by Nicole Casey
I pursed my lips as I thought about that. It wasn’t the reason I’d given myself for returning. That was the total opposite, but now I was much less sure. Seeing him had relit that fire in my chest, the one that told me I was untouchably standing in front of the man for me.
Maybe the real reason no one could compare was because they weren’t ‘the one’.
“I don’t know,” I eventually replied honestly. “I guess that’s what I’m here to find out.”
“Well as long as you don’t hurt my friend in your path to self-discovery, then you know I’ll do whatever I can to help you. You can stay here for as long as you want.”
“That is the last thing in the world that I want to do, and thank you, Max, you really are the best.”
Things might have sucked, but at least I had good friends to rely on.
I wasn’t totally unlucky.
Chapter Five
Gio
“There is no chance in hell you’re getting out of drinks tonight,” my boss, Jamie, laughed loudly as he clapped me on the back. “If I’m being forced to spend my thirty-second birthday celebration in some dingy nightclub frequented by nineteen-year-olds, then so are you.”
I smiled thinly at him, wishing I could muster up some of that enthusiasm for him.
Jamie was a wonderful boss; he’d given me plenty of opportunities when others wouldn’t have. I was grateful to him for giving me the blessed life I lead, but all I wanted to do at the moment was wallow in my own self-pity at home.
Ever since Derek came into my life last night, all I wanted to do was cry. I almost didn’t make it to work today, except for the fact that I didn’t want to sit at home alone and stew.
“You don’t need me,” I tried weakly, already knowing how this would go down. “You have everyone else from the office.”
“Oh come of it.” He chuckled again. “You know I need you there. You’re the only one with any sense. If you aren’t there I’ll be holding back the hair of Nadine all night long.”
I couldn’t disagree with that. Our accounts team had a wild reputation for drinking far too much and generally making a tit out of themselves. Maybe I did need to be around to make sure things didn’t get out of control.
“Plus, I think we all need to have a hangover tomorrow.”
“Yeah, alright,” I finally agreed morosely, mostly because I couldn’t be bothered to keep fighting a losing battle.
“I’m sure it’ll be awesome.”
As Jamie walked out of my office, my head fell onto my desk in desperation.
I couldn’t let it go.
I couldn’t concentrate knowing that Derek was somewhere around; all I wanted to do was find him. I wanted to give him one more chance to explain but I also couldn’t trust myself not to cave. There was something about Derek Tricks that always made me give in.
Ring, ring…
I grabbed my cell phone off my desk sharply, half expecting to see Derek’s name on the screen, which would’ve been impossible since I hadn’t had his number stored for years, and there was no way he had my new one.
“Max, are you alright?” He was ringing to brag. I was sure of it.
He got back from Paris yesterday morning and I hadn’t heard a damn thing from him which wasn’t like him at all. I knew he’d been storing it all up. It was just a shame that I could barely stand to listen to it.
“I’m just about to go into a meeting…”
“Derek’s here.”
My heart stopped dead in my chest and my entire body froze to the seat. That wasn’t what I was expecting him to say at all.
“You’ve seen him?”
“Yes, and what I mean by ‘here’ is that he’s staying with me. He rang me up in a state, presumably just after he’d seen you and asked for some help. You know me, I can’t resist helping anyone but I don’t want you to be mad at me. I did call you last night to check, but you didn’t answer.”
“Right.” Now that I thought about it, I did have a missed call. I just chose to ignore it.
“Okay.”
“You’re not mad, are you?”
