“You chose that.”
Miller turned and rushed to Ella. “Like fuck I did. I wanted what was right for you. I thought about doing something different, when I took the patch. I thought as President I could make damn sure you were safe. Then you got pregnant.”
“My fault, right?”
“I never fucking said that, Ella.”
“I was alone for everything,” Ella said. “And I had to see you, hear about you, feeling that knife in my heart. You weren’t protecting me. You were hurting me!”
“I hurt you.” Miller gritted his teeth. “I hurt you. You destroyed me.”
Miller turned and walked away again.
“How did I destroy you?”
“Telling me you wish Beck was mine.”
“You. Fucking. Asshole.”
Ella was shaking. She looked down and thought about throwing a beer bottle at the back of Miller’s head. Instead, Ella started to run.
Right toward Miller.
She launched forward, feet off the ground, and was on his back. In her mind, she expected Miller to fall. She expected to be on top of Miller, being in complete control. She wanted to hit him, kiss him, cry on his strong chest until all her pain went away.
None of that happened though.
Ella hit Miller so hard she lost her breath. Her arms were around his neck and he barely even stumbled one measly step.
“What the hell are you doing?” he growled.
His hands grabbed at her arms.
“I… you… fuck…”
Miller dropped his left shoulder and Ella went up and over him. His hands grabbed at her sides, keeping her from hitting the ground and falling and hurting herself. She then spun around, eyes wide, facing her beautiful outlaw. His hands were still touching her sides. It was hot. Really hot. Ella felt her body reacting. But the anger was too fresh, too real. She made fists and punched them both at Miller’s chest, as hard as she could. She wiggled back a step, out of his grip, and then her hand was sailing through the air. The cracking sound against Miller’s face seemed to echo for an hour. The hot pain in her hand switched to tingling.
“No!” Ella yelled.
She had so much more to say. But nothing else would come out. So Ella turned and she started to run. There was nowhere to go, but she wasn’t going to give Miller the pleasure of telling her what to do or where to go.
“Ella!” Miller yelled.
She kept charging. Worst case, she could just go until she saw lights and then follow them back into Frelen. Then she could get Beck…
“Beck,” she whispered.
Her feet suddenly started to slow.
A few seconds later a hand grabbed her shoulder.
“Where are you going? You can’t go out there. It’s dangerous.”
Ella shook Miller away. “Everywhere is dangerous!”
Miller turned her back around. “I fucking know that. I’m trying to protect you from that.”
“I want to slap you again.”
“Then do it. If that’s what you need to do right now, do it.”
Ella really thought about it. But she decided against it. “I’m not going anywhere with you.”
“Yeah? Is that what you think?”
“It’s what I know,” Ella said.
She wanted to be bitchy and defiant. She wanted to push Miller to the edge and see what he would do.
Miller growled and grabbed Ella. He ducked down and lifted Ella, putting her over his shoulder. She was then staring at an upside down skull and Back Down Devil logo on the back of his leather cut.
“You’re fucking coming back to the clubhouse,” Miller said. “This was supposed to be our romantic date together.”
“Put me down!” Ella said.
“No.”
Miller rushed to his ride and sat Ella down. She didn’t bother fighting back anymore. She put the helmet on and only grabbed Miller when he started to move forward after the motorcycle was started. She held the sides of his leather cut as he sped back into Frelen.
This was supposed to be our romantic date together.
Part of Ella was sorry. Part of her wasn’t.
She still hadn’t gotten the full story or all her answers yet.
They arrived back at the clubhouse and Miller took her by the hand. He stormed her into the clubhouse where the guys were drinking and partying.
“Whoa!” Blaine called out. “They’re back a little early!”
Miller paused. He grabbed a beer bottle right out of Shay’s hand and threw it at Blaine. Blaine moved and the bottle hit the wall, exploding.
“Fuck off!” Miller bellowed.
