Diane was overwhelmed. She couldn’t begin to think of how to respond. As the doctor waited for her to say something, she suddenly realized her mouth was hanging open. She closed it, but that was all.
“This new information is such a breakthrough, I’m confident that we can find a cure for your husband. Paul Klingerman is something of a hero after that incident with the mining ships. Getting him home and back to work again is a top priority. As for Jack, Paul is his father, so…”
Diane rallied, suddenly seeing an angle she could attack. “As his mother and legal guardian, don’t I have the right to take him back home with me no matter what? No matter how important he is to your research?”
Now it was Jeong’s turn to stand there with his mouth open. He obviously hadn’t expected her to try this tack and was not entirely prepared for it.
She put on her authoritative voice again. “I’m taking him with me.”
The doctor took a sharp breath, like he was steeling himself to do something he hadn’t wanted to do. “Technically yes, that would normally be the case. But this just isn’t a normal case. Due to the importance of Project Charlie, guardianship of Jack Klingerman has been legally transferred to this facility for the duration of the study.”
He opened his personal device and brought up a holo-doc. “As you can see, this document is counter-signed by the Chief of Staff. There is no higher authority you could appeal to.”
Now Diane was truly stunned. They’re taking Jack? How can they do that?
Her voice was strangely quiet. “What does this mean?”
She knew what the holo-doc said, but she just couldn’t believe it. No one would ever describe her as the warmest of mothers, but she had a sudden and painful memory. Jack as a baby, staring up at her with love and trust, his tiny little fingers wrapped around her thumb...
She stumbled a little as her knees went weak. There was nothing she wanted more than to pick him up and hold him, to hug him close and never let him go. The guilt that would haunt her for the rest of her life first came over her at that moment, but she somehow managed not to show it on her face. She needed to stay calm, at least on the surface, if she wanted to have any hope of figuring out some way around this.
Dr. Jeong was staring at her as if trying to decide whether she would explode or not. “I know this is upsetting, Flight Sergeant — but it’s not forever. Your legal guardianship will be fully restored, as soon as our study is complete. When Project Charlie no longer needs him, we’ll give him back to you.”
“I want to see him,” she blurted out. “I want to see him right now!”
The doctor smiled, knowing he had won the first battle. “Yes, of course. There’s one thing I’d like you to do for me, though, when you do see him…”
Diane knew she would do it, no matter what it was. If she didn’t do it, she couldn’t see him, and Jack would be in here all alone. “What is that, doctor?”
“Just something I need you to say. Like everything else, it’s for his own good.”
Chapter Eleven
While his mother was getting the news that she no longer had custody, Jack was lying in bed and looking out the window at the hospital grounds.
Not that he could see much through the tinted glass. Newer buildings used viewscreens instead of actual windows, but these windows were real glass, with a dark film over them to keep the radiation out on bad days.
The grounds looked spooky and sad through the film. Low, rolling slopes and an occasional lonely tree. It probably looked nice enough if you were outside in the sunlight, but the dark tint made it weird and a bit scary.
He remembered his father telling him once that there wasn’t enough money in the Federation budget to replace all the windows with viewscreens because they had to spend so much money getting food to the colonies. That’s what he was thinking about: his window was dark so that someone on a planet hundreds of light years away wouldn’t have to be hungry.
That’s what the Federation was all about, and that’s why his family was proud to be a part of it. People like Mahmoud just didn’t understand that. All they could think about was what they might have to give up or go without, not how they were helping other people.
The door slid open behind him and Jack turned around, sitting up in excitement. Mommy’s here! He untangled himself from his blankets and jumped up, then ran across the room and slammed into his mother, throwing his arms around her. We’re going home!
“There, there darling. There, there.” She draped her arms around him, but she didn’t squeeze. She didn’t pick him up and carry him out of there like he wanted her to. After hugging her as tightly as he possibly could for several seconds, Jack pulled back and looked up at her expectantly.
“Can we get ice cream on the way home?”
Something funny happened to Mommy’s expression, like she was trying so hard not to cry that it was twisting her face up. She spoke slowly and haltingly. “We… we can’t go home just yet.”
A cold shock of fear went through Jack when he heard those words. “What are you talking about? Why can’t we?”
“There’s something I need you to do for Mommy.” Her voice was hoarse, like she had a sore throat. “I need you to be strong.”
“I don’t understand!”
He felt tears in his eyes, but he was doing everything he could to hold them back. If he started crying, that would be like admitting it was really happening — and it just couldn’t be happening.
His mother composed herself, glancing nervously at Dr. Jeong. “The doctors still need to do some tests, they need you to help them with their… important work. You’ll be here with the doctors until the tests are done.” Her voice dropped until it was almost a whisper. “Just like when you visit grandma and grandpa and stay overnight. Or when you went to camp.”
He started sobbing. What she was saying was just so horrible. This isn’t anything like that time I went to camp! It isn’t anything like staying overnight at grandma’s house either!
