“Do you think I’d force myself on you? Is that what this is about?” He asks, truly surprised.
“Well, you did exactly that yesterday.” I remind him, attempting to push out of his arms.
My attempts fail because he pulls me into a hug, laying his head on the top of mine. “I’m sorry about yesterday. You know I don’t normally act like that, but finding you how I did, pushed me over an edge.”
“And I’m sorry about that, but you can’t do that again if this is going to work. I need time to get use to us.” I whisper against his chest. I don’t hate Shay, but having his arms around me doesn’t feel right. He’s not Linc, but I’m determined to give Shay a chance.
“Then I’ll give you time, but it’s not going to be time alone.” Shay says, then kisses the top of my head before releasing me.
I hear my cell phone go off, letting me know I have a new text message. The ring tone lets me know it’s from Linc. I decide for tonight, I need to ignore it. I need to talk to him, but I can’t do that and give Shay my full attention. And tonight, I’ve promised myself to make Shay first.
Chapter 17 – Linc
~Make This One Count~
“There’s a party tonight.” Nate is sitting beside me on the living room couch. I’m staring at the TV, but I don’t know what’s on. I can’t wrap my head around anything, even if it’s only a mindless reality show. It’s been two weeks and one day since the blow-up in the library. Two weeks and one day since I’ve had alone time with Wyn. The suspension was over a week ago yesterday, and the grounding my mom handed down is finished today, but I don’t care. I’m still numb to everything, well everything except Wyn. The memory of her still sends pain and pleasure shooting through my soul. It might always be like this (very likely), or I might be over it next week (highly doubtful). I don’t know, but it’s gotten worse.
The day after the fight, she finally texted me back letting me know she needed a break, time to find out what she really wanted. I want her to choose me, but I don’t want her to doubt that five, ten, twenty years from now. So I’ve agreed to give her the time she needs, but it’s killing me because I know it’s time I’m giving her with him.
Fuck! I don’t know the guy, but I hate him all the same.
“Earth to Linc. Do you want to go or not?” Nate asks, calling me out of my thoughts.
“No.” I don’t look at him as I answer.
“Damn, Cuz, you need to get out of this house.” He grumbles, leaning forward to pick up the remote and shutting off the TV.
“I was watching that.”
“The fuck you were. You have as much interest in some bored housewives as I do in Math class. And you know I fucking hate that shit.”
“What do you want, Nate?” I ask, standing up and walking towards the kitchen to grab a soda.
“For you to get the fuck over this girl and stop moping around like a little pussy.” He rumbles as he follows me.
I stop in my tracks and turn slowly to glare at him.
“I see that’s going to be a long term goal. So tonight, I’ll settle for you coming to the party with me.” He moves around me and takes a seat at the kitchen table, completely ignoring my death glare.
I continue to the fridge, grab a can and pop the top, taking a large gulp before I set it down on the island. “Not happening.”
“It’s been two weeks. It’s time to get out of this house and show that girl you’re moving on too. We all know she is. We see that guy in the silver Dodge who picks her up every day.” Yeah, I’d seen that too, but I’m giving her space. Maybe I should take this time and space and check out my options too.
“Fine, I’ll go.”
“Oh, hell yeah!” Nate says as he jumps up. “Those chicks are going to be dropping their panties at the sight of both of us being there. You’re guaranteed to get fucked tonight.”
Shaking my head, I ask. “Why do I hang out with you?”
“Because you know there isn’t anyone as cool as me in this town.” He says, coming over to me and throwing his arm around my shoulder.
“Replace cool with stupid and that might be an accurate statement.” I elbow him in the side to get him to remove his arm.
“You know you love me.” He says, rubbing his side where my elbow connected.
“Only because Mom makes me and I kind of feel bad that no girl ever will.” I tease.
“I’ve had plenty of girls love me.” He grins, wiggling his eyebrows.
“Lust and love are two different things, Cuz. And I pray that someday, you’re lucky enough to know the difference between the two.” I bring my can of soda back up to my lips, preparing to take another gulp, but pull it back and add. “I also pray that you’re not riddled with STD’s when that day comes around.”
“I only go the distance with the classy chicks.” Nate throws out in his defense.
I give up on taking another drink and set my can back on the island as I turn to my cousin to explain something to him. “Nate, if they were classy chicks, their asses wouldn’t be hanging out of their short ass skirts and you definitely wouldn’t be getting lucky at some trashy ass party in some stranger’s bedroom.”
“You say trashy, I say classy. We’ll have to agree to disagree on this one. You know not everyone can score with a sweet piece like Arwyn Scott.”
I slam him up against the fridge, my arm at his throat. “Don’t ever talk about her that way.”
“Fuck, back up.” He says, trying to push me back.
“Nate.” I warn on a growl.
