by Levia Ortega
Again, I looked around, hoping to understand. But nothing. I looked straight ahead, left, right, at the ceiling and even at the floor. The invisible force that had guided my steps no longer cast a spell over me. I sighed and took a big gulp of the beer that Val had just put down in front of me.
Val was living it up that evening. She flirted with several women, laughed and danced.
Becca blathered on, which was really not that unexpected, and stayed at our table the whole time. I took the initiative, grabbed Viv’s hand and pulled her with me onto the dance floor.
Viv and I had a great time, and every so often she brought her head close to mine to yell something funny into my ear.
Sometimes she was so silly that I broke out into a real cackle. We caught Val’s attention more than once, and finally she decided to join us, her newest acquaintance in tow. The four of us danced and laughed. Once in a while, Val covertly glanced at her companion, who smiled and shyly averted her gaze to the floor.
When the DJane started to play slow music, Viv and I made ourselves scarce. It was already late, and the dancing had been exhausting, but we also didn’t want to stand in Val’s way. You couldn’t help but notice the charged attraction between her and her latest conquest.
On our way back to the corner table I secured my ride home. Despite our different personalities, we all could count on each other.
If you know without a doubt whom to call in the middle of the night, regardless of where you are, and this person only has three sentences for you: “Where are you? I’m on my way. I’ll be there in a sec!” you know you will never let go of that person. And we haven’t yet, the four of us.
We had almost reached our table when I noticed that Becca was talking to a woman I didn’t know. They were deep in conversation, talking fast and gesticulating with their hands. Their rapidly moving lips and their eyebrows raised to their hairlines, conveying “Ohs” and “Ahs,” made it clear they were traveling through the gossip universe.
I put a hand on Viv’s arm and stopped her. She glowered at me. I indicated with my head in which direction she should focus her eyes. She saw the two women and also knew right away what was going on. Her eyes widened and her chest expanded with inhaled air to an almost unfathomable size. She exhaled deeply and with a sigh, and there was no doubt in my mind that we were thinking the same.
She gave me a look that could only mean one thing: “What do we do now?”
I pointed to the bar, and we strolled toward it. It was still busy, even at this late hour, but not so badly that we needed to elbow our way to the front. We leaned against the wood and waited for our drinks. Lost in our own thoughts, we didn’t talk to each other.
Suddenly, I noticed something strange again, this time in my back. My whole body was covered with goose bumps, the tips of my fingers started to tingle, and I got really hot. It didn’t unnerve me, because it felt good, so warm.
The sensation was similar to when you turn your face toward the rising sun and close your eyes, when the sun slowly rises and tenderly touches your skin with each singly ray, covering it with pleasant, invigorating warmth.
I was turning in slow motion, my body no longer mine to control. I was under a spell again.
I let my gaze wander through the room until I caught sight of a group of three, absorbed in a lively discussion. At first, there was nothing particularly interesting about them. But then the one with her back to me moved a step to the side and provided me with a clear view of the third woman – and that sight took my breath away.
There she was. I swayed slightly, the music faded and the world stopped. Everything in the room all but disappeared, my world constricting to only what was directly in my line of vision. I had to hold on to the counter.
She was about my height, maybe a bit taller. Her straight brown hair reached down below her shoulders. She was wearing tight, black leather pants, high heels and a silvery-black, long shirt.
Those almond eyes. Dark, was all I could determine from a distance. But they were virtually glowing with delight.
How long had I been gawping at her? I had no idea. My body reacted in a way I had never before experienced. I wanted her. Not just physically. My whole being, my heart, my soul – everything yearned for her.
I felt dizzy, and little, bright lights danced in front of me. Apparently, my body had enough of it all and barked at me: “Breathe, you nutball!”
Oh, that’s what it is. I took a deep breath and instantly felt better. The bright lights disappeared, and the dizziness subsided. But the feeling inside me, when I looked at her, the warmth and familiarity, stayed the same.
If you manage to close your mouth, you may pass as acceptable, I told myself.
No sooner said than done.
I didn’t want to stare at the stranger, but I also didn’t want to lose sight of her; I was afraid she’d vanish, as soon as I managed to pull my eyes off her.
Then it happened: she caught me staring. Time stopped altogether.
I was looking at her, and she was looking at me.
The moment stretched into eternity.
I locked eyes with her. She glimpsed inside me, and I inside her. Two people became one.
Suddenly I was roughly grabbed by the shoulders and yanked around.
It was Becca. Again. And now she was holding my shoulders in a vice-like grip. I was in shock, unable to move or react.
She was already rattling along at an inhumane speed. “Oh, my god! You won’t believe what I just learned. Silvia dumped Mona. She was at a weekend retreat and came back earlier than planned, only to find Mona in bed with a younger, much younger woman. I really can’t believe it! And do you know what she did when she caught them? You’ll never believe me. She...”
I turned around, and realized my biggest fear had become reality: She was gone! What am I supposed to do now? I started to panic. I looked at my friends, my mouth wide open. Becca nodded in agreement, as if my reaction was in response to her story.
