by Haven, Rose
“Whoever said that you’ll be ruining her life? She’ll be the Duchess of Suffolk AND have a beautiful daughter to adore! What else does a woman want?”
“Are you implying that all this mystery woman, whoever she is, needs is the title of Duchess and a daughter to love. Oh mother! Don’t you realize that anyone who is after the title is NOT going to love Rose?”
“Peter, this woman that I am talking about is already from a reputed family. She does not want to marry you for your title, you can be assured,” said his mother calmly.
“Then why would any sane woman want to marry a widower who is incapable of loving her AND also has a toddler daughter?” asked Peter, exasperated.
“Because she has always loved you!” came the curt reply.
“What?”
“Yes, you’ve heard me right. The lady I am talking about is none other than Amber.”
“Amber? Amber Wikfield?” asked Peter, shocked.
His mother nodded.
“When….how???” Peter didn’t know what to say.
“When, how….it doesn’t matter. What matters is Amber has agreed to marry you. And you know very well how much she loves and adores Rose, don’t you? And Rose is extremely fond of her too!”
Peter didn’t know what to say. He had seen Amber playing with Rose innumerable times and felt his chest tighten on more than one occasion thinking that Helena would have done just the same. Amber wanted to marry him? Why?
Peter was finding it hard to believe that Amber loved him. Why had she never given him any hint? Maybe Mother was wrong. Yes, she was extremely fond of Rose. But him? He wasn’t so sure.
Chapter Two
Amber could not believe her ears. Was she actually getting married to the man of her dreams! She had given up all hopes since very long. But now, maybe, just maybe she'll be able to step into her very hearts desire!
Amber was the daughter of one of the richest men in Suffolk. Her father and Peter's late father, Lord James Bryton were the best of friends. Her family was looked upon as one of the most influential families in the county.
Amber and Peter had been friends since their childhood. They played together, went on family outings together and even shared the same interests. But as they grew up, Peter was sent abroad to study and this impacted their friendship. Initially, Amber missed him terribly but then she too got busy in her own routine.
Whenever Peter would come home in holidays, Amber would look for excuses to go to their manor, just to catch a glimpse of him. She didn't know when her childish infatuation blossomed into love. But Peter had never considered her anything more than a good friend. And she had made peace with the fact that he would never be able to love her the way she did.
When Peter fell in love with Helena and married her, Amber had been truly happy for him. At least one of them had found their true love! And when Helena died during childbirth, Amber had done all she could to help Peter get over the loss. She had looked after Rose as if she were her own daughter.
Amber absolutely adored Rose. Now, she would be her mother in reality! The mere thought filled her heart with joy.
Amber heard a light knock on her door.
"Amber, are you there?" It was her mother.
"Yes, mother. Please come in."
"Sweetheart, Lady Bryton has just left. She wants this marriage to take place as soon as possible."
"Oh!"
"I just want to ask you again. Do you really want to marry Peter? I mean, he is a widower with a two year old baby!"
Amber had refused to marry every eligible bachelor her parents had suggested to her in the past. Many of them had been titled lords with impressive reputation. But she had always found faults in each one of them. When Lady Bryton had come to their home with this marriage proposal, her parents had not been very pleased. But Amber had shocked them by agreeing to marry Peter.
"I know, mother. In fact, Rose is one of the main reasons why I have agreed to this proposal."
"Alright, as you wish," sighed Amber's mother. "I just hope you get all the happiness that you deserve," she smiled.
She kissed Amber on the forehead and got up to leave but turned halfway.
"Amber, there's another thing I want you to know," she hesitated. "I know you've always been fond of Peter. And maybe this is the reason behind your decision. But you must remember that Lady Helena will always be his first love. You know very well that he stills mourns for her and I doubt he'll ever love someone as deeply as her. Believe me, it is very difficult for a woman to share her husband's love. And it becomes even more difficult when you're competing with a dead person's memories."
"I am not going to compete with anyone or anything, mother. I know that Peter still loves Helena and that she will always hold a very special place in his heart. But I want him to come out of the shell that he's built around himself. Maybe, once he comes out of it, he'll start living again. And perhaps, start loving too." Amber wanted to add 'me' to the loving part but then reprimanded herself on her wishful thinking.
"My child, how I wish what you are saying comes out to be true. I just hope that this turns out to be the best decision of your life."
"I hope so too mother, I hope so too", thought Amber.
Amber knew that she would have to try hard to win Peter's heart. But she was determined to succeed. After all, they were childhood friends and knew each other so well.
Everything would be OK. With that belief and her spirits high, Amber decided to retire for the day.
Chapter Three
Lord Peter Bryton and Lady Amber Bryton proceeded towards their manor after a small marriage ceremony at the oldest Chapel in the county. They were received with great love and warmth by the staff at the manor. The Dowager Duchess did not accompany the newlyweds as she had suddenly remembered that she had 'a very important engagement' that evening. She also insisted on keeping Rose for the night.
When Peter argued that how would she manage Rose AND the important engagement, she sheepishly revealed that her important engagement was with Rose only!