“Fine. She’s off limits.” He agrees so I back up, releasing my hold on him. His hands shoot to his neck and rub at his throat.
I pick up my pop and throw the almost full can in the trash and say. “I need something stronger.”
“Then let’s go do this damn thing.” Nate smiles, already forgetting about the scene moments before.
**********************************
I take another swig from the bottle of Jack I’ve been drinking by myself since we arrived at this party. I thought it would only take a couple drinks to get her out of my head for the night, but this bottle is almost empty and she’s still there. It’s like she’s been burned permanently on my brain so I’ll never be able to forget her. Maybe a second bottle of Jack will help. I take a gulp, downing the remainder of the bottle in my hand and then throw it toward the trash can in the corner of the kitchen. It misses and smashes against the wall.
I stand up and grab another bottle off the counter where all the alcohol is set out.
“Cuz, maybe you should slow down.” Nate’s leaning against the island with his arm around some red head. She looks vaguely familiar. I think she’s one of the cheerleaders for the football team. But seeing as I’ve paid little attention to any of the girls at our school other than Wyn, I can’t be sure.
I twist the cap off the new bottle and fling it towards the shattered remains of the first bottle. “Maybe you should worry about your fucking self.” I tell him and then take a swig.
“At least give me your keys. I don’t want to worry about you trying to drive like this.” Nate holds his hand out, expecting me to give my keys over without a fight. He should know me better than that.
“So you can use my car as your love shack for the night.” I eye the red head, her face flushes at my words and she turns her face into Nate’s shoulder to hide her embarrassment. “Fuck that!”
“Dammit, Linc! You’re leaving me little choice here.” Nate warns.
“What the hell is that suppose to mean?” I ask, leaning my back against the counter opposite of the island and taking another drink.
“You’ll see.” He says, pulling out his cell phone and sending a text.
“Well, aren’t you the cryptic one. Who’d you text? My mom?” I ask, once he puts the cell back in his pocket.
“Nope. I hate to do this to you, Cuz, but I can’t take the chance you’ll do something stupid in your current state.” Nate says, shaking his head at me and p
utting his arm back around the red head.
“Like what? Fucking some girl I don’t care for at some party, knowing I’ll ignore her at school on Monday.” I say, moving my eyes to the red head. I should feel bad for bringing her in to this, and maybe tomorrow I will, but tonight, I don’t care about hurting this random girl. I guess I could be taking out my pain on the first girl I saw since I can’t take it out on Wyn, not that I’d do that anyway. Even in my drunken state, I don’t want to hurt her; I just want her.
Fuck!
I take another swig. Nate pulls the bottle from my hand and sets it on the island behind him. “Pull it together. Damn, I should’ve let you stay home.”
“I’m guessing I won’t be invited to the next party.” I say, moving around him to grab the bottle of Jack. “I better make this one count.” I take another big gulp, and then I smile at Nate and wink at the redhead before I walk out of the kitchen and into the back yard. The guy throwing the party lives in the more expensive part of town in a huge house that’s perfect for these kinds of parties. The back yard isn’t really a back yard, but a pool area complete with a hot tub and swim up bar.
The area is empty except for me; no one else wants to battle the cold of a January night to hang out by the pool. Lucky for me, the liquor I already have in my system has warmed me enough that I’m barely feeling the biting cold. I take a seat on one of the lounge chairs and lay back to admire the stars and enjoy my new bottle of Jack. I don’t know how long I’ve been lying here enjoying the stars. But when I hear the back door open, I hold up my bottle and see I’ve already made it half way through my new bottle. Figuring it’s Nate, I say. “I’m not giving you the bottle. So save your breath.”
“You can keep the bottle if I can have your keys.” The soft voice that replies is the last one I thought I’d hear tonight and it causes me to turn my head in her direction to see if she’s really there or if I’ve moved on to the hallucinating point of the night.
“Wyn?” I ask, shocked to see her standing mere feet away from me.
“Nate texted me.” She explains, and it pisses me off and pleases me at the same time. What the hell was he thinking?
“Why the hell did he do that?” I say, putting words to my thoughts.
“He was worried about you.” She says as she eyes the bottle of Jack in my hand.
“I’m fine.” I grumble, bringing the bottle to my mouth for another drink. Her eyes follow the bottle’s path and I notice they linger on my mouth even after I take the bottle away.
Damn! She shouldn’t look at me that way unless she’s ready for me to kiss her. I really look at her for the first time since she showed up. Her hair is pulled up in a messy knot on top of her head. She has her normal coat on, but I spy a purple tank top underneath. She’s wearing purple and pink stripped pajama pants that are way too thin for this weather and a pair of running shoes. She was ready for bed, or already asleep, when Nate texted her and she still came. But how did she get here? She doesn’t drive.
