“Seton,” I protested. “I can’t keep taking things from you. I don’t have any way to pay you back.”
“Yet,” she interjected. “Seriously, Cherish, don’t worry about it. I have more stuff than I know what to do with. Besides,” she said with a twinkle in her eye. “I think that Grey and I might start trying to get pregnant sometime soon. If we do, then I won’t be able to wear a lot of these clothes for long anyway.”
For some reason, the mention of Seton and Grey having a baby put a picture in my head of a little infant wearing a leather jacket and covered in tattoos. I giggled to myself at the thought.
“What?” Seton asked, cocking her head.
“Nothing,” I said, suppressing a grin. “Really.”
She made me keep trying things on despite all of my protests. Since it seemed sort of ridiculous for me to keep running to the bathroom to change clothes, eventually I screwed up my courage and started pulling off shirts and pants in front of her. It seemed to be completely normal to her, and she barely looked at me as we continued chatting, so little by little I loosened up and forgot to feel strange about it.
One thing did catch her attention, though. “That is some kind of grandma bra,” she laughed, nodding at me.
I looked down. “Is it?” I asked.
She laughed. “Cherish, it’s got a ridiculous amount of material. I’ve seriously seen shirts that have less coverage than that. Plus, it doesn’t even fit you.” She hopped up from the bed where she was sitting and reached over to pinch together some of the loose fabric. “Look at that. We need to go bra shopping.”
I started to protest, but then realized maybe I should just be happy that she hadn’t opened a drawer and started handing me some of hers to try on. “And the same thing with those granny panties you’ve got on,” she continued.
“What’s wrong with my underwear?” I asked, confused.
“Well, for one thing, you could fit three people in there. And for another, hello, VPL.”
“VPL?”
“Visible panty line.” She had me turn around and showed me what she meant in the mirror. “There’s just too much fabric. Trust me,” she said firmly. “You’ll thank me once you’re wearing something that fits better and is prettier.”
I started to ask her why I needed for underwear to be pretty, but my mouth shut with a pop when an image came unbidden into my mind of Levi. I imagined him looking at me in this pair of bra and panties, and suddenly, I could see what Seton meant. Not that he was ever going to see me like that, but still. If anything made me blush with more embarrassment than the thought of him seeing me naked, it was the thought of him seeing me naked with underwear that reminded him of someone’s grandmother. Sighing, I agreed to let Seton take me out shopping, and hoped the experience wouldn’t be too painful.
We got back into the car and headed to a shop near one end of the main street. Before she went in, she made me swear not to look at a single price tag. “Bra shopping can be a little scary at first when you look at prices, so just don’t do it. I promise that you can pay me back for the whole thing once you’ve settled in and gotten a job.”
Seton spoke to one of the sales ladies, who introduced herself to me as Bev. Bev was very nice and immediately led me into a fitting room to measure me, then disappeared for a few minutes as I waited and tried not to feel self-conscious with the three-way mirror. She returned with a variety of bras in more colors, shapes, and styles than I had ever known existed. Mercifully, Seton let me try them on in privacy, saying only that I had to choose three, and that only one of them could be white or beige. I selected one basic one in a color Bev called nude, one light pink, and one black with a small, non-overwhelming amount of lace.
Next, we picked out enough underwear to last a week, and Seton whisked everything out of my hands and marched up to the counter to pay with a credit card. “Yay, done!” she said when she returned with the bag, which she handed to me. “Let’s go get something to eat. I’m starved.”
We had a late lunch at a small cafe a few doors down, watching the world go by from our table by the window as we chatted about everything and nothing. It was surprisingly easy to be around Seton, and I marveled at the fact that it seemed there were no topics that were off limits. At the Ranch, I had been so used to being careful of what I said and did, for fear of bringing shame on my family or my husband, that I hadn’t really talked much about anything deeper than chores, church, or children. It felt good to have a friend I could actually say things to without worrying about being shamed for my thoughts.
