by R. A. Mejia
We have another batch of baked fish and mushrooms for breakfast washed down with handfuls of water. Mary pointedly uses her new silver fork to eat her breakfast, even though the fork is almost as long as she is tall.
Once we’re finished eating, the dungeon master’s voice echoes in the room, “Hope you all had a restful night. Because you’re going to need all the energy you can muster for this next level. It’s…”
Mary interrupts the dungeon master’s speech, “Before we get started on the next dungeon. We had some questions about the blacksmithing tools you gave us yesterday. They seem to have been made by the Aleph, and we were wondering where you got them from?”
The dungeon master groans at the interruption, “Oh, come on. You’re interrupting the speech I worked all night on. I’ll tell you all about where I got that stuff if you finish the next level, Ok?”
Mary seems like she’s going to protest and I wave for her to stop. I don’t think it's a very good idea to start making demands of the person keeping fresh air circulating down here. Instead, I answer, “That’s fine. We were just curious about what must be a fascinating story. But we can wait till after we finish this level.”
The dungeon master coughs once then continues in his announcer's voice, “I hope you all had a restful night. Because you’re going to need all the energy you can muster for this next level. It’s a challenge not to just your combat skills, but your dexterity and stamina.”
The floor in the center of the room recedes into a set of stairs. The four of us gather up the few items we have and walk down to the next level of the dungeon.
The room the stairs end in is dark, and Mary casts her [Light] spell creating a globe in her hand that shows we’re in a small room with a single wooden door. Once the last of us leave the stairs, they disappear, and the room lights up.
The dungeon master continues his prepared speech, “Through this door is the most challenging dungeon floor I’ve yet to create. It will test you in every way imaginable and push you to your limits. See you on the other side.”
After an awkward pause, I ask, “Is that it? Is your speech over?”
There’s a dramatic sigh, and the dungeon master responds in his usual voice, “Yes. Just go through the door in front of you, and you’ll see what I mean.” Then talking to himself he mumbles, “I knew I should have waited to say that last part till after they went through the door. It would have been more dramatic.”
The four of us give each other slightly embarrassed looks. I don’t think the dungeon master meant for us to hear that last part. To cover my chagrin, I open the single door in the room and advance through it. The sight that greets me is nothing I’d ever expected to see on Terra, and I find myself surprisingly excited.
Before me is a huge well lit room with a tall ceiling and a series of devilish looking obstacles that span its massive length. The obstacles extend beyond my field of view, but I can tell the dungeon master put a lot of thought into making these obstacles.
The dungeon master, again using his announcer's voice, says, “Welcome to, my totally original, Dungeon Warrior course!”
My inner child screams in pure joy at the description. I can remember watching old obstacle course shows on TV back on earth. It was always so fun to root for my favorite contestants as they jumped, rolled, and tried to keep their balance on increasingly challenging obstacles. It was as much about appreciating their physical prowess as it was about the anticipation of when they’d fall off the course.
It turns out that watching and running an obstacle course are two very different experiences. The Dungeon Warrior course consists of three large rooms filled with obstacles. These obstacles aren’t your run of the mill ones either. They’re moving, tricky looking things that get progressively more challenging.
In the first room, the obstacle course begins with a series of logs, each about the diameter of a dinner plate, sticking up out of the ground. The logs are unevenly spaced and require careful maneuvering. One misstep and you’ll fall into the pit of despair, which it turns out is just a ditch filled with mud. But the mud does make completing the obstacle course much harder. After the logs, you have to walk across a balance beam. Which seems simple, except two skeletal warriors along the walls are trying to knock you off with a large metal ball attached to a chain in the ceiling above the beam. After that is one last obstacle for the first room. The spinning log of dizziness. You have to hold onto this horizontal log, wrapping your arms and legs around it while it rolls on its side along a track. If you can’t hang on, it will fling you off, and you have to start the course over.
In the second room, you begin the course by hopping across platforms of gradually shrinking size that are floating in a pool of stagnant smelly water. After that, you have to take a barbell like pole in your hands and use it to shimmy your way up a set of rungs hung on brackets. It requires a lot of upper body strength and good reflexes not to miss a single rung on either side of the brackets. After that, you jump and grab onto swing across a gap trying to hold onto a set of metal chains hanging from the ceiling onto a narrow platform.
In the last room, there’s only one obstacle. A twenty foot high wall sized scaffold made up of six levels. Each level has several enemies waiting, including giant skeletal rats, skeletal archers, skeletal warriors, and something that I can only assume is a zombie from its ragged humanoid appearance. You don’t have to defeat all the enemies, but you do have to make your way past them somehow. To get to each higher level requires climbing up a rope suspended from the level above. Oh, and this one is timed. If you don’t make it in time, then you have to start the entire course over again.
Which, sucks. Because we almost make it through at one point but Kitsune doesn’t quite make it to the top of the last obstacle in time, and we all have to start over.
The only upside to this level of the dungeon is the great workout it gives. I gain two points in dexterity from all the times I have to run the obstacles.
