by Bella Emy
“What’s up, Mad?” Rick’s smiling face comes parading from halfway down the hall. Looks like he’s late getting in too. What is going on today? It’s Friday, but you’d think it was Monday by the way things are going so far.
“Morning, Rick. Late night?” I smirk, but don’t meet his gaze as I log into the system.
“Huh?” he asks and plops down in his chair. As luck with have it, we sit close enough to one another and I sometimes have the pleasure of hearing his conversations with his fiancée.
Immediately, I push the thoughts of her out of my head. “You just walked in… I didn’t get here so long ago myself.”
He chuckles. “Oh, no. I got in at seven this morning, trying to get ahead on some leads. Addy made breakfast this morning and woke me up to some scrambled eggs and toast with some bacon on the side… it was heaven.”
Thoughts of Adelyn come parading back into my mind. Fuck, the day cannot start off like this. I can’t have her and her perfect fiancée ways cloud my thoughts.
Thankfully, Rick is still going.
“Anyway, I saw there was nothing left over in the kitchen when I walked in, and since it was quiet, I headed to the bakery and picked up some fresh doughnuts for everyone… figured I’d give poor Emily a break from doing it herself. Oh, and by the way, I left the box sitting on the table in the kitchen, so go grab one before Tim gets to them.” He winks.
Ah, so he’s the one who picked up the goodies.
Tim is the office fat-boy-at-heart. He’s a toothpick, but the man can eat anything and everything. He doesn’t gain an ounce, but he will down a box of doughnuts if he could. Once he sees them, he’ll probably attack three before lunch.
I chuckle. “Thanks, I saw them. Maybe I’ll do that later. I have to check some things first and then I have to head over to Sinclair’s.”
“Again?” He raises an eyebrow. “I thought that case was good and done?”
I shrug. “Still not enough evidence that it was him.”
“All right, well, maybe I’ll come with. I’m sure Brooks wouldn’t mind since it’s so dead today.”
I give him the sideways eye. “Brooks has nothing specific he wants you on today?”
He smiles at me. “Nope. It’ll be just you and me on the open road today, my friend. Plus, besides here, Addy and I haven’t seen much of you around lately. Come to think of it, the last time we hung out was after the tux fitting. I figure this will give us some time to catch up.”
Well, that’s because I’ve been avoiding both of you as much as possible since…
Since…
Since the day Rick proposed to her, and she accepted, shattering my world.
That was the day I realized I loved her. I still loved her after so long. And I still do.
The ringing of Rick’s desk phone breaks the silence that has fallen between us. Good, because I don’t even know how I was supposed to answer his statement.
Rick takes the call and hangs up after only a few seconds. He turns his attention back to me and says, “Well, I won’t be going with you to the Sinclair location.”
That’s a bit of a relief for me, but there’s no way I’d let him in on that. “Oh, how come?”
He shrugs. “He wants me on a different case. Apparently something just came in. Go figure.” He chuckles and I join him.
“Yeah, go figure.” I close up my computer and get ready to head out of the precinct. “Well, I’ll see you around, I guess.” I push in my chair, but before I have a chance to leave, he stops me.
“Hey, Maddox?”
I flip around to meet his gaze. “Yeah?”
“We should really get together soon… outside of this place, like we used to.”
Yeah, that won’t be happening. There isn’t anything like it used to be because things are different now. I can’t be around either of them. They’re a reminder of everything I’ve lost and what I can never have.
“Sure, that sounds great. Maybe on the weekend. But now I have to—”
“Oh, that’s perfect!” Rick cuts me off before I’m able to tell him I’m on my way out now. “Addy and I are moving in to our new place this weekend, and we could totally use the manpower.”
I furrow my brows. “You guys are moving?” This was news to me.
He chuckles. “Yeah, well, see what I mean? We need to catch up. A lot has happened lately, but yeah, we found a really cute one-bedroom apartment to get us started. It’s only a few blocks from here, so it’s perfect. Plus, it’s close by to Addy’s job, too.”
I nod. “I see.”
He smiles genuinely. “Yup, so since this is a long weekend, it’s perfect for moving. Can you be at my place tomorrow morning, say nine or ten? That will give Addy and me some time to get the last few things boxed up and ready to be brought over. We really just need your help to move the heavy things like our couch and bedroom set. Grant was supposed to help, but he just called this morning saying something came up and he won’t be able to.”
Nodding again, because I can’t form any type of comprehensible sentence, how can I say no? He’s supposed to be my best friend, and the fact that he asks Grant before me tells me I haven’t really been a good one to him. It’s not his fault that I can’t deal with what’s happening. I need to fix things. I need to be the friend he needs, especially now that he’s going to get married in another couple of months.
I clear my throat. “It’s no problem, dude. I’ll be there.”
“Great! I’ll see you then in case I don’t see you back here later.”
I swallow thickly. This is going to be an interesting weekend. I haven’t seen Adelyn since the proposal party, and I’m not really looking forward to seeing her again tomorrow. Life really sucks and knows exactly when to throw curve balls your way and knock you down.
