Dear Diary

by Nikki Sapphire

  He demanded, “Come, Kendra. Come for me.”

  That is all it took, those magical words. I spiraled out of control. My whole body convulsed. I was a damp mess. It has been some time since I have came like that.

  Jameson commented, “Jesus, Kendra, what you do to me?”

  As I came down from the heavens of my orgasm, I looked at the screen and seen him clean himself off. He murmured, “Babe, I’ve never had that much come out of me before. You are the most erotic thing to witness when you orgasm. I can’t wait to be inside you.”

  And I am ready for him to be inside me. That ginormous cock inside me causing me to unravel like I have never before. I want him. Fuck, I need him.

  I looked at the time and noticed I had to get my children up and ready for school. We said our “see you laters” and hung up our phones.

  November 21st, 2016

  Jameson cracks me up. We both are escaping the reality of our lives. The constant bantering and flirtiness has given me a little more pep in my step. I am smiling more often and just overall feeling good about myself. I feel sexy and definitely wanted. We have crossed so many lines with how we talk to each other and among other things that would get us both in trouble. We know this, but we seem not to care. Well, we both do. We have a lot to lose if our significant others find out what we are doing. We have not taken our dirty talks to the next level, as in getting physical. Honestly, I haven’t seen him in a while. Due to his busy schedule at work, he has been hitting the gym in the morning. I am not going to lie, I am hoping to see him show up one day at my class time. It will be a pleasant surprise, to say the least. My biggest concern about seeing him at the gym is how will we react to each other. Jameson says he would treat me like he always has. He might be fine, but I am more concerned about myself. Will it be obvious that something is going on between us? Or will it just be casual conversation. I have a feeling it will be far from casual. The sexual talks we have would leave others uneasy.

  Today, I am going to the gym later than usual. Parent teacher meetings were right after school. I am so annoyed right now. My husband was so late that he almost missed the entire conference. We have two children, which means we get a total of thirty minutes to talk with the teacher. He came strolling in with five minutes to spare. My parents were watching our children. When we left the conference, a bickering match broke out between us. I was so angry that I told him I was tired of seeing him and that he needs to get home to our children. I am going to the gym. Before I hopped in the car, Patrick said the unthinkable to me. “Just great, going to leave me for the gym again. You’re cheating on me with the gym.”

  The ball in my stomach pinged from side to side. He said I was cheating on him with the gym. He was upset that I wasn’t paying attention to him. What the fuck? I have been begging for attention from him and then he has the audacity to say to me that I am cheating on him with the gym. So be it, maybe I am. I feel empowered at the gym. It is my happy place. Who the fuck does he think he is? I choose to ignore his little comment because it would only escalate the argument more. I drove my merry ass to the gym.

  ***

  It was a weight lifting day at the gym. Which is perfect for me. I am full of anger and I am going to set some personal records. The only thing good about the fight was the fuel he provided me to kick ass at the gym. As I was doing my stretches, the door opened with a cool breeze seeping through. I shivered. I look up to see who it was, and I shivered again. It was Jameson. My day just got a lot better. He looked directly at me and winked. It was like an electric bolt struck me, excitement heated throughout my body. He looked incredibly hot. That is the only way to explain it. Since the last time I saw him, his baby face wasn’t hiding behind some grown man scruff. He looked older and mature. My girly parts were moistening up.

  Calm the hell down, Kendra!

  When the workout began, we had to partner up with someone for our bench press reps. There were only two girls in class, so we paired up. In all honesty, I wanted to partner with Jameson. For warm up, we rowed a mile. The point of saying this is that everybody was sweating. When the guys get overheated, the shirts come flying off. I know Jameson would soon be taking his off. I wanted front row seating for the viewing.

  And it did. I was in complete aww of his chiseled physique. I licked my lips in hunger. There is not even an ounce of body fat on that slender body of his. He had muscles in all the right places. I wanted to pull up a chair, grab some popcorn and enjoy the show. This is so wrong on so many levels. But, at this moment, I don’t really care. I’m going to fantasize about this man, while I pleasure myself later.

