by R. A. Mejia
I think about what Vrax said and answer, “That could be it. Maybe he’s just lonely and willing to extend a few courtesies. After all, if we died today from dehydration then who would he have to talk to tomorrow?”
Mary continues to pace and mutters, “I guess that could be it.”
I look past Mary and see Kitsune leaning against the wall still, biting her lower lip, watching us. I ask her, “What about you Kitsune? You’re a part of the group now. Tell us what you’re thinking.”
She hesitates for a moment, gulps, and says, “I don’t know as much about dungeons as Mary seems to know. But it seems to me, that if the dungeon master is as lonely as you think she is, then she may suddenly change her mind about letting us go if we do reach the fifth level. After all, if we leave, who will she talk to?”
“You have a valid point. But first, ‘she’?” I ask.
Kitsune shrugs, “Yes. Why do you assume the dungeon master is a ‘he’? It could just as easily be female as male.”
Mary flies over to hover next to Kitsune, crosses her arms and in a clear move of feminine solidarity chastises me, “Yeah. The dungeon master could be a girl. Don’t assume.”
I roll my eyes and wave my hand in their direction, “Ok, I guess you’re right. There’s just as much chance that the dungeon master is a lady as it is a dude. But back to the bigger issue, do you think we can trust the dungeon master?”
Vrax, Mary, and Kitsune all emphatically answer, “No!”
I nod once. “Then we’re in agreement. We don’t trust the dungeon master. I still think our best bet in getting out of here is to play along, but we still look for every opportunity to escape on our own. Also, we don’t trust any gifts the dungeon gives us. We test and verify everything.”
Everyone agrees, and Vrax leaves his seat next to me and examines the mushrooms closely. He picks a handful from the ground and brings them over for us to look at. The head of the mushrooms are a slate gray with a white stem. They have a slightly slimy feel and smell like old gym socks. I don’t recognize it, but Vrax assures me that they grow in most underground tunnels and are edible if not particularly tasty. I trust his judgment and take a small bite of the slimy fungus and almost gag. Not only does the mushroom smell like old gym socks, but they also taste like them.
Vrax laughs at my reaction and tells me, “You silly brood brother. You do not eat Gray Feet like that. You have to cook them first to kill the bad taste.”
You've gained a level in [Herbalism]. Novice 8.
I perk up after reading the notification. I’m always happy to gain a skill level, and this one brings me that much closer to gaining beginner rank in the skill.
I return my attention to the mushroom in my hand. Gray Feet huh? The name is rather accurate. They taste like sweaty feet alright. I break off the stem of the mushroom and place the palm sized head on the stone floor. Then above the mushroom, I draw the arcane symbol for ‘fire’ and send a few points of mana into it. It takes a little while in the cold, dark tunnel but heat starts to gather above the mushroom. After another minute the outer flesh of the gray mushroom begins to crinkle, and the smell of cooking socks rises into the air. I wrinkle my nose but persist. After another few minutes, I flip the mushroom over with my finger and burn them slightly from the hot food. The other side of the mushroom takes another few minutes to cook, and when I’m done, it looks noticeably smaller. About half its original size. The group watches me, Vrax with a smile on his face. Vrax gives me a wave of his scaled hands, encouraging me to eat it. But Mary and Kitsune stare at me with looks of horror on their faces. I think the two of them are waiting for me to barf or something after eating the thing. I pick up the mushroom and have to blow on it to cool it down. I close my eyes and bring it to my mouth. Taking the tiniest bit I can manage, I start to chew. I expect it to taste as horrible as last time but I find that it’s not half bad. Sure, it’s never going to win an award for best tasting fungus or anything, but it’s a great improvement from when I ate the raw version. My hunger gets the best of me, and I find that I’ve gobbled up the remainder of the mushroom in only a few moments. Mary and Kitsune look surprised that I haven’t keeled over yet and experimentally sniff the other Grey Foot mushrooms Vrax collected. Kitsune seems particularly repulsed by the foul smelling things.
I scoot over to them and cook the other mushrooms. If they don’t want to eat them, Vrax and I can finish them off. My mana is about a third the way down by the time I’ve finished cooking the mushrooms with my spellwriting. There are two mushrooms per person left, and while I’m still hungry, I tell Kitsune and Mary, “Once they’re cooked they really don’t taste bad. They still smell, but they don’t taste bad.” Seeing their reluctance, I add, “It’s the only thing we have to eat. If you don’t want them, Vrax and I will eat...” Before I finish my sentence, Mary has folded up a whole mushroom like a slice of pizza and is stuffing it in her mouth.
Apparently, my opinion isn’t good enough because Kitsune asks her, “How do you like it?”
Mary swallows the last bit of the mushroom she inhaled and answers, “It could use some salt and butter, but it’s not horrible.”
