by Rye Hart
I hesitated and looked down. “I don’t want my children to grow up with parents who hate one another,” I whispered, putting a hand on my belly.
He looked down at my hand and opened his mouth to speak, but slowly he started to understand the gravity of what I was saying. I’d started to get suspicious of my morning sickness a few weeks ago, but I wasn’t sure. Now that my stomach was starting to grow, I was certain without a doubt that I was pregnant.
He took a step back and stared at me with wide eyes. “You’re pregnant,” he whispered.
I nodded slowly and put my hands on the tiny bump. “I don’t want to raise a child with a man who doesn’t care about my happiness.” Tears started to come to my eyes. “I’ve seen what it can do to children,” I whispered. “My parents were desperately in love. They looked into each other’s eyes like they could see the stars in their gazes and I always wanted something like that,” I admitted, wiping at my eyes.
Silence passed between us and Jacob knelt slowly and took my hands. “I know you think I don’t care about your feelings,” he said softly. “But I do. It hurts me now to see you so sad. It’s just that you challenge the way I think, Rebecca. You say things to me that go against everything I’ve ever been taught and it’s hard. But I want to try; for you and the baby, I will try,” he hesitated. “But I need you to be patient with me.”
Tears came to my eyes again and I felt ridiculous for crying so much. I sank to my knees and wrapped my arms around him, sniffling and burying my face in his neck.
“Do you promise?”
“I promise,” he whispered, wrapping his arms around me.
Chapter Seven
Jacob did try, and I was surprised in the change I saw. A week after our conversation, I woke up and found that my garden had been restored. He drew the line at the goat, but I could have my garden. I knew that this was a give and take situation, so I did all my gardening in one of the plain dresses the other women wore.
We were at peace with each other. Actually, we were even better than that. He became for more gentle and spent more time at home. I finally started to get to know my husband. He had been born in Colorado, but his family was from Tennessee. He had a fondness for horses and loved taking me on rides, though he got more and more hesitant as I got bigger.
A child wasn’t something I’d though much about. I knew I was probably going to have to have a baby, since most women were expected to be mothers at a fairly young age. Despite this expectation, I hadn’t given it much thought until there was a baby growing inside of me.
Now that Jacob was far more attentive and seemed more invested in my happiness, I felt good about everything. I was actually happy; I was happier than I thought I could be in this situation. Jacob was warm and kind and even loving and I found myself growing more and more attached to him.
We spent days together in the garden since he insisted on helping me once my belly started to swell. He rarely left me alone now that I was in my final months and he watched over me like a hawk. He never let me alone and he did not let me do anything that might put any kind of pressure on me. Part of me thought it was rather sweet, but the other part of me wanted to knock him in the head for being so overprotective.
Summer came around and I was starting to waddle because of my size. The doctor suspected twins or a very large baby. The idea excited and terrified me at the same time. I was secretly hoping for twins, even though I knew the risk to my own well-being was enormous. Jacob had paled a bit at the news of twins, just as aware as I was of the risk that it posed.
For the first time in a long time, everything seemed to be falling into place as I’d hoped it would. Even though Jacob wouldn’t let me work in the garden alone, I was still happy at how it was coming along. In order to make him happy, I’d planted some flowers. They were at least a little more ladylike than onions and carrots. He didn’t like me digging in the dirt, but he never said anything about it.
These kinds of situations made me realize a lot about our relationships in general. Other than with my parents, I’d always seen relationships as very one-sided. The man would give and order and the woman would be expected to follow. The idea of being in an arrangement like that terrified me. There was a part of me that thought I had to have all the power to have any control and I was quickly learning that was not the case. Relationships often came down to compromise.
I was willing to compromise and so was Jacob. Our relationship was blossoming every day and even Thomas could see the budding romance. He would often give us a knowing looking and I would feel my heart flutter at that. It was a confirmation that this was real. Things were really going this well. I had my doubts in the beginning, but now I knew that this was where I was meant to be. Even though my path wasn’t exactly what I expected, I knew I shouldn’t fight it. Jacob was going to make me happy and I was going to make him happy.
It was the Fourth of July and the town had prepared a wonderful firework show. Jacob laid out a blanket for me and helped me to sit, knowing that the size of my belly made it difficult for to get up and down. I smiled up at him and he settled behind me, pulling me to his chest. I blushed a little at the affection and smiled up at Jacob. He was rarely this physically affectionate in public.
“You’re very loving today,” I hummed, looking up at him, my gaze full of adoration.
He chuckled and cupped my cheek. “Isn’t that what you wanted?” he asked, looking down at me.
I smiled and nodded, sighing softly and kissing the tip of his chin. “I like it and I really appreciate everything you’ve been doing,” I said softly.
“It’s funny that you say that. I thought it was going to be something I would have to work at but it comes naturally with you,” he mused after a moment.
“It comes naturally?”
“You know about my mother,” he said.
I’d never told him about the conversation between me and Thomas, but Jacob and I had talked about his mother a lot since that first conversation. It was clear he loved and missed her dearly. It was rather sweet, in all honestly.