  Earth to Kendra. Earth to Kendra.

  I need to have my focus on my workout. Remember this is why you are here, to work out your frustrations, not to mind fuck the young, hot piece of ass that is now looking at you looking at him. Fuck me!

  He smirked. Yep, he can read my thoughts.

  ***

  I was a sweaty mess after the workout. I didn’t hit my personal best, which pisses me off, but next time. As I headed to my van, annoyed with my performance, I felt a strange presence behind me. Okay, I am being a whack job. No one is following me. I shook my head at my stupidity. Yes, it is night. My van is at the end of the parking lot which is not well lit. Can we scream victim in training here? I shrug off my thoughts and continue to walk to my van. I walked over to the passenger side of the car to throw my gym bag in the front seat. I shut the door and turn around to go around the backside of my van, when I smacked right into a steal six foot two not-so stranger. I squealed and jumped. It was Jameson.

  He laughed, “Why so jumpy?”

  Annoyed, I asked, “Why would you sneak up on me like that?”

  “I want to see what happens when I surprise you.”

  “Well, you succeeded. Is there anything else you need?”

  I knew this was a loaded question.

  He creeped closer to me, his body barely brushing mine. My heart rate started to increase several beats per minute. My gut was telling me something was about to happen. Sure enough, something does.

  One of his hands grabbed my waist, bringing me even closer. I’m pretty sure he felt my heart ready to explode. His other started to tickle its way up my side, toward my breast. His deep brown eyes looked into my joyous yet nerve-wracked eyes.

  Jameson leaned his head down toward me. He whispered, “Not need. Want.”

  I clammed up. Unsure of how I want to respond. Our flirting and talking is far from harmless. Am I ready to go through this. Give us what we both want.

  I finally replied, “Are you sure it’s just want?”

  His roaming hand snuck up to my face and gently caressed it, causing my breath to become slightly labored. I lean into his hand to embrace the show of affection. Our eyes were still locked tight. The urge to kiss each other has to be there. Well, it is for me. He leaned closer to me. His grip on my waist tightened. Here it comes. I am going to kiss this man. I close my eyes and part my lips, ready to break the number one rule of marriage. I shall not cheat! I am going to hell in a fucking handbasket with a big, red, sparkling cheer bow placed on top.

  Anticipation brewed inside of me. I am ready. I want Jameson. He wants me.

  But…

  His hands pulled from my face and waist, leaving me with absolutely fucking nothing. I open my eyes, frustrated by this little fucking tease. I am supposed to be the tease, not him. He grinned in satisfaction.

  I pushed him away from me. “Ugh! You’re an ass.”

  “That same ass you were undressing with your eyes earlier?”

  Fuck!!

  “Okay, I need to get going home.”

  He winks at me. “I’ll talk to you soon. Have fun tonight with your toy. Don’t forget to moan my name when you get off.”

  Asshole.

  Between the sexting, phone sex, and eye fucking, there is no doubt in my mind we are close to doing the unthinkable. I need to be honest with myself.
I want to in the worst way. I could teach his young ass a few things and he could teach me to be a little freer. There is so much on the table for us.

  It is time for the next step.

  I quickly texted him.

  Kendra: Let’s meet up one

  night.

  Jamie: I’m game for that.

  November 29th, 2016

  Okay, this woman has hit her breaking point. I don’t have time to play games. What is holding him back? Something is not right. Girlfriend, work, or family. I don’t want to hear that because I have a family, husband, and housewife duties with a side of extra-curricular activities. I get it, Thanksgiving weekend just happened and that is the time to spend with family. But…when he messaged me, I still responded back. It is not that I am desperate and all. But there was a connection between us and I am too damn old to be waiting around for his young ass to decide if he wants to respond back to me or not. I know I was once in my mid-twenties and this is what you did - leave a person fucking hanging. I hated it then too. In my opinion, it is fucking childish. Man up and say things got better with the girlfriend or you just can’t do it. Be honest with me. That is all I ask and deserve. Tell me it was fun and a great boost for you. It was for me as well.