Peter and Amber had not really seen eye to eye the entire time. There was a strange feeling of shyness and nervousness inside Amber's heart. Peter also was finding it hard to believe that he had actually married Amber, his friend, his confidante. How a simple ceremony had changed their relationships so drastically!
They both were lost in their own thoughts when they arrived at the manor.
"A very warm welcome to the new Duchess of Suffolk,” beamed Mrs. Beatrix, the housekeeper.
"Mrs. Beatrix, please call me Amber. I am still the same person."
"Indeed, you are the same person, my lady. But your name has changed from Amber Wikfield to Lady Amber Bryton. And that is what makes all the difference," she smiled.
"Mrs. Beatrix, please show Amb...uhh...Lady Bryton her chamber and Michael, please make sure all her belongings are taken to her chamber," ordered Peter.
Michael, the butler, gave a small nod and went on to carry out his orders.
"Now, please excuse me ladies, I have a few pressing matters to attend."
Peter's behavior stunned Amber and even Mrs. Beatrix. Amber had not really expected him to be happy after the marriage ceremony but she had not expected such offhandish behavior either. Was he feeling guilty about marrying her? Or was he reminded of his marriage to Helena? Amber didn't know. For now, she thought she would just let him be.
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Peter went straight to his study and pulled out Helena's portrait from the huge cupboard. He looked at her smiling face and her big, blue eyes....the eyes that had made him fall in love with her.....
Jesus, what had he done! Married Amber! How could he betray Helena like that? It had hardly been two years since her death. And he'd already remarried! He felt a deep pang of guilt twisting his heart. No matter how much he tried to convince himself that he'd married for Rose's sake, his mind kept on saying that he'd betrayed Helena's memories.
And he had
ruined Amber's life too. She was now stuck with a man who was incapable of loving her. He had trapped her in a loveless marriage. Good Lord! What had he done!
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Peter had left Helena's chamber untouched since her death. No one was allowed inside except for Mrs. Beatrix and a servant and that too for cleaning purposes. So Amber was greatly surprised to see that her belongings were being taken to that very chamber.
On seeing her surprised face, Mrs. Beatrix informed her, "Her Grace convinced Lord Peter to allow you to use this chamber, though it is a mystery to everyone how she managed to do it."
"And what happened to Helena's belongings?" asked Amber, still surprised.
"Lord Peter himself carried most of the stuff and moved it to a room upstairs."
It must have taken a lot if his willpower to do so, thought Amber. She was pleased that at least he was trying.
Amber instructed the servants on where to keep her things and by the time the last of her belongings were settled, she was very tired. And hungry too!
She asked one of the chambermaids to prepare a bath. She needed to relax her sore muscles. After a refreshing bath, she changed into one of her favorite gowns and waited for Peter to call her for dinner. It would be their first meal together as husband and wife. She smiled inwardly at the thought.
After a few minutes, Mrs. Beatrix arrived.
"My lady, would you prefer to come down for dinner or shall I get it served here?"
"Ummm... I'd like to have dinner with Peter. Is he at the dinner table yet?"
"Well," Mrs. Beatrix looked a little uncomfortable. "He has ordered that his dinner be served in the study. And he also said that he should not be disturbed."
Oh! So he was avoiding her. But for how long?
"Mrs. Beatrix, would you mind telling the servants to lay table for two in the study. I shall accompany him, no matter what he says."
"Sure, my lady," smiled Mrs. Beatrix.
Chapter Four
Peter was surprised when he saw the lavish spread in front of him. Had the servants lost their minds! How could he eat all that stuff alone? He didn't even feel like eating that night.
He was about to ask what the hell was wrong with them when he saw Amber enter the study.
"Good evening, Peter," she said casually. "Do you mind if I join you for dinner here?"
"Uhhh....Of course, why not! You are most welcome. This is your own house, after all!"
How could she behave so casually after their marriage, he thought.
"I see you have locked yourself up here since the time we arrived. Is everything alright?"
What the hell was wrong with her! They had taken such a huge step and here she was, behaving as if everything was just the way it was before!
"Yes...yes! I..uh...I just had some important work to do," he lied.
"Oh, alright! I wish Rose was here with us. I am already missing her."
"Yes, I am missing her too."
Amber's eyes fell on Helena's life size portrait that was standing in a corner of the room. So, her guess was right. Peter was feeling guilty about marrying her, he felt that he had betrayed Helena!
Peter’s eyes followed Amber’s and he caught her looking at Helena’s portrait. He didn’t know why, but he felt a sudden urge to give an explanation as to why he had taken that portrait out after so long.
“I just wanted to remember Helena today as this day marks a new beginning in my life,” he tried to explain.
“It’s fine, Peter,” Amber gently touched his hand. “She was your wife, your first love. You have every right to feel the way you are feeling right now. I know I can never replace her, but I promise you that I’ll try. I’ll try my best to be a good mother to Rose and……” She badly wanted to say ‘a good wife to you’ but instead added, “a good Duchess to the people of Suffolk.”
“Amber you don’t know how much that means to me. You have always been by my side whenever I needed you. I don’t have enough words to thank you.”