“Of course,” I said, tangling our fingers as other couples settled on blankets around us, wrapping their arms around each other.
“No having her around, I think it really affected the way I deal with women. I was mostly raised by my father and a few nannies. Everything was a business transaction so that’s how I thought all relationships were,” he admitted softly.
I frowned and squeezed his hand, encouraging him to talk. It was rare that he opened up to me like this. He put his hand on my belly.
“But then I met you and you changed everything,” he said with a smile. “I was so distant for so long because I was sure I would scare you away,” he said softly. “I did not want you to see me for who I really was because I felt so broken.”
I turned to face him, getting on my knees and cupping his cheeks gently. “I don’t think you’re broken,” I whispered, pressing my forehead to his. “I don’t think you’re broken at all.” I smiled softly as the fireworks shot into the sky behind us. “I think you have your flaws just like I do. I was so scared to become someone’s trophy wife. I was so afraid to succumb to all the things that a wife should be, that I never stopped to think that it could be so fulfilling,” I said softly. “I love being your wife,” I whispered.
The fireworks lit up his face and he reached up tangling his fingers gently in my hair, holding me close with his free hand. “I want to do this over, Rebecca,” he whispered, leaning close and letting his lips hover over mine. “I want to do this right.”
“What do you mean?” I whispered breathlessly.
“I never told you something,” he said, cupping my cheek. “It’s something I’ve been keeping buried inside because I’ve always been told that it makes a man weak if he admits it.”
My breath hitched in my throat and I let my eyes flutter open, meeting his steely gaze. “What is it?” I urged.
“I want you to know that I love you.”
My heart leapt in my chest and I felt tears pricking the corners of my eyes. He sucked in a breath and laughed. “You can’t cry.”
“I can’t help it!” I choked out. “You make me so happy and I never thought I could feel happiness like this!” I said, my forehead pressed against his. “I thought that I was going to just settle, and I am so lucky that God led me to you,” I cried softly.
He held me close and stroked my cheek tenderly. “This is what love is and I promise, I swear to you I’m never going to keep you from happiness. I want you to do everything you ever dreamed of.”
I just smiled and wrapped my arms around him, leaning in close. “I think my dreams have changed. All I want is to be with you and raise our children and-“
He cut me off. I knew I was babbling but I could not help it. There was so much I wanted to say that I’d never imagined I’d be able to say. He silenced me with a kiss, his soft lips pressed against mine. I leaned into him, smiling into the kiss. Warmth filled every inch of my body and I could have sworn I was glowing under the soft moon light. I was sure that nothing could ruin this moment. I was on cloud nine and I knew that things were going to be okay. All of the fears I’d had in Charlotte were melting away in this kiss.
A flutter in my stomach did not seem abnormal. I was in love and this was more romantic than anything I’d ever read in those penny romances. I could only assume that I’d have butterflies. Within a few moments, however, those butterflies became much more intense and soon enough turned into a sharp pain that took my breath away. I gasped and doubled over, my eyes wide.
“Jacob, I need the doctor.”
Chapter Eight
When I demanded the doctor Jacob pulled away, looking at me more than a little concerned. “What? Why do you need a doctor?”
I gasped and pressed a hand to my belly, the roiling pain getting worse by the minute. “I think it’s the baby,” I whispered.
His eyes widened and he started to help me stand but I yelped and collapsed back into the grass. “I can’t walk!”
“You won’t have to,” he said simply, leaning down and picking me up bridal style.
I wrapped my arms around him as he hoisted me into the air, gasping. “I’m too heavy.” I was a rather small woman but at nine months pregnant I was heavier than I had once been and I was genuinely worried about Jacob hurting himself.
“Don’t worry about me darling,” he grunted, walking away from the firework display.
I gasped and cried out. “I’m not going to make it,” I whispered. “We’ll have to just…AH!”
An older woman ran over to us, holding an armful of towels. “Rebecca!” she called.
I turned my head and whimpered. It was the midwife and she seemed to realize exactly what was happening. “Kristine,” I whispered, reaching out to her. “I think the baby is coming.”
“How long have you been having pains?” she asked me quickly, urging Jacob to set me on the towel she was laying out.
“She can’t have the baby here!” Jacob said quickly. “We have to get her home!”
Kristine held her hand up, her eyes sharp and focused. This was her element and she knew exactly what she was doing. “This is not a coal mine, Jacob,” she said quickly. “I need you to let me do what I’m trained to do and hold her hand.
I always appreciated Kristine’s sense of urgency and her ability to control those around her. She was an intense woman and few were able to ignore her orders; Jacob was no exception. He kneeled and put my head in is lap, stroking my hair away from my face. The pain was unbearable at this point and a wetness was starting to spread underneath me.
“Her water has broken. The baby is coming,” she said quickly. “How long have you been in pain?” she urged again.
“I started having strange pains this morning but I did think-“
“Shhh child,” she whispered, pressing a finger to my lips “That’s enough. I understand,” she said simply.