Kitsune mulls over whether she’s going to eat any of the mushrooms for another moment. I sigh loudly at her indecision and pick up one of the mushrooms and eat it in a couple of bites. Vrax follows my example and picks up a mushroom too. He puts the whole thing in his mouth and chews. As I reach for another, Kitsune’s hand snakes out and snags two of the cooked mushrooms. She cradles them to her chest and gives me a dirty look, then realizing they’re still hot drops them in her lap. She blows on her fingers and picks up one of the mushrooms gingerly. Then she brings it to her nose and sniffs it. Deciding it’s worth the risk she puts the whole thing in her mouth at once. At first, she looks like she’s not sure how she feels about the food. Then she starts to chew on it and smiles. She swallows and quickly eats her second mushroom.
There’s still three mushrooms left and four of us. We eye each other for a moment and then we all reach forward at the same time to get a mushroom. Our fingers meet, and it's a mad scramble to see who’s quick enough to get a piece of food. Once the dust settles Vrax, Mary, and I each have a mushroom to eat. Only Kitsune, the one who was most unsure about them in the first place, is without anything else to eat. She looks at Mary, but her food is already gone. She looks at Vrax, but he ignores her as he finishes off the last piece of his meal. When her puppy dog gaze falls upon me, I find that my desire to eat the whole mushroom in my hand has faded. I sigh and break off a small piece to share with her. As I reach out to hand it to her, I catch a gleam in her eye, and before I can blink, her hand strikes out and grabs not the smaller piece I’d planned to give her but the larger piece I was going to eat. Before I can protest, the large piece of the mushroom disappears down her gullet, and she starts to yawn.
I look at Mary and Vrax to see if they’d seen Kitsune’s brazen mushroom theft but they've already laid down and are curled away from me, and I hear the light breathing that indicates that they’ve already fallen asleep. Turning back to Kitsune I see that she too has laid down and turned her back towards me, likely pretending to be asleep too.
These jerks aren’t going to say anything about this mushroom related injustice? I move to shake Mary but before I can do more than lean forward, her hand rises into the air, and she snaps her fingers. The magical globe of light we’d been using to illuminate the tunnel winks out.
Ok, ok. I get the hint. Go to bed and don’t start complaining about who eats what. When I think about it, there’s not really much for me to complain about anyways. The fox woman did save my life today after all. If she wants an extra piece of mushroom, can I really complain? Instead, I lie down on the stone floor and try to find a comfortable position to sleep in.
Chapter 4.3
I wake up the next morning and find that my head feels better. There’s nothing in the dungeon to make a fire with so Mary still plays the groups flashlight and I the group's ma
gical cook. The plus side is that I get to practice spellwriting and the use of the directional modifiers to direct fire to each mushroom and cook breakfast for everyone all at once. It also turns out that it’s more mana efficient. I save about thirty percent of the mana cost doing it this way instead of spellwriting the symbol for ‘fire’ over each mushroom. I don’t know if I can apply this to combat, but I can see the use of this technique in healing multiple people at the same time or performing other mass spell effects.
We wash down our balanced breakfast with the water streaming from the ceiling. I think about boiling it, but we don’t have anything to hold the water. Instead, we cup it in our hands and drink it from there. I really miss the cup I made that gathered water on its own.
Just as I start to get mopey thinking about all the stuff that got stolen, a voice echoes through the room, “Good morning adventurers. I hope you had a good night’s rest because it’s time to start your journey through the dungeon.”
As the voice speaks the water streaming from the stops and the hole in the floor it was draining into closes. I turn and see that the mushrooms in the other corner of the room are gone too.
The voice laughs, “YoHoHoHoHo! Did you expect me to let you stay here forever with free room and board?”
I look at Mary and the others and shrug. Well, I’d sort of hoped he would. I mean we could go clear this level of the dungeon and come back here tonight to eat, drink, and rest.
The voice not hearing any response continues, “Well, if you’ll all be so kind as to gather up your things and exit out of the room?”
Since we don’t have any possessions, the four of us get up and head out the doorway. Outside the room is a stone hallway that’s about ten feet tall and eight feet wide. Which is wide enough for everyone in the group to stand shoulder to shoulder. The hallway is open to the left and right, but the light from Mary’s globe doesn’t let me see where the hallway leads even with my [Darkvision] active.
As we wait in the hallway, the voice says, “Have you left yet?” I hear an exasperated sigh, and the voice continues, “Look guys, I can spend the extra power to see you in the dungeon but I’d rather not. It costs enough as it is to talk and listen to you. So if you can do me a favor? At least answer me when I ask you a question. I’d really appreciate it.”
Sensing an opportunity to use her amazing [Haggle] skill, Mary answers, “Well, we’re willing to do you a favor and provide you with some conversation. However, we want something in return.”
The sound of grumbling reverberates in the stone hallway, and the voice answers back, “Fine. What do you want?”
The four of us look at each other, and we quickly huddle together.
Vrax begins the discussion, “What do we ask for? More food?”
I like the kobold’s idea, but I add, “Food and water. He already said he has safe rooms throughout the dungeon, but there’s no guarantee we’ll be able to find more food or water down here.”
Mary considers the idea but before she can say anything Kitsune blurts out, “Wishes!” When the three of us look at her, she twists the sleeve of her kimono with one hand and says, “Well, that’s what happens in the stories. A magical creature asks you what you want from it, and you get wishes.”
