Her whole family was growing by leaps and bounds, and she was a part of that. Only she was going to be gone for the next month at least, maybe two if her agent and the tour had their way. Two whole months away, and she wasn’t going to be near Marcus.
She had done something like this before, too many times to count. But now it felt different. And it should feel different.
The two of them weren’t talking, and it was killing her. She had thought they’d always talked about everything, but she was wrong. If they had, then maybe she would know precisely what her feelings were. She didn’t, though, and she still didn’t let herself face those feelings fully.
She didn’t know why. They were getting married.
She looked down at her ring finger and frowned. It still didn’t feel real. Like it was a joke that now had gone too far, and there was no turning back from it.
That was something she needed to fix, but she didn’t know how.
However, that was going to change. Today, after her practice, Marcus was coming over, and they were going to make dinner and have a relaxing night in. She would finally tell him that she loved him.
They did this whole relationship entirely backward. And she knew that, but she was going to fix it.
Because he always did so much for her, it was her turn to do something for him. But what if he didn’t love her. What if, in the end, he was only doing this because he thought it was the right thing to do. He never went back on a promise. That was Marcus. So, maybe that’s why he was still in this. Oh, they had great sex. But was that because they had chemistry? Or was it because they were good at it?
She didn’t have the answer to that, and it worried her.
And so, she would have to put herself out there, finally. And hope to hell that he loved her back.
And if he didn’t?
She put her hand over her belly and took a deep breath. If he didn’t, then they would have to go back to being friends.
Friends who knew what each other tasted like.
She knew that song, loved playing that song, how friends didn’t know what each other tasted like, but maybe they could go back because she refused to lose him.
And that was totally selfish of her.
She closed her planner, rolled her shoulders back, and knew she had to get back to practice. She was having trouble with this song, and she knew it wasn’t for lack of trying. No, it was because her mind was on other things.
The doorbell rang in that instant, and she frowned. No one was supposed to be here. Marcus was working, as was the rest of the family.
Maybe it was the UPS driver or something.
She went to the front door and looked through the peephole and groaned.
“Of course,” she whispered, hoping he didn’t hear her through the wood.
Bristol opened the door and tried to smile. “Colin, what are you doing here?”
He smiled at her and stuck his hands into his pockets. “Hey, I was driving around, trying to work out the last bit of a song, the one I told you about, and figured I might stop by.”
“You were driving around Boulder and just happened to come to me?” she asked.
“Yes, but I found myself driving directly towards you, if that makes any sense.”
“Maybe. I was about to get some practice in. What’s up, Colin?”
“Practice? You think I can join you?”
She held back a wince. “I don’t know. I’m focused at the moment.”
“I’m not going to bother you. I promise. It would be good to have two people working together, right? And there’s that song that our agents want to do.” He quickly held up his hands as she opened her mouth to speak. “I’m not the one who brought up the idea. Yes, I want to go on a tour with you, and I know it could help us, not just you, not only me, but both of us, but the song wasn’t my idea. However, it’s a great one. And for charity. How can we go wrong?”
This was the Colin that she usually liked. The one that wasn’t so self-centered. He hid that part of himself a little too often.
“Okay, fine, I could use a little help, honestly.”
Colin’s eyes brightened. “Really?”
“Really. I’m working on this last bit of a new piece, and I have a feeling it all has to do with my brain. But I could use someone to listen and figure out where I’m holding myself back.”
“Well, I’m here for you. Always, Bristol. You know that, right? I mean, I know we’re not together anymore, and that’s perfectly fine. But we can be friends. After all, you’re moving on, getting married and shit.”
She smiled, but she didn’t know where he was going with this.
“I am getting married. It’s going to be kind of amazing.”
“Oh, yeah. Totally. Is he going to go on tour with you? Or are you going to have to deal with not seeing each other for long periods? You know how lonely it can get out there. Even with everybody surrounding you, you need your core people. What are you going to do?” They were walking towards her back studio and practice area, and she frowned, not liking that his thoughts were going along the same path as hers. She didn’t know if he had an ulterior motive, but it was Colin, so perhaps he did.
“We’re still working on that. Everything’s still new.”
“I’ll say. Didn’t even realize you were dating, and suddenly, you’re getting married. I haven’t seen the full announcement yet either, you know, on social media. You guys just keeping it close?”
She frowned as she sat down in her chair, rolled her shoulders back, and got ready to pick up her cello.
“I don’t put personal things on social media. It’s all about work, and sometimes, me practicing the cello from the house. That’s all the Instagram they get from me.”
“Well, you’re Bristol Montgomery. People care about you. They care about your personal life, even if you think you’re hiding it.”
She frowned again, settling her cello between her legs. “I don’t think I’m hiding it. I know I am. They don’t need every part of me. Nobody does.” Except for Marcus, but she didn’t say that. It was understood. At least, she hoped so.
“Anyway, where are you having trouble? Show it to me. Let me listen.”
