by Tarah Benner
“So? Do I get to advance?”
I sigh. “No, Riley. I’m sorry. It wasn’t good enough.”
Her excitement fades. She looks so crestfallen I wish I could tell her why I’m holding her back, but we’re surrounded by people.
She swallows and musters up a little of that cockiness I love. “Why not?”
“You didn’t throw your hips like you were supposed to.”
Lies, lies, lies.
“On the last one!” she snaps. “I was tired. You made me go nonstop.”
“You’re going to be tired in the field.”
Her face clouds over, and I have the sudden impulse to duck and cover. “This is bullshit,” she mutters.
I suck in a deep breath, already hating myself for what I’m about to say. “Riley, the truth is if you were fighting a bigger guy, you wouldn’t have been able to flip him the way you flipped me.”
“Bring Miles in here!” she yells. Kindra and Lenny look over at us but don’t say anything. “If I can flip him, you let me move forward.”
Reluctantly, I dig down deep and summon my most menacing, authoritative voice. “You’re out of line, Riley. And my decision is final.”
For one terrifying moment, I think she’s going to cry.
“I’m sorry, Harper,” I add quietly. “Maybe next week.”
I can tell she’s furious, but she doesn’t lash out the way old Harper would have. In fact, I’m actually astounded by the amount of self-control she’s accumulated in the short time she’s been here.
“Fine. Let’s go again.”
“Not ground defense,” I say. “You’re going to have bruises all over your back.”
She shrugs but grabs some pads from the hooks on the wall. Harper fights hard until lunchtime.
When the bell rings, she sulks off without touching gloves to end the sparring session. She knows it’s tradition — good sportsmanship — but she’s still too angry.
I can’t say I blame her. I’d be mad at me, too.
I’m just about to leave when the doors creak open and I hear a low whistle. Miles is leaning half inside the training center, beckoning me over. Something about the look in his eyes makes me nervous.
“Hey!” I call.
“Hey, yourself! I’ve been waiting on you. Jayden wants to see us in her office.”
“For what?” I toss my gloves on the ground and mop the sweat off my face.
I see one shoulder lift into a shrug. “Hell if I know. But I’ve never been summoned for any good reason, have you?”
“No.”
Walking as slowly as I dare, I follow Miles down the tunnel toward the commander’s office. With every step we take, the leaden weight in my stomach grows heavier.
This isn’t the first time we’ve marched into trouble together, but this is a lot more serious than getting issued a citation for illegal fighting or breaking into the canteen to steal rations. There’s only a handful of reasons Jayden would call me to her office instead of just showing up in my compartment — and only one that would involve Miles.
We reach the end of the tunnel and exchange a look of dread before pounding on the metal door.
“Come in,” Jayden calls. Jesus. Even in two syllables, she still manages to sound condescending.
Miles throws the door open and strides in as though he owns the place, but despite his posturing, I can see that even he’s intimidated. Jayden doesn’t inflict punishments with her fists; she gets you right where it hurts every time. She’s used Brooke against Miles more times than I can count, and now she’s got Harper to use against me.
Sitting behind her big-ass metal desk in a chair that’s about three times too big for her, Jayden looks incredibly imposing for such a delicate, beautiful woman. “Close the door,” she snaps.
Miles kicks it shut.
“How are your whiny cadets holding up, Parker?” she asks breezily.
“Fine, Commander. They won’t be so whiny once I’m finished with them.”
Her dark eyes narrow into a wolfish stare. “And how long do you think that will take?”
“The same as it’s always taken, Commander. About fifty-two weeks or so.”
She nods. “That’s quite a shame. We don’t have time on our side the way we used to.”
Miles looks confused, and my stomach clenches with dread.
“Right,” says Jayden, suddenly nice and professional once again. “I didn’t call you in here for a progress report. You’re being deployed — both of you.”
Even though I expected this, it’s always a bit of a shock. “Both of us?”
“That’s right.” Her eyes are as cold as stone. “I know you were expecting a few more weeks with your cadets, but I trust that Lieutenant Duffy can pick up where you left off. Unless there’s some personal reason you’d rather not leave?”
Her fake innocent tone isn’t fooling anyone. Miles is looking from me to Jayden, trying to work out whatever sick game she’s playing. She’s not really offering me an out, and she never feigns thoughtfulness when assigning a mission.
“No, Commander. I’m just surprised you’re sending us both out together.”
It’s common knowledge that Miles and I are close, so Recon generally avoids partnering us for deployment.
“Considering Private Hackman missed a deployment recuperating from an illegal fight last month, I can’t think of a better man for the job.”
Miles rolls his eyes. “Right.”
“You leave at oh-six hundred hours.”
Miles’s face clouds over. “What?”
“Is there a problem, Hackman?”
“No, but . . . we’ve always had at least twenty-four hours’ notice before.”
“The situation has changed. We’re fighting a losing battle out there. Timing is everything.”
“Parker, Lieutenant Duffy will take over your training sessions effective immediately, and you will report to Remy Chaplin’s office for a briefing at seventeen hundred hours. Is that understood?”
