by Bella Emy
She crashes into me easily and hides her face in my chest. Her body meshes against mine as if it was always meant to be like this. She just fits into me perfectly, as if she belongs here. I breathe in deeply and her cinnamon scented shampoo drives me crazy. Damn…
She takes in a small audible breath and then lifts her head up toward mine. “Ma-Maddox…”
A small smile pulls on my lips as my eyes take in the vision of Adelyn Pierce. Beautiful, broken Adelyn Pierce. But she’s perfect in every single way. I just wish I could heal her pain, or ease the anxiety she feels from not knowing when Rick is going to open his eyes. “Yes, Ad?”
Damn, what I would do right now to be able to pick her up as she’s in my arms like this and take her somewhere, just the two of us. If things were different, I could be with her. If things were different, I could let her know how I feel about her, and everything would be all right.
“Everyone is looking at us,” she replies, breaking my thoughts.
Her words don’t register right away, but once they do, I look around and see all of Rick’s family and Julia sitting next to Orion in the plastic chairs to the right, staring at us. Rick’s family gawks with blank expressions. Julia and Orion smirk. How the hell had I not seen them before?
Because I was too taken by Adelyn… that’s why… I knew the answer before I even asked myself that question.
I let out a nervous chuckle. “Oh, um…”
She pulls away slowly, letting out a small giggle. “I’m going to the ladies’ room to freshen up and then I’ll head down to the cafeteria to grab some coffee. Can I bring you back some?”
Coffee. Yup, that sounds good. Maybe the caffeine will help me get these ill thoughts I have right now about me and her out of my head. This isn’t the place or the time, or ever. This can’t happen, and I need to get it under control.
“Sure, I’d like that,” I say.
She smiles. “Okay, I’ll meet you in Rick’s room in a few.”
“Okay.”
As she walks away from me and heads down the hall to the ladies’ room, I can’t pull my eyes away from her.
“Hey, Maddox. Good to see you again.”
I turn my head to the side and see Rick’s mother coming in my direction. Great. Is she going to say something about the way I was holding Adelyn? I wasn’t doing anything wrong, was I? I wasn’t comforting her inappropriately. I merely held her like a friend, right?
Fuck, I hope so. The last thing I want is for Rick’s family to think I’m trying to steal his fiancée while he’s out in a coma.
“Hello, Mrs. Hemmings. How are you today?”
She offers me a sad smile before saying. “I’ve been better. Patrick’s stable, he’s holding on.”
I smile. “That’s great. That’s good to hear. I was just on my way over to see him.”
She nods. “Good. He’s going to wake up soon, you know.” She eyes me sideways.
Is this her way of telling me to back off from Adelyn? I can’t tell, but the way those words left her lips, I’m thinking that’s what she’s getting at.
Does she think I don’t want my best friend to wake up? Does she think I want him to be in a fucking coma forever?
Of course, I don’t. And of course I want him to wake up and get back to us. We all need him. I’m not trying to take Adelyn away from him. I would never do that. It wouldn’t be right. Even if he were to not make it through, I couldn’t dream of doing such a thing. Even when he told me to go for it, I don’t think I ever could.
But why does it feel like everyone else is telling us to go for it?
Well, everyone except for Mrs. Hemmings.
I nod. “Yes, of course. We’re all looking forward to him waking up. That’s why I’m here all the time. I’m waiting to see him again. He’s my partner and best friend, and things just aren’t the same with him lying here.”
She smiles again, then closes her eyes tightly. “Maddox,” she begins, then opens her eyes once again. “I know you and Adelyn are close.”
“Yes,” I say before she says anything further. “We are close, but so am I with Rick. The three of us have always been so very close.”
“The wedding will go on. Once he wakes up, the wedding will take place. He’s still engaged to Adelyn.”
I swallow hard. So my intuition was right. She wants me to back off from Adelyn. “And I’ll be there as his best man. I’ll be there to support both of them, every step of the way.”
