by W Winters
“I know it’s war, but I would rather be with them right now,” I tell Eli, brushing the tears away as I realize that’s where my place is. “I think it would be best if you sent me back to my home.”
“Maybe when the week is over, you’ll want to go somewhere else,” is all Eli gives me.
It’s not until he’s gone that I realize Addison is silently crying.
She can’t even look at me, but I don’t care.
I don’t care about anything anymore.
“It’s what this life is like,” I tell her solemnly, remembering all the nights the men would fill the kitchen downstairs, clinking their beers and patting each other on the back. “I had an uncle named Pierce.” I haven’t thought about it in forever, but now I’m reliving a certain night when I was fifteen years old. The night that marks the first time I fully grasped what my family did for a living and began to really see the consequences that came with it. I can feel how raw my throat is when I pause to swallow. From screaming, from crying.
“I came downstairs while he was holding something up in the air and everyone else in the room was cheering.” Their voices echo in my head. “I remember smiling, so happy that my father was in a good mood.” I don’t know if she’s listening, but I keep talking.
“My uncle was so happy to see me.” I remember the way his grin widened before putting down whatever it was he’d been holding and hugging me like he hadn’t seen me in years. “I felt like a part of the family that night. My father even gave me a small glass of wine despite the fact I was only sixteen.” I remember the way it tasted, and how I felt when he poured from his bottle and gave me the glass in front of everyone. “He said, tonight we drink. Tonight, we celebrate Talvery. And everyone cheered again when I took a sip.”
I peek over at Addison, who’s listening intently and waiting for the punch line.
“It wasn’t until a few days later that Nikolai told me it was a human tongue. The tongue of a rat who was murdered, and they were celebrating because the charges were dropped with no witness living to testify.” I had to beg Nik to tell me; he told me I wouldn’t want to know, but I pressed him. After he told me, I knew I could trust his opinion if I ever wanted to know something again.
I stare at the fireplace, wishing it would crackle with a soothing flame, but it’s empty and there’s no wood here to start a fire.
“Talverys and the Cross brothers are the same. And they’ll both kill each other or die trying.” It’s a truth I’ve wanted to avoid for so long, but now it seems as if I can only try to limit the damage they’ll cause.
“That’s not the way they grew up,” Addison tells me with tears in her eyes. “They were good people.”
“My family is full of good people too.” My gut churns from trying to defend this life to her. To someone who didn’t grow up in it. “They just do bad things. Like my uncle. He loved his wife, he loved his kids, and he would have done anything for me if he were still alive.”
It’s quiet for a moment as Addison slowly sits down next to me, holding onto herself like she’ll fall to pieces if she doesn’t.
She doesn’t speak for a long time; neither of us does. But neither of us gets up either. “I don’t understand how Daniel got into this. This isn’t what they were like before. I swear to you. They were good and… and… I don’t know how this happened.” She looks lost like she had no idea. I’ve seen women before who are in denial, who turn a blind eye. But she’s truly shocked. Maybe she didn’t realize how real this life can be. How close to death it is.
“I do.”
My response grabs her attention and she waits for more, but I don’t know how much she really wants to know, or what she needs to know.
“For the longest time, there wasn’t anyone south of Fallbrook. That’s where I’m from and basically the territory my father keeps. My father talked about taking it a lot.” I remember back when I was little, how I’d sit in his office coloring and he’d have hushed conversations about the developments in Back Ridge. “There wasn’t anyone living there, no businesses, but then,” I clear my throat and tell her, “then developments grew and there were more people. More opportunities, as my father called it.”
“He and Romano had two territories side by side, and both wanted it. But the areas are like a cross, sort of.” Four quarters, I draw it out on the blanket on my lap, the way Nikolai explained it to me. “Carter’s area is the bottom left, but his portion is bigger now. The bottom right is Crescent Hills and it’s not claimed, just a shit town with no one policing it, no one protecting it. Carter and his crew keep moving closer and closer, but they only take it little by little. My father has the upper left and Romano the upper right. They both wanted the territory where Carter is now, but while they waged a cold war against each other because of my mother…” I swallow a dry lump not knowing if she knows but not in a state to explain. “Carter took over. One by one, killing the men who worked for my father who tried to stop him, or, sometimes, Carter took on my father’s soldiers, proving he would be ruthless and that the area was his, but he had mercy for those who stayed with him.”
“So, it was Carter?” she asks, and I can see in her eyes she doesn’t want to believe Daniel was involved.
“I’ve heard Jase and Carter’s names a lot.” I almost say more, but I hold it back, swallowing my words. “But Carter is the one name that everyone knows. It’s either Carter or the Cross brothers.”
Addison’s brow is pinched but her expression is riddled with anguish as she says, “I don’t know why Carter would do that. I don’t know why he’d want to live this way.”
Again, I almost say, “I do,” but I don’t. It’s because my father knew what Carter was capable of. He knew they would take over. My father tried to kill them before they could become the powerful family they are now, but he failed. His failed attempt is what made Carter who he is.