“You look it, but I’d still prefer you give me your keys so I can drive you home.” She says, taking her eyes away from my mouth and sticking out her hand, waiting on me to hand over my keys. Why do they all think it’s as easy as them demanding and me giving? They both know me better than that.
“How’d you get here?”
“Dani, I was staying with her tonight.” She explains, sighing and keeping her hand stuck out.
“You don’t have a license.” I point out a big reason why I won’t hand my car keys to her.
Digging in her coat pocket, she pulls out a small rectangle card and holds it up for me to see. “I got it Tuesday.”
“Why?” I ask shocked again.
“I decided even if it was a limited freedom, I wanted it.” I sit up and stare at her for several minutes. Neither of us says anything. We both know this was a huge step for her. And if she can take that step, there’s hope she can take another step with me. I finally break the silence by pulling out the keys to the Challenger and tossing them to her.
“You can drive me home.”
Chapter 18 – Wyn
~Options~
For someone who’s working on his second bottle of Jack, Linc seems rather unaffected. He stumbled a couple times on the way to the Challenger, but he isn’t slurring his words. He’s not hiding his emotions very well, but like I said, he’s had almost two full bottles of Jack so it had to hit him somehow. I get him in the passenger seat and then before getting in myself, I go to Dani’s car to let her know what’s going on.
“I’m going to drive him to his house and make sure he gets in alright. You follow, then once I have him settled, we can head home.” I explain, crouching down to talk to her at the driver’s side window.
“Are you sure you’ll be okay riding with him? He is smashed.” She asks, watching the Challenger closely, as if it’ll give her the warning she needs to pull me in her car and take off without having to help Linc.
I place my hand on her shoulder, drawing her attention back to me. “I might not act like a normal gypsy, but I still am one. So I’ve handled a lot worse than this. Plus, this is Linc. He’d never hurt me.”
Dani places her hand over mine. “Hate to break it to you, but he already has.”
“That was my choice, Dani. You know that.” I pull my hand back and shove it in my coat pocket.
“Fine, let’s get him home so we can get back ourselves.” She grumbles and rolls up her window, ending our conversation. She’s mad at Linc for the spot he’s put me in. She was fine with him at first, but I think seeing me be the good little gypsy fiancée with Shay has pushed her towards blaming Linc. She doesn’t like seeing me as anything but myself. And these past two weeks, I haven’t been myself. I’ve been playing my role. A role I hate.
I straighten up from the crouch I’m in and let out a sigh. Time to get this over with.
“I’ve missed you.” Linc blurts out as soon as I have the car moving down the road. I let the pain wash over me at those three little words. I’ve missed him too, more than I can tell him, but he knows where we stand at the moment.
“Linc,” I sigh.
“Tell me you don’t miss me, Wyn. Tell me this forced separation isn’t hurting you just as much as it’s hurting me.” He demands. I can’t tell him that I miss him like crazy. And if I tried to form those words, he’d see them as the lie they are. So I stay quiet, focusing on the road in front of me.
He takes my silence as his answer and decides to switch from demands to questions.
“Why can’t you choose me?”
“Linc.” I sigh again, hoping he’ll hear the pain in my voice and leave it be.
“No, I deserve to know. If you’re going to throw our love away as easily as you would last week’s trash, I deserve to know why. This doesn’t only affect you.” He slams his fist against the dash to emphasize his words.
“Other than the fact that if I choose you I’ll never see my family again.” I turn my eyes to him for a second and see him watching me intently. God, I’ve missed those eyes. I let out a sigh and then I continue, “I won’t have anywhere to go. I don’t have my own money, so where would I live, Linc? How would I eat? What kind of future would I have?”
“Damn it, Wyn! Do you think I’d ask you to do this and not have your back?”
“Linc, you’re leaving for basic training at the end of the summer.” I point out what should be obvious, but apparently he needs the reminder.
“And you could stay with Mom and Dad until I’m back. Then, once I get my station, you can live with me in the base housing.” He apparently has thought this out, but his plan has holes the size of Texas.
“Linc, they won’t let you move your girlfriend on the base with you.” I point out, shaking my head.
“They’d let my wife.” The air leaves me at his words. Did Linc just propose?
Fudge!
Double Fudge!
“Linc-” I start, but he cuts me off.
“No
, I don’t want to hear the next excuse. You have options. I’m your option! You can marry me instead of him. I’ll make sure you have a home over your head, food in your stomach and anything else your heart desires.” He pulls my right hand off the wheel and into his.
“I love you, Linc.”
“I love you too.”
“But I don’t want to be married at eighteen. I don’t want to depend on someone else to take care of me. I want to go to school and learn how to take care of myself.” I thought this would hurt his feelings, but Linc being Linc, he doesn’t let it faze him. Well, at least he doesn’t let it show if it does.
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