by Rose Pearson
Jacintha paused, aware that he had called upon her almost every day over the course of the last month. He had made it quite clear that he found her more than delightful and was, in fact, deeply committed to her – but still she had not given him the answer he had been waiting for. She could not yet allow him to court her, even though his attentions were fervent. It was as if, the very minute she said yes, she would find herself bound to him forever.
“You hesitate.”
She looked up, aware that her focus had been a little distant. “I do apologize, Lord Slate.”
He smiled, his expression a little rueful. “You find me too attentive.”
“No, it is not that,” she exclaimed, the lie rolling quickly from her tongue. “It is just that…”
The words died on her lips. She could not find the words to explain how she felt, despite the conflicting emotions in her heart. What was holding her back? Lord Slate was kind, affectionate and charming. He had good conversation, was quick-witted and often made her laugh. Were she to agree to his court, then she could be assured of a life filled with contentment, for he was not short of coin and had a good title to his name. It would be the marriage of convenience she had been waiting for.
And yet thoughts of Henry held her back.
“My dear Lady Jacintha, you can have no doubt as to the question in my heart,” he said, softly. “I long to have you by my side. Will you not allow me to court you? I know your father will give his consent.”
“Yes, he would. At once,” Jacintha agreed, a little wryly. “You are very good to keep waiting for me to answer you, Lord Slate.”
“I hope it shows you the depths of my affection,” he replied, pressing her hand to his lips. “I am devoted to you, Lady Jacintha.”
She swallowed, her smile a little dry. “Might I give you my answer by the morrow?”
The delight on his face told her that he was truly thrilled at the prospect of finally receiving an answer.
“But of course,” he said at once. “I have waited for long enough that one more day will not be too trying.”
A flash of guilt raced through her. “Thank you, Lord Slate,” she mumbled, her fingers smoothing her skirts in an attempt to calm her nerves. “I am looking forward to it also.”
Getting back home was a relief. Lord Slate had been more than attentive of late, showering her with gifts and making his intentions quite clear to every member of the family – and still, she had held herself back. It was foolishness indeed, but her heart would not let go of Henry.
He had been gone a month now and she found herself filled with questions over him. Where had he gone and why? When she had met with Claudia, there had been very little said about him, although Claudia appeared to be rather relieved at his prolonged absence. Jacintha had thought it rude to ask about Henry directly, as well as worrying that she might make herself a little too obvious to speak about him so directly. So, instead, there had been nothing said about him and she had been forced to content herself with that.
“Jacintha? You look rather flustered.”
Surprised to find her father in the drawing room instead of his study, Jacintha stopped dead before shrugging and coming to sit near the fire. Her father was evidently feeling the cold today, given the fact that there was a small fire in the grate.
“It is quite warm outside, papa,” she said, quietly, gesturing to the sunlight streaming in through the window. “Don’t you wish to go outside?”
“Not today,” he said, with a chuckle. “I know you are trying to look after me by suggesting I take the air, but I am growing rather weary with London. Mayhap we shall have to return to the country soon.” He tipped his head and studied her. “How would you feel if we were to do so? I know the Season is not anywhere near its end but I am growing quite weary these days.”
“You must do as you please, papa,” she said at once, finding herself almost relieved at the prospect. “You know that Harmonia and I would be happy to go home.”
He frowned, his lips twisting just a little “And what about Lord Slate?”
Jacintha cleared her throat, turning her gaze away from her father. “I – I cannot say, papa.”
There was a moment of silence. “He is very attentive towards you, Jacintha. I know he wishes to court you, and you need not fear that I would not give him my consent.”
She let out a sigh. “I am more than aware of that, papa.”
“I would see you settled, Jacintha,” he said, a little more softly. “If there is something you do not care for when it comes to Lord Slate, you must let me know at once. I will take you home and we can come back to London the following year.”
She shook her head, unable to find any excuse for her lack of conviction. “There is nothing wrong with Lord Slate, papa. I find him quite the match, in almost every way.”
“He is a very suitable match, Jacintha,” her father agreed, studying her carefully. “So what is the matter?”
Jacintha closed her eyes for a moment. It was time to make a decision.
“Nothing is the matter, papa. He has asked to court me and I shall give him my consent come the morrow.”
There was a prolonged pause.
“Very well,” her father said, eventually. “I do hope that you are happy and settled with this decision, Jacintha. I do not think that he will wait too long before proposing to you.”
Jacintha could not help but agree, the tension she felt slowly draining away as she smiled back at her father. “I agree. He is very ardent and it would not make sense for him to wait with such a proposal.”
“And how would you feel about such a thing?” he asked, leaning forward in his seat. “Would you truly be content to be called Lady Slate?”
Henry came into her mind with such force that she caught her breath. Why would he not leave her? Why did he torment her mind, forcing her to consider him when she was making such a big decision?
“I am sure I will be very content, papa,” she replied, pushing the thought of Henry out of her mind completely. “As you said, he is a wonderful match.”
The following afternoon found Jacintha and Lord Slate out walking, the brightness of the afternoon bringing a slight smile to Jacintha’s face.
