by L. D. Davis
I realized then that Emmet had been on the verge of losing control, and I had been out of control. I knew I wasn’t ready for sex, but my body had been so receptive to his touch. Was it like that for everyone else? I wish I could ask Emmy without bringing suspicion upon myself. She had been to third base more times than some baseball players.
I snickered out loud at my joke. Emmet looked at me with one eyebrow raised.
“Nothing,” I said waving it off.
I got to my feet only to realize my knees were too weak to hold me. I started to fall forward, but Emmet was there, with his arm around my waist, holding me up. I held onto his arms and looked up into his face with a stupid smile.
“You literally made me weak in the knees,” I said.
He smiled down at me and placed a soft kiss on my lips.
I regained my footing after a few more seconds.
“There isn’t any rule against us dancing together,” Emmet said with his hand on the doorknob.
“No, there isn’t,” I smiled at him.
“Miss Stewart, will you honor me with a dance?” Emmet asked eloquently.
“Why, Mr. Grayne, the honor will be all mine,” I said primly.
I kissed him once more, and after we made sure the coast was clear, we left his bedroom together and rejoined the festivities outside.
*~*~*
The original cotton farm, where the big house was located where we spent our summers originally belonged to Samantha’s family, but it was mismanaged and by the time Sam got it in her early twenties, it was failing. Fred took it and made it flourish and then bought several more like it in the south. He then became a silent partner in a textile company that later expanded and became a big textile supplier. In addition to that, Fred still had a pretty decent stake in oil and owned several pieces of prime real estate.
He was semi-retired, but it was impossible for him to get away with not working at all. A few days after Lucy’s wedding he announced that he needed to head back up the coast to take care of a few things. He needed to go back to New Jersey and I wanted to go back with him. I still felt bad leaving my mom behind and Max was requesting an appointment with me in New York.
Emmy wasn’t a big fan of Louisiana, but Mayson had gone down for the wedding and the pair had reconnected with some friends and wanted to stay. In a couple of weeks they would return and a couple of days after that we would be helping Emmet move into his apartment in Cambridge.
The reality of that was sinking in. In a few short weeks I would be back in school and Emmet would be hours away. We never discussed how we were going to work through that and it was making me a little nervous as we inched closer to the day he would move away. Since I wasn’t even old enough to get into a car and drive to him, we would only be able to see each other on holidays and during the summer. Realistically speaking, I had no idea how we were going to pull it off. On the other hand, it made hiding our relationship that much easier, at least until I was both ready to tell Emmy and old enough.
Emmet was also returning to New Jersey, though he would be driving his car back and not flying with Fred and me. He didn’t really give any explanation to his inquisitive mother other than “I had not planned on being here all summer anyway.” I didn’t ask him to leave Louisiana, but as soon as he heard that I was going back North, he made plans to leave, too. It made me rather giddy because I would be able to spend a little more time with him without too many obstacles.
I still didn’t want to tell Emmy about Emmet. I had poked at the idea with her casually when we were talking about guys and she wasn’t at all receptive.
“I should hook up with Emmet,” I had said jokingly. “You seem to think he’s so easy.”
Emmy made a disgusted face and said “I love my brother and I love you, but no! Besides, it’s like…incest. Emmet is just as much your brother as mine, and ew. No.”
“You seem to feel very strongly about this,” I said, forcing a smile.
“I do,” she said. “And Emmet isn’t a bad guy, but you deserve…better. You deserve…the best.” She made a funny face and said “I don’t even want to joke about it. Gross.” She changed the subject. I didn’t push it.
I really shouldn’t have let her opinions bother me, but she was my best friend. Her opinion really mattered to me and I would want her support, not for her to oppose me. I didn’t want to deal with the stress that her opposition could possibly bring to my relationship with Emmet. Maybe later she would feel differently and maybe not. I couldn’t keep our relationship a secret forever however, so eventually she would either have to accept it or deal with it.
I was rather excited to see my mom. I was hoping that we would be able to spend some time together and get to know each other again – if I ever really knew her. She knew I was coming home, so it was no surprise when I fell through the door with several bags and a large suitcase.
“I’m home,” I said happily as I dropped my stuff by the door.
“Hi,” she said from the kitchen doorway. She was in her waitressing uniform.
“You’re going to work?” I asked, trying to hide my disappointment. “I thought we could have dinner together. I have a few dollars. I can treat us to Nifty Fifties.”
“I couldn’t get any time off,” she said, but didn’t sound at all apologetic.
In my mind I had imagined a pleasant homecoming. I pictured my mom hugging me when I walked through the door and telling me how glad she was to see me, not standing in the doorway looking like she just saw me hours before and not weeks. I thought she would have taken the night off and would smile at the idea of spending some one on one time with her only child. I did not expect her to look completely indifferent to the idea of spending time with me. I guess I thought that her medications would improve her disposition towards me, but maybe I hadn’t given it enough time to work.
“It’s okay,” I said as if she had apologized. “I’m tired anyway.”
