Three years have passed now. I’ll be graduating from college soon!!
Oh! Let me tell you this first. I went to our high school reunion dance. Alone. Saw Donald. His wife had passed away a year ago. We talked. The years had been good to him. He really looked good to me. I knew I looked healthy, fresh and good too. He held my hand an extra long time and we smiled a lot at each other. Then, guess what? Honey B came in! Yes! Honey B, still the same. Still alone. Saw me talkin to Donald and came straight toward me. I excused myself to Donald and moved toward her. I even smiled at her. She opened her mouth, full of missing teeth gaps, and told me, “Girl! You ain’t progress none! Still talkin to that ole square.”
I turned and went to the ladies’ room. She made me have to go there. She followed me, still talkin and wavin to people, some who didn’t even recognize her. Got in the bathroom, still tellin me how “I need to go to this club with her and really live, meet some real men.”
I came out that toilet, flushed, my history zooming through my head. Honey B was still waiting for me, standing alone. I walked up to her, said, “Honey B, what’s going on in your life? How have you been?”
She laughed. “Still havin fun, girl. Doin my thing.”
I laughed a little. “What is your thing?”
She laughed again. “Partyin! What you doin when you leave here?”
I sighed. “Going home to study. Got an important exam coming up.”
She looked shocked. “Study?! You ain’t in school.”
I nodded, “Yes, I am. In college. Getting ready to graduate with my master’s. What else you doin besides partying?”
She tilted her head and smiled an empty, sad smile, “Ain’t nothin else to do.”
“You get married? Have kids?” I smiled at her.
She shook her head, “Giiiirl, I was sposed to get married, but somethin happened every time. I got three kids though. They at my mama’s house. She keeps em. What about you? What’s all this bout college, chile? I thought you’d be glad as I was to get outta any kinda school!”
Still smiling, I said, “Oh, I have two big children. I keep em at home though. Trying to get them ready for college, too. I’m doing … better.”
She laughed a half-hearted laugh. “Sure must be borin. You don’t have no fun! I always did have to teach you to relax and have fun. Why don’t we do somethin sometime? Tonight?”
I tilted my head and looked serious. “I am doing something. I have a dream that I am making come true. That’s what you need, Honey B. You need a dream.”
She waved her hand at me. “I’m doin alright.”
I waved her hand away. “You can’t be. You’re doing the same thing you were doin fourteen years ago. What are you going to be doing next year, in ten years? You need a dream, Honey B. Get yourself a dream. Life will be a lot more fun to live. You may think what I do is hard, but I know what you do is way harder than my life. And it can’t be satisfying you. When I get through following my dream, I’ll BE somewhere.” I started to walk away from my old friend, but turned back one more time. “Get yourself a dream, Honey B, I know you got one somewhere.”
Then I went to find Donald to tell him I was going home because I had some studying to do. So he would know it wasn’t a repeat performance of the past with Honey B. Because I was putting together another dream with love in it. He asked when he could call. I thought he would. Then, I went on home to study.
Now I’m about to graduate. Got a dance coming up. Donald calls often. When he called the last time, I asked him to be my date. He said, “Yes.” Laughing.
Well, my mama says I got some sense now. Yes, I’m getting better at it. Well, you live … and you live.
But today … what started me to telling you my story, I saw the boy my daughter was walking home from school with. A slick-head, crafty-lookin bum! When I got her in the house, I asked her, “What is that slick-head bum doing hanging around you? He doesn’t look like he is good for nothing! He sure doesn’t mean you any good!”
Then I looked into her eyes, saw the past there … and, maybe, the future.
Here we go again. But this time … I’m ready … I think. At least I am thinking, and I’ll know what to do in time, I hope. Thinking and hoping. Having sense. I’m getting good at that!
Please, God, let my daughter have some sense. Cause, oh God! It’s her turn. That means it’s my turn. And I’m coming up fighting for her.
Sure Is a Shame
You know, it’s a fact and I seen it, sometimes when you think you taking a bite out of life, chewing hard on it, life be done taken a bite out of you and done already swallowed. Sho is a shame, sho is.