The truth, and facing the truth, causes a coldness to flow across my skin and I pull the blanket more tightly around me.
“I understand if you could never be friends with someone like me. Someone whose family makes a living through death and sin. Someone who…” I trail off, pausing for a moment before what I’m about to say next. I have to close my eyes to say, “Someone who broke you and Daniel up.”
“Stop it,” Addison breathes the command with a seriousness I wasn’t expecting. “You didn’t break us up and you’re still my friend.” She grips my hand in both of hers as I stare back at her, hoping she still feels this way in the morning. Because I have no one right now and, in a week, I may have even less than no one.
“It’s going to be okay and we’re going to look out for each other. You have to look out for the ones you care about. You know?” Her gaze begs me to agree with her, to stay strong. But I’m not like Addison.
Tears beg to run down my face, but I bite them back, refusing to cry any more tonight. Instead, I nod my head and force out my reply, although the words are strangled. “I’m trying to. But what can I do when the ones I care about want each other dead?”
The silence comes again, but she’s quick to end it this time.
“Let’s have a drink.” She’s off the sofa before I can even tell her how badly I need one.
I can only nod my head in agreement, still wrapping my head around the spiral of horrific events that led me here.
I can’t think about anything but Carter as I hear her open a bottle of wine and the glasses clink on the counter. Instead, all I can do is picture Carter’s face the exact moment I lost his trust and he lost his fucking mind.
It’s going to haunt me forever.
If not that, then the sight of my family in coffins.
There was no way for me to win.
I don’t want to do this anymore. I can’t deal with this anymore.
I need to stop this.
Chapter 61
Carter
It’s quieter here than I thought it would be. Sebastian picked a nice area. He had the place built two yea
rs ago but never came back. I don’t know if it’s the memory of him or everything that happened tonight that makes my heart twist like someone’s wringing it out from inside my chest.
The whiskey didn’t make the pain better. Not the first glass, not the second. Not when I threw the bottle at the window, shattering it and filling the room with the smell of liquor. Earlier, I spent too long sagging against the wall while sitting on the floor of the office staring at the box. The box that’s still open, empty, and pushed up against the rug. I can’t move it back. I can’t bring myself to move it back as if she was never in there.
Everything is telling me to let her go.
Logic and reason. She will never love me because of the way we started. She will never love me after I kill her family. She will never love me, because of the man I am.
I know it all to be true.
But the idea of letting her leave fucking hurts.
“Do you want me to go in with you?” Daniel asks me from the driver’s seat, ripping my gaze from the front of the house and cutting through my thoughts.
“Are you sure you’re okay to see her?” he asks me the real question.
“I’m not going to hurt her,” I tell him as I stare back at the house, praying I’m telling the truth. I want her to feel this pain. I want her to know how much it hurts.
“What are you going to do?” he asks me, his hands sliding down the leather steering wheel.
“I’m going to give her what she wants,” I lie. I’ll never let her leave me.
My brother’s voice is stern and loud in the cabin of the car as he says, “You’re making a mistake.”
I’m taken aback by his criticism, staring at him as the dark night sky gets darker. “You can do what you’d like with Addison; I won’t judge you. But stay out of it when it comes to me and Aria.” It’s all I can tell him because I don’t know what to do with Aria. I don’t know what I can do with a woman who would betray me like she did.
“Are you really going to let her walk away?” When I don’t answer his question, he pushes me by saying, “She’ll have no one when this is done with. No one.”
I raise my voice to reply and end this conversation. “I said I’m going to give her what she wants. I didn’t say I’d let her go.” My blood rushes in my ears as Daniel’s eyes narrow in the darkness.
“Are you coming in?” I ask him, refusing to let him continue.
“No, she’s not inside. She walked down to the liquor store for more wine when Aria went to bed.” He settles back in the seat and looks straight down the road to add, “I’m going to drive up there and keep an eye on her from a distance.”
Pausing, he looks at me before adding, “Cason’s with her and there are eyes are on her, but still…”
“She must know you’ll be watching her,” I say absently, remembering everything that happened months ago.
His nod is solemn. “I know she does. I’m sure she hates it too.”
Giving him a tilt of my head to part ways, I grab the handle to open the door, but Daniel’s words stop me. “I wonder if she’ll know when I get to her.”
With my fingers wrapped around the handle, I still, then ask, “What do you mean?”
“She used to know somehow. Years ago, when Tyler died. Every time I came close to her, she’d turn around as if she knew I was there. It didn’t matter how far away I was or how many other people were around us. She always knew, back then.”
He finally looks over at me, the sorrowful smirk still on his face. “I wonder if it’ll be the same even now.”
I don’t know what advice to give my brother. I can feel his pain and there are no words to help him.
“Just make sure she’s safe,” I tell him, remembering all those years ago and everything that happened between them… between all of us.
“Always,” he tells me and smacks the back of his hand against my arm. “Don’t fuck it up.” He forces a weak smile to his face, although it doesn’t reach his eyes. I can’t give the same back to him.