Viv looked blank. She had apparently checked out mentally and hadn’t heard anything. Sometimes I envy her skill to simply switch off, not listen at all and just nod at the right times as if she were listening intently. Only a very perceptive person would notice that she was lost in her own thoughts. If you asked her afterwards about what was said, she would only shrug her shoulders and grin impishly.
I was beyond thinking and only acted. I couldn’t lose her! So I sprinted off. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Rebecca staring after me with a stunned expression on her face.
I ran to where I had seen the mysterious stranger for the first and only time. Nothing!
What now? Shall I search for her on the dance floor? Scour the whole club? And if she had already left? I could always still look for her inside, but if she had left Sappho, I had to go after her.
I didn’t waste a second and hurried over to the coat check, but she wasn’t there. I stormed by everybody, out the door. It didn’t take long for my eyes to adjust to the darkness, but she wasn’t there either.
I filled my lungs with a deep breath of refreshing, cool evening air. I had to calm down. After another deep breath, I went back inside.
I searched for her everywhere. On the dance floor, at the bar, in every tiny corner of the club. But I couldn’t find her. I even visited the restroom and was flooded by a sudden panic. What if I would find her there? Shall I pretend to need the facilities or simply turn around and wait for her outside?
It wouldn’t be weird. No, not at all. A woman enters the restroom, looks around without calling the name of a friend she may be looking for, spots another woman, turns beet red, rushes back out the door, waits for this woman and talks to her. But then, shall I talk to her right away instead, inside the restroom? As if that would be any less weird. I’ve never before talked to a woman in the restroom, and no one had ever talked to me there either. It always had seemed rather bizarre to me.
But today I didn’t care. I had to find her. Everything else would fall in
to place. However, all my confusing deliberations were in vain, since she wasn’t in the restroom either. Disappointment took hold of me.
I made my way back to Viv and Becca like a beaten dog. Becca was still babbling about something, but I didn’t listen. She basically entered into a monologue for the rest of the evening. Occasionally Viv’s eyes met mine, and I could see how the wheels were working in her head. But she knew better than to ask me, sensing I needed to be alone with my thoughts.
At three in the morning, we got on our way home. Val had already left with her new acquaintance, but not before she had made sure somebody would drive me home.
I was silent in the car. The excitement of the evening had subsided, and I was overwhelmed with disappointment. Question after question raced through my mind. What now? How will I find her? Will I ever see her again?
“Final destination, princess. We’ve arrived.” Viv’s voice shook me out of my brooding.
I only mumbled a thank-you and good-night. Before I left Viv, I noticed the worried look she cast in my direction. But I didn’t care. I just wanted to go to bed and wallow in self-pity.
I was so lost in thought that I didn’t even turn on the light in the stairway. I could find the way up to my apartment in my sleep.
All of a sudden, as I was hauling myself up the steps, I heard a peculiar sound echoing through the hall. Something bumped against my legs and I tripped, almost losing my balance. I managed to grab the handrail a split second before I would have tumbled down the stairs.
Damn Schmidt cat! That would’ve been the crowning glory for this evening.
I made it safely inside my apartment, where I also didn’t turn on any lights. The glow from the streetlamps coming through the windows hit the furniture and threw diffuse shadows against the walls. Perfect setting for my mood.
I ambled into the bathroom and took a quick shower to wash away the sweat from dancing and get rid of the stale stench of cigarette smoke in my hair.
The evening’s events finally took their toll. After I had dried off with my big, white towel, I just let it drop to the floor and dragged my tired and exhausted body into the bedroom. I crawled under the comforter and tried to sleep. But my brain couldn’t rest.
It was always the same set of questions rushing through my mind: Will I ever see her again? When? Where? What am I going to say to her?
And then doubt took over: Had she felt it too, when we were looking at each other? Had I just imagined it? What if she wouldn't recognize me? Would she find me interesting? Could she be in a relationship? What if I just imagined the mutual attraction and she isn't interested in me at all? What if she doesn’t even like me?
With these thoughts occupying me, sleep was a mile away. More and more negative thoughts flooded my mind, crashing over me like huge waves. I had to find a way to break away. But how?
There was only one solution I could think of: I conjured up the thrilling feeling that had struck me the moment our eyes had met. The warmth flooding my body, her gazing at me. Our eyes locking and we getting lost in each other.
It helped. Soon I drifted off into a dreamless sleep.
The Morning After
The next morning I awoke from the forceful ringing of my doorbell. Still half asleep and in my birthday suit, I got up and plodded into the living room. I had almost arrived at the door when I woke up enough to notice my missing clothes.
“Just a moment,” I called out loud. I sprinted back into the bedroom and slipped into my washed-out t-shirt and sweatpants. It was only ten on a Sunday morning; whoever was disturbing my sleep was in no position to expect anything better.
For a moment, a thought stopped me in my tracks. What if it’s my mysterious stranger? Nonsense, I told myself. How would she know where you live? Pull yourself together!
I glanced down at my clothes, and hoped she really wasn’t on the other side of the door, not the way I was dressed.