“Yes, Commander,” we say, because we have no choice. There’d be no point in asking for delayed deployment — no point even asking what they want us to do. You don’t question your commanding officer. You don’t question anything.
Miles and I leave without another word, but we’re barely out of earshot when Miles strings together a creative stream of foul names for Jayden. He hates her even more than I do, which isn’t surprising. Whoever doles out deployments is the Recon equivalent of the Grim Reaper.
“Brooke is going to kill me,” he says.
“I’m sure she’ll understand.”
But we both know that isn’t true. When you’re not in Recon, it’s hard to understand how you could drop everything and march out into the Fringe without thinking twice. That’s one reason it’s practically impossible for a Recon worker to maintain a healthy relationship.
I don’t tell him that everything will be fine. I don’t tell him it doesn’t matter if Brooke is angry, since he’ll be back in a week.
Nobody says that in Recon. It’s an unspoken superstition.
Never count on coming back. If you always deploy as though you’re going to die, it’s easier to do whatever you have to do to survive. You shoot faster and fight harder. You forget that you might have to live with yourself later.
I have a fleeting thought that I should tell Harper I’m leaving — say goodbye — but the thought is snuffed out almost instantly.
Telling Harper would be stupid. It would imply that she’s something more than my cadet, which she isn’t. I have no right to burden her with this.
But truthfully, I’d give anything to have someone to tell — someone who’d care that I was being deployed. The impulse is ridiculous, but I can’t deny it’s there.
Everything leading up to deployment feels misleadingly benign. It’s just like preparing for a long trip.
After Miles and I are briefed on the mission by Remy Chaplin and I’m cleared by Health and Rehab, I eat a late dinne
r alone in the canteen. The food is cold and gelatinous from sitting out too long — too terrible to be a last meal.
I don’t see Miles for the rest of the night. I’m positive he won’t leave Brooke’s side until he has to. She’ll be crying and clinging to him, and when it comes time to leave, he’ll be distracted.
Miles doesn’t have a lot of weaknesses; Recon beats them out of you pretty fast. But Brooke is his.
It’s not just the fact that their relationship — any relationship — is against the rules. Brooke can be kind of a bitch. She has this way of getting under Miles’s skin, making him hate the fighter in him — the thing that keeps him alive. And not a day goes by that Brooke doesn’t somehow make him feel inadequate for not being able to marry her and pop out a bunch of babies.
That’s why we don’t have families. They just drag you down.
I pack my rucksack with one change of clothes and as much water and rations as I can carry. There are checkpoints out on the Fringe where we can restock, but I’ve learned not to depend on those. Too often they’re scheduled to be restocked by cadets who never make it that far.
Sleep comes surprisingly easy and doesn’t last long enough. I don’t have a window in my compartment, but I know it’s dark when I lie down and still dark when I dress and leave.
Miles isn’t in the tunnel waiting for me — not that I’d expect him to be. He’ll run out the clock with Brooke, whereas I’d just rather get this over with.
The sooner we leave, the sooner it will be over. The anticipation is sometimes worse than the mission itself, though not often.
Jayden and Remy Chaplin are already waiting on the ground level inside the first set of doors. Remy is the Undersecretary of Reconnaissance — charged with overseeing Recon on behalf of the board and ensuring we keep our mouths shut. Jayden has been gunning for his job forever.
On the other side of the frosted glass, I can see the outline of an orange jumpsuit — some poor ExCon guy they got out of bed early to open the airlock doors so that neither Jayden nor Remy would have to expose themselves to the elements.
He doesn’t mind. He already wears the Fringe like a second skin.
Miles jogs up to us with two minutes to spare, and Remy begins to read us our deployment disclosure:
I am exiting the compound on my own volition, fully aware of the risks that await me on the Fringe. I understand that although I am acting on behalf of the compound, I am a free agent on the Fringe, and the compound bears no liability for any harm that may come to me.
I understand that I am bound by law to reveal whatever I find outside the compound wholly and truthfully to my commanding officers. I understand it is of equal importance that I never discuss what I find with any compound civilians.
Miles and I answer with a flat “yes, sir” and salute Remy and Jayden.
“Good luck, boys,” says Remy. “Strength as one is strength for all.”
I nod and wait for Remy to punch in the code to unlock the first set of doors. They swing open with a slight hiss, but they’re mainly ornamental.
As soon as we cross the threshold, the doors close automatically, and I see a thin red laser line move down the door to show it’s been locked.
We’re standing in a small entryway encased in steel. There are decontamination chambers on either side, a first aid kit mounted just inside the door, and a big yellow sign stamped with the radioactive symbol — as if we don’t know what we’re about to face.
Miles and I pull on our masks to avoid breathing in radioactive particles. It suctions to my face, and I feel the familiar panic settling in the pit of my stomach.
The tired ExCon man barely grunts in acknowledgement as he punches in the second key code. This door is stronger than the six-inch glass that encases the compound. It’s made of reinforced steel coated with lead.