This was more like jail. But how could he go to jail when it wasn’t his fault? He was shouting before he even realized it. “MAHMOUD PUSHED ME FIRST! ARE YOU JUST GOING TO LEAVE ME HERE FOREVER BECAUSE OF THAT?”
“No! Oh, no Jack, it’s not like that! You’re not being punished, darling! It’s not forever! It’s just until they get done with their tests!”
His mother looked stricken, like the guilt of leaving him here might kill her. But people felt guilty when they did something wrong. If she knows it’s wrong, then why is she doing it?
When he asked himself this question, it was like a wall of ice came down around him. It came to stay, and from that point onward he could always feel it no matter what else was happening. The cold came over him as a mix of sorrow and anger, and he started breathing faster and faster. She was his Mom, she was the one who was supposed to protect him and take care of him. That was her job, but instead, she was leaving him here all alone.
As his breathing got faster, Jack’s sight constricted. Like the dark film on the hospital windows, darkness crept up on everything. He felt like he was spinning around on a scary carnival ride. His mother and Dr. Jeong both faded from his sight, and he was vaguely aware of falling.
The world was gone. In a dark cloud, Jack saw nothing and imagined nothing. He knew he existed, but that’s all he knew. It felt like forever, but it also felt like no time at all. There was nothing there.
He opened his eyes — a moment later or a thousand years later, it could just as easily have been either one — and found himself on the floor. His mother and Dr. Jeong were kneeling over him. Their faces were worried, and there was an orderly in the doorway with a paper cup. “I brought the water, doctor.”
“Thank you, Phillip. Would you help young Jack to the bed?”
His mother’s hands were clasped nervously together. “He looks so pale, doctor.” She was obviously worried about him, but that didn’t make up for what she was doing to him. Nothing could.
Dr
. Jeong held the cup to his lips. “Here’s some water, Jack. Have a sip.”
The doctor looked nervous too, but Jack didn’t think it was the same kind of nervousness. He kept glancing at Mommy as if he was worried that she might just grab Jack and run away. Jack wanted her to do exactly that.
The doctor put the cup on the bedside table. “This is more of a research hospital than a treatment hospital, but we have the best doctors and neurological experts on T3. You don’t need to worry about a thing. Jack will be well taken care of. In fact, he’ll get the best medical care available in the entire galaxy.”
As the orderly helped him into his bed, Jack was struck by a feeling he had never had before, a feeling that shocked and frightened him. He hated Mommy. As terrified as he was of being left alone, of being separated, he still hated her. The men who had taken his father away were bad, but Mommy was the one who was leaving him here.
When I get out of here, he promised himself, I won’t go home. I’ll run away instead. Then Mommy can sit and cry and I won’t even care.
His mother started talking again. He didn’t know it, but this was what the doctor had asked her to say. “There might be a cure for Daddy, and you can help them find it. Wouldn’t that be wonderful, darling?”
He didn’t say anything. With her hands fluttering like little birds, she kept on going. “They’re going to do a procedure so they can get a tissue sample. Some tissue from your… from your brain. They’ll put you to sleep, and then they’ll cut a hole in your head and take just… just a little piece. Don’t worry, darling. Your hair will grow back.”
Dr. Jeong was staring at Mommy like she’d gone crazy. “Mrs. Klingerman, Jack really doesn’t need to hear all those details!”
But it was too late. Just when Jack was sure things couldn’t possibly get any worse, they did. What in the world was his mother talking about? They were going to cut a hole in his head and take a piece of his brain?
Dr. Jeong glared at her. “Now he’s crying again!”
His mother looked from side to side like a panicking deer. “I… I was trying to help him understand what was happening… so he wouldn’t feel so bad…”
Jack didn’t want them to take his brain. Not even a little piece of it. Not even to help Daddy. His Daddy was mad all the time anyway. Maybe it would be better if the hospital just kept his father, if he never got better and never came home. But why did they want to keep him too?
Dr. Jeong spoke sternly. “I think it would be better if you said goodnight now, Mrs. Klingerman. We’ll let you know when your son is ready to come home.”
“I’m sorry, doctor… I’m just so sorry…”
All the sympathy was gone from the doctor’s voice. “Say goodnight to Jack, please.”
Mommy leaned down beside the bed and stroked Jack’s hair like she did when he was sick. That always soothed him, but this time he just ignored it. The worse she feels about all this, the better, he pondered. I don’t care!
Jack glared at the wall and wouldn’t even look at her. At the same time, every part of him cried out for her. He desperately wanted for her to hold him, to make it okay, to make him safe again. But she never would.
“Jack, please darling. Mommy loves you. This is just for a little while. To help Daddy. And to do something important for… for the Federation.”
Jack’s voice was totally cold. “I hate the Federation. And I hate you.”
His mother’s face became a mask. It was just like a doll’s face, no feelings at all. But just for a moment, before the mask came down, Jack saw more sadness than he had ever seen on anyone’s face before. He wanted to cry when he saw that, and he wanted to say sorry. But he didn’t say anything. She’s hurting me. I’ll hurt her too!
Her voice as she stood up was just as cold as his. “I’ll come back as soon as Dr. Jeong says it’s okay.”