Like my neighbors cross the way there. Inez and Fred. That’s their house. They been married a long time. Her good luck and his bad.
Long time ago, when I was in high school, my family lived next door to Inez’ family. Inez used to pull her youngest sister, Gartha, around by the nose practicly, cause Gartha just bout worshiped Inez. Anyway, we was kinda friends, not best friends, but kinda friends and sometimes I would go over to their house. It was a poor, little bare house, most everybody’s was, but it was never too clean nor happy. Their daddy was gone, but their mama was still there. Mama Lil. And Mama Lil was always fussin bout somethin. Mostly men.
Mama Lil liked to drink and smoke while she sat at the kitchen table and talk bout life and men. I didn’t blive everything she said, but I was sittin up there lookin in her mouth, listenin to everything she said, just like Inez and Gartha. She would talk bout their daddy too. He came by to see em sometimes, but Mama Lil would always fuss, cuss and holler at him and try to get his money, so he didn’t come by much.
Mama Lil say things like, “A man ain’t shit! He just a dog! You can’t let him get way with nothin! He’ll walk all over you, blive me when I tell you! All they want is one thing … that coochie down tween your legs and then they be done gone off after another one!” (My mama said somethin about what most men want, but she said it different.)
Mama Lil said, “Don’t never tell a man he looks good cause he will lose his mind, honey! Sho will! He’ll go out and try to look good to all the women then! And he’ll go up-side your head if you try to look good! And once he get you to start havin them babies, it’s all over then! He don’t want you no more, he wants somethin new! Oh yea! Somethin young! Men ain’t shit! Don’t you ever trust no man! They’ll hurt you! They’ll let you down every time! Ain’t no mother’s son worth a good hot damn! Blive me when I tell you! I hate em! I ain’t never gonna work to help no man do nothin! Don’t never give your money to no man! The lyin good-for-nothin bastards!”
Now, see, I didn’t blive everything Mama Lil said. Cause I loved my daddy. He always was comin by to see us and always takin us somewhere. My mama didn’t have to fight him bout no money. And I had brothers and uncles I loved. They laughed a lot and was always doin somethin for us or bringin a little somethin to make you feel good. I loved em!
Anyway, pretty soon my life was full of books and courtin, dresses and all them things like that, so I didn’t go over Inez’ very much at all. Neither Inez nor Gartha laughed and smiled much, so it wasn’t much fun at their house. Inez would go out with Fred some, but she said she didn’t really like him, was just waitin for a real love to come along. Gartha didn’t have nobody courtin her, she just follow round behind Inez. Sho was a shame!
I was gettin round pretty good and I fell in love with a boy named Buster and he fell in love with me. We planned to get married. We were near graduation and we both come from kinda poor homes so we both worked. We even saved our money together. I opened the account and we put the money in. When we finally did get married, we were able to put that money down on a little house. This one we still in! It’s where we started our family. It ain’t big or nothin, but it’s ours. And you know our kids start comin right away, even early. (smile) We sho was happy!
Inez wasn’t nothin much to look at in school, had a hateful attitude, but a real nice body, pretty legs a
nd such like that. But Fred sure loved that girl. She was sure glad cause the other boys didn’t pay her much mind. She was like sweet sugar to him until she found out how much he loved her and how much he would take, then she took to being a little mean. Even to making him do things for her in front of her girlfriends so they would see how much she was loved. Fred just took it with a smile, saying, “That’s Inez.”
Now everybody was gettin graduated and married and such like that, but nobody still didn’t pay no attention to Inez so she married Fred. Not too long after that, Gartha got married. She was still tryin to do everything Inez did. I don’t know how Gartha got that man, Pete, cause everybody knew he was in love and goin steady with another girl. They say she lied bout bein pregnant. Whichever way she did it, she got him. Then she “lost” the baby, she said. Pete had really wanted his baby and he was going to leave and go back to his real love, so Gartha got pregnant “again” and this time she had a baby girl. Pete loved his child and he did work hard for them both, and I don’t know if he was ever in love with Gartha or not. But I do know he was a foster home child and he wanted a big family of his own. They finally got a house too. Not as big or as nice as Inez’ turned out to be, but they got one.
