I aim my own gun at him so he can see it as I continue my bumpy pursuit and watch as his eyes widen. It’s like a light switch being turned when he realizes I’m not a damn tourist. Quite the opposite actually. I roll down my window because we’re moving fast enough that I know I’m not in harm’s way. These assholes couldn’t hit a moving target if they tried. Their balls and the size of their guns are what they care about, not how to properly use either, unfortunately. I stick the gun out of the window and bend my elbow so it’s pointing right at the yahoo on my hood. I pull the trigger once and it grazes his arm. He fires again, like a real college graduate, at my bulletproof windshield. Leaning out of the window a little farther to get better aim, I pull the trigger one more time and hit him in the leg. Finally he rolls off my hood and lands on the left-hand side in a deep puddle. That required way more effort than I anticipated.
“Nice one, boss,” Van says over the radio. Replying isn’t an option because I can finally speed up. Horse is within shouting range and the cascade of gangsters is heading his way. Fuck. There’s too many of them. Once we reach Horse we hop out, wielding more guns than a real gangster and help Horse finagle the jerk from the white truck into the back of Horse’s Jeep. We put a pair of zip ties on his wrists and ankles and attach them behind his back. It will hold him until we get to our second location away from this fiasco. We have seconds to spare before the group descends on our vehicles again. They’re trying to take hubcaps, fucking with the door handles and doing everything in their power to stop us.
“Drive to the hangar, guys. I’ll question him when I get there,” I say. They confirm, and we are out of the alleyway, back onto the roads, heading toward safety. I take a deep breath and realize how close of a call that was. To be outnumbered was a large concern when I was a Navy SEAL, and it’s just as much of a concern with my work now. Molly calls again. “I know you’re taking a breather. Horse just called in, so I’m patching you through to another call,” Molly says, out of breath. She’s probably working from her treadmill desk.
“Go ahead,” I say.
The call is transferred to my phone. I try to speak before she does. “So you’re missing my dick and what else?”
“Classy,” Dax says. “A true fucking professional.” I’m going to kill Molly.
“What do you need, man?” I ask. “How’s that nose doing? Still just crooked enough to throw off your facial symmetry, marring you unattractive to the general population?”
“I wouldn’t be an ass if I were you. I’m calling to tell you that the deal stands. Do what you need to do and I’ll meet you tomorrow.”
I laugh. “She’s not going to go for it. I can lie to her until I’m blue in the face and she’ll never believe me. She knows me better than that. If you knew her at all you’d know Lainey gets what she wants.”
“I have an exact location that will be valid for the next forty-eight hours. Better practice your acting skills,” Dax says. “How bad you want V?”
I swallow hard. I want him badly—more than anything else. I thought, but now I want Lainey more. “You don’t deserve her. You know that, right?” I reply.
“And you do? You’re even more fucked up than I am. I can give her a good, honest life. What will you give her? She already has money and mansions. The only things you bring to the table are a hobby for homicide and an absentee ballot.” I grip the steering wheel tighter. He doesn’t know her like I do.
But he’s right. “Fine. I’ll talk to her tonight. I’m out of pocket, so I’m going to have to email or call her. Two things that make it even less believable, but it’ll be done tonight. You better have good intel, asshole. I’ll add you to my hobby list. Remove you from the equation completely.” I hear him breathing heavy on the other end of the phone. “I’m joking, Dax.”
“Who the hell knows with you! You’re a loose cannon.”
I roll my eyes. “And you are a manipulative, secretive man. I just hope you know what you’re doing. Messing with others’ happiness will bring you bad karma. Not that I believe in that shit, but even I have to admit what you’re doing is pretty low. You could give me the information I need and walk off a cliff. Happily ever afters for all involved.”
“She was happy, you asshole. Lainey was perfectly content with me.”
“Wow. Content. Everything she dreamed of being when she was a little girl. ‘I want a content marriage to a man who reminds me of my one true love.’ Yeah, I’d say she was content with you,” I say, forcing a mock girl voice. “You don’t know her like I do.”