He then pulled at Ella, taking her down the hall and to his room. There he tore the door open and threw her to the bed. As he came at the bed, Ella kicked back, ready. She hated to admit it to herself but she was insanely turned on by Miller. The rough stuff didn’t do much for her but she trusted Miller. Anything he wanted, she trusted.
Miller hovered over her. “I’ll never stop protecting you, darling. I made that promise to myself a long damn time ago. I’m sorry for the way things turned out. I should have known more than what I did. But I swear to you, the second I knew Jerry had fucking turned, you were the first thing I thought of. You and that baby. I sat with Griffin seconds before the bullet ripped his throat and brain out of his goddamn head and thought about you. You, Ella, you. Everything is you.”
Miller pressed his lips to hers. Ella exhaled through her nose and put a hand to the back of his head. Miller quickly tore it away and stood up. She put her hands to his legs, not sure whether to hit him or rip his dick out and go at it. Her body, mind, heart, everything was confused.
“I love you, darling,” he said. “Now sleep tight. Tomorrow is going to be bad.”
Ella didn’t get a chance to say a word before Miller left the room.
Alone, Ella gripped the edge of the bed. She wanted to go to her Beck, her son. But she couldn’t move. With her head hanging, she started to cry.
Her mind kept playing it over and over.
Sitting on that rock, waiting for him. Sitting on that rock, staring out to the dark horizon. Sitting on that rock, feeling a little nervous… but knowing the second Miller would touch me I would feel better.
Sitting on that rock, promising I’d love Miller forever. As though I knew something bad waited.
Ella couldn’t stop crying. It had been a long time coming.
nineteen.
Sitting on that fucking rock. Jerry’s little skimpy hand over her shoulder, holding her tight. Nudging at her to make the cheap move and swipe a kiss. But then he wouldn’t let the kiss stop. Jamming his fucking tongue in her mouth. Pulling at her when she looked like she wanted to slink away.
Miller held his pinky finger up and stared at the glistening diamond ring. He couldn’t believe that after all these years the damn thing still held such a good shine. That definitely made it worth the fucking cost, that’s for sure. Christ. Miller was supposed to throw money at a new ride but settled for what he had and used all his money to buy the ring. Even after shit hit the fan Miller had the chance to return the diamond for an almost refund, but he decided to the keep the ring.
Because someday he always believed Ella would wear it.
“Yeah,” he whispered.
Somewhere in the back of his mind he saw it all happening, too. Him walking up to that damn rock, his face bloody from the fight, dropping to one knee, and just going after his future once and for all. Ella would have said yes. She would have jumped into his arms and…
“Boss?”
Miller looked back and saw Blaine standing with two women.
“I’m fine,” Miller said.
Blaine moved from the women. He came to the table and jumped up, then sat next to Miller.
“Rough night?” he asked.
“Rough everything,” Miller said. “I’m the President of a MC, brother. My focus can’t go anywhere else.”
“Ah, that’s bullshit. We�
��ve got this thing locked up. Your plan is solid. We’ll isolate him and gut him. Plus, he’s ditched Coast Road. That means he’s already desperate and worried.”
“I know,” Miller said.
“So what happened up there with her?”
“The past.”
“Talking about what could have been, huh?”
“Something like that.”
“You can’t do that,” Blaine said. “Not with her right in front of you.”
Miller looked at Blaine. “Sometimes you talk like you’re a half decent guy.”
“Cool it with that half decent shit. These two behind me think I’m a terrible person. I like it that way. They’re going to do terrible things to me. Then I’m going to do even more terrible things to them.”
“Good for you,” Miller said.
“What are you so worried about?” Blaine asked. “I mean, what’s making you and Ella fight?”
“That night. It was so fucked up. And the air isn’t clear.”
“So clear it.”
“I don’t want to. It won’t change a thing.”
“So forget about it,” Blaine said.
“I can’t.”
“Why?”
“Because… that baby…”
Miller closed his mouth.
“Well, goddamn,” Blaine said. “The big, tough President of the MC wants a baby.”
“Stop that. I’ll knock you out.”