Chapter 4.14
We’re allowed an extended rest period after we finally finish the last obstacle on the Dungeon Warrior course. With the exception of Mary, who literally flew through the obstacles, everyone is covered in mud, slime, and sweat. We stagger into a room the dungeon master describes as a safe place for us to rest until we’re ready to fight this level’s boss. The room is only ten feet long by five feet wide and is more of a hallway than a room. At the end of the room is a set of double doors that lead to the boss.
I can’t help but smile as I sit with my back against a wall. Even though my stamina nearly ran out during the obstacles and I’m exhausted right now, I can’t help but think that was the most fun dungeon level I’ve ever run. Sure, the end was slightly dangerous, trying to avoid the monsters but overall it was a blast. I look at my friends and see that there are a variety of expressions on their faces. Vrax has fallen asleep and looks quite peaceful as he lays on the stone floor curled into a ball. Mary is hovering in the air, fanning herself and looks annoyed. Kitsune is the only one of us not sitting and resting. Instead, she’s standing, ringing the water out of her clothes and hair.
That kimono really didn’t help her when she was trying to make it through those obstacles. At one point, Vrax suggested she take off her clothes since they seemed to be hampering her, or as he put it ‘take off robe foxy, and you run better. We don’t care if you scale-ass naked.’ It still makes me laugh when I think about Vrax yelling that at Kitsune. I knew kobolds had different views on nudity, but I hadn’t realized they’d come up with such wonderful ways of describing it. Of course, Kitsune didn’t take the advice and immediately fell into the muddy water and had to start that part of the obstacle course again. I think she fell due to embarrassment more than anything.
As I’m reminiscing, Kitsune looks around the small room and sees me watching her. I smile and give a little wave. She reddens slightly and turns her back to me. The next thing I know, she’s loosening her mud caked silk robe and opens it away from me. I fe
el a heat rush to my face as I imagine what she’s revealing. I hear her say something but can’t make out exactly what, then there’s a flash of blue light. I see her hands holding her robe and again hear her say the same words and there’s another flash of blue light. When the spots clear from my eyes, I’m amazed by the change that I see. As Kitsune, ties up her robe again I notice that it’s back to its pristine red color. When she finishes tightening up her robe and turns, I can see that her face and skin is also free of any trace of dirt, slime, or grime. Even her hair is now free of any of the mud, and it looks freshly washed and blow dried.
Before I can ask about what I just saw, Mary flies up to Kitsune and asks, “What in the world did you just do?”
Kitsune, looking embarrassed at the sudden attention, says timidly, “I just used my [Cleanse] spell to clean my robes and myself.”
Mary flies closer to Kitsune’s face and asks in an almost pleading voice, “Can you cast that spell on other people?”
Kitsune leans back, clearly uncomfortable with Mary’s closeness and shakes her head up and down. Mary cheers loudly and does a little happy dance in midair.
So, that’s what Kitsune did. I’d always wondered how she kept her silk kimono so clean. She had a magical spell to help her out. I wonder why I’ve never seen her use it before. Maybe she only used the spell after we all went to sleep?
Kitsune informs Mary that the spell has to be cast on each item of clothing separately and that if she wants her to clean Mary’s body, she’ll have to take off her clothes since the spell requires physical contact. Mary quickly strips naked, and I get a nice view of her fairy butt before I can close my eyes and turn around. I try not to let my thoughts wander to naughty places as I hear Mary giggle that it tickles where Kitsune is touching. I listen to the chanting of the spell and then an excited cry from Mary.
I feel a small foot kick my forehead and hear Mary say, “Your turn Armon.”
My eyes still closed, I ask, “Are you dressed?” I hear Mary chuckle, and she answers that she is. I peek through one slitted eyelid, just to make sure Mary isn’t pranking me and see that she is back in her black leather armor. I nod in approval at the sight. She looks like she had her gear dry cleaned and she herself just went to the salon. Her hair is clean, and her skin has a nice glow to it.
Mary does a spin in midair showing off her now cleansed form and says, “I feel great Armon. All that dirt and mud from that stupid obstacle course is all gone. Now it’s your turn. Take off your clothes and let Kitsune clean you up with her spell.”
I look down at myself. Every inch of me is covered in dried mud. My clothes are soaked through, and even my underwear squishes when I shift my seat. I can’t help but think how nice it would be to be dry and clean again. Sure, I’ve been washing with handfuls of water every morning using the stream in the safe room. But I haven’t had the privacy to clean everywhere. If Kitsune is going to use her spell though, I’ll have to strip naked so she can clean my clothes and then she’ll have to use her spell on me too. Oh, no. That’s a bit too intimate for me.
I look up at Mary and shake my head, “No. As much as I’d like to get cleaned up, I’m ok like I am.”
Mary hovers in front of my face and wags her finger at me, “You will let Kitsune clean you. You’re filthy and unless you plan to use your body odor as a biological weapon you need to get cleaned up. I put up with it before because we didn’t exactly have access to a bathtub down here but now that it’s as simple as using a spell, there’s no reason to let you or Vrax stay dirty.”
I sniff myself once and scrunch my face at the odors emanating from my body. If it smells that bad to me, I can only imagine what Mary and Kitsune must think I smell like, “Ok. You win. I’ll go along with it. But you have to promise not to watch. It’s going to be embarrassing enough to strip down without you making comments.”