Dax scoffs. “Content and safe. Both of those things. Now, tell me if you think that’s something she deserves. I’ll take care of her. I know her just as well as you do.” Now he’s trying to piss me off by reminding me he’s been inside her. It makes my stomach roil. I’m hungry, and he’s making me sick.
“You don’t know her as well as I do.” Spilling Lainey’s secrets isn’t an option. I found her out. She had to come clean. Ole’ broken nose obviously hasn’t done the same. I’d fathom a guess that he wouldn’t have the same feelings for her if he did know. Then again, how honorable of a man can he be if he’s sinking to blackmail to get what he wants? “It doesn’t matter.” I cut off that train of thought before he can say any more. “I said I’d talk to her tonight. I’ll take a red eye to Virginia Beach instead. Meet me at my place. I’ll have Molly coordinate a time that works for both of us.” I don’t say goodbye or let him object. I press the button that sends him back to my assistant.
I’m really doing this. It’s not as selfish as one might think. But I’m going to have to be a real dick to make this work. A monumental prick. A man Lainey Rosemont has never seen before. I’ll pull out all the stops. Make the most important lie of my life believable.
No more Mr. Nice Guy. This time it’s important that I finish last.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Lainey
HE CRAWLS INTO my bed in the early morning hours. He smells of booze, perfume, and sweat. All three of these things separately aren’t offensive, but together they paint a picture of something atrocious. I roll over and face him, unable to see any features—just darkness.
“You,” he whispers. My skin crawls. He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me close. He texted that he was coming to see me, so I left him a key to the side door in a spot only he knows of and went back to bed. After ignoring my phone calls for a full twelve hours, to say I’m pissed with him is an understatement. Now he says he wants to talk.
“What’s the deal, Cody?” I ask, warily. As my eyes adjust, I can see the whites of his eyes in the dark. A second later I see his white, smiling teeth, too. “What did you want to talk about that couldn’t wait until morning? Molly is sick of hearing my voice, but you couldn’t be bothered to call me back. What’s up?”
Dax is acting weird too. Leaving me to my requested distance without so much as a text saying ‘hello.’ Maybe I’m the one going crazy. It’s a plausible possibility. I’ve been slipping back into my old ways, making contact with people from my old life. Surveillance equipment and weapons don’t materialize via thin air. After all these years of distancing myself from the life, I was surprised how easily I eased back into it. My old friends were still in the business and more than happy to help me out. Still, it gives me a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that never leaves. It’s why I was relieved when Cody finally asked me if I was a spy all those years ago. I came clean. The rush was surreal and much needed.
I found no need to share my past life with Dax. Not only would that have deterred him from befriending and ultimately falling in love with me, but it was my new life free of all of the chains from my past. Cody was dead. My old life was gone. Vadim was dead. I could reinvent myself in any fashion I wanted. There was a point before I got engaged to Dax that I truly forgot about my past. Sure, that was a relief, but I’ve always felt like an imposter. Everything has changed. Nothing is as it seems. No one is dead and my shackles are very real.
Cody s
ighs, blowing whiskey breath into my face, so strong I’m pretty sure I got drunk from air. “I need to talk to you about something important and I’m not sure how to say it.” His speech is slurred.
“How about you just say it?” I remove his arm from me. It’s too tight. Scooting to the side of the bed, I click on my bedside lamp and see him for the first time. He’s a tousled hot mess. “Did you just crawl out of a dirty bar? Seriously?” Still, my heart hammers at his mere proximity, craving his touch, as dirty as it may be.
His eyes linger on my mouth. I make a point of shutting it. His gaze flicks to my scantily clad body. He sits up, rubs a hand down his face, and sighs. Without looking up, he says, “I think we need to cool off.” What. The. Fuck?
Narrowing my eyes, I say, “How much have you had to drink tonight…today? I’m not a fucking refrigerator. In case you’re so blitzed you can’t tell.”
He shakes his head. “Not that much. I’ve been thinking and we’re no good, Lane. This isn’t going to work out between the two of us.”
A deer caught in headlights looks less mollified than I do. “Are you friend zoning me right now? It sounds like you are fucking friend zoning me, bro.” My tone is caustic, but still light. He can’t be serious, right? After everything we’ve been through, he has to be joking.