“I’m serious, Miller. You’re in pain over this shit. Yet she’s right in front of you. She’s here, with that baby. You know how it goes with old men. Some of them are assholes. Mine was. Yours too. I’d give anything to have a guy like you in my life back then.”
“Thanks.”
“I’m serious.”
“And then someday I have to look that kid in the eyes and tell him I killed his father.”
Blaine sighed. “Yeah, that one is going to be tough. I won’t lie.”
Miller opened his mouth but caught something out of the corner of his eye. He turned his head and saw the two women were kissing. They were really going at it.
“You better get rolling,” Miller whispered. “They started without you.”
Blaine turned his head and then jumped up. “Ah, fuck. They better not finish without me.”
He scrambled over the table and took charge.
Miller laughed and then looked at his pinky again. He took the ring off and stuck it in his pocket. He stood and walked to the side door to the clubhouse. When he opened it, a woman stood there holding two beers.
“Hey,” she said.
“What?” Miller asked.
“Look, I don’t care what’s going on. Have a beer with me. Let me do whatever I need to do.”
Miller grabbed both bottles of beer. “Go get more beer. And if your pussy is wet, go take care of yourself.”
Miller moved by the woman and ended up in the clubhouse, but only for a few seconds. He then set his sights on the conference room. There he sat alone and in the dark. The two beers did nothing so he went for a bottle of whiskey. Drinking himself drunk, Miller could only think. About Ella. About Beck. About Jerry. Past to present. Hell, even thinking about the future. That was scary because the only certain thing for the future was death. That much Miller believed, and that much the rest of the MC held close to their chests.
Finally, Miller stood and stumbled to the right. He caught himself against the wall and worked his way forward to the door. Ripping it open, he flew forward out and didn’t stop until he hit the bar. There was music. Voices. Laughing. Someone saying his name. Waving a hand, Miller kept going. Down the hallway and to his room. The fucking cot was still on the fucking floor.
“Not tonight,” Miller groaned.
He swung his foot once and missed the cot. His back crashed against the wall. The second kick did the trick though, sending the cot through the air. Turning, he opened the bedroom door and went inside. There was a light left on, the light cascading along the bed, showing off a sleeping Ella. Miller shut the door gently and suddenly felt sober. He walked to the edge of the bed and touched it. This was his goddamn bed. In his goddamn clubhouse. For his goddamn MC. This wasn’t part of the deal. Romance. Falling in love. Giving a damn about a baby that wasn’t his. Miller looked to his shoulder and swore he could still smell Beck. That lotion, clean, powder, warm spit up smell. And he goddamn liked it.
The deal was supposed to be Ella having a good life. A family. Holidays. Spending the morning cooking the Thanksgiving turkey while the kids watched the damn parade. Then going out the next day and picking out the Christmas tree. The kids waiting up too late for Santa to come. All the while Miller would be on his steel lion of a ride, fighting, shooting, stabbing, doing everything he could to keep the truest of all darknesses away from Frelen. Jerry could handle public safety with his badge and service weapon. Miller could handle the real shit.
That was the fucking deal.
Now Ella was in his bed. Her body lingered on his. Her sweet sex smell still flirted with Miller’s senses, fucking with his heart and mind.
Leaning forward, Miller climbed onto the bed. His hand reached for Ella, touching her waist. He squeezed a little, taking a deep breath. Christ, there was so much still left to talk about. This wasn’t something to just sweep under the rug and forget. This was breaking fate and changing the path of so many lives. It all needed to be talked about.
Miller just didn’t want to lose Ella again. And he didn’t want to lose Beck. Even if the baby wasn’t his, the baby deserved something that resembled a decent life.
You can’t give that to anyone, Miller. You can’t give anything decent to anyone. The only decent thing is to walk away. To just go do your thing. Her heart will break. It will shatter. But she’ll realize it was just a first love thing. You were the first to touch her, take her innocence, show her something wild. All that pain will pass. Then she’ll be okay again. And she’ll never be in danger.
Miller put his lips to Ella’s ear. “I’m sorry, darling. You’ll never be in danger again.”