A few other women began to gather round, holding up their blankets to make make-shift curtains that hid me from view. Luckily most people had enough respect to not crowd around, though I’d seen a few people glancing over at me curiously.
I looked up at Jacob, panting softly. “You should not be here,” I whispered, my eyes fluttering closed.
Most of the time men weren’t interested in witnessing the birth. It was a moment that was considered private and to have your husband with you while you gave birth was considered taboo. Then again, we did not seem to be a family that did things the way they were meant to be done.
“I’m not letting you do this alone,” he said gently, taking my hand.
My heart fluttered at the kind words but it quickly gave way to another wrenching pain. I gasped and curled up as the pain radiated down into my thighs. The world was spinning and the only thing keeping me grounded was Jacob.
Everything happened in a blur after that. Jacob held me as the midwife gave me as much instruction as possible. At the end of the day it did not really matter what she said because my body was telling me what to do. I was trapped somewhere between excruciating pain and bliss. Every moment that passed was a moment getting me closer to meeting my precious children.
The whole birthing process gave me time to think about myself as a mother. I had been so afraid of becoming a mother before I met Jacob. In my mind, motherhood seemed like a death sentence. I would have to give up all my dreams of adventure in order to take care of this tiny creature that depended on me. The entire concept was terrifying.
Now that I was face to face with mother hood, I found myself excited. Instead of it being a death sentence, I saw it as its own adventure. One that I would embark on with Jacob. He loved me and I wasn’t going to be alone.
As the fireworks went off around me, my head was turned skyward, my eyes taking in the brilliant light show. Between the fireworks, I heard a loud cry echo through the field. A soft heavy weight was placed into my arms and moments later I was handed my second child. The infants squirmed and wiggled in my arms, cooing in the most beautiful way.
I was panting and covered in sweat, looking up at Jacob with tears in my eyes. “Our babies,” I whispered.
His own eyes were wide and he reached out to touch the tuft of silvery blonde hair that stuck to the babies’ damp foreheads. “Those are my daughters,” he whispered. “I have daughters.” A grin spread across his face and he took his hat off, throwing it in the air in his excitement. “I have two beautiful baby daughters!” he called out.
From the other side of the curtain I could hear people hoot and holler, congratulating us. Another loud pop echoed through the field as the fireworks lit up the sky. Jacob looked down at me and grinned wildly.
“What should we name them?” he asked, brushing his finger over their pale, soft skin.
I smiled a little, gazing into their bright blue eyes. “Faith and Adore,” I whispered, touching their little palms.
Their tiny hands curled around my finger and in that moment I fell in love.
Chapter Nine
Before my mother passed away, she always told me to trust in God’s plan. I had always tried my best to follow that advice, though it wasn’t always easy, especially when you felt like your world was being ripped out from under you. As time went on, I’d started to question the idea that God had a plan for me at all. I tried to keep my faith, but as I started to lose more and more control, I found myself wondering why. Why would God let this happen?
I understand now. The road that led me to Jacob was rough and broken. The rivers were wide and hard to cross, but now that I was here, I wouldn’t have it any other way. My children and my husband were my entire world and I couldn’t have wanted more.
Shortly after the girls were born, Jacob became very interested in their education. He didn’t want them to be simply married off. He didn’t see his daughters as commodities and he certainly didn’t want them to marry the first man who proposed to them. He wanted them to be scientists and lawyers. He
wanted the world for his baby girls and it made my heart swell with pride.
He used his influence and money to bring in teachers from Chicago and ended up building Boulder’s first real school. Up until the school opened, children were taught by their parents and received no formal education. Once the school opened up, people began flocking to our beautiful city.
Just as he promised, Jacob let me do as I pleased. My garden got bigger and bigger and soon enough it was one of the main food sources of the town. I had to hire several people to help me care for it, all women who’d come out to Boulder for the same reason I had.
When my garden became too large for me to manage on my own, I knew I would need something to busy myself with. Jacob was the one to suggest that I become a teacher at the school. He was always impressed with my knowledge of literature. I’d always been an avid reader and the idea of teaching my children and the children of my beloved town was something that warmed me to the depths of my soul. I took him up on his offer and soon became the first female school teacher in Boulder.
At first, people looked at us strangely. They asked Jacob how he could let his wife be a teacher. How was it affecting the children? We got many questions like this, but the best answer we could give them was to show how successful I was. The children loved my class and soon adults even came in to read the classics. I taught them to love words and love stories and in the process, I found my place in the world, something I never thought possible.
When one of the old churches was damaged in a tornado, we’d salvaged the bell and used it to ring in the beginning and end of school. The school bells rang and I looked up from the little wooden desk Jacob had made for me. Children ran down the hill toward home.
I packed up my worn copy of Dante’s Inferno and sighed, tucking it away as I started towards the door, rubbing my round belly. I was pregnant with our third child and Jacob was always harping on me to leave the school house behind until after the baby was born. He was just as worried about this pregnancy as he was the first. It was rather funny to me. Now that I’d had the twins, the idea of having one baby seemed like a breeze.