The sounds of the night greet me as the car door opens and then shuts easily. The crickets and the wind are all I can hear. The men posted on the side of the building see me and I acknowledge them with a simple nod. I button my suit jacket and walk up the sidewalk and onto the porch. With every step, the anxiety over my fears grows. The fear that I’ve lost her forever. That she never loved me, and I never really had her. The fear that tonight has destroyed anything and everything that’s between us.
There’s no turning back from what’s happened. There’s no denying that she’s clouding my judgment and keeping her means losing the confidence and respect from my men.
Helplessness is something I haven’t felt in so long, but it’s with me now as I stalk toward the safe house.
Eli’s been at the front door all day with his earpiece in and the phone displaying the monitors. He stands up straighter with the smack of my boots on the stone steps as I make my way toward him.
“Aria’s in the north bedroom on the second floor. Addison’s at--”
“The liquor store,” I finish the sentence for him.
“Boss,” he says and rewards me with the barest flicker of a smile. “Of course, you’d know.” He opens the massive front door; it’s solid steel eight feet high and three feet wide. The bright light from the foyer reflects off the freshly polished wood floors. It’s been a while since I’ve been here and the memory of standing on this threshold with Sebastian makes me pause.
Chloe, Sebastian’s wife, is the one who chose everything for this house. She wanted to come back. I really thought they were coming home years ago when this house was built, but they didn’t.
Standing there, I remember my childhood like it was yesterday, back when I was a different person. Back before all that shit happened with Aria’s father; before my best friend left and my mother passed away, leaving me on my own to take care of my drunkard of a father and my four brothers. I’ve never thought back on it and felt ashamed. But as I stand here, I think back to who I used to be and know I would hate the man I’ve become. I would hate who I’ve turned into and what I’ve done.
You can’t go back though. You can never go back.
“Is there anything I can do for you?” Eli asks quietly, carefully.
“How is she?” I ask him. I’ve known Eli for four years now. He helped me take over the majority of this territory and he’s the only reason I’ve moved deeper into Crescent Hills, where I’m from. There’s no law in Crescent Hills, so moving my empire there is a task harder than most, and the income doesn’t justify it. It’s a hellhole no one wants, but I thought Sebastian would eventually come back and help me take it. I thought wrong.
“She’s been crying on and off since Addison left.” Eli’s gaze doesn’t stay on mine as he reports on Aria to me. He looks down at his shoes and swallows before looking me back in the eyes. “She saw some of the news. I’m not sure what she’s most upset about. Leaving you or losing her family.”
Anger is a slow simmer. I shouldn’t have waited to pull the trigger. “If they were already dead, I wouldn’t have this problem.”
Eli nods in agreement. “We’re ready when you are, Boss.”
“Romano’s already taking down the streets in the upper east.”
Eli nods again and says, “It’s been all over the news today. I imagine Romano will hit them from the south side this week.”
“Talvery will be expecting it though.”
“That’s good for us here. Chances are good he’ll take his men on the northernmost streets up there and hit him harder.”
“They both react predictably.”
“And they’ll both fall… predictably.” The grin on his face would be reflected on mine, but all I can think about is how Aria will truly hate me then. She was willing to threaten me to save them. Deep in my gut, I know the idea of vengeance is something that will cross her mind. And it fucking kills me.
“I don’t know that I can ever trust her again,” I sp
eak the revelation out loud and regret it immediately. What the fuck is wrong with me?
“She’ll get over it. I overheard her explaining things to Addison; she understands why this has to happen.”
The night air clings to me, holding me here at the threshold instead of moving forward to face Aria.
“Where did you find that dumb fuck, Jett?” I ask him to get off the topic and remind him who I am. His fucking boss.
“He’s a good shot, just a little shit when it comes to his mouth. I think he has Asperger’s or something.” He looks past me and into the night for a moment before continuing. “He’s not too good at reading social clues, but in the war, he waited three days to get a shot on the insurgents in Afghanistan. Three days he stayed in the same bunker, barely bigger than a shack. He didn’t fucking move until the three on his hit list were in his sights.” He huffs a short laugh although it lacks genuine humor. “They came out for a smoke, thinking they were in the clear since it’d been quiet for three days. It only took him twenty seconds to get all three of them in the skull.”
“I still want to rip his fucking throat out,” I tell him absently, although my respect for Jett grows as I picture what he’s been through.
Eli shrugs. “I’ve told him before that he could still shoot his gun if I cut out his tongue.” He chuckles and adds, “Jokingly, of course. I owe him my life.”
“I’ll keep that in mind the next time I want to punch his face in.” My words come out dull, lacking the conviction I had before.
“What’d he say?” he asks me.
“Nothing,” I answer him, knowing I don’t want to have this conversation with him. I respect Eli, but he’s not my friend. This is business.
He nods once, opening the door just a hair more and the soft sound of it creaking is loud in my ears.
“Tell the men not to go in and to stall Addison until I’m done in here,” I say, staring at the spiral staircase that leads to the second floor where my little songbird is now caged. “I don’t want her to hear this.”