Still avoiding eye contact, Cody lies back on my pillow and folds both arms over his face. His jeans are sitting low on his waist and his shirt pulls up to expose his abs. “I’m no good for you. It’s not safe anymore.”
I grab his arm. “I’m taking care of it. Don’t worry about my safety. Don’t you dare,” I rasp. He glances at me, but shuts his eyes as if the sight of me pains him. “Stop it right now.”
He rolls to his side. “I’m going to try to say this the best I can. He…Dax is the better choice for you. I had no business stealing you away from him. In my absence he made right by you. He’s proved his worth, Lainey. He’s a good man. He still wants you after this,” he says, waving his hand in between us. “He’s got to be broken and yet he has so much confidence in your relationship that he’s still here. That counts for something. It counts for everything.” My breathing accelerates. So much so that I’m now sucking air in through my nose and pushing it out of my mouth like I’m running a damn marathon. I feel faint—palms clammy, eyes sparking a million different colors. God, he’s doing this. He’s breaking my heart again. I shake my head. Cody’s blue eyes are pleading with me. His lips so perfectly kissable are saying goodbye. He continues, “Marry him, Lainey. Marry him, goddammit. If not because I’m telling you he’s the better man—because I can’t give you what he can, because he is man enough to let you do what you want. What more can I say? He deserves you.”
“Enough!” I yell, throwing out a hand like maybe that will stop the verbal wounds he’s throwing out left and right. “Lies. Nothing but lies, Cody Ridge!”
He sits up straight and covers his face with his large, strong hands. “They aren’t lies, beautiful girl. They’re truths. That’s why you feel so strongly.”
“What about you, then? What do you deserve?”
He looks at me. “Not you. That’s for damn sure.”
“I get to make the decisions about the ring I wear on this finger,” I say, pointing to the ring finger on my left hand. “I also get to make the decisions on who gets this finger.” I flip him off with both middle fingers and hop off the bed. “Fuck you,” I say, walking to the huge window in my bedroom. I hit the remote on the wall and raise the blackout shades. The blue of the night shines on my face.
“I’m sorry,” he says. Tears threaten, but I can’t be weak. Not in front of him. Not yet. I need to think. Why is he doing this self-sacrificing bullshit?
I lean my head against the cool glass to ground myself. A panic attack threatens and I don’t want anything to do with that mess right now. I touch the glass with my fingertips. “Why are you doing this to me?”
His footsteps are heavy as he approaches from behind. “I’m doing this for you,” he says, laying one warm hand on my shoulder. I spin in one quick motion, my blonde hair a tangled mess in my face. He looks longingly at my mouth once again, takes a strand of hair between his fingers, and then tucks it behind my ear.
“I don’t want you, Lainey.”
This is the moment that I hear my heart break. It shatters into tiny, cold pieces. “What?” I ask. A traitorous tear sneaks down my cheek.
“He does,” Cody says. His words don’t match his exterior. I look at him closer and see lipstick at the bottom hem of his T-shirt. I swallow down a mouthful of spit and bite my lower lip. I notice more lipstick at his collar. He sees me appraising him—knows exactly what I’m seeing.
“Fuck you, Cody. Don’t do me any favors.” I wipe at my face with the back of my hand. “You’re a weak bastard. You can’t be a man and stand up for what you want. For what’s always been yours. If this is really how you feel, that Dax is the better man for me, then you aren’t the person I thought you were. I don’t want you either.” Cody closes his eyes, hanging his head. “You’ve said what you needed to say?” I ask.
The silence in the room is big and loud. I sniffle noisily, and his breaths are heavy—the exchange of oxygen and carbon dioxide. Except this isn’t okay. It’s everything but okay. I feel the sutures in my heart unraveling—the place Dax fixed, that Cody lives, is collapsing into rubble.
He finally says, “This has been a mistake from the beginning. I’m sorry I even agreed to see you. I should have followed your lead when you left me in a hospital room without opening your mouth.” I lunge forward and slap his beautiful, cruel face. The force turns his head in the opposite direction. It leaves a remarkably large, red welt and I’m satisfied for the moment. The hurt comes back quickly and I want to do more than slap him. I want to kill him. For making me fall in love all over again and snatching it away, but mostly for calling our love a mistake. How can a love like ours be a mistake?