Ella wiggled her shoulder and moved away from Miller. She swatted with her hand at his hand, knocking it away.
Taking the hint, Miller put a little space between them. He then stared at the ceiling and fell into a drunk sleep of nothingness.
There were no dreams. There was just nothing.
When Miller opened his eyes, there was a pounding sound at the door. He sat up and reached for his gun with one hand and reached across the bed with the other. The bed was empty. Miller jumped from the bed, running a hand over his face. He tore open the door and Gaige stood there, a gun in his hand.
“What the fuck…”
“We have company,” Gaige said.
“Jerry?”
“Yeah.”
“Fuck,” Miller growled. “Where’s Ella?”
Gaige nodded to the door behind him.
“Okay. Get outside. I’m on my way,” Miller said.
He hurried to the door across from his room and opened it. Ella was there on the edge of the bed, breastfeeding Beck.
“Shut the door!” Ella yelled.
Beck broke away from her breast and let out a whine. Miller looked at Ella’s full breast and couldn’t help but feel his cock pulse. Seeing her like this was just beautiful. Beyond beautiful. A fucking woman. A mother. So strong and capable…
“Sorry,” Miller said. “We have company here.”
Ella looked ready to panic. “Shit. No.”
“Here,” Miller said. He came forward. “Let me take the little guy so you could… clean up…”
Miller grabbed Beck. The baby looked at him and smiled big. A big and cute smile to start Miller’s day. The innocence burned from his eyes. Yet there was hell waiting outside.
This baby’s father was waiting outside.
Miller felt his stomach twist.
Ella stood up, fixing her top. “Give me him.” She tore the baby from Miller’s hand. “What are you going to do?”<
br />
“Deal with it,” Miller said. “I want you to wait it out in my room. Okay? I made you a promise…”
“I’m tired of promises,” Ella said. She pushed by Miller.
“Hey!” Miller bellowed. “I never…”
Ella looked back at him. “Don’t. Just don’t, Miller. This is why I wanted to leave when I came here. I needed you to get me out of here. Out of Frelen. You have ways and you didn’t do it. Now he’s here to get me. To get Beck. To hurt us.”
“He will not hurt you,” Miller said. “And you are not leaving. I’m not letting you slip away from me again. I love you. I want to…”
Ella opened the door and walked across the hall.
Miller gritted his teeth. He made a fist and yelled, punching the wall. His fist blasted through it with ease. When he pulled his fist back, blood dripped from his hand. Out in the hallway, prospects were getting set up, ready to barricade the door.
“You fucking guard the woman and baby with your life,” Miller ordered.
He walked down the hall and met with Nate and Blaine.
“What’s the plan?” Blaine asked.
“Did he bring help?” Miller asked.
“Yeah. Two unmarked cars. Big guys,” Nate said.
“Could be another gang or club,” Blaine said.
“No identification on them?” Miller asked.
“Nothing,” Blaine said.
“What about Jerry? What’s he wearing?” Miller asked.
“Full uniform,” Nate said.
“Good,” Miller said.
Around the bar, Jace and Landon were waiting.
“Weapons?” Jace asked.
“Leave everything,” Miller said. “We go civil here and let the rest work itself out.”
“Jesus Christ,” Nate said. “I don’t like this.”
“Neither do I,” Miller said.
He opened the door to the clubhouse and went outside.
Jerry stood in the middle of the lot, holding pieces of paper. He had a gun in his other hand, pointed right between Gaige’s eyes.
“Good morning!” Jerry yelled.
twenty.
Ella paced the room while Beck was on the bed, trying to rip off one of his socks. He’d roll to the left, grabbing at it. When he couldn’t get the sock off, he’d groan, cry, and roll to his other side. Back and forth, no idea what was going on in the world. Beck’s world was trying to get the sock off his foot. Trying to figure out what the sock was, why it was there, and why the hell he had a foot and toes on it.
SAVAGE LOVE (A Back Down Devil MC Romance Novel) Page 16