A satisfied smile pulls on her face. I guess she likes my answer. Good, because I really don’t want to have this discussion with her anymore.
She shifts her weight from one foot to the other. “You’re a great friend of his, Maddox. You were always his best friend.”
I smile. “And he was always mine, too. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him.”
Nothing I wouldn’t do for him, even if that means being there for Adelyn for him when she needs me. Just like I promised him. But Mrs. Hemmings doesn’t need to know this right now. This is not the time to have that conversation.
I let out a deep breath and take one step back. “Well, I’m going to go see him now… take care, Mrs. Hemmings.”
“You too. Say hello to your family for me.” She smiles once more before turning around and heading over to sit next to some other family members. I wave at them before heading away and walking down the hall to Rick’s room.
As I step foot inside, I see him lying there the same as the day before. The slow beeping machines he’s hooked up to signal he’s alive, and I’m so thankful for that. They’re the only thing giving me hope right now since there’s been no change in his condition.
I thought Adelyn would be here by now, but I guess she’s taking longer than expected. Maybe the cafeteria is packed right now, who knows. Besides Rick, there’s no one else but me in here. I take a seat in the chair to the left of his bed and take in his image. God, he’s still so pale.
“Rick, man… how are you doing?” I scoff as soon as those words leave my mouth. What the hell am I even saying? How’s he doing? What kind of moron am I asking that? Of course he’s not doing well. He’s lying unconscious in a coma on the day when he should be marrying Adelyn.
I can’t believe that right now at this very moment, we would be getting ready for their ceremony; I can only imagine how gorgeous Adelyn would look in her wedding gown.
I shake my head. I need to get these thoughts out of my mind. I can’t be picturing Adelyn looking like the beautiful bride she’ll be once she marries Rick. Because it’s going to happen once he’s out of here. It’s just not going to happen today.
I run a hand through my hair and let out a deep breath. How the hell did we get here? How the hell did the entire world get fucking turned upside down? One minute we’re getting ready to make an arrest on a suspect who had stolen money and the next, he opens fire on us sending one of our own, my partner and best friend, in the hospital and himself to his grave? All in the matter of minutes?
My eyes wander to the window as the roars of a thunderstorm brews outside, and I let out a chuckle. Maybe it’s best that they’re not getting married today, but another day. But isn’t it good luck when it rains on your wedding day? Maybe that’s something people just say to make the bride feel better. Who knows?
Fuck. She’d look gorgeous on a perfect sunny day or a massive rainy storm. If anything, she’d probably look even more sexy than she already does… all drenched and wet… and I fucking need to get my head out of the gutter because all of this is not helping.
I turn my gaze back to Rick and shake my head. “Dammit, Rick. I need you to wake up, okay? I need you to get up and get back to our routine because I don’t know how much longer I can do this. I don’t know how much longer I can be here for Adelyn and act like I don’t want her.”
The words leave my lips before I can stop them, but thankfully, I’m the only one around. I take a glance at my surroundings, and there’s still no one in the room.
My heart
beats faster. Dammit, I really hope he can’t hear me while he’s under. I remember and know the things he told me before he passed out in my arms that day a month ago, but what if that was just the adrenaline talking and he really didn’t mean it? What if he’ll hate me knowing I’m in love with his fiancée?
I place my head in my hands and lean forward in my seat. “I’m sorry, man. I haven’t been the best friend you’ve needed during this time. But dammit, I tried, Rick. I tried so hard to keep my promise to you and be there for her. But I can’t get Ad out of my mind. I can’t stop thinking about her, and I realize I’m in love with her. I’m sorry for fucking up. I just wish I had a sign from you now letting me know that if things continue going south, you really meant what you said. I mean, I don’t think I could do things differently, but just knowing you’d be all right with it like you said would make me feel better. Knowing it wasn’t just the impact of the bullet talking.” I suck in another breath and continue. “I’m so fucking sorry, man. My feelings for Ad… I can’t control them any longer. That shit just happened, and I know it’s no excuse, but I feel like I need to say something to you now before…”
The beeping of the machines speeds up. The sound is scary and I don’t know what to do. What the hell is going on?