I throw out my hand. “Don’t say anything else. You’ve made your point.”
Because he’s trying to not just break up with me, but destroy me too, he keeps on. He turns his back to me. “It’s your fault, Lainey. I’ve been a fool to even entertain the idea of loving you again. I’ll say it one more time. Marry Dax. He’s a nice guy.”
“Get out,” I order, my tone angry and low. I try and fail to keep the tears in check. Numbness replaces all emotion, but I can’t stop the crying.
Walking toward my bedroom door, he pauses at the threshold, turns and says, “It’s okay to give up on the bad guy, Fast Lane.” With that, he leaves. I hear the side door close and lock. My shaking hands fail as I try to grab my cell phone from the table in my bedroom where it charges. It slips out of my grip a second time and I give up. Who would I call at this hour anyway? Cody’s words are on repeat. His boozy breath and lipstick stained clothing tell me he gave up on us before I knew we were finished. Hopes, dreams, and plans are crushed so small, I know I’ll never see them again. I sit on my purple, velvet chaise, pull a furry blanket over my shoulders, and cry harder than I’ve ever cried in my entire life.
_______________
Like clockwork, Dax calls in the morning. My voice is hoarse from sobbing for six hours straight. Being the good guy he is, he realizes something is wrong right away and insists on coming over even when I tell him not to. I’m fresh from a shower, still in a towel when he rings the doorbell. “What a fucking gentleman,” I whisper to myself. I throw the door open and without saying anything else I walk back to the bedroom. Dax trails in my wake of anger, sadness, and denial. I guess he expects me to cry on his shoulder about losing Cody. How fucked up is that? When I get to the closet I drop my towel and enter. Nothing he hasn’t seen before, I think, literally not giving a shit about anything. If I was wrong about Cody, I don’t want to be right about anything else. Screw. It. All.
“I have work to get done, Dax. It was nice of you to stop by, but I really am fine. I just had a bad night’s sleep. Bad dreams.
You know how I get them.” I glance behind me to see if he’s listening, and he’s staring at my bare backside. I decide that maybe I should give a few fucks. “Oops,” I say, stooping down to grab my towel. “Sorry.”
He’s horny as hell. I can see it in his eyes and his bulging pants. “Don’t apologize,” Dax says. “You’re not fine. Tell me about…the bad dreams,” he orders, without taking his eyes off me. I realize I may not have Cody, but I have Dax. That’s one truth that came spewing out of his mouth last night. This man is head over fucking heels for me. Still. It bothers me more than it enamors me. Cody doesn’t deserve me? Well, I don’t deserve anyone either—especially not Dax.
I lean against the doorjamb, propping one foot behind the other. My hair drips water onto the cool, wood floor. “Why are you so good to me? I don’t deserve it. I don’t even want it, and yet here you are trying to make everything okay. Some things aren’t okay no matter what. That’s where I’m at right now, Dax. Not okay. Won’t be okay. Ever. Aren’t you exhausted? Stop trying so hard.” Maybe he’ll get the point. I don’t want anyone. I want to be alone to lick my wounds in peace and solitude. Even Dax’s kind ways can’t bring me back to life after this.
“It’s Cody, isn’t it?” Dax asks. Just the mentioning of his name gives me goosebumps.
I shake my head, saunter back into the closet, and throw on a long-sleeved maxi dress…no under garments needed. When I come back out I approach Dax. His gaze flicks from my hips to my chest, to my face. “Intuitive, aren’t you? I’ll be fine. I need time to figure things out.”
He throws his arms out. “What is there to figure out? I’m standing right here. What do I have to do to get you to notice me? The person who has been right here the whole time?” He’s right. Last night’s conversation with Cody takes on the shape of my worst nightmare. Because maybe he’s right. Maybe I should marry Dax and try to forget Cody is even alive. I was certain he was just bullshitting last night to easily cut ties with me, but now I’m second-guessing myself. What if he’s right? my inner voice whispers as I take in Dax.
The Crazy Good SEAL Series: Books 1-3 Page 70