  What annoys me is that I baited him? Used his profession as a sexual reference. “What does it take to seal the deal? This drug is too hot to pass up. It is the next out of the park drug.”

  And FUCKING nothing.

  He read the damn message.

  Nothing.

  Where are we?

  This was a mistake.

  I am so done with this.

  I almost risked my marriage and family to be with some overly confident twenty-six-year-old hottie from the gym. All because my hormones have been screaming at me, “Just fuck him. He wants you. You want him.”

  And what does my straight forward attitude do, I fucking message his ass again. “Be Real. Talk to me. What is up?”

  I hope he is smart enough to read between the lines.

  ***

  Several days later, I heard from Jameson. With some excuse that he is busy, and he will explain later, he promises. But my gut is telling me something else. Like I should abort this mission. Yes, I am very attracted to him but is he worth my energy. I have everything I want in life. Maybe, I need to work harder on my marriage. I really do not have time to play games with some inexperienced millennial ass. Yeah, this whole “I’m busy” ignoring thing is getting real fucking old.

  Oh, this wonderful mind of mine. Yeah, call me crazy. Trust me, I realize being busy. I am a mother of two very active children. I can’t believe how I have been acting. Somewhat obsessed. I let his young ass get under my skin. What for? Just a little attention I was hoping to get from my husband. Well, Jameson, you are about to learn that this cougar is DONE and DONE. It was fun while it lasted, but I don’t have time to play games. I hope you enjoyed the ego boost, I know I did. See ya, buddy. Move along. Peace out.

  By golly, I am going to message his ass with how I feel about the situation.

  Dear Jameson,

  I don’t know where to start. See, when I wanted to connect with you, I was hoping to making a new friend at the gym. Granted, this attraction between us took over and things escalated fairly quickly. You know I am attracted to you but, unfortunately, your ignoring me is becoming quite annoying and unsatisfying. Maybe this is your way of hoping I would get the hint. But, buddy, let me tell you something. In the real world, adults man up and say, “Hey, I’m not interested.”

  I really do appreciate the ego boost. It felt great. It brought out a different side of me that I haven’t seen in a long time. It was nice to know I am appealing to the opposite sex. But the biggest turn on was that you were attracted to this mother of two. Your young sexy ass, that I never got to see, wanted me. Willing to risk your relationship to be with me. I just want you to know it was fun, but nothing will happen from this because the chance was wasted. I look forward to moving on past this and just being friends at the gym.

  See ya at the gym.

  Kendra

  And send.

  There is no turning back from what you sent him.

  December 9th, 2016

  It has almost been two weeks and nothing from Jameson. That’s fine. I’m a married woman and I have been super busy with the kids’ holiday projects. One might say I have moved on, but that damn boy is all I can think about.

  I called up Claire to see if she wanted to have lunch and, to my surprise, she agreed. On our lunch, she admitted to me that she is a private investigator for an insurance company. This is something she does not disclose to everybody due to the nature of her job. Claire stated that she noticed me down a bit, especially at the gym. She noticed me looking around for Jameson. Being the fantastic friend that she is, for a holiday gift to me, she is going to run some information and a background check on Jameson.

  A few days later, I got a call from Claire. She wanted to meet up. I agreed to dinner and drinks. I needed a kid-free night and away from Patrick. I met up with Claire at this dive bar in the heart of South Columbus. We ordered drinks and pizza. Once we got our drinks, she blurted, “Girl, that mother fucker is clean.”

  I spit out my water because, let’s face it, I’ve never ever heard this woman drop the F Bomb like she did.

  “What do you mean, Claire?”