I rise to my feet and walk to his bedside. “Help! Someone, please!” I shout, looking around.
In an instant, nurses and doctors frantically enter the room. I move out of their way and step back. I feel like I need to give them room, even though I have no clue what’s going on. What is happening right now?
I want to say he’s waking up, and this is a normal part of the procedure, but it sure as hell doesn’t feel that way.
They yell words and sentences I can’t comprehend. I can’t make out what they’re saying. All I can do is stare from Rick to his ventilator.
They adjust the bed so it’s completely propped down in a straight position and begin probing him and pumping his chest. I know what this is now, and I can’t take it. I can’t be here and I need to leave. I feel like my words caused him to have a heart attack or something.
Seconds later, the once squiggly lines on the ventilator form a straight line. Rick has flatlined.
I gasp, but it’s the sound coming from behind me that makes me snap my gaze over to it. I look over at the doorframe and see Adelyn with her hands covering her mouth, tears in her eyes, and two cups of coffee spilled to the ground.
She couldn’t have walked in at a worse time.
Chapter Twenty-Six
There are no words. Nothing I can say or even do to make things better. Yet, I’m still trying, still being there for her every step of the way.
It’s been a few months since we lost Rick, and it sure as hell hasn’t been easy. On the day that he took his last breath, they tried resuscitating him, but it was no use. He was gone. Everything is a reminder of him, like now, while I’m at work. It completely sucks. He was my partner, and every time I look around, I see him. I can’t even sit in the patrol car without the memories hitting me hard because that’s where we spent a crap-load of our time just talking and shooting the shit about everything.
When I first stepped into the precinct, there was such an empty feeling within me. Like a bitter cold had taken over, I can’t even explain it; it’s just not the same without him.
It’s been fucking miserable. Everything I do reminds me of him in some way. When a good movie comes on TV, we’d probably seen it together before I got sent off to Jersey. Whenever we go to grab drinks, I remember dozens and dozens of times when we’d hang out at the bar on a typical Friday night, just taking the edge off.
“Morning, Maddox,” Emily’s voice from behind the desk brings me out of the memories and back to the present.
I smile softly and walk up to the desk. “Hi, Emily. How are you?” I place my cup of coffee to the side and grab some papers out of my bin to the right. I scan over them quickly, checking to see if there’s anything important. But it’s just the usual crap that can wait a bit.
I see her shrug from the corner of my eye. “Doing okay, what about yourself?”
I finally meet her gaze and notice the look of concern etched on it. “I’m okay, too.”
Sucking in a breath, I decide to head to my desk. I need to call Adelyn and check in on her. Since Rick’s passed, I’ve been spending more and more time with her, making sure she’s okay. She is back in her place and thankfully, she hadn’t let her apartment go when she moved in with Rick. When I’m not with her, I’m calling or texting her. I never want her to feel alone because these past few months have been hard on all of us. When I left her place last night after dinner, she seemed okay and she convinced me she was all right, but right now I’m getting the feeling like I need to give her a call.
I place my coffee cup and papers from my bin down onto my desk and pull out my chair. Once I’m settled, I pick up my desk phone and dial her number.
My stomach turns to knots when it rings five times, and she doesn’t pick up.
Fine, it’s still early. I’m sure she hasn’t left for work yet, either. I’ll send her a text.
Me: Hey, Ad. What’s up?
I send the message, and once I’m done, I place the phone down and open up my emails. I scan through them quickly to see if there’s anything I need to respond to and find one from Brooks.