Eventually, Seton started asking me more questions about where I’d come from. Once I’d answered one or two questions filling in the details of where the Ranch was, and a little about the life I’d left behind, she wanted to know how I felt about leaving the Ranch and whether I was scared of them. “Are you afraid they’ll try to come find you?” she asked, her eyes wide.
“A little bit,” I admitted. “Except I can’t imagine how they would ever manage it. Nobody knew I was planning to leave, and I paid cash for all the bus tickets. Plus, even I didn’t have any idea how to get here when I left. So I don’t think they’d be able to trace my path.”
She nodded, contemplating. “I suppose so. And hell, eventually they’ll just have to give up, won’t they? I mean, they can’t force an adult to do what she doesn’t want to do, so even if they find you, when you tell them you don’t want to go back, they’ll have to just go home and forget about it.” She was silent for a moment, and then looked at me with curiosity. “And Levi really comes from there, too?”
“Yes.” I tried to be careful not to give her information that Levi wouldn’t want me to. “He escaped, too, when I was a little girl and he was probably seventeen or eighteen. He knew my brother Elias, and I remember hearing Elias say once afterwards that Levi had gone to a town in Colorado called Lupine. For some reason, the name stuck in my head, and when I started to get ideas about leaving, I thought that maybe if I could get here he would help me.”
“Wow,” she breathed. “I can’t even imagine. Who would have known that Levi, of all people, was raised in a cult?” Her eyes widened in embarrassment. “Oh, I’m sorry, Cherish, I didn’t mean to call it that.”
“It’s okay,” I assured her. “I guess that’s what it might seem like, from the outside.”
She looked down at her food, and after a moment looked up again, changing the subject. “What do you want to try to do for work, Cherish? Have you thought about that at all?” she asked me between bites of her salad.
“No,” I admitted. “I don’t really know how to do anything.”
“Oh, come on, that’s got to be nonsense.” She waved a dismissive hand. “You told me you can cook. You must know how to do other things, as well.”
“I can sew,” I said. “And knit. And, um, I know how to type, actually. Other than that, not really.”
“Do you know much about computers?”
“I know some,” I nodded. “My first husband didn’t know much about them, so I had to learn so that I could order things for the farm, things like that.”
“Well, we’ll figure something out,” she shrugged. “Maybe you could get work waitressing at one of the restaurants in town. Or hell, there’s always retail. Or working as a receptionist somewhere. We’ve got time.”
After lunch, Seton said we had one more stop to make before we went home. Her friend and former roommate, Carly, was in town for the weekend from Denver. Carly was apparently an up and coming hair and makeup stylist who worked at a high-end salon, and when Seton had told her about me, Carly offered to give me a haircut to celebrate my freedom. We met at a small salon where Carly used to work, whose owner had given her permission to use one of the chairs for the afternoon. I was a little nervous when I met Carly and saw her artful arrangement of blond curls. “I can’t wear my hair like that,” I whispered to Seton. “I don’t know anything about styling my hair!”
“Don’t worry about it,” she assured
me. “She won’t do anything too drastic if you don’t want her to.”
I took a deep breath and sat down, and an hour later, Carly had removed about three more inches and cut my hair in a way that somehow made it look lighter, fuller, and flowed around my face attractively. She even forced me to let her put on a little bit of makeup, and showed me how to do just a few tricks so that with just a little bit of mascara and a tube of something that could be used on both my cheeks and lips, I looked both just the same and completely different. I looked in the mirror and for the first time in my life, I felt beautiful.
“Thank you,” I breathed. “Oh, my gosh, thank you!”
Carly beamed. “And that, my friend, is why it’s on the house. Your smile is more payment than you can know.”
Seton thanked Carly and hugged her goodbye, and then we drove back to the clubhouse so she could drop me off. I got back around dinnertime, but I was still full from our late lunch and too exhausted to even think about eating, so I decided to skip the meal. So much had happened that afternoon that I could hardly believe it had been less than six hours since we’d left.