Fred was workin his hands to the bone for Inez. That very house, right there where I showed you, he built that house with his own two hands. She might’a handed him a hammer or a nail, but he sure nuff built it. Just like she wanted it. Took a year or two to finish, cause they didn’t have much money. She wouldn’t work, said, “A woman’s place is in the home.” Well, I guess she was right cause that’s where a lot of em is. When they finally moved in, she got that house straightened out and then proceeded to keep him from enjoying the fruit of his labor. The Bible talks about that you know. Sho was a shame.
Friends could sit in Inez’ dining room whenever they dropped in and she would serve em something. Fred had to eat in the kitchen if it wasn’t a special gathering. She let other outside people smoke in her house, club ladies and such, you know. Fred would light a cigarette and she be fannin all around him, fussing. And he had to have his own special ashtray cause she wanted to keep all the rest of em clean. He cleaned his own. If he went to work and left a butt in it, it was still there when he came home.
Fred couldn’t bring his friends home to watch a sports game or play cards cause she didn’t like em. “Too trashy,” she said. “And I just hate them ole football and baseball and basketball games! Only a moron would sit up and look at them things all day! It’s a waste of time!” Whose? Musta been hers, cause Fred liked things like that and such. I don’t always watch em, but I make bets with my husband on em and that makes something between us we can share. Now, that don’t mean I’m right, it just means my husband is happy and I have peace in my house.
As usual, Gartha followed Inez. Gartha commence to treat Pete like he was a fool dog. Pete kept workin, but he spent a lot of time in them streets. Just came home to bring Gartha enough money to help with the baby and the house. He spent the rest of it any way he wanted to. Mama Lil said, “I told you so!” Gartha’s house wasn’t too clean either. She was always over to her mother’s house sittin at the kitchen table smokin and drinkin a little, talkin bout how low-down men were. I guess history do repeat itself cause people buildin the same history every day.
I know I sound like a gossip, but I sure am not. I just study life. I had children I was raising, still do, and I had to watch life so I might know how to explain it when the time came I needed to. I knew there was some men like Mama Lil talked about, but I knew they wasn’t all that way. Sho is the truth!
Now, even though Fred was workin for both of them, he had to wash his own work clothes by hand or at some launderette cause Inez said, “I don’t want all that dirt in my washing machine!” When he sit down to try to read a newspaper after a thrown together dinner and maybe doze off, cause he’s tired, you know, she wake him up to clean them papers up from round him. And I know he had to clean up the kitchen after his self-made breakfast fore he go to work, cause my husband sometimes waited for him to give him a lift. To me, his days started out wrong. But what do I know?
Fred never, honest to God, he never forgot her birthday nor nothin. Always had a surprise present or somethin for her. He must’a marked his calendar. She kept her calendar for other appointments, I guess, cause she never got him nothin, cept maybe for Christmas when everybody got somethin. Sho was a shame. Sometime my husband didn’t always remember either, but he mostly did, cause I make big hints and such, you know. When he did forget, he just tell me to go get something I like. Some women don’t like that, but I can live with it cause then I go get something I REALLY wanted that he might never think of.
Lord, Inez had all kinds of clothes. Fred worked two jobs sometimes, like when she wanted a mink jacket? She laughed, said, “Gets him out the house and keeps him busy, steada sittin up lookin at these dumb games or somethin!” Yes, she had all kinds of clothes. Even that fur that tried to pass as mink. Fred had one good suit and all the rest was work clothes. He didn’t say nothin cept, “Inez looks good when she all dressed up!” and he look proud. She just roll her eyes at him like he a fool. Sho was a shame.
She didn’t want no babies, no children. Said, right in front of Fred, “Honey, if them babies come here looking like Fred, I’d die. I’m not going to be guilty of bringing no such babies into this here world.” I didn’t think he was ugly. I thought he was nice-lookin and I know some other women did too. And even if she thought he was ugly, he was her ugly. Sho was a shame. Sometimes I think maybe she just didn’t want to share the spotlight with no child. My husband didn’t look no better than Fred did and we had four children. (smile) Beautiful children.