I hear the loud hiss as it’s released and feel a heavy blast of heat. As the doors open, a flurry of dust blows in, coating our black boots with orange dirt. I take my last breath of cold, recycled compound air and step out into the Fringe.
twenty-five
Harper
It’s early morning when I receive the summons to Jayden’s office on my interface.
I’m only vaguely surprised. I’ve been waiting for her to crush me with her demon claws ever since Eli’s fake confession.
I know I should be worried, but I’m more curious than anything else. I’ve seen Jayden yell at Bear, push Eli’s buttons, and place inhumanly low bids with the cool efficiency of someone ordering a drink. She terrifies me, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t fascinated by her.
I dress quickly, grab breakfast to go, and arrive outside her office just in time for our meeting at oh-seven hundred.
When I knock, I hear a sharp command from behind the heavy door and let myself in.
I salute quickly and take the opportunity to scope out her office. It’s bigger than my compartment, with a huge silvery desk in the middle and award placards mounted across the back wall. Jayden has an impressive computer setup — one I’m sure she uses to process Fringe intelligence and track deployed operatives.
“At ease, Cadet.”
I lower my arm stiffly and make eye contact with the diminutive woman behind the war desk.
She’s short, but she has sharp, unsympathetic eyes and sky-high cheekbones accentuated by the tight bun she always wears. When she moves, her uniform clings to her like a second skin. Her posture is meant to intimidate, but everything else about her screams seduction.
“You wanted to see me, Commander?”
“Yes, Riley. Have a seat.”
Sinking down into one of those plush chairs seems like a mistake, but I do it anyway. The chair is super comfortable, and I can’t fight the image of a black widow spider luring me into her web.
“I had a chance to review Lieutenant Parker’s testimony in your case file.”
“Oh.” My stomach sinks. I’m here to be punished.
“Parker told Control that you and he had . . . relations.”
I cringe at the disgust she places on the last word, and she arches one perfectly groomed eyebrow in disapproval. “Is this true?”
My face is burning up, and Jayden is loving every second of my discomfort. “Yes.”
The corner of her mouth twitches, and I know she’s holding back a smirk. “What was the nature of your relationship with Lieutenant Parker?”
“We had sex.”
“Right. I suspected. How many times?”
My face is burning even hotter. I’m shocked she’s asking. “Just once.”
“And was it consensual?”
“Yes,” I say, exasperated. “I pursued him.”
Jayden finally cracks a smirk and sits up in her chair, looking as though Christmas has come early. “Really?”
“Yes,” I say. “And I know he regrets it.”
“I’m sure,” she says forcefully. “And where did this happen?”
I stare at her computer, willing myself to disappear. I can’t believe I’m having this conversation. “Up on the observation deck. It was deserted.”
She nods and rests her chin on her linked fingers. She’s taking her time — playing with her food. She gets off on this.
“Riley, I’m not sure what the policy is in Systems, but I run a tight ship down here.”
Bitch. She knows what the policy is.
“Relations between two Recon operatives — especially relations with your commanding officer — are strictly prohibited.”
“Yes, Commander.”
“Were you aware of the policy when you engaged in this . . . behavior?”
“Yes.”
“And were you aware that relations between two Recon operatives is grounds for discharge?”
I nod, unable to breathe. She’s going to throw me to ExCon. I just know it.
“What happened afterward?”
Now I’m getting pissed. What does she want to know? If we cuddled? I wish she would just discharge me
and get on with it.
“I’m not sure I know what you mean, Commander.”
“I mean are you still involved with him? Even emotionally?”
“No,” I say, more aggressively than I mean to. “Believe me — it was a mistake.”
“Really? And you haven’t been alone with him?”
I shake my head. The look of smug disbelief on her face is making me panic.
She turns to her computer and makes a few swipes on her touchpad. She turns the screen toward me, and I’m horrified to see the inside view of Eli’s compartment.
There’s Eli in his sexy jeans. His arm is wrapped around me, and we’re tripping backward, kissing and touching. I go down onto the bed, and Jayden hits pause.
“You can see why I don’t believe you.”
I don’t even have to fake shock. “How did you —” I splutter.
“Clearly you haven’t ended your relationship with him.”
“We had a bit of a relapse,” I say dismissively. “But that’s as far as it went.”
“Oh, I know.”
The superior look on her face is compounding the fury that’s bubbling just beneath the surface. Suddenly I understand how Jayden rose through the ranks so quickly: She enjoys manipulating people, and she’s good at it.
“Where did you get this?” I ask, even though I already know.
“Constance has been watching you, Riley. I usually like to think I have better things to do with my time than spy on my officers, but this . . . this is entertaining.”
My stomach churns with disgust, and I have the sudden urge to put my fist through her fancy monitor. But whether I’m out of Recon or not, Jayden can definitely kick my ass.
“Why were you watching us?”
“You’ve been asking too many questions, Riley. You and your little friend Celdon were digging into sealed files containing top-secret VocAps data. And now Lieutenant Parker is involved. It has to be taken care of.”