Back upstairs, I put the bags down on the bed from my excursion. There was a bag of my new underwear, another bag with my clean laundry and more clothing that Seton had pressed on me, and even a small bag with a tube of mascara and another of the lip and cheek blush that Carly had given me as a present. I got to work folding and putting away the clothes that Seton had given me, chuckling softly when I found the Minions T-shirt. A few minutes later a soft knock came on the door. I opened it to see Levi standing there, his wide shoulders almost filling the doorway.
“Hey,” he said softly, not quite meeting my eyes. “Can I come in for a second?”
“Of course,” I said, trying to ignore the hammering in my chest. I moved away from the door and he stepped in, stopping in the middle of the living area.
When I closed the door and came to join him, he was staring at me with a look on his face I had never seen before. It was almost like he was angry, but I could tell it wasn’t quite that. His entire body looked tensed, like a cat. A fierce, barely-controlled energy radiated from him, so distracting that it made me feel dizzy and almost unable to concentrate on what he was saying.
“You cut your hair,” he said, his voice thick.
“I… Seton’s friend cut it for me this afternoon. And put a little makeup on me,” I blushed. “It’s nothing, really.”
“It suits you,” he murmured. “All of it.” His eyes left mine to travel slowly down my body. I shivered. My skin felt as though I was in a lightning storm: every nerve seemed to be on edge, acutely aware of his electric presence.
“Thank you,” I choked out.
For a moment, neither of us said anything. As his eyes traveled back up my body, they seemed to linger on every curve. A throbbing began between my legs that I recognized from the dream I had had about him. From deep down, a sort of… longing began inside me. I couldn’t describe it in any other way. It was a longing so deep it was physical, but what it was I wanted, I wouldn’t have been able to articulate. All I knew was that it was because of Levi, and that I wanted him to touch me.
“I came to tell you I don’t mind at all that you’re going to stay for a bit. I wanted to ease your mind about that,” he said then. His voice, deep and rich, felt almost as though it was caressing my skin. I half-closed my eyes, my breathing growing shallow.
“I’m glad,” I managed to say. “I promise I won’t stay long, Levi. I know…”
“Stop!” he barked suddenly. I flinched, and he shook his head. “I’m sorry,” he muttered. “I didn’t mean to be yell at you. I just want you to stop worrying about how long you’re going to stay.” He took a half-step toward me, and I was so aware of his presence that it made me draw in my breath a little at having him so close.
“Cherish,” he began, and then dropped his eyes. “What you told me earlier about why you left the Ranch. It made me realize this isn’t just playing around for you. When you showed up, I was angry for the intrusion from my past. It’s not a time I like to think about.
“But,” he continued, “I know how hard it must have been for you to get out of there. Hell, it was hard enough for me as a man.” His eyes locked on mine again, burning with intensity. “It took a lot of courage, you leaving like you did. I don’t want you to feel like you have to leave until you get on your feet.”
I almost started to cry with relief. My emotions were so mixed up and confused right now with Levi standing there so close to me, I didn’t know how to sort out everything I was feeling, exactly, but I almost ached with the longing for him to come to me, to put his arms around me. It was so distracting I could barely think. I closed my eyes and forced myself to try and shake off the feeling. “Thank you, Levi,” I said, and then laughed shakily. “It seems like all I do is thank you for things.”
“Cherish,” he said, his voice strange. “I want to do things for you.” In the silence that followed, it felt as though the temperature in the room rose ten degrees. His green eyes were locked onto mine, seeming to reach inside me and touch parts of me I hadn’t even known existed. My lips parted involuntarily, and Levi stepped slowly forward until I could feel the heat of his skin radiating toward me. The scent of leather and smoke enveloped me until I felt almost like I had after the margarita. His face towered above mine, forcing me to tilt my head back to look at him.