Chapter Thirteen
It’s been a long, exhausting day. Of course, by the time I got to Rick’s to help him move, we weren’t ready to go. There were still a few things they needed to wrap up. Plus, we had trouble getting the couch in through the door of their new place.
Now it’s after eleven and the three of us—Rick, Adelyn, and I—are sitting on their wooden floors leaned up against the same problem couch, downing some beers after polishing off a large pie from the local pizzeria. Thankfully, they don’t close until after twelve on Friday and Saturday nights.
“I’m just glad it’s all done,” Rick states, then takes the final pull from his beer.
Adelyn swallows her sip and nods. “Yeah, now the fun begins: unpacking.”
I chuckle. I’m thankful I’m sitting next to Rick and she’s on the other side of him. I don’t think I’d be able to manage sitting right beside her.
“Don’t worry, sweetie. We’ve got all of tomorrow and Monday to get everything in order. Plus, if we don’t finish it this weekend, we can do it over the next couple of days.” Rick places a kiss on Adelyn’s cheek, then pushes off from the floor. “I’m sorry, guys, but I think I’m going to head upstairs to the bedroom and call it a night.”
Adelyn lifts her head up to face him. “You okay, babe?”
He nods. “Yeah, I’m just exhausted. Up since four and then moving all this stuff really did a number on me and my back.” He rubs his lower back. “Thankfully, we had you here to help, Mad. I don’t know what we would have done without you.”
“It’s no problem, bro. I’m always here to help,” I say.
“You guys don’t mind if I turn in early, do you?” He asks.
I shake my head, but it’s Adelyn who speaks up. “No, baby. We’ll be fine. Go on and get your rest.”
“Yeah, you’re good, Rick. I’ll be out of here once I finish this beer.” I tilt it up and down another sip. This is my second. I should be done within the next few minutes. I can’t wait to hit my pillow.
He waves a dismissive hand in my direction. “No rush. Take as long as you need. Hell, you’re welcome to crash here on the couch if you’d rather leave in the morning, it’s up to you.”
Yeah, right. I can’t wait to be out of here. Plus, with him heading off to bed, that will leave me alone with Adelyn. That’s going to be super awkward. I tip the bottle up, taking a long swig. I need to finish this beer and get out of here. After I swallow, I respond. “Nah, it’s cool. I’m good to drive. I’m only five, ten, minutes from here.”
He nods. “Okay.” Then he bends down and places a kiss on the top of Adelyn’s head. “Night, sweetie.” He straightens and waves a hand at me. “Later, Mad.”
I hold up my bottle. “Later.”
I watch him exit the room and head up the stairs to the bedroom, but from the corner of my eye, I see Adelyn scoot over, getting closer to me. She leans her head on the edge of the couch and turns her head my way.
“Thanks for coming by today to help with our move, Maddox. We really appreciate it. I didn’t know what we were going to do when Grant called and said he couldn’t make it.”
I nod after taking another swig. “It’s not a problem at all. You guys should have asked me to help as soon as you knew about it. I would have been here.”
She smiles politely, but I can see there’s something else behind it. She’s thinking of something. It’s as if I can literally see her biting her tongue, but after a few moments, she can’t hold back anymore. “Really, Maddox, we would have. You would have been the first person we’d call. But you haven’t been around much lately. Rick sees you at work, but even then, he says you guys haven’t been talking much. I mean, I haven’t seen you since—” she swallows hard. “Since he proposed to me.”
I don’t know what to say. She remembers it. She knows it. But I won’t dare add anything to that statement of hers.
I decide to avert the conversation to me. “I’m sorry. Things have been a little crazy. I’ve been helping my mother and father with the store… times are rough.”
“Yes! I heard about that. How are your parents by the way?”
I shrug. “My mom’s okay, but my dad… he’s not doing too good.”
Concern laces her gaze. “Oh, no. What’s wrong?”
Do I get into this with her? I mean, I haven’t even told Rick, or anyone else, for that matter. A long time ago, I wouldn’t have had to question anything. It would have come naturally to tell Adelyn all about what I’m going through and that my father is sick.
But now? After everything and all that we’ve been through? How can we ever get back to the point of being one another’s best friend? Because that’s all we can ever be now. Just friends. There is no more chance for us to be anything more.
I take the last sip from my beer and place the bottle down to my right.
“Can I get you another?” she asks.
I want to say yes. I want to stay right here and continue talking to Adelyn, because for as long as I’ve been back to California, she and I have never really conversed. This is the most amount of talking we’ve really done.
Instead, I decline. I need to end this conversation with her and take off for the evening. “No, thanks. I should get going soon, anyway.”
Disappointment laces her eyes. “I understand.”
But I don’t feel like she does.
“Not only are my parents in danger of losing the store, but now my father is sick… he’s got lung cancer.” Somehow I manage to blurt out those words without hesitation.
Adelyn covers her mouth. “Oh, no. Maddox, I’m so sorry…” Her hand lands on my arm as she tries to console me.
It feels like a thousand bolts of electricity going through my entire body. But even though it’s shocking, it also feels right. All I want to do is lie back into her and allow her to comfort me. How easy would that be? How incredibly easy would it be for me to just let my heart get in the way of my head. Because I know it would be the wrong thing to do, no matter how good it would feel.
