by L. D. Davis
“Exactly why teenagers don’t need to be in love,” I whispered harshly to the darkness, angry at my melodramatics.
I felt warm air rush into my bedroom as the door was quietly pushed open.
“Emmy, it’s like, three in the morning,” I said quietly. I didn’t even look at her. It was just as well that she was coming in for a late night visit. Maybe it was time for me to tell her what’s really been going on in my life.
My chest fluttered as it did when Emmet was near. Maybe he was just going to bed and that’s why I felt him nearby. Then again, he had fooled me in the kitchen, but he had made it pretty clear how he felt. It may as well have been spelled out in cake crumbs on the table.
Emmy’s footsteps were a little on the heavy side as she walked across the room… I slapped my forehead. I should really start trusting my instincts.
“Take your sneakers off before everyone in the house knows you’re in here,” I snapped as much as one can snap in whisper mode.
There was a long pause and then some soft noises as Emmet, not Emmy, took his sneakers off. I heard the shoes gently touch the floor as he put them down and then a moment later he was climbing into my bed. I looked over at him, just barely making out his face in the dark.
“I don’t even know why you’re in here,” I said with irritation. I was suddenly angry with Emmet.
“You’re hurt,” he said with a sigh. He slid an arm across my waist.
“A little bit,” I answered stiffly and pushed his arm off of me.
“If anyone should be hurt and angry, it’s me,” Emmet said sourly. “You aren’t the one who has been repeatedly rejected.”
“I tried to make up for it!”
He put a hand over my mouth. “Keep it down,” he snapped. “And for the record, you can’t think that telling me your summer sucks without me makes up for anything. What does that mean anyway?” he growled. “Like, do I amuse you? Am I a fun summertime toy that you just drop when Autumn comes?”
I shoved him hard. “It means that my life isn’t the same without you in it.”
“My life isn’t the same without a variety of people in it. That doesn’t mean anything except that maybe you have a hard time dealing with change. It doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with me.”
I put fists to my eyes, clenched my jaw, and kicked my feet in the quietest temper tantrum I had ever thrown. I was so angry and confused. I was going to punch him square in the face if I didn’t calm down. Stupid teenage hormones.
“Why are you in here, Emmet? If you think I’m so shallow, why are you in my bed? Get out if that’s how you really feel.”
“I want you to tell me how you really feel, Donya.”
“I’ve told you before,” I argued.
“Not really,” he said flatly.
I had to think back to all of our conversations. I’d expressed my anger, my disappointment, and when I was hurt. I had never outright told Emmet how I felt about him. I had alluded to it and maybe it even translated in my kiss, but was that enough? Actions only speak louder than words when the words have already been spoken.
I deflated in my bed. My back lost its rigidness and my tensed muscles melted. My anger sunk away, too. Emmet needed to hear it or he wouldn’t believe it. I had not said nearly enough to convince him of my feelings. I had said more to his father than him about how I felt about him. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly before rolling onto my side to face him.
“I love you,” I said so softly, I was barely able to hear it even in my own ears. “It scares me. A lot. I don’t know how to handle the range of emotions I feel for you, and I still think I’m too young, but I want to figure it out. Not by myself, but with you.”
I put my hand over his heart and said “We’re connected. Don’t you feel it?”
He gently laid his hand on my chest. “I’ve always felt it,” he whispered.
We lay there like that for a long time. I felt his racing heart beneath my hand and he felt my racing heart beneath his hand. My chest felt hot where his hand was. Heat spread lazily from that point and up my neck and throughout my head and down my spine. I welcomed the heat and wanted more. I began to move closer to him in an effort to receive his body heat even though the night was warm and humid.
“Say it again,” he said. His hand slid across my chest, over my shoulder, and down my back and rested at the small of my back.
“Say what again?” I asked as I moved my hand to his hair.
“The sentence that began with ‘I’ and ended with ‘you’,” he said and gently pulled me closer.