  “No!” she replied, “Dude is clean. He has a great credit score, no juicy arrest, nothing, nada. Girl, I even did a check on the girlfriend. Still nothing.”

  “I just don’t understand what his deal is?”

  “But why does it matter? You ended it with him.”

  “I can’t stop thinking of him. He didn’t even respond back to me. One would say I’m hurt.”

  “Girl, he isn’t worth it. Just move on. Remember, you have a hottie for husband. Y’all just need to spice it up and you will be fine.”

  “Easier said than done.”

  “What is really bothering you?”

  “It is the way Jameson made me feel. He made me feel alive again. Like I was the sexiest woman he has ever met. I felt wanted.”

  She sighed, “Girl, I’m sorry but you just need to move on. At least, you didn’t sleep with him.”

  “The thing is, I would’ve.”

  “Yikes.”

  We both took a sip of our beers. Claire is an amazing friend. I never thought I would connect with someone like her. She gets me, and she doesn’t judge me for what I have been doing with Jameson. It is nice to have someone to talk to about my dilemma or lack of dilemma now.

  ***

  As we were sitting at the bar, enjoying our drinks and having a fun girl’s night, the door of the bar opened and the cool air breezes in. I shivered and looked toward the door.

  OH MY FUCKING GOD!

  He, as in Jameson, walked in with another male friend. Jameson was looking mighty tasty. Dressed in baggy yet fitting jeans, that hugged his legs just right. His not so grungy red and brown flannel snugged his chest, causing me to lick my lips in hunger. I looked at his friend. And, of course, his friend was equally as hot as Jameson. Tall, dirty blonde hair and built like a tight end. Claire will be pleased for this dose of eye candy.

  Jameson must have felt my presence because our eyes connected. My stomach started to tickle. I shouted, “Shit, Claire. He’s here.”

  In typical Clair fashion, not trying to be inconspicuous, she turned around. Claire whistled, “Damn. I hope his friend is single. That man is fine like wine.”

  Leave it to Claire to not be phased by Jameson but his friend instead.

  I hit her arm and sighed, “Stop looking. They see us and are approaching.”

  Her eyes practically rolled back into her head.

  Jameson and his friend approached us. He greeted, “Hey, Kendra!” God, his voice alone is a panty dropper. He continued, “I was just thinking about you, and well, you are here.”

  Trying
to play it cool, I fumbled my words, “Hi, erm, Jameson.” He smiled at my struggles. Still fumbling, I said, “We, um, just got here ourselves.”

  Jameson questioned, “Did we interrupt something?”

  Claire joined in, “Oh no, we were just talking about you.”

  He grinned, “Oh, yeah. You were, huh? Well, ladies, you are a sight for sore eyes.”

  I chimed in, “Did you seriously just say that?”

  Jameson apologized and introduced us, “Ladies, meet my friend Greg. Greg, the ladies.”

  Claire interrupted, “Um, we have names. I’m Claire and this is Kendra.”

  Greg examined Claire and asked, “Do you care if we join you, ladies?”

  She smiled, “How about you get me another drink and then you can join us.”

  Fucking Claire. Time to man up and be a wing woman for her. This is going to suck.

  ***

  Claire and Greg seemed to take a liking to each other. It was just plain awkward between Jameson and me. Both of us, stubbornly, did not want to make the first move. We both just sat there listening to Greg and Claire chat it up. I was getting annoyed. Someone had to be the adult here. I asked him, “What gives?”

  He laughed, “What do you mean?”

  “Don’t be coy. What is your problem?”

  “I’ve been through some shit recently. I needed to get my head on straight before I made a change in my life.”

  “Like what?”

  What he told me next completely floored me. He answered, “I broke up with my girlfriend.”

  Shit. I am in some serious trouble with myself.

  His last words vibrated my core as he leaned in from across the table and whispered, “Game on, Sweetheart.”

  This is fucking great. Anyone who knows me, knows I don’t back down from a challenge. I replied, “Bring.It.On.”