She settled in and picked up her bow, frowning. “The world doesn’t need to know everything. I’m only a cello player.”
“No, you’re the cello player. The face of our generation.”
“That’s laying it on a little thick,” she said dryly.
Colin shrugged, even as he sat down at the small piano she had in the corner. It had been a gift for herself when she wanted to learn the instrument thoroughly. Colin had been the one to push her at it, and honestly, she hadn’t been too worried about that. She had wanted to play, as well. Wanted to make sure that she had more than just one talent up her sleeve.
“I want to be the best. I don’t want to simply be another piano player. I want to be the one that people think of. I want to be the one that those outside our community know. And if that makes me an arrogant asshole, then fine. People will have to get used to it.”
She shook her head. “There has to be a middle ground. I want to be the best at what I do, but I don’t want to be the best in terms of putting other people down along the way.”
“I don’t think you have to do that. But what do I know? I’m a simple piano player.”
She snorted. “You just spent how long explaining to me that you want to be the best, and you already think you are. There’s nothing simple about you.”
“You say the sweetest things,” he said, winking at her. “Now, get to it. I want to hear you play.”
She nodded and closed her eyes, took another breath, and then began to play, not needing to see the music for this first part. She had the whole thing memorized, but that didn’t matter. When she got to a specific part, she would have to open her eyes and look. She flowed with it, knowing Colin was in the room but ignoring him. It was all about her and the music and what she needed to breathe with, but whe
n she got to the part she kept slipping up on, she opened her eyes and focused on the notes in front of her, ensuring that her fingers were in the right places, by feel, by sound, and by a simple sense of knowing. When she finished, she let out a deep breath, any tension she’d had long gone thanks to the music.
She looked up at Colin, who was frowning at her, his eyes narrowed, intense.
“Horrible, right?”
“On the contrary. You’re quite astonishing. But I see that one piece. And I feel like you’re flowing toward a crescendo and then the music changes at that one moment, but it’s not your fingers or the way that you’re putting pressure on them. You’re right, it is in your head.”
“See? And you can’t just change that. I don’t know what to do other than scream at it and tell myself I’m going to be fine. But now I have this mental block in my head, and I can’t get over it.”
“That song has piano on it, do you have your iPad with you?”
She nodded and handed it over to him, unlocking it. He did a search and then groaned.
“I knew I had this. Okay, what if I play with you, at least the harmony line, and we can see what happens? Maybe at that part, if you let go and have fun with it, you’ll get through your mental block.”
“You think that’s going to happen?”
“It could.”
“Okay, let’s try,” she said, and then let out a breath before she got into position.
The two of them laughed, playing decently well the first time, and Colin shook his head.
“Okay, now that we’ve got that crap out of our system, let’s do this again. We can do it.”
“So you say, I feel like I’m just getting worse.”
“This is practice. You’re not supposed to be amazing each time.”
“That is so not something that you would usually say,” she said, rolling her neck.
“Maybe, but I’m attempting to be humble. You know, trying it on for size.”
“Whatever.”
She knew this Colin wouldn’t always be here. He was still happy and smiley and helpful when he was getting what he wanted.
She was aware of that and knew that because she couldn’t completely cut him out of her professional life, she could be civil. And just because he annoyed her sometimes and was a bit of a dick at other times, didn’t mean that she had to grit her teeth every second of every day.
This version of Colin was easy to get along with, and as they worked for a few hours on the piece, something he didn’t even need to do, she hoped this version of him was here to stay, even though she knew that wouldn’t happen.
The music flowed through her on their final practice, and she skimmed over a part that always tripped her up, and then she was there, living in the moment, just breathing through the music. At the final notes, she set her cello down as well as the bow and stood up, clapping. “Fuck, yeah. That’s how you do it.”
Colin stood up with her, picked her up by the hips, and slung her around.
She pushed at him, rolling her eyes. “I told you, you could do it. Now, who’s the best teacher?”
“That would be me,” she said, laughing. “Seriously, though, thank you. I needed to get out of my head, and playing with someone else really helped.”
Just like when she played with Marcus, even though he said that he wasn’t good enough, he was. She loved playing with him, and it helped work out any kinks she had. Plus, she loved being next to him. She couldn’t wait for him to come over later so she could tell him that to his face.
“You’re amazing.” And then Colin’s hand was on her face, and his lips were on hers.
It took her a moment to realize what the fuck was happening. She was on a high from playing and hadn’t even realized that Colin’s lips were on hers or that it wasn’t Marcus.
She felt oily, but she didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, didn’t want to make him angry, or worse. So, she pushed him away and laughed.
“Stop it,” she said.
“Yeah, let’s not do that,” a voice said from the door. She turned, noticing for the first time that they weren’t alone. And like before, when he’d been in the doorway, and Colin’s hands were on her, he looked pissed.
“Marcus,” she whispered.
She had a feeling it wasn’t going to be easy to explain this time.