“I love you,” I said again.
“Once more.” His lips were so close to mine. I tried to kiss him but he pulled back. “Say it.”
“Why don’t you say it?” I pouted.
“I love you. Now say it.”
“Can you say it with a little less rushing? Like you weren’t just trying to appease me?”
“I love you,” he said in a tone that made my nearly sixteen year old toes curl entirely too much.
“I love you,” I said in a tone that wasn’t nearly as sexy but was effective enough because he leaned in and kissed me hard.
I moaned softly as he nipped at my tongue and then sucked it gently to soothe it. I tugged at his hair and squirmed against his body as his hand moved off of my back and down to my ass. He gave it a firm squeeze and moaned into my mouth with approval. He was hard against my thigh and it made me nervous but I couldn’t stop kissing him. Part of me wanted to be under him as I had been in his bedroom that one morning when I almost reached a level of pleasure I had never even imagined. I moved closer to him and swung my leg over him.
Suddenly Emmet pulled away from the kiss. I looked at him with some concern, but I was ready to get back to what we were doing. I pulled on the back of his head, trying to bring his lips back to mine even though I was breathless.
“What is it?” I asked in exasperation.
“We have to stop,” he said, sounding defeated.
“No, we don’t,” I said and tried to kiss him again.
He chuckled as he gently pushed me back. “Yes, sweetie, we do. You said yourself you’re not sure if you’ll be able to stop yourself. I know I won’t be able to stop myself if we keep going right now.”
I growled and rolled over onto my back. Emmet laughed again and kissed my nose.
“How about we just sleep?” he suggested.
“We can’t do that without getting caught this time,” I said. “You drove here. Whoever gets up first will see your car and go looking for you.”
He sighed. “So, this is goodnight?”
“Yes,” I said unhappily.
“I’ll make it up to you tomorrow,” he said and nuzzled my cheek. “I’ll kiss you all day tomorrow.”
“How are you supposed to accomplish that?” I asked sarcastically. “Make out over your mom’s pancakes?”
He shrugged. “Works for me.”
I slapped his shoulder.
“How do you think they’ll all react when they see us together?” Emmet asked me.
I looked at him with confusion. “We’re not telling them – I mean they won’t see us together.”
He looked at me with a small smile, but it faded as he realized I was serious.
“You don’t want to tell anyone we’re together?” he asked incredulously.
“No,” I said with just as much incredulousness. “We have to keep this on the DL.”
“Why?” I could see that he was starting to get perturbed.
“First of all, your parents and my mom don’t think I should have any serious boyfriends at fifteen.”
“Almost sixteen,” he amended.
“Whatever. It’s all the same. You know that.”
“I think they’ll overlook that since it’s me.”
“Well, I don’t want them to know it’s you,” I said and then rushed to finish before he got the wrong idea. “This is still new to us – super new – like an hour new. I
don’t want to share us with your family – or anyone just yet. Everyone is going to have something to say and I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want anyone to screw us up before we even really get started.”
I could tell by Emmet’s heavy sigh that he reluctantly agreed with what I said.
“So, are we just supposed to sneak around like we’re doing something wrong?” he asked.
“It isn’t forever, Emmet,” I said as soothingly as I could. “Even if no one says anything bad, you know your mom and your older sisters will put a lot of pressure on us. I don’t want our relationship under everyone else’s watchful eye, with their butting in and unwanted comments.”
“Okay,” he said with a sigh. “You’re right, but how long are we supposed to keep our relationship hidden?”
“I don’t know,” I said honestly. “Depends on a lot of things.”
“Okay,” he said again.
“Are you still going back to Jersey after the wedding?” I asked.
“Only if you’re coming back with me,” he said firmly.
“Yeah, that would be all kinds of trouble,” I laughed and gave him a quick kiss. “You better get out of here.”