The voice says, “I am not a genie! I do not grant wishes. Now hurry up and decide before I lose my patience.”
Returning to our huddle Mary asks us, “Ok, no wishes here. So, food and water?” The three of us nod our agreement. Mary looks up at the ceiling and says, “Ok. We’ve decided. We’ll provide you with conversation as we explore the dungeon. In exchange, we get all the food and water we can handle…”
“Fine,” the voice responds before she can finish.
Then Mary continues as if it hadn’t spoken, “…and money.”
“What??” The voice asks at the same time I do.
Mary, hovering in midair looks up at the ceiling and bobs her head from left to right, while gesturing with one hand, “You heard me. M-O-N-E-Y. Money.”
“I run a dungeon, not a bank. I don’t just hand out coins. Besides, what do you need money for down here? Do you see any shops to buy things from?”
Mary curls a lock of her raven hair around a finger and answers, “Well, we’re thinking ahead. What are we supposed to do once we leave here? We were royally robbed of everything we had. Just about every tool and resource we’d gathered is gone.”
It only takes me a moment to realize that Mary’s right. Even if we get out of here, we’re going to be screwed without something to survive on. Then an idea occurs to me, and I interject, “How about a compromise? Mary’s right, the way we are now, we’ll die within days of leaving here. What we’re really looking for are the things we’ll need to survive outside the dungeon. Instead of you providing us with money, provide us with the raw resources we’ll need to make our own gear. As a dungeon, can you do that?”
The voice hums as it considers my proposal, “Well, I could do that. I can move materials around the dungeon without it costing me much. I’ll tell you what I’ll do. Assuming you survive each level, I’ll have a safe room available for you at the end with food and water. If you do well clearing a level of the dungeon, I’ll also provide you with either a tool or a resource you can use to make your own tools. Deal?”
After looking at each member of the group and getting nods from each of us, Mary answers, “Deal.”
The voice laughs and says, “YoHoHoHoHo! Then let’s begin.”
Chapter 4.4
Our journey through the first level of the dungeon finally starting, we decide on how to arrange our group. I motion for everyone to gather around me. I look at Kitsune and say, “Ok. We don’t know what we’re going to face, but Vrax, Mary, and I have fought as a team before.”
“Go team Mary!” the hovering fairy injects in the conversation.
I roll my eyes and acknowledge blandly, “Yes, go Team Mary.” Vrax looks to Mary and then to me, raises his scaled fist and hesitantly adds, “Go Team Mary?”
I smirk at the annoyed expression on Mary’s face from our lack of enthusiasm. I return my attention to a confused looking Kitsune and continue, “We’ve all fought together before, and I know you can heal. Can you show me your status screen so…”
I never get to finish my sentence. The moment I ask about her status screen, Kitsune’s hand slaps me across the face. It takes a moment to register the stinging pain in my cheek, but when it do, I cry out, “Owww! What was that for? All I did was ask to see your status screen…” and before I can finish that sentence, a stinging pain spreads across my other cheek. I cry out in pain again.
I hear the voice of the dungeon master laughing quietly, but I ignore it. I’m getting rather angry at being hit repeatedly. I’m about to say something I’ll probably regret when Mary flies between Kitsune and me. She has a very stern look on her face that I recognize. It’s that expression adults give when their kid does something they aren’t supposed to, and they’re simultaneously embarrassed and mad. I remember my mom giving me that look when I dropped my pants and took a pee in the middle of the playground when I was really little.
Mary flies slowly to my ear and whispers, “Did you forget what I told you about showing people your status screen?”
Uh oh. I must have really messed up if Mary isn’t yelling at me. I scrunch my face up trying to recall what she might have told me. As if I’ve been called on by one of my college professors after not studying all night, I mutter hesitantly, “I remember you mentioning something about it.”
I hear my fairy companion slap her forehead and give an exasperated sigh before saying quietly, “You’re status screen shows the most intimate details of your being. It has all your weaknesses and strengths. Most people only show their status screens to their close family, spouses, or lovers.”
The implications of the statement dawn on me, “Uh, so by asking to see her status screen I…”
Mary finishes the sentence, “You basically asked to see h
er naked. Which is a big no no for most women much less a princess in a powerful clan.”
My eyes widen when Mary tells me what I did. When I look at Kitsune, I see that her hands clutch her kimono to her chest as if protecting herself from me. Her face has also gone beet red, and she’s glowering at me.
The laughter from the dungeon master gets even louder. Gods, I wish he couldn’t listen in right now. I feel embarrassed enough as it is. I should have remembered what Mary told me about status screens. So much of Terra is like a game that I forget there are customs here that I have to follow that I wouldn’t on earth.
Mary turns in midair and faces Kitsune. She bows from the waist keeping her eyes averted downward and says, “Please forgive my friend Armon for his indiscretion. Where he is from there are no social restrictions for showing your status screen.”
Kitsune clutches her kimono more tightly in her hands and narrows her eyes when she looks back at me. Which is understandable I guess. From her perspective, it’s like Mary just told her I’m from a nudist colony.