She walked out the door, and she didn’t even look back at him. For another few seconds, Jack continued to stare blankly at the wall. He didn’t want the doctor to try to talk to him. Dr. Jeong just watched, but Jack couldn’t tell if he was trying to think of something to say or just watching him like he would watch a bug.
At last the doctor spoke. “We’ll start your testing tomorrow, Jack. It won’t be so bad, you’ll see. And you’ll make such an important contribution. Don’t worry too much about the procedure your mother was talking about. It’s really not as scary as she made it sound.” The doctor shook his head when he said this, as if he still couldn’t believe the stupidity of explaining the procedure in detail to a child. Then he turned around without another word and headed out.
As the door closed behind Dr. Jeong, Jack realized he was alone. Not just alone in the room, but alone in the world. His Daddy was gone, his Mommy was gone, and he had no friends. They had taken everything away from him.
Chapter Twelve
Jack shuffled slowly down the hall like he was half-asleep, clutching the small pair of scissors up against his leg so no one would see. He didn’t know how long he’d been at the hospital, but he wasn’t going to stay.
As hard as he tried, he couldn’t decide how long he’d been here. The days just melted away and faded into each other like watercolor paint. They did so many tests here it all seemed the same. Tests where they hooked things up to his head and flashed weird lights in his eyes and made him answer all sorts of questions. Some of the tests even hurt, but they wouldn’t stop.
Just like his father, they had made him disappear.
He knew his Daddy was here, but he didn’t know where. Sometimes he wanted to see his father and sometimes he didn’t, but the doctors wouldn’t even tell him whether they would let him visit Daddy or not. They just kept saying, “Maybe. We’ll see how it goes.”
The same was true when he asked for Mommy, even though he wasn’t sure if he ever wanted to see her again. When he did want to see her — when he cried and cried for her and asked if she was coming to visit him — they always told him she’d come see him soon. ‘Soon’ clearly didn’t mean the same thing to the doctors as it meant for him.
When Jack didn’t want to see her — when he was filled with hate for her, imagining how much she’d cry when he ran away and never came home again — they still said the same thing. “Don’t worry, you’ll see your Mommy soon.”
The doctors pretended to be nice but they were really liars. Jack didn’t believe a thing they said. As for the other patients, at least a few of them were fun to talk to. Mr. Dortlund, for instance. Whenever Jack saw him he would tell a story, and it was always a funny story. Or Ms. Carr. She liked to talk to Jack about books and history, and he thought maybe she used to be a teacher. Ms. Carr would even give him little quizzes sometimes about the things they talked about, like who the United States presidents were or what Napoleon did in Russia.
Those two were almost like friends now, or nice neighbors anyway. He would miss them a little, but he had a plan. He had stolen these scissors because they were nice and thin, with stiff blades. They ought to be able to pick the window lock. He knew it was possible because he had seen Daddy do the same thing once with an old lockbox he couldn’t find the key for. He didn’t know how it worked, but it looked like Daddy was just sticking the blade of the scissors in and slowly turning it. That seemed like something he could do.
Of course, he had to hide the scissors from Jim the orderly, who was walking beside him on the way to the room. That wasn’t too hard, because Jim was a terrible orderly. He was lazy and mean, but more importantly for Jack’s plan, he never paid too much attention to anything. He was always singing to himself as he walked down the hall, and it was always the stupidest kind of music, with lots of naughty words.
Jim noticed Jack briefly because he was falling behind. Hiding scissors against your leg made it harder to walk quickly. “Get going, shithead. I should be on break right now.” Then he started to sing again, half-under his breath. “You know you get me going when you walk in the room…”
The next line was mu
mbled and Jack couldn’t hear it, but he could tell it ended with “boom, boom, boom.” Jack had no idea what this song was about, but he knew it was naughty and he knew it was stupid. Now that he thought about it: stealing scissors so he could pick a lock was a whole lot naughtier than the song, but he didn’t care about the rules here anyway. These people were bad, or they wouldn’t have taken him away from his home. They were basically kidnappers, and there was nothing wrong about being naughty to kidnappers. Maybe rules don’t matter for grown-ups. Or maybe they’re something bad people make up so they can tell you what to do.
Still clutching the scissors against his leg, Jack entered the room as soon as Jim opened it. Jim glanced around and said, “Need anything? I didn’t think so,” and shut the door immediately. Jack heard the lock click into place and climbed up onto his bed. He didn’t know how long he had before they came and got him for another test, but he didn’t expect this to take all that long in the first place.
When his father cracked open that lockbox, it looked pretty easy. He opened the scissors up, pinched one blade between thumb and forefinger, and stuck it in the lock. Then he turned it sideways, and after just a few seconds the box popped open.
The lock on the window was much harder than that. He got the blade in, but whatever his father did to spring the lock turned out to be harder than it looked. He tried to turn it, but it just kept slipping on something and falling out again. He tried at least a dozen times before he took a break, and the same thing happened every time. One time the scissor blades almost closed on him and he had to drop the scissors quickly to keep from getting cut.
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