
‘I won’t ever say that. I can’t. But I know this is the right thing to do.’ Then, because it would be the last time they would be alone together, Catherine walked up to him, took his face between her hands and kissed him, committing to memory the warmth of his mouth, the taste of his skin and the wonder of his love. ‘Goodnight, my darling. And goodbye.’
* * *
Catherine did not write a letter to Lord Alderbury. She simply showed up on his doorstep, dressed in the most elegant of her gowns and the most fashionable of her bonnets. He might not think well of her as a person, but she refused to let him think she was unfashionable or lacking social grace.
Thankfully, the butler let her in and settled her in the drawing room, seemingly unaware that she was not his master’s most welcome guest. Alderbury arrived a few minutes later, the expression on his face far from welcoming. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘Good afternoon, Lord Alderbury.’ Catherine rose to greet him, her smile polite but cool. ‘I know you have no wish to see me, but I have a very good reason for calling.’
‘I’m sure you think you do,’ he snapped. ‘However, had I known you would have the temerity to call, I would have left instructions that you be denied entrance.’
‘Then how fortunate you did not know of my intentions, since I think you will wish to hear what I have to say.’
‘I cannot imagine there is anything you could say that would be of interest to me.’
‘Not even that I am here because your son asked me to marry him?’
She watched Alderbury’s mouth open and then abruptly close again. ‘So it�
��s done. Well, I’m sure you’re very pleased with yourself at having wrung such a proposal from my son.’ He walked to the other side of the room and kept his back to her as he said, ‘Did he tell you he asked for my blessing and that I refused to give it?’
Catherine flushed. ‘Yes.’
‘So you’ve come here to throw in my face the fact that my son disobeyed me and asked you anyway?’
‘Not at all. You were right to withhold your consent.’
‘Don’t placate me, Miss Jones. I haven’t the patience for it.’ He spun around and glared at her, his eyes dark and condemning. ‘You must know he will lose Sebastian over this.’
Catherine lifted her chin. ‘Yes, I know. That’s why I’m here. I don’t want to see that happen any more than you do.’
‘Spare me the platitudes. We both know you don’t give a damn about my son or care what happens to his nephew,’ Alderbury spat. ‘You see Valbourg as a means to an end. A way out of your current predicament and a method of bettering your life through marriage. Well, I won’t have it.’ He bent to the desk and pulled open a drawer. ‘How much do you want?’
Catherine frowned. ‘I beg your pardon?’
‘Money. That’s why you really came, isn’t it? To tell me how much it will take for you to go away quietly.’
As the meaning of his words sank in, Catherine blanched. ‘You don’t understand—’
‘Oh, I understand. You came here today boasting that my son asked you to marry him and then tell me you’re glad I didn’t give him my blessing. Do you really expect me to believe you don’t have an ulterior motive?’ He pulled out a ledger and flipped it open. ‘How much do you want?’
‘I don’t want your money,’ Catherine said, unable to keep the bitterness from her voice. ‘If you weren’t so caught up in your own pride, you would realise why I’m here and what I’ve been trying to say. Your son did me the great honour of asking me to be his wife. I was the one who turned him down.’
Alderbury looked up. ‘You refused him?’
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