‘I know you can.’
‘That’s better.’
Mared described the world as if it were a place of wonder. She cast a spell over everything; taught the girls about plants and flowers and how to walk as softly as cats. When they were little and she still lived with them, they sat with Mared in her blue garden under the moon counting stars. They had learned how to catch bird songs in their dreams, and she taught them how to laugh at themselves.
Mared Pryce was a little bit witchy, and the most sensible woman Verity had ever met.
‘When are you coming and how long are you staying for?’
‘The day after tomorrow, and I’m sorry, lovely, only for one night.’
‘Can’t you stay longer?’
‘You know I can’t. Polly can do one night. Anymore and it isn’t fair. Gethin gets agitated and even more confused when I’m not around.’
Polly was Nain’s neighbour and friend, as kind as could be but Gethin’s dementia made him unpredictable.
‘I’ll set off at first light. Short and sweet is better than nothing, cariad.’
When Verity told her, Meredith’s happiness bubbled over.
‘It’s the best thing ever.’
‘Well, I hope she isn’t expecting the fatted calf,’ Allegra said. ‘I don’t have time to cook.’
‘Mam, you never cook.’ Meredith patted her mother’s arm. They were sitting on the steps overlooking the garden. Verity lay at the bottom, her legs stretched along the stone. ‘Nain will bring things, she always does.’
‘She’ll fuss and moan and tell me off.’
‘She doesn’t moan,’ Verity said. ‘Don’t be horrid.’
Allegra gave a short sigh, as if a long one was too much bother.
‘It doesn’t matter, Mam,’ Meredith said. ‘Nain will be too happy to see you to be bothered by anything else.’
‘Why are you always so sweet to me?’
‘I’m not. I say terrible things behind your back, but I love you and I love Nain and I love Verity, so can we all be nice?’
‘Don’t gang up on me, okay?’ Allegra looked at Verity. ‘I know what you and Mared are like when you get together. I can’t stand secrets.’
You are a secret.
Verity sometimes thought she knew less about her mother than her sister did about maths. On the outside, Allegra was an open book. It was the inside of her Verity couldn’t fathom.
Meredith leaned into her mother. ‘Do you want to go for a walk?’
‘Where to?’
‘The wood.’
‘Why would I want to go to the wood?’
‘It’ll be fun.’ Meredith reached for her mother’s hands.
‘No,’ Allegra said and pulled away. ‘I don’t like the wood. It’s dark; I don’t know why you find it so fascinating.’
The Pryce sisters knew the wood the way they knew their own names. Mared told them it was descended from wildwood and remembered wolves and flint and hundred-year-old fox trails.
‘When you were a baby,’ Allegra said, ‘I carried you to the edge of the trees in a sling. You would reach out, wanting to touch the leaves.’
‘Green’s still my favourite colour.’
‘Yes.’
Verity kept her eyes averted. She knew her mother found the wood oppressive. Once Meredith had been able to walk, Allegra had delegated. It had been Verity who trailed in Meredith’s wake, listening as she insisted the wood was home to not only the birds and animals but to a race of invisible people Nain called the Other.
And now she wants me to believe in ghosts.
Verity pushed the thought away. It was a whim and if she wasn’t encouraged, Meredith would soon forget about it.
Meredith smiled at her mother, took her hands and this time, Allegra didn’t resist. Behind them, the light through the trees was muted, the air smelled of ramsons and fungi.
‘Come on, you’ll love it.’
You really want her to go with you don’t you?
Verity felt Meredith’s need like a compulsion. As if a walk in the wood might somehow take the edge off her mother’s mood and cheer her up.
‘Do you believe in magic, Mam?’ Meredith asked.
‘Magic is a concept, darling.’ Allegra smoothed the skirt of her frock over her knees, reclaimed her hands; folded them onto her lap.
‘Everything’s a concept to you. I don’t even know what that means.’ Meredith shifted along the step. ‘And don’t tell me, I don’t care.’ She shrugged and smiled, softening the edge of her words. ‘Nain believes in magic.’