It was a shame cause every kid on this street, over the years, had something Fred had made for em or given them. He played ball in the street and that empty lot with em, til Inez call him in the house. “I got something you can do round here with all that energy. Mow the lawn or something.” They had the best-lookin lawn in the community cause it seem he rather stay outside than be in the house with Inez on weekends when he be home.
When they wasn’t havin company for dinner on Sundays Inez fix that hardworkin man leftovers or some lunch meat sandwiches with a cup of soup. And even after he done worked all day sometime and come home tired, And she been home all day! Sho was a shame. On my husband’s day off, I cook him a good meal, or sometimes he cooks a real good meal. I don’t never feel like no fool cause he is MY husband and treats me better than right. And I don’t think he’s no fool for doin it. If you don’t treat what blongs to you right, who you gonna do it for?
Sometime I’d see Pete and Gartha come over to Inez and Fred’s house with their daughter and when they get out their car, you can hear them squabblin all way cross the street. The child would have her head bent down, but she be walkin, holdin both their hands. I understand Pete don’t hit Gartha though. Gartha too big. And, anyway, none of Mama Lil’s kids play that hittin stuff. I don’t blive in it either and didn’t raise my daughters to take no hittin mess. Sho is the truth!
Now … I know all about this woman’s liberated thing and such, but I know one thing, when you have somebody love you and try to do everything to please you, they are liberating you too! Everybody sposed to have a hand in liberating themself! If you don’t want to kiss nobody’s behind, then don’t keep puttin your behind in their face! Cause that’s wrong and sho a shame!
One time, I remember, Inez broke her arm. I don’t know what she was doin to break it. I know she kept her house clean, but how you gonna break your arm cleanin house? Oh, I guess you can fall or somethin, but, you know? Anyway … that sling thing stayed on her arm bout six months and Fred had to come home from work and clean the house … to her specifications! She had to have it clean clean! Cleaner than when she did it herself. He did it.
Now, maybe her friends mighta helped her, but they was eatin and gossipin and going-out friends, not heart friends. I helped her a couple of da
ys, but I had a husband and four children so I already had plenty to do. Anyway, Fred did it. For six months or such. He sure was a nice man, a good man. Sho was a shame. Then, one day I was outside getting my mail and I saw her open the door for the mailman and she used that arm just as good as she want to. Wasn’t no sling on her arm or in sight. She musta forgot to put it on before she opened the door. Later on that day I saw her and the sling was back on. That arm had been well, chile, and I know it! Bout a month after that Fred came home early one day, sick, and caught her with the thing off and that was the end of the broken arm.
When somebody tryin to do what you are tryin to do and you been friends, you pay attention to how life is turning out. I never did talk about her to nobody but my husband, and he didn’t care nothin bout nobody’s business. But Inez talked about Fred all the time cept she never did say nothing except all the things she thought was wrong with him. Said he couldn’t do nothin right, he was so stupid. Or she should’a married somebody else cause he didn’t have no class, no culture. She tore him down. I didn’t say nothin cause I didn’t agree with her. I liked Fred. Only reason I’m tellin you is cause you don’t know neither none of us. And … I felt sorry for Fred. Sho was a shame to me.
I don’t know whatever else happened in their house, like their bedroom or nothin, but after about ten years or such, Fred got him a pretty lady who was washin her clothes over at that same laundromat Inez made him use. I guess Inez didn’t give him much of that sex stuff either, you know. Lovin, chile. (I got more than my husband ever gonna need and I help him know that.) (smile)
Fred and that lady started keepin company, pretty regular. When Inez began to wonder why he was late from work more and more, she buzzed around and found out bout that woman. She went down to that woman’s job, cussed her out and wanted to fight! After that she trailed Fred all the time in her car. She driving, him walking. He didn’t keep the lady or the lady didn’t keep him, I don’t know. I do know he told my husband, “Sometime a man can’t be happy in the house and can’t be happy out the house. What can he do?” My husband SAID he said, “I don’t have that problem so I don’t know.” Anyway, if that was true, it sho was a shame.
Some Love, Some Pain, Sometime Page 14