“Oh! Don’t be silly….”
“No please, let me say this today. After Helena, I’ve seen how you looked after Rose. That is why she loves you so much! And now you agreed to marry ME….a broken soul, fully aware that perhaps I won’t be able to love you like a husband should love his wife.”
Amber looked up at him. She desperately wanted to ease the pain that she could so clearly see in his eyes.
“I have my own selfish interest behind marrying you,” said Amber.
When he looked at her questioningly, she laughed and added, “You know very well how much I love that little daughter of yours. And to think now I actually get to be her mother! Isn’t that incredible!”
“And the fact that you said ‘perhaps’ you won’t ever be able to love me….. well, that ‘perhaps’ fills my heart with hope,” she added looking boldly right into his eyes.
Peter didn’t know how to respond to that! He had never considered Amber anything more than a dear friend. But apparently, she did have feelings for him. It was clear in the way she was looking at him with those huge brown eyes….eyes that were so different from Helena’s, yet no less beautiful!
Peter cleared his throat. That brought Amber out of her trance. Gosh! What was she doing! Behaving like some love stricken teenager! She felt her cheeks redden and she immediately averted her gaze and focused all her energy on eating the food in front of her.
Peter noticed the change in her expressions. How quickly her face changed from that of a woman who knew what she wanted to that of a child caught red handed with her hand in a jar of sweets. He couldn’t help but laugh.
“Now what is it that you find so amusing, my lord,” Amber asked with a goofy grin on her face.
“Nothing…nothing,” and he laughed again. This time, a bit louder than before.
His laughter sounded so good to her ears and was so infectious that Amber started laughing too! Mrs. Beatrix and Michael heard the noise and came to check what the commotion was all about. When they saw both of them laughing heartily, they looked at each other and smiled.
“I’ve haven’t seen Lord Peter laugh like this after two years! I just hope Amber brings back laughter to this empty manor and fills his heart with love and happiness once again,” Mrs. Beatrix’s face beamed with joy.
“Amen to that,” added Michael.
Chapter Five
Peter had never noticed how beautiful Amber looked when she smiled, how she scrunched her nose when something was not to her liking, how her cheeks blushed when she felt embarrassed. He had never noticed the small freckles on her nose or the mole right beneath the left corner of her lips. He had never noticed how beautifully arched her lips were, how soft and supple they looked….
Good Lord! She was his best friend, for heaven’s sake! It had been too long since he’d been with a woman. To be precise, more than two years. That could be the only reason behind these ridiculous thoughts. One moment, he was regretting his decision to get married, feeling guilty for the same, and the other moment, he was laughing merrily with his new wife and even contemplating how soft her lips were!
There was something grossly wrong with himself he felt. He wanted this meal to finish as soon as possible, so that he could spend some time alone and think about what exactly was the matter with him.
When they finished their dinner, Amber got up to leave.
“Thank you Peter for allowing me to dine with you,” Amber said soberly.
“The pleasure was all mine,” Peter smiled.
“Good night.”
“Good night.” And Amber left the room. Peter noticed how gracefully she walked out of the room. Just like Helena!
But otherwise, the two women were as different as chalk and cheese. Where Helena was always impeccably dressed and oozed sophistication, Amber was more free-spirited and easy going. Where it was difficult to read Helena’s mind, Amber’s face was like an open book. Helena was beautiful in an ethereal sort of way, she was extremely d
elicate and her face looked angelic. Amber, on the other hand, was beautiful in an earthy sort of way, a woman who loved living her life to the fullest!
Peter had always taken Amber for granted. She had been her pillar of strength, apart from his mother, when Helena died. Peter had often wondered why she refused to consider every eligible bachelor who wanted to court her. He had even jokingly warned her of ending up as a grumbling old maiden. But she had always laughed off his concerns.
He wondered if his mother had been right about Amber loving HIM. Did she not marry all those years because of her feelings for him? If that was true, he would have to talk to her regarding the same. He could not let her live in false hopes. He had to clarify that though she would be the Duchess of Suffolk and the mother of his child, she could never be his wife, his love interest. He had already given his heart to Helena and she had taken it with her when she left him alone. Now he was just a heartless man, incapable of falling in love again.
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Amber stared at the ceiling of her new room. The feeling that she was now married to Peter had slowly begun to sink in. She had not seen him laugh with this abandon since so long. And how handsome he looked with that dimple and those laugh lines etched prominently on his face! She had missed seeing him like this….carefree and happy!
But that was only for a few short moments, she reminded herself. He had immediately composed himself after that laughter episode and they both had eaten their dinner in silence. Amber promised herself that she would do everything in her power to heal him, to again make him that carefree, happy man that he once was. When Helena was alive…..how could she forget Helena!
Amber had always had a cordial relation with Helena. Though they were not the best of friends, yet they both cared deeply for each other. When Amber had found out that Peter loved Helena, she had been distraught. But after meeting her, she had found her to be extremely charming and likeable. Although she would be lying to herself if she said that she had never felt jealous of her, yet, she’d always wished the best for Helena and Peter. And she had grieved deeply when she died.