‘Oh, Mared still believes in bloody fairies.’
‘Yes, she does, only not the kind in storybooks. They’re older and Other and we have to respect them.’
Allegra stared at her daughter. ‘You do say the most extraordinary things, Meredith.’
‘It’s true.’
‘Darling, your grandmother’s a crazy old woman; she tried to fill my head with her fairy nonsense and scared the living daylights out of me. Take no notice of her.’
‘I take notice of everything Nain says.’ Meredith left a space. ‘She isn’t crazy, she’s … discerning.’
Allegra shook her head and smiled. ‘What are you like?’
Watching as Meredith set off for the wood, Verity knew not to follow. For all her frivolity and wildness, it wasn’t only her sister’s choice of words that marked her out; it was the way that what she said sounded less like an observation and more like a truth.
I feel visited…
Eleven
Verity and Meredith didn’t know how old their grandmother was; she wouldn’t tell them and it was impossible to guess.
‘I’m as old as my hair and as young as my heart.’
Mared arrived in her maroon Morris Minor, laden with food and books, new frocks and pretty cardigans for the girls. After a picnic lunch, she did the rounds of the house, checking and noticing and asked Verity to make a pot of tea.
‘While your mother’s pretending she’s not avoiding me,’ she said, ‘and your sister’s wherever she is, let’s you and me sit out on the terrace and have a natter.’
‘Still not going to proper school then?’
Verity nibbled gingerbread. ‘No, we’re not sure we want to.’
I’m sure I do…
‘You’re far too clever not to go to school, Verity.’
Verity thought about what Meredith had said about clothes and grabbed the tangent.
‘We love the frocks, Nain.’
‘Do you? I wasn’t sure. You wear jeans or shorts all the time.’
‘I know I do; a frock’s nice when it’s hot.’
‘That’s what I thought.’
‘And the cardigans are gorgeous – thank you. You’re so clever.’ Verity fingered the soft blue wool, played with the seed pearl buttons.
‘Sewing and knitting keep me from going mad, cariad, while I’m sitting listening to Gethin rambling on. God love him, he’s in a world of his own.’
‘Is it awful?’
‘Good heavens no! He’s my brother. Why would it be awful?’ She poured milk into cups. ‘I went through it with my mam, so it’s not like I’m a stranger to it.’ She smiled and her eyes sparkled. ‘I could perhaps wish he’d been keener on Wales than London, mind. There’s no accounting for taste, I suppose, and he was ambitious from the beginning was Gethin.’
‘Do you think he remembers anything about when he was a detective?’
‘Not a thing, cariad. Now and then perhaps – when one of his pals from the Met drops by.’
‘It must be terrible to forget your own life.’
‘At least he had a good one. He was a decent copper, was your great-uncle Gethin.’ Mared stirred the tea. ‘Now, does Meredith like her bits and pieces?’
‘Of course she does.’ Verity reached for a cardigan, abandoned in a deck chair, the sweet green of it like spring leaves. ‘I know she’s careless; she doesn’t mean to be.’
‘Your sister’s a law unto
herself, like her mother.’ Mared winked. ‘Meredith’s a good girl, you both are.’ She poured herself a cup of tea. ‘Now, are you going to tell me what’s going on with Allegra or do I have to guess?’
‘It’s no different from what it always is.’ Verity fidgeted. ‘Sometimes I think she hates me.’
‘Don’t be silly. It’s a horrid word and I don’t want you using it about your mam. Allegra’s a lot of things, but she’s not evil. And it’s only evil people who hate.’
‘So why is she mean? She’s always angry, especially with me. It’s like however hard I try I can never please her.’
Mared sipped her tea. Verity could see her reflection in her grandmother’s glasses.
‘I know it looks like that. She’s not angry with you, lovely, she’s angry with herself.’
‘How come?’
‘People who believe they’re the centre of their own world usually are.’ Mared sighed. ‘I blame myself. Most of it’s my fault.’
‘How do you work that out?’