Mary smiles mischievously and turns her back to me. I stand up and take off my dirty rough spun shirt. It sticks to my body as I pull it off over my head. I turn to hand it to Kitsune and find her watching me and wonder why she’s turning red. I look down, expecting to see something crawling on me and notice that my chest and arm muscles are a lot more defined that I remember them being. I guess all that exercise has been paying off. I drop my shirt at Kitsune’s feet, but she doesn’t seem to notice as she continues to stare at me. I take off my muddy boots and place them next to my shirt. I hesitate to remove my pants and give Kitsune a pleading look. She blinks once then realizes what I’m hoping she’ll do and turns around. I quickly remove my dark leather pants and my underwear and toss them into the pile of clothes.
I’m about to tell Kitsune that the clothes are ready for her [Cleanse] spell, when I hear Mary call out in a throaty voice, “Woo Hoo! Sexy! You got some buns of steel there Armon.”
I spin around covering my stick and berries with my hands and see Mary grinning at me. I feel myself redden from embarrassment and say, “Mary! You promised not to look.”
She shakes her head and tells me, “Nope. I did not. You only think that I did. But I was very careful not to promise any such thing. I mean, why in the world would I miss a free show like this?”
Thinking back to the conversation I realize that she’s right. She never actually promised not to watch. Darn that tricky fairy. I’m about to point my finger at her and chastise her for her duplicity when I realize how little coverage that’ll leave me downstairs. All I can do is stutter in embarrassment at Mary as she looks me up and down.
I feel someone's hand touch a place between my shoulder blades, and I jump in surprise. I turn and see Kitsune stretching out her arms, hands grasping empty air. I realize she’s trying to use her [Cleanse] spell on me, but she doesn’t know where I am. Instead of opening her eyes to find out, she’s trying to feel where I am. I laugh inside at the sight. With her eyes closed like that, she looks like she’s a blind red faced zombie looking for her next meal. I move closer to the fox woman and let her reaching hands touch me. Her small hands touch my chest, and I notice that her ears stiffen as her hands touch my bare skin. She quickly chants the words of her [Cleanse] spell, and I’m enveloped in a blue glow. I feel my pores open up and feel a tingling sensation over every inch of my skin. When the glow around me fades, I can see that all the sweat and grime I was covered with is gone. I reach up and run one hand through my hair and feel that it’s no longer oily. Instead, it feels like I just washed my hair in the shower and dried it off. Neat.
As soon as the spell is finished, Kitsune turns around and grabs the clothing I left on the floor. She casts [Cleanse] on them and leaves them on the floor for me. As I get dressed, I hear Mary mutter sadly, “Darn. Guess the show's over.”
Once I’m dressed I turn to Mary and say, “Now that we're clean. I suppose we’re ready to face the boss.” She just shrugs and flies over to Kitsune to let her know she can open her eyes again. I wake Vrax with a gentle shake. As he gets up, I see mud fall off his scales and dark red leather armor and I remember that he never got the chance to get cleaned up. When I ask him if he wants Kitsune to use her [Cleanse] spell, he declines and says that mud baths are good for the scales. He says he’ll get washed off the next time we rest in a safe room.
We prepare ourselves by equipping our best gear. I use spellwriting to create another set of knuckle busters on my fists and equip the spear from my [Inventory], and Vrax draws his shortsword in one swift motion. Once Kitsune meditates and recovers her spent mana, we open the doors to the next boss room.
Chapter 4.15
The moment we enter the boss room we’re greeted by the sound of clapping. The clapping echoes around the large beautifully decorated room. The first thought upon stepping foot in the place is that it’s the nicest boss room we’ve come across yet. Instead of the floor being rough stone, it’s covered in decorative white and black tile. The stone walls, typically unadorned, are covered in cloth tapestries depicting scenes of battle. The large room, though well-lit and spacious, has a series of wide
marble pillars that block my view of whoever is clapping. These pillars stretch from floor to ceiling and are placed about ten feet from the walls of the room, creating an inner perimeter in the chamber.
Vrax and I lead the group in a defensive formation, and carefully walk around the pillars obscuring our view. In the center of the room is a pale woman with white flowing hair dressed in a white flowing robe. The robe doesn’t have sleeves, giving it a Roman toga vibe. Upon seeing us, she increases her clapping and practically jumps up and down in excitement. She runs up to greet us like we’re old friends and says, “Welcome adventurers. I’m Wendy, I’ll be your dungeon boss today.” Now that she’s closer, I look above her head and see her full name and level.
Wendy the Wight, lvl. 8.
Ouch, level 8? That means she’s three levels above our highest level group member. This is going to be a tough fight. Getting a good look at the woman who we’ll be fighting. I notice for the first time that she’s not just light skinned but that her skin tone is nonexistent. Not only that, but her eyes are completely white. I can only guess she’s also one of the undead, but I’ve never heard of a Wight before. I wonder if she’s ever chanted, ‘Wight Power’. Or if she’s one of those self-righteous people that always thinks she’s ‘Wight’?