I can’t do it. I can’t do it, and I can’t go there.
I move forward to regain my composure. “Thank you, Ad.”
She giggles softly at first and then louder.
I furrow my brows, but her laugh is contagious and I have no idea why the hell I’m laughing along with her. “What is it?”
She takes in a deep breath and then says, “It’s nothing.”
I smirk. “Aww, come on, you’ve got to tell me now. You got me all curious.”
And that’s no lie. I’m curious about a lot of things when they pertain to her.
She shakes her head, but finally, she gives in. “It’s just that you called me Ad…”
I frown. “Yeah… am I not supposed to? I’m sorry, it just came out naturally and I—”
She grabs my arm once more. “I love it. It’s fine. It’s just that,” she shrugs and stops, obviously hesitating. Her hand drops from my arm.
I can’t help the wide grin that pulls on my face. “What? What is it?”
“I fucking hate when he calls me Addy…” she cracks up again, and this time, I join her because I feel that same way. Addy never sat right with me for her. Ad, Adelyn… not Addy.
I’m about to say goodbye and wish her a nice evening when her next words stop me dead in my tracks.
“How come you never really called me when you were away, Maddox?”
I swallow hard, her words hitting me right in the gut.
Is this it? Is this when we have the conversation about the truth and why I didn’t keep in touch? I had a feeling it would happen, but I never imagined it would be right now. I’m not ready for this. I mean, Rick isn’t even around. But maybe that’s a good thing, because how could I let her know certain things with him here?
Still, he’s just upstairs, and this feels more wrong than right.
How do I tell her I didn’t keep in touch because it killed me when they transferred me to New Jersey? How do I tell her that not being able to see her every day made it so hard for me to get up every morning?
How can I possibly tell her all these things without confessing to her I loved her, that I still love her to this day? I didn’t even know it myself back then.
She searches my eyes, waiting for me to give her an answer. An answer that I don’t really have, or better yet, an answer that I can’t give her right now and possibly ever.
“Adelyn, I—”
“No, no. You don’t understand. When you left, it was as if a big part of me was taken away.” She cuts me off. “I mean, it was. You were one of the biggest parts of me, you were my best friend, and then you just weren’t. One minute you were there, every single day, and then you were gone. I was so sad for so long…”
I frown. “It was really hard on me, too.”
She places her hand in mine and entwines our fingers. Then she gently squeezes. “You don’t get it, Mad. I missed you. I missed my best friend. It kind of killed me inside.”
It killed me, too, but I was too stupid back then to realize I loved her.
“I’m sorry,” is all I manage to say.
She shakes her head. “It’s all done and over with now. And I’m glad you’re back. I guess I’m just saying that I don’t want you to pull away any more. Please, Maddox. Rick and I need you.”
They don’t need me. They’ve got each other. What the hell do they need me for?
“Rick? I mean, I know what you’re saying. I just—”
“Rick missed the hell out of you when you left. I know you guys kept in touch, but you guys were friends before I was even in the picture. You not being there was hard on him, too. We came together through you. When you left, he was there to comfort me, and I was there to comfort him.”
Ah, and there we have it, ladies and gentlemen. The coming together of two friends at my expense. How nice.
She notices the look on my face and says, “It’s not like that, Mad. We had no intention of hooking up… ever. It just sort of happened. One day we were hanging out as friends, watching a movie on a rainy day at my place. It was a movie about friendship, and as luck would have it, there were three friends in it… one of them died and the other two had to
learn how to deal with life without him. It was kind of perfect, you know?”
I raise an eyebrow. I’m not dead. I haven’t died.
Adelyn chuckles. “I mean, I know you’re still alive, thank God! But in a way, you sort of died for us because you were no longer there. And I know that’s not your fault, well some of it, but still.”
It wasn’t my fault. The guy deserved what he got from me, but I was the one to pay in the end.
“Anyway, he just placed his arm around my shoulder and I sort of just leaned into him. That’s how we started dating.”
I nod. I have no words, really. I didn’t really want to hear how my leaving brought them together as a couple, but I guess it was just bound to come out at one point or another.
“So, okay. That’s enough about that. Tell me about you. How was your life in Jersey?” She brings her legs up and sits cross-legged while her palms are on the floor behind her.
I shrug. “Life was boring. I worked, went to the gym, went home, and then woke up the next morning to do it all over again. I didn’t have many friends out there, nor did I go out all that often.”
She frowns and raises an eyebrow. “What about girls? Didn’t you have a girlfriend or something?”
I shake my head and offer her a small smile.
Her eyes widen. “Maddox Martinelli… no girlfriend? No one you were interested in?”
I shake my head again. “No girlfriend.”
She leans forward, squinting her eyes. “Not even someone you were remotely interested in the whole five years you were out there? Come on, Mad… there had to have been somebody. You had to have wanted someone, didn’t you?”
All I wanted, all I want, is her. But I know I can’t have her. I can’t tell her this though. So I say the next best thing I can think of.
“There was someone—”
“Ah ha! I knew there had to be someone…” she cuts me off, almost jumping to her feet.