‘Well, for a start, your grandfather carried her everywhere; until she was a great big girl perfectly capable of walking by herself. And I did too, like an idiot.’
‘Why?’
‘Now, there’s a question. Your mother was spoiled rotten.’
Verity couldn’t imagine her sensible grandmother spoiling anyone.
‘Her father started it. Besotted he was; indulged her at every turn and she lapped it up. His little princess, he called her. Bit of a cliché.’ Her smile turned to a wry twist. ‘For a sensible doctor, he was blind when it came to that child.’
‘Was she really that bad?’
‘Yes. She’d wail for her own way and when she didn’t get it, oh, the tantrums. And he gave in, the silly old fool. I tell you, your mother flounced her way through life.’
‘She still does.’
‘I know, cariad. There’s something inside her; a rage I tried to ignore because it was an outlandish notion for a mother to have about her own child.’ Mared took off her glasses and began cleaning them on the hem of her skirt. Her voice faltered and she closed her eyes for a moment. ‘It was a mistake: mothers ought to look deep and ask questions – butt in and take charge.’
Verity wasn’t quite sure what her grandmother meant.
‘Her tantrums frightened me. I tried, nothing worked. I’d watch her sleeping – because it was the only time she looked like a proper little girl – and be afraid for her. I couldn’t see inside her, couldn’t find the rage so I didn’t know how to heal it.’
‘You make me feel sorry for her.’
‘Yes, not too sorry though. Eh? Denying you an education is criminal.’
‘Even if I wanted to go to school, and I’m not saying I do, she’d never agree,’ Verity said. ‘Allegra does things her way. No one stands a chance.’
‘Yes, and that’s what I mean. Your grandfather was as much use as a chocolate chicken. He couldn’t care less when she didn’t learn her lessons and got sent home from school so many times it was hardly worth her going. And he left me to deal with it. He was a hypocritical idealist. Said he believed in votes for women and in the next breath, education was wasted on girls; all they did was get married and have children.’
‘At least that bit turned out to be true.’
‘Yes, but I ought to have stood up to him, bach, stopped pandering to her much sooner. If she’d had a proper education then, maybe you’d be getting one now.’
‘We’re all right, Nain, we do okay. The education people sent a whole lot of new stuff – maths and history, English and all sorts. I like the English.’ Verity grinned. ‘And we have you, at the end of the phone. You’re clever – you know loads of things.’
‘That’s as maybe. You need to look to the future, Verity. You’ve got a brain on you; it would be a sin to waste it.’
‘I’ll try not to.’ She swallowed; determined not to cry.
Mared took Verity’s hand, unwound her fingers and placed a small white stone with a hole in the middle on her palm. ‘I found it in my blue garden this morning. That hole was made by a falling star.’ She winked.
‘Nain…’
‘You better believe it, cariad. My garden magic’s the best you’ll ever know.’
‘I’ll save it for a special occasion then.’ Verity smiled and slipped the stone into the pocket of her jeans.
Since Mared’s arrival, Allegra had drifted round the house like an irascible ghost. Each time they crossed paths they crossed words.
Hovering on the landing, Meredith heard them in the hall.
‘There’s nothing to see, the house is fine.’
Mared gave a dismissive snort. ‘It’s filthy.’
Allegra sighed and huffed. ‘You’re as bourgeois as Verity. I—’
‘Allegra, don’t. Please don’t criticise my grandchildren in front of me. It’s insensitive and unnecessary.’ Mared glared. ‘And calling your own daughter by a fancy French epithet doesn’t impress me one bit. It makes no sense and it’s rude. She’s a little girl, not a class convention.’
‘She’s difficult and argumentative. You don’t know what it’s like—’
‘Oh, don’t start. I know what I see and I’m telling you, you’ve had a downer on that child since she was a dwt. You ought to be ashamed of yourself. She’s sweet and kind and what’s more she’s clever.’
‘You don’t see her when she’s trying to get her sister to side against me.’
Meredith held her breath.
Verity doesn’t do that.