“You look very lovely this afternoon, Lady Jacintha,” Lord Slate murmured, looking over at her. “In fact, I do not recall you ever appearing so tranquil as you are this moment. Has something occurred? A weight gone from your mind? A decision you have made?”
Jacintha chuckled, trying to glare at him but failing. “You are much too forward, Lord Slate.”
“Can you blame a man who has waited for such a long time?” he asked, taking her hand and placing it on his arm. “Come now, Lady Jacintha, do not torment me any longer. Tell me what you have decided.”
She paused, waiting until they had passed a few other ladies before looking up at him. “Lord Slate, I do apologize for making you wait for such a prolonged length of time. I will not refuse your request.”
He looked at her for a long moment, a slow smile spreading across his face. “Can it be?” he said, softly, his voice so hoarse she could barely hear him. “Can it be that Lady Jacintha has finally accepted my suit?”
“I have,” she replied, surprised at how her heart sank at those words. “I do apologize for taking so long to make my decision.”
“I would have waited for a lifetime if it were to know that you would accept me in the end,” he replied, his gaze so intense that she was forced to look away.
She tried to smile, resuming their slow-paced walk. “I am also troubled to tell you that we may not be long in town,” she said, slowly. “My father is not all that well and he has revealed to me of late that he is rather tired. We may have to return to the country estate very soon.”
He nodded sagely, his eyes dimming. “I am sorry to hear that.”
“It is what is best for my father,” she continued, wondering if this sudden change in circumstances would bring about a change in their attachment. “Wi
th no mother to speak of, my sister and I can hardly remain in London without a chaperone.”
“No, of course not. I quite understand,” he replied, with a quick smile. “I am sorry to hear that. There may be something I can do to assist you in that, however.”
“Assist me?”
He shrugged and laughed, waving away the concerned look she gave him. “I mean well, I assure you. It is just that I am not particularly inclined to lose your company, not when I have only just been given permission to court you!”
“Oh,” Jacintha murmured, still not quite sure what he intended. “I appreciate your desire to help, Lord Slate. Thank you for understanding about my father. As he is the only parent I have left, I am always willing to do exactly what he needs.”
“And that is a credit to you,” he answered at once, the warmth in his expression never fading. “My dear Jacintha – may I call you Jacintha? – it speaks highly of your character that you show such affection to your father.”
Jacintha did not know what to say, finding that his reference to her name without her title to be a little disconcerting. But, then again, they were very close and, given that their courtship would most likely lead to a proposal, a proposal she would have to take seriously, Jacintha could find no harm in it.
“You may call me Jacintha but, of course, only in private company,” she said, eventually, when he pressed her hand. “My sister and father will not mind, for example.”
“Of course, of course,” he replied, looking as though she had granted him some wonderful boon. “And you may call me ‘Slate’, should you wish to.”
It was on the tip of Jacintha’s tongue to refuse him, to give him the title he was due, but instead, she simply smiled and nodded, wondering why her heart did not feel as delighted as she had expected.
As they walked, Jacintha only half listened to Lord Slate’s conversation, her thoughts entirely on what she had done, what she had committed herself to. She had thought that, in speaking to him and agreeing to his court, she would feel relieved, even happy, but instead found herself despondent. Her heart and her head did not match, fighting one another constantly. How much she despised that!
If only she could forget about Henry entirely! Then things might be so much easier, might be simpler for her. She could choose Lord Slate and be glad about her decision instead of wondering what Henry would say when he found out.
He has probably forgotten all about you, Jacintha, she told herself, as they continued on their way. Put him out of your mind, just as he has put you out of his.
Chapter Eleven
“Claudia! How lovely to see you.”
Jacintha smiled as her friend rose to greet her, only for the smile to fix on her face as she saw none other than Henry beside Claudia, rising to greet her.
“Henry,” she breathed, her gut tightening. “You have returned.”
“Good afternoon, Lady Jacintha,” he replied, executing a perfect bow. “Indeed, I have returned. I do hope you will not mind me staying here for a brief visit with you?”
“No, not in the least,” Jacintha murmured, still rather shocked by his presence. “This is your home after all.”
She sat down carefully, relieved that Harmonia was able to continue the conversation without her. There was a lot of discussion about wedding plans and the like but still, Jacintha found she could not quite concentrate on what was being said. The fact that Henry was here had overtaken her completely.
“Are you quite well, Lady Jacintha?”
“Just ‘Jacintha’,” she replied, frowning at him. “I thought we did not do titles, Henry.”
“I will refer to you in whatever way you wish,” he answered, with a lift of his shoulders. “I do not want to displease you.”
A little taken aback at his manners, Jacintha blinked once, twice, before shrugging and trying to smile. “When did you return to London?”
“I am only here for a brief visit,” he replied, as Harmonia and Claudia continued to converse excitedly about Claudia’s wedding plans. “I return to stay with my uncle again in less than a week.”
“Your uncle?” Jacintha repeated, wondering who this uncle might be. “I don’t think I have ever met him.”