Levi’s eyes grew dark, almost black, and he leaned forward until his face was mere inches from mine. His lips came close to my ear. “I want to do things for you,” he repeated, but this time it meant something else entirely. His breath caressed my neck and the sensation almost made me gasp, it felt so intimate. Levi was touching me without laying a finger on me.
“Levi,” I whispered. I was absolutely frozen to the spot, from fear mixed with so much desire that it paralyzed me. I had never wanted to be touched so badly in my life. I didn’t have any idea how to react, or what to do, but I knew that if Levi kissed me or touched me in any way I might just explode. Whatever he did, I knew I would be helpless to resist anything. What was more, I realized dimly, I didn’t want to resist. I wanted him to do something, anything. I needed, more than anything, for him relieve the terrible ache between my legs.
“Levi,” I whispered again, his name now a kind of plea.
He moved just a fraction of an inch closer now, until his lips were so close to my skin that if I moved at all they would be touching me. “You’re fucking gorgeous, Cherish,” he murmured into my ear. “It’s all I can do not to take you right here.” My eyes closed at the exquisite torture, my lips parted, waiting. And then, with a low groan that was almost a growl, he moved away.
I opened my eyes, confused, to find him looking down on me, almost glowering. “You can stay here as long as you want, Cherish,” he said, his voice tense, almost angry. “The other men will leave you alone. But you need to stay away from me.”
Then he turned and strode to the door, closing it behind him.
I stood there, stupefied, my body fairly vibrating with need. I had no idea what had just happened. For a moment I just stood dumbly, and then all of the tensions of the past few minutes seemed to break over me like a wave. I sank to the couch and began to cry, confusion and frustration pulled out of me with every sob. I had thought Levi hated me, then that maybe he could at least tolerate me, and now… what was I to make of all that had just happened?
My sobs continued as tried to push away the image of what I had been waiting for Levi to do to me. I had never felt pleasure from a man before, but somehow I knew that what I wanted from him was for him to take me to bed, to push his hard length inside me. It was astonishing to realize that this was something a woman could want, and the fact that I had just understood it at the precise moment that Levi had decided to walk away from me was almost more than I could bear.
I didn’t know if he was trying to torture me or just to warn me by being so cruel, but he could hardly have hurt me mo
re if he’d tried. I realized that I felt more alone at this moment than I had at any point since I’d left the Ranch. Levi had warned me to stay away from him, and his cruel lesson had taught me exactly that. I didn’t know how much longer I would have to stay at the Stone Kings clubhouse, but I would avoid Levi like the plague until I was able to leave.
10
Levi
It had been almost two weeks since the night I almost lost control and took Cherish to bed.
Since then, we had seen each other in passing almost every day, but she would only say the most superficial greetings to me, and she refused to meet my eye.
It was exactly what I had told her she needed to do. So why did it feel like I was in some sort of self-imposed hell?
I hadn’t had any intentions of anything sexual happening between us that night. Hell, I’d just gone up to the apartment to reassure her I was fine with her staying for a while. But the second she opened the door I was a goner. I didn’t know why it was that every single time I saw her, she somehow got more beautiful and fucking sexier than she had been the last time. She had just returned from a day out shopping with Seton, and apparently one of Seton’s friends who was a hairdresser had given Cherish a haircut. The new style was shorter, not radically different, but the cut had made her hair fuller and brought out a natural wave that made it cascade thick and full around her face. She had a little makeup on, too, just a little, and the added blush to her lips drew my eyes to them, and accentuated their fullness until I could barely look at them without imagining what they would feel like wrapped around my cock.
I thought I had steeled myself against my desire for Cherish before I walked into the apartment, but seeing her like that pretty much ambushed me, so I found myself there in the middle of the living room with a raging hard-on, with barely enough self-control to say what I had come to say and get out. I had to keep my hands fisted in my pockets to resist the urge to touch her. Even worse, it felt like she was feeling some of the same things, because her skin flushed a bit as I looked at her, her eyes dilating until I couldn’t even see the pupils anymore.
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