‘Sides?’ Mared let out a spit of air. ‘Enough, Allegra. You’re a grown woman and you make it sound like a conspiracy.’
Meredith peered over the bannister. Her mother was making for the front door.
‘That’s it, walk away when someone calls you out.’ Although Mared’s voice was controlled there was an edge to it and Allegra stopped, her hand poised on the door knob. ‘Those girls love you, Allegra. Verity may not like you very much, and frankly who can blame her? You need to get a grip and sort this out before you drive them both away.’
Allegra snatched open the door. ‘And you need to mind your own, Mam. I’m not a child, you can’t tell me what to do.’
‘There you go again, making it about you.’ Mared lifted a hand, her index finger poised like a pencil. ‘And so long as you live in my house, rent free, I can do as I like. It’s a pity I didn’t do it years ago.’
‘Typical.’
‘There’s ways of doing things; simple rules, Allegra. You have responsibilities.’
As Allegra slammed the door, Mared’s shoulders slumped.
Meredith exhaled.
So why don’t you come back and make her see them?
Mared’s rules had come laced with love and Meredith knew it. When she left it was as if she took those rules with her. Allegra, who couldn’t discipline herself, left the girls to it.
I’ll stay here until you come back, Nain. Don’t worry – she doesn’t mean it and however badly she behaves, I’ll never leave Gull House. I’ll wait until you come back and then we can stay forever.
Later that evening, when Mared said she’d decided not to leave first thing and she would stay until the following afternoon, Allegra raised her eyebrows.
‘Don’t make yourself late on my account.’
‘Your account’s overdrawn, lady; I want some more time with the girls.’
Twelve
Verity caught Meredith coming out of her bedroom.
‘There’s still time to ask Nain about Angharad.’
‘No.’ Meredith was adamant. ‘I meant what I said. Swear you won’t, Verity. If Allegra gets a hint of it, she’ll want to see the sewing box and I’m not giving it up.’
Verity shrugged and agreed. ‘Okay, only if you really want to find out—’
‘You promised. Swearing is promising and if you break your word—’
‘I didn’t, actually. Don’t worry though, I won’t say anything.’
&nb
sp; Meredith turned away. ‘You’d better not.’
Expecting their grandmother to be preparing to leave, the girls were over the moon when they found her in the kitchen, still in her dressing-gown and making breakfast.
Mared dished up creamy porridge.
‘Lush,’ Meredith said. ‘No lumps.’
‘That’s more like it,’ Verity said.
Mared grinned. ‘It’s an art, is porridge.’
Hovering by the back door, Allegra rolled a cigarette and said she had things to do.
‘You go ahead, cariad.’ Mared ran water into the saucepan. ‘We’ll be fine.’
‘And then you’ll leave. Same as you always do.’
‘Don’t start, Allegra, you know how I’m fixed.’
‘Ah, yes, the saintly Gethin.’
Verity’s spoon stopped halfway to her mouth.
Don’t make a scene, Mam, please.
Mared said nothing, and Allegra made a noise somewhere between a sigh and a snort.
‘Why do I bother,’ she said. ‘Go ahead, I don’t need you, I don’t need anyone.’
‘Allegra…’
The door shuddered in its frame.
‘Did she talk to our father like that?’ Meredith said. ‘Is it why he left?’
Their father’s lack of curiosity about them meant the Pryce sisters rarely discussed him. An absence isn’t a story.
‘Or did he just die?’
Verity was shocked. ‘Don’t be disrespectful, Meri.’
‘Why? I don’t really care and it’s not against the law to ask is it?’
‘No, it isn’t.’ Mared filled the kettle and flicked the switch. ‘And it’s time you knew.’ For once, Mared was cross enough with her daughter to stick her nose in. ‘Your father was a well-meaning man, only not right for your mam. Her dad hadn’t long passed when they met; she was in a right state.’
‘You must have been sadder,’ Meredith said.
‘Grief isn’t a competition, bach, and I had my work at the hospital. Your mam had nothing to distract her.’
‘What did he do?’ Meredith scraped her bowl clean. ‘For a job?’
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