“No, you have not,” he replied, with a small smile. “My father’s brother, the Honorable Roderick Larchmont, lives near the Devon coast. I am assisting him in a small operation there.”
For a moment, Jacintha was robbed of speech. This was not the Henry she knew, the Henry she had been so disappointed with. “An operation?”
He smiled, his eyes warm with no trace of the arrogance or anger she had seen there before. “I cannot speak too much about it, but my uncle is involved in attempting to stop a band of smugglers operating near the coast. I thought to help him.”
Jacintha was about to speak, when he held up one hand and shook his head. “No, that is not so. The truth is, he told me that I ought to come to stay with him for a time but I did not want to. It was only when I saw myself the way others see me that I decided to change my mind. I have you – amongst others – to thank for that.”
Jacintha blinked, hardly able to take in what was being said. Had Henry truly decided to turn his back on his rakish ways? She was not quite sure she believed it.
“I am sure you will be very much looking forward to when your time with your uncle is over,” she said, softly, watching him carefully. “The Season will be nearing its conclusion soon and you would not want to miss it.”
He shrugged, a quiet laugh escaping from him. “In truth, my dear Jacintha, I find that I could not care less whether or not I miss the end of the Season. Being with my uncle has shown me a great deal about myself and my character and it is something I have determined to change. To take myself away from all that I loved has been something of a challenge, I will admit, but it is not something that I intend to rush back into any time soon. I believe that I need to find the man I was before, back when you knew me. Back when I was sensible and dedicated and focused.” He must have seen her frown for he laughed again and shook his head. “I can tell that you are struggling to believe me but I am going to prove it – not only to you but to myself. I suppose I should thank you for your candor and your blunt words to me, for otherwise, I might never have reached this place.”
All thoughts of Lord Slate left her mind. Harmonia and Claudia’s conversation began to fade, drifting into nothingness. All she saw, all she heard, was Henry.
She could not quite bring herself to believe him, not sure that everything he said was true – yet there was a seriousness in his eyes that had not been there before. It was as though he had begun to change, slowly, into the man she had known all those years ago, the man who had almost kissed her. The man who might kiss her again, would she let him.
She caught her breath at the thought, doing her best to hide her gasp. Heat crept up her neck and into her face, making her blush all the more with embarrassment.
“And can you believe it? Henry has been back in town for three days and, as yet, has not set foot outside of this house,” she heard Claudia declare, making Harmonia exclaim in surprise.
Henry chuckled. “You are doing it too brown, sister. I have left the house.”
“A visit to the tailor and to the bookshop is hardly an outing,” Claudia replied, with a small sniff. “What I meant was, you are not going out to all the balls and recitals we have been invited to.”
“I mean not to go out to anything during this week,” Henry declared, surprising Jacintha even more. “You know that I mean to stick to my word, Claudia.”
“Yes, I do, and I am proud of you for it,” came the warm reply. “Although I will admit that I did not really believe you at the start of the sennight. It was not like my brother to say such things! I thought he was just being foolish.”
“I have had quite enough of being foolish, I assure you,” Henry replied, rather firmly. “That part of my life is over.”
Jacintha looked over at Claudia to see whether or not her
friend was rolling her eyes or the like but found, much to her surprise, that she was looking over at Henry rather affectionately. Evidently, Henry’s sister believed him, which meant that Jacintha had very little alternative but to do so herself.
“My goodness, Henry,” she murmured, looking over at him. “If I had known my words would have had this great an effect, then I would have said something to you a long time ago!”
He chuckled and shook his head. “I probably would not have listened to you then, Jacintha. It seemed to have all converged at once – you, my sister and my uncle. What must it say about me that it took three people to convince me of my folly!”
Jacintha was surprised to see regret in his expression, watching him as he passed a hand over his eyes, evidently frustrated with himself. Had he truly begun to regret how he had been living? She had heard him speak so proudly of his freedom and now, it appeared, he was realizing that it was no freedom at all. His vices were keeping him prisoner, changing him to their pleasures. This was certainly not the Henry she had first met when she had come to London. When he looked up at her, their eyes meeting yet again, a deep piercing sadness hit Jacintha’s soul. She realized just how much she had missed Henry, albeit the Henry she had known all those years ago. To see him now, slowly changing back, brought her a happiness she had not expected.
“You are looking at me rather strangely, Jacintha,” he said, quietly, a small smile curving his lips. “Is everything all right?”
Jacintha tried to laugh but it came out as nothing more than a croak. “I am quite well, I assure you. I am just quite taken aback, Henry.”
“None as much as I,” he replied, with a laugh. “But what of you, Jacintha? What has happened whilst I have been away?”
Jacintha made to shrug off the question, not wishing to talk to him about Lord Slate, when Harmonia piped up, her eyes bright.
“Oh, Lord Slate has been very attentive to Jacintha, I must say.”
“Lord Slate?” Claudia repeated, leaning forward in excitement. “Goodness, Jacintha! He is a man to be much admired, you should do well if he is inclined towards you.”