I walked across the small living room and opened my arms for a hug. I ignored the ache I felt in my heart when my mom hesitated before accepting the embrace. It was short and lifeless.
“Did you make my appointment with Max?” I asked her after I stepped away from her.
“No,” she said, eyeing me carefully. “I’m not sure it is something I want you to do.”
Up until that point, I didn’t have any feelings on the subject either way. I was willing to try because the opportunity was there, but if it didn’t pan out, that was okay; but now that my mother was trying to take away one of those options, I suddenly realized how much I really wanted to try.
“What do you mean?” I asked her.
“You have this naïve idea that it will be easy,” she said, moving into the kitchen.
“I never said that,” I argued.
“I don’t think you know how much work it will be to find work – and get paid. Who is supposed to traipse around New York with you and wherever else while you try to get a job? You know sometimes you won’t even get paid money? Just clothes? Clothes don’t pay the bills, Donya.”
Like she knew about paying bills? She was employed for the first time since I was a little kid!
I bit my tongue on that remark and said instead “I understand that, but I would like to try.”
“I can’t just quit my job and run all over the world with you. We don’t even have the money to do that. Did you think about that?”
I deflated. I had not thought about that. I had not thought much about the details at all. It wasn’t as if my dad was around to pay the bills while I pursued a modeling career. It was just my mom and the money she made – even in combination with social security – wasn’t a lot of money. We had enough to live with electricity, heat, and to not starve and that was about it. I had become accustomed to the Graynes making up where my parents lacked over the years, but that wasn’t something I wanted to continue to do and I had no expectations of them supporting me and my mother while I ‘traipsed’ around trying to find work.
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But still…
“I understand,” I said slowly. “But can we at least meet Max? I would like to at least hear what he has to say. Maybe I can try on my own in a couple of years.”
Mom shrugged. She was spreading butter on toast, but she looked over her shoulder at me. “You’re pretty, Donya, but there isn’t anything extraordinary about you. I don’t even know what that Max was talking about. What if he’s just a pervert?”
I pushed away the self-conscious feelings she just evoked within me. “You and Sam both found out he was the real deal,” I said patiently.
She shrugged again. “I don’t really have time or money to go to New York anyway. You may as well have stayed down south. ”
This was probably one of the longest, sanest conversations I ever had with my mom. Sadly, it was just that…sad. She had not said one single kind word to me since I walked through the door, besides “hi.”
“I have to go,” she said after wrapping her toast in a paper towel. “There’s some food in the fridge.”
She moved past me into the living room, grabbed her keys off of the coffee table, stepped through my obstacle course of bags and walked out of the door without even a glance back in my direction.
*~*~*
Emmet got back to New Jersey a couple of days after me. He had driven straight through and was exhausted, but he insisted on seeing me before he slept. It was mid-morning when I walked the few blocks to my other home. Fred wasn’t home. He had flown to Chicago the night before for some early morning meetings. He had called me to let me know he would be gone a couple of days, and it was that small act that made me smile for the first time since I returned to New Jersey. I wasn’t even his real kid but he treated me more like I was his than my biological mother did.
As I let myself into the house, my heart fluttered madly in anticipation of being reunited with Emmet. I followed that invisible line between us and found him in the kitchen, dressed in shorts and a t-shirt, yawning and scratching his chest tiredly. I couldn’t help thinking how cute he looked.
“Hey,” I said, stopping a few feet away from him.
“Hi,” he said with a grin. He closed the distance between us and wrapped his arms around me. He planted a kiss on my neck that made me shiver before releasing me. He gently tugged on a piece of hair that had fallen from my ponytail.
“How was your drive?”
“Too slow,” he said, putting a hand on my hip. “Mom tried to sabotage me and flattened two of my tires.”
“She did not,” I said disbelieving, but at the same time believing what he said.
He nodded and laughed. “Yes, she did. She didn’t like me driving home by myself.”
“She didn’t have any arguments when you showed up five days early,” I pointed out.
“That’s what I said,” he said and yawned loudly.
“I’m not going to stay long. You need some sleep.”
“Stay,” he said quietly as he looked down at me. He put his other hand on the back of my neck and dragged his thumb across the nape of it. I shivered.
“I don’t know if I should,” I whispered as his thumb made another pass across my skin.
Instead of answering me with his words, Emmet leaned over and gently placed his lips on mine. The tip of his tongue slid across my lips. I granted his request and parted my lips. He kissed me slowly and softly. I melted against his body and he wrapped his arms around me. After a couple of minutes, his lips left mine and he rested his chin on my head as he held me. I held onto him tightly. I didn’t realize how much I needed his embrace until that moment.
My days at my mother’s house had been long, lonely and rather sad. She never made any further effort to be near me. If we ended up in the same space together, it was purely by accident on her part. We hardly spoke more than a few sentences to each other since my return. It saddened me deeply. I always believed that if my mother was well, she would be different. She would be someone I never got to know, but I would have been happy to have in my life, but it had not turned out that way at all. It hurt a lot less when I thought it was her mental illness keeping her emotionally detached.