I push my back against the seat and begin composing a response to his question. After I hit send, I look around and notice how all my co-workers around me are busy working. It’s as if Rick was never here. Maybe it’s just me, but things don’t feel the same around here to me. But honestly, what did I expect? That they’d continue talking about him after the first couple of weeks? I know I’m not the only one around here trying to move forward with my life. But he was my best friend, so of course this is going to be harder on me than it is on anyone else.
Twenty minutes pass by before I realize I still haven’t heard back from Adelyn.
“Morning, Martinelli,” Sarah from our accounting department waves as she walks past my desk.
I smile and respond. “Hey, Sarah. Good morning.”
Once she’s gone, I turn my attention back to my phone and pick it up. I scroll through my messages and calls just to make sure I hadn’t accidentally missed Adelyn, and when I confirm I haven’t, I decide to call her.
Another five rings, and her phone goes to voicemail once more.
What the hell is going on? Why isn’t she answering any of my calls or texts? Maybe she’s in the shower. Maybe she stepped out and forgot her phone at home. Or in the car. Or God knows where.
After another hour passes by and I still can’t get in touch with her, I rise from my seat and decide I need to do something about this. I can’t just sit here and wait. I wouldn’t even know what to wait for.
I pass by Emily’s desk, and as she raises her head up and gazes at me, I lift two fingers in her direction and say, “I’ll see you later, Em.”
“See ya, Maddox.”
As I hop into my car and speed out of the parking lot, I ask Siri to dial her number once more. On the second ring, she picks up. This has to be a good sign. She hadn’t answered at all before.
“Hel-Hello?” Her voice cracks. She sounds groggy, as though she’d just woken up. Maybe she was asleep after all. Maybe I was just overreacting, now racing to her place.
“Adelyn… are you okay?” I make a left onto the main road but consider turning right back around since she seems to be fine now.
She sucks in a deep breath. Now it sounds as though she’d been crying. God, I don’t know what to think. Maybe it’s best if I go check on her anyway, just in case.
“Maddox…”
Her voice doesn’t convince me she’s fine now. I’m glad I left work when I did. “Ad, I’m on my way.”
“M-Mad…”
“I’ll be there in less than five minutes. I’m almost there.” I stop at a red light. Shit. Come on, turn green already.
“Maddox, I
can’t f-find Rick. Where is he? Where are you? Why aren’t you here with me? I… I can’t…” She sucks in another breath.
She can’t find Rick? I throw on my emergency lights, step on the gas, and speed through a red light. Sometimes being a cop has its advantages.
I swerve onto her block and in one swift movement, park the car on the corner. I don’t even care if another car had been parked here. I would have double park if I had to. I hop out, heart racing, breath catching in the back of my throat, and race up the walkway.
I enter the building, and then minutes later reach her front door on the second floor. I slam my fists against it, but then pull out the keys from my back pocket. She’d given me keys to her place about a week after Rick’s passing; I’d been spending so much time with her, she knew she’d need me. I’m thankful right now she had. “Adelyn, I’m here…” I announce.
There’s no response, but I unlock the door and make my way in, ready for whatever she’s got for me. She’s obviously not in the right state of mind, judging by her last statement.
And then, as I enter the dark house, I stop dead in my tracks. She’s cuddled up in a corner of the floor, knees up to her chest. Her phone lies to her right on the floor; it’s still lit and I see my name across the screen, meaning the call had never disconnected.
She’s barely dressed; a loose-fitting pink tank top with one strap hanging off of her left shoulder with nothing underneath, and a pair of black boy shorts sit on her waist. Her dark hair is wet in limp strands hanging over her face, and her head is tilted to the ground.
“Ad…” I whisper. I swallow thickly. I don’t know what the hell I was expecting, but it sure as hell wasn’t this.
Sure, I’ve seen her depressed and like she doesn’t know what to do with herself anymore, but I think this is the worst I’ve seen. I thought she’d either be lying in bed, crying or at least sitting on the sofa, clinging onto one of the throw pillows; the pink and white one I’d bought her as part of a set for her birthday.