Emmet kissed me tenderly until it started to get a little wild. Then he pried himself off of me and hurried from the room before our teenage hormonal lust got the best of us.
Chapter Eleven
If anyone was asleep or dead, Sam woke them up with her shrieks of joy fairly early in the morning when she realized her baby boy had arrived early. I was practically dead and she woke me up. Soon other voices joined her in the hallway, half of them asking her to shut up. I rolled onto my side and covered my head with a pillow and then inhaled deeply. It was the pillow Emmet had lain on and it smelled just like him. I smiled and kicked my feet excitedly. I had a boyfriend! And it was Emmet!
After the excitement died down in the hallway, my door opened and slammed shut. I peeked out from under my pillow at Emmy’s disgruntled face. She got into my bed, forcing me to move over to make room for her.
“Didn’t you hear all of that damn noise?” she grumbled. “It’s only Emmet. She acts like the fucking Pope paid us a visit.”
I giggled and draped an arm over my best friend. “She’s excited to have her baby boy home.”
“She never gets excited like that for me. Like ever.”
I sighed and let my smile slip away. I felt bad for Em. She took a lot of crap from Sam. My second mother was hard on everyone, spoke openly without caring about the feelings of the person she was speaking to, but it seemed like she picked on Emmy a little more than anyone else. Maybe it was because Emmy fought so hard against her while the rest of the kids seemed to do whatever it was Sam wanted. She wasn’t a malicious person, just highly opinionated.
Emmy closed her eyes and I followed suit. We managed to sleep for another hour before the smell of bacon and pancakes had us slowly stretching and working towards getting out of bed. I wondered if I should tell her about Emmet. How long was I going to carry on a secret relationship with her brother before I told her what was going on?
It’s only for a little while I thought. The idea of anyone dissuading me from being with Emmet made my chest burn with worry. I just needed a little bit of time alone with Emmet before anyone else nudged their noses in.
I looked at Emmy and felt guilty. She wasn’t like her sisters and mother. She wouldn’t express outrage or tell me not to do it, but I wasn’t sure how she would feel about me dating her brother who was supposed to be very much my own brother.
We went downstairs together and joined everyone for breakfast at the huge dining room table. Lucky for me, there was a seat open between Emmet and Charlotte. Emmy was irritated with Emmet for showing up early and getting Sam excited enough to wake the entire household, so she sat away from him and away from her mom.
“Didja say hello to your brother,” Sam asked, looking from me to Emmy.
“Hi, Fred,” Emmy said crisply to her older brother without looking at Emmet.
Sam frowned. She looked like she was about to start in on Emmy and Emmy didn’t seem to be in the mood for any crap. A big fight would erupt in the middle of breakfast if someone didn’t intervene. The fights weren’t unusual between the mother and daughter, but they sure were annoying.
“Hi, Emmet,” I said to Emmet. I had felt his body heat the moment I had sat down.
“Hey,” he said casually, but I could see the “Hey, I wanna kiss you” in his eyes for a split second before he looked away.
Breakfast was noisy. Everyone tried to talk at the same time. Several conversations were going on at once around the table. It was chaos, but it was the normal chaos that was part of this family. It was warming to have everyone together, talking, debating, arguing, laughing, and eating and drinking.
Under the table, fingers trailed over my knee. I casually dropped my hand into my lap and even as I spoke across the table to Freddy’s wife Yasmine, I hooked my fingers with Emmet’s. He squeezed my hand softly and stroked the back of my hand with his thumb. Goosebumps rose up and down my arm. I had to tone down my sunshiny smile that was probably blinding half of the table. I wasn’t a miserable kid, but I wasn’t All Smiles All of the Time either. Emmy, Fred, and maybe even Sam would pick up on my unusually high mood quicker than a police dog could sniff out drugs. I didn’t have an excuse readily available, so I forced my smile away and continued to hold Emmet’s hand under the table.