“You okay?” Emmet asked worriedly.
“I’m just glad you’re here,” I said and then cursed in my head when my voice broke on the last word.
Emmet pulled away to look at me. His green eyes burned into mine with concern.
“What’s wrong?”
“I’m fine,” I said softly.
“I can feel that there is something wrong,” he said, frowning. “We’re connected, remember?”
It was impossible to forget!
“I remember.” I gave him a small smile.
“So, talk to me, sweetheart,” Emmet said softly.
“My mom hates me,” I blurted out. My teenage hormones raged and I burst into tears and became bitterly angry at the same time.
Emmet looked alarmed as he attempted to wipe away my tears, but they came faster than he could keep up with.
“Come on,” he said, taking my hand.
I let him lead me through the first floor and up the stairs. He pulled me into his bedroom and made me sit on the bed. He walked out of the room and returned a few seconds later with a box of tissues. He took a couple out and kneeled before me and blotted my tears. I was so embarrassed. I wasn’t a crier. I hated sissy crying girls. I was tougher than that. I tried to stop, but couldn’t.
“Donya, what happened?” Emmet asked desperately with his hands on either side of me.
“Nothing,” I laughed and sobbed.
Humiliated by my weakness, I turned my face away from him. I gently pushed him away until he stood up and stepped back. I crawled onto his bed and lay down with my back to him. I covered my face with my arm in an attempt to hide from him. I felt him move onto the bed behind me. He gently pulled my arm from my face and used his hand to wipe at my tears. He didn’t ask me anymore questions. He wrapped his arms around me and held me close and let me cry like the baby I felt like.
I don’t know how much time passed before I stopped crying. My body still shook involuntarily with small shudders and Emmet continued to hold me while stroking my hair. The sob session had taken a lot out of me. My eyes began to droop. I struggled to stay awake, but tucked in Emmet’s hold, I lost the battle and slept.
*~*~*
It was late afternoon when I opened my eyes again. Emmet’s digital clock next to his bed glowed 4:45p.m. I felt Emmet’s chest rising and falling gently against my back. I carefully rolled over to face him. I tried not wake him, but completely failed. He was smiling even though his eyes were still closed as he pulled me closer.
“I like waking up to you,” he murmured.
“Even though I cry like a little girl?” I asked, feeling the mortification in my warm cheeks.
Emmet’s smile faded and his eyes blinked open. He looked at me with worry again.
“Why were you crying?”
I sighed and picked at an imaginary piece of lint on his shirt.
“My mom doesn’t like me,” I said in a small voice. I told him about my arrival back home and how she had reacted. I told him everything she had said about Max and I told him how she made no further efforts to be near me.
“I usually don’t care if someone doesn’t like me or not,” I said at the end. “I was able to deal with it before because she was sick, but she’s better now and she still doesn’t want anything to do with me. I’m trying not to care, but I do. I wish I didn’t.”
“I don’t really know what to say about your mom,” Emmet said, and sounded a little dumbfounded by what I told him. “But I do know that my parents love you as much as they love us.” He chuckled and said “Sometimes I’m sure my dad loves you more than Emmy. Don’t tell her I said that.”
“Your parents are great and you know they’ve been the only parents I’ve really had most of my life, but it’s not the same thing. You expect your real parents to love you, too.”
Emmet kissed my forehead
. “I know. I’m sorry. I don’t really know what to say. I feel really bad for you.”
“I’ll get over it,” I sighed, though I wasn’t sure if I could ever get over that. How does a kid get over being disliked by her mother?
“I don’t want you to give up on the modeling thing. It pisses me off that she said you weren’t good enough.”
“There’s nothing I can do about it,” I said resolutely. “It costs money we don’t have.”
“Yeah,” he said distractedly as he absently rubbed my back.
We lay there in silence for a little while, just holding each other. Emmet rubbed my back. The constant movement gradually pushed my shirt up my back. Instead of pulling it back down, his warm hand slid across my bare back, sending small shivers up and down my spine.
“Remember the last time we were in this bed together?” he asked just above a whisper.
How could I forget it? I squirmed slightly just thinking about how his body had pressed against mine.
“Yes, and I should get up so we don’t have a repeat session,” I said, but made no effort to move away from him.
“I’m not letting you get up,” he warned, looking at me with mischief in those sparkling eyes.
“I don’t need your permission.”
“Yes, you do, but even if you asked, I wouldn’t grant your request.”
He pulled on my ponytail, forcing my head to tilt up towards his face. He smiled like a villain and then kissed me.
Though I knew I should probably get out of his bed, I fisted my hand in his hair instead and wriggled closer to him as his tongue stroked mine. His hand roamed over my bare back and down to my ass where he squeezed and kneaded. I moaned softly against his lips. When I felt him erect against my thigh, I pulled away from his lips and gently pushed at his chest.
“We should stop,” I said. I didn’t really want to stop kissing him. I loved kissing him, but we were completely alone this time. Sam and Fred were both hundreds of miles away. There was no chance on anyone banging on the door to interrupt us, no chance of getting caught.