It might not be her fault, but it looked like she had hurt him. And she couldn’t fix that.
Chapter 17
Marcus did his best not to believe his first impression. He honest to God knew that Bristol wouldn’t cheat on him.
This had Colin and his fucking asshole face all over it.
But the fact that Colin’s hands were still on Bristol’s face, and her lips were all swollen and shit meant that it was tough for him not to want to murder someone just then.
What did he know? He was only the fiancé that she didn’t fucking love. Bristol pushed Colin off her, and Marcus fisted his hands at his sides. He wasn’t a violent man, and he wasn’t going to turn into one.
“Marcus, I didn’t realize it was so late. We have our date tonight.”
“Seems like,” he said, his voice neutral.
“Hello there,” Colin said, that fucking British accent annoying Marcus to no end. It was like the other man laid it on thick when he was trying to needle him. And that was probably true. Colin was a fucking asshole.
“Colin came by, and I was working, having trouble with that song I talked about. And then we worked together on it, but I finally got it. Finally. That’s great, right?”
Marcus nodded. “Sounds great.”
Colin leaned forward, his eyes bright. “And I guess we got caught up in the moment. You know, music does that. I mean, that’s what happens when two artists get together. Sometimes, the music just overwhelms us.”
“Colin,” Bristol snapped. “The music may have gotten into you, but not me. You ever do that again, I’m going to knee you in the dick.”
Marcus watched Colin’s eyes narrow into daggers, but thankfully, the asshole simply shrugged and put on that fake smile of his. “Sorry about that, love. I guess I did get into the mood.”
“Don’t call me love. You go all fake British even though you’re actually from the UK when you say that.”
The other man waved it off. “Perhaps. Anyway, it seems you have a bit of a mess to clean up. Sorry for my involvement. Now, I hope we’ll talk soon about the song?”
“Maybe. I don’t know. You need to go, Colin.”
Marcus watched the other man leave, and let Bristol stand up for herself. Because he never stepped in for that. He wasn’t going to beat some guy’s ass just because he could. Even though he fucking wanted to.
“I’m so sorry about that.”
“The kiss? Or me catching it,” Marcus asked, unable to help himself.
Bristol’s eyes widened, and she stepped forward, her hand out, but she stopped at the look on his face.
At least that’s why he thought she stopped. For all he knew, she was just done. Maybe he was, too.
“Colin kissed me. I did not want it. I was pushing him away. You saw that.”
“And yet you keep letting him into your house?”
“Because I work with him. And he did help me. But I do know that if I have to work with him again, it’ll be at a public studio, not alone with him. He’s too much. I’m sorry, Marcus. I didn’t mean for that to happen.”
“No, you’re right. You can’t control him.” Marcus let out a breath and then started to pace. “It’s seriously not your fault. I’m not angry about that. Are you okay, though?” he asked, finally getting through the sludge that was his brain and trying not to act like an asshole.
“I’m okay.” She paused. “I mean, as long as you’re okay. Marcus, talk to me. What did I do?”
He sighed, trying to get his thoughts in order.
“You haven’t done anything, Bristol.”
He paused. “Maybe that’s the problem. We haven’t done a fuc
king thing.”
Her eyes widened, and she took a step back. “What do you mean?”
“What are we doing? We’re only playing at this, right?”
“No, we’re not. We made a promise.”
“Fuck that promise.”
Her eyes widened, but she didn’t say anything. Good. Because he wasn’t sure what he would do if she tried to say anything. He didn’t know if he’d believe it. He barely believed himself.
“What the fuck are we doing?” he asked again. “We’re not…whatever we’re doing, it’s not going right. We barely talk, we hang out with others, and they’re so scared of breaking what we had that they constantly don’t mention it. It’s the elephant in the room, and it’s fucking killing me. What the fuck are we doing?”
“We’re going to be married,” she whispered.
“Yeah, that’s not the right answer. If it was the right answer, you wouldn’t sound so nervous about it.”
“Marcus.”
“No, don’t. We made that promise because we were scared. And I get it. You were leaving, and I was staying behind. But that’s always going to be the case. You are always going to go, and I will always be here. I’m never going to be like Colin. I’m never going to travel with you and see the world and be the type of guy you need.”
“Stop it. You know that’s not what I want. Colin isn’t what I want. You are.”
“Are you sure? Or are you just scared of backing down? This is what we have now.”
“Marcus.”
“Stop saying my name like that. You know it’s not going to help anything.”
“You’re scaring me, that’s why I keep saying your name. I don’t know what else to do.”
“I don’t know either, but this isn’t working. We never talk. We used to talk about everything, but even as I say that, I know it’s not true. The past ten years, we purposely ignored the fact that we made a promise that seemed silly. Nobody would ever fucking do it, but suddenly, we’re not backing down because Andie overheard us? What kind of fucking start to a relationship is that? I gave you a ring, one that I thought you would love, but I didn’t tell you what I feel, and you’re not telling me what you feel.”
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