After breakfast everyone scattered in various directions. Everyone seemed to have an agenda except for me. My photo shoot was early in the afternoon, I had plenty of time to prepare, but I went upstairs to figure out exactly how I should prepare. When I got up there, I found Emmet standing in the hallway with his arms crossed, leaning against the wall. He looked so good, with his muscular arms, sparkling green eyes and bed hair.
“Are you waiting for someone?” I asked softly so no one else could hear.
“Not anymore,” he answered.
His kiss was hard and hungry as he put his hands on my hips and guided me to the wall he had just been leaning on. He pinned me there with his body as he kissed me. His hands were in my hair and my hands were in his. We were all arms and fingers and mouths.
Kissing Emmet was elating. My brain kind of floated away and thoughts about anything else but the moment we were in vanished. My skin was ultra-sensitive to his touch. His hands drifted slowly down my sides and then slipped under the hem of my shirt. I was nervous about where his hands would go next, but I wasn’t nervous enough to stop kissing him. His hands were hot on my skin. His thumbs stroked the soft flesh of my belly, sending tingling sensations to places that made me feel light headed, made my heart race, and my body temperature rise. Did he have any idea what he was doing to me? I knew what I was doing to him. The evidence was rock solid against my lower belly.
This would have scared the crap out of me months ago, but now it served to excite me. I suddenly felt raw with need. I remembered how he felt on top of me that day in his room and I wanted to repeat it – and finish it.
I pushed against him and let his mouth swallow my soft moan. He pushed back against me, but then moved his body away from mine so that he was no longer poking me with the proof of his excitement. I protested with a mew and tried to move against him again, but he held me against the wall with his hands and pulled away from my lips.
“Don’t tease me like that,” he warned in a whisper.
“Who said I was teasing?” I pushed against his hands and peered up at him.
He groaned lightly and then shook his head. “I don’t want you to go too fast. I don’t want to screw this up.”
My horny haze lifted and I felt blood rush to my cheeks. Wasn’t I always preaching to Emmet about being too young for so many things? Yet, I was trying to grind against him in the hallway with members of our family only steps away.
“Ugh,” I said and dropped my head to his chest. “You’re right. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“I’m hot and I turn you on.”
I slapped his arm as his body shook with laughter.
“Is it always going to be like this?” I asked. “Because I may succeed in grossing myself out. There has to be more to us than making out.”
“Of course there is more to us,” he said with a gentle smile. He put his hand on my heart and lifted my hand to his. “We’re connected. Remember?”
My heart melted. I smiled and nodded. “Yes.”
His other hand cupped my face. He made no move to kiss me and I was more than okay with that. Staring in Emmet’s eyes with our hands on each other’s hearts made me feel more elated than any kiss.
The door to the bathroom began to open. Emmet backed away from me and threw me a quick smile as he headed towards his room and I stepped across the hall to mine. Emmy came out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel, steam billowing out behind her.
“What are you doing just standing there?” she asked me.
“I can stand here if I want to,” I shot back and then went into my room.
*~*~*
Emmy and I swung lazily in a hammock later that afternoon, reading magazines and talking about boys. Well, mostly Emmy talked about boys. I listened and commented. There was only one boy for me and I wasn’t ready to talk about him.
“Is there anyone back home you like?” she asked me.
“No,” I answered honestly. I wasn’t lying. Emmet was nearby.
“Are you a lesbian?” She looked at me with a serious expression. “If you are, it’s okay. I don’t want you to munch my rug or anything, but I’ll love you anyway.”
I raised an eyebrow. “No. Why would you ask me that?”
“Because you’re weird,” she shrugged.
“So…lesbians are weird?”
“That’s not what I meant!” She bristled and I laughed. “You don’t talk about any guys and you only ever go out with a guy if I make you go out on a double date. Since you almost kissed Jorge last year I haven’t seen you try to kiss anyone else. You’re so…good. Like, you don’t care about boys the way the rest of the girls our age do.”