I contemplated my sweatpants, but then I remembered something Viv once said. She had forgotten to do laundry and came to meet us all wearing the only clean pair of pants she had found in her closet: sweatpants. When the others laughed and teased her, she simply stated: “Anyone who doesn’t love you in sweatpants is not worthy of you all done up!” My reward for her was a big smile and a little kiss on the cheek.
The bell rang again. I raced to open the door. And who was standing there? Val.
She gawped at me in shocked surprise, which immediately put me on guard.
“Oh, my god! What happened to you?” she asked as a way of greeting.
“What? Why? What’s wrong?”
“Did you take a shower last night?”
“Yes. Why?”
“Washed your hair?”
“Yes,” I answered, frowning. What is her point?
“No conditioner and no drying?”
“Nope.”
“You just went to bed with wet hair?” Val broke into a sheepish grin.
“Oh no!” I finally got it. My hands flew to my hair.
Val couldn’t stop laughing, tears were now running down her cheeks, and she was holding her stomach with one hand, while slapping a thigh with the other.
I dashed to the bathroom mirror. I was speechless. My hair was standing at attention, ramrod-stiff like soldiers.
Val followed me into the bathroom and put a hand on my shoulder. “Not to worry, mop-head, we’ll fix it,” she said, with fake compassion in her voice.
“You can’t be serious. Do you realize how long it’ll take me to get it to resemble my normal hair again?” I felt like crying. The day started as the last one had ended.
“Don’t panic. Worst case, we apply what we all learned in algebra class. I knew it would come in handy one day.”
“What are you talking about? Will you look at me? I could cry.”
Val announced she would make a pot of strong coffee, but before she left for the kitchen, she quickly explained: “Negative times negative equals positive. So you could just put your finger into an electrical socket one more time. Maybe that’ll flatten it again.”
I did my best, trying to comb my hair. Then I grabbed a bottle of anti-frizz serum and sent off a quick prayer. To tame it a bit more, I made a loose braid. It was almost acceptable now, but not good enough to go outside. Not for a long time.
I went to the kitchen and collapsed into a chair. Before asking Val why she was ringing me out of bed that early on a Sunday morning, I emptied my coffee cup in just a few big gulps.
“Viv called me. She said you were in a wretched mood at the end of the evening. She was worried and asked me to come by to check on you. What happened last night?”
I felt a bit uneasy talking about it and squirmed on my chair. Should I really reveal what had happened to me? Wouldn’t it sound like the ramblings of a lunatic? Would Val even believe me? Did I actually still believe that what had happened last night really had happened?
Yes, I did. I pulled myself together. It was Val I was talking to, after all. My best friend. If I couldn’t talk to her, then whom could I? I sat up and looked her straight in the eye.
“Do you recall how I got you to go to Sappho? By mentioning the potential fateful encounter with the woman of your dreams?”
Val nodded and joined me at the table.
“Well. Exactly that happened to me last night.”
Val raised her eyebrows.
While I told her more about the previous evening I avoided looking at her, for fear of her reaction.
I spoke of the feeling that had overcome me. How I virtually froze and felt like having to turn around – only to find nothing to see there. Then of the experience when I was with Viv at the bar. How it, again, felt as if a giant magnet made me turn around and scan the room. About how I just couldn’t tear my eyes off the three women lost in conversation, without having any idea why. And then, how the woman who was standing with her back to me took a step to the side and revealed a clear view of her. I spoke of how it had made me feel and how my bo
dy had felt. I neglected to mention my forgetting to breathe and almost fainting. The whole story was weird enough; there was no need to report every tiny detail.
I told Val about the moment when the fascinating stranger spotted me and our eyes met. How the music became muted, how everything around me all but disappeared and my world narrowed to include only her. How we looked at each other and how our eyes locked.
“We clicked, Val. Can you imagine? I’ve never felt anything like it before.”
I didn’t even try to hide the anger in my voice when I told her about Becca ruining it all. I was fully aware that it wasn’t her fault, but I couldn’t help myself.
When I arrived at the point where the stranger vanished and I searched for her everywhere, even in the restroom, but all in vain, my voice broke and became a desperate, quiet whisper.
Reluctantly, I lifted my eyes from the coffee cup in front of me to check out Val’s reaction. Her eyes bugged out so much, I was afraid they would fall out onto the table at any moment. Was she questioning my story? I didn’t dare ask.
For what felt an eternity neither one of us said a word.
“Come on, say something. You don’t believe me, do you?” I finally asked, tears forming in my eyes.
Val jumped up. Her chair fell over with a loud bang and some of her coffee spilled onto my kitchen floor. She was completely beside herself, skipped around the room and waved her hands in utter excitement. Then she started to pace the room while exclaiming with euphoria in her voice: “That’s what I always talk about! That’s exactly how it should be! Just as I imagined it!”
When she noticed my miserable expression, she stopped abruptly. Her voice was as serious as her face when she said: “Chris, you can’t let this pass you by. She’s the one, for the rest of your life. Your soul mate.”
“Can you please tell me how I’m supposed to go about it? I don’t even know her name. I also don’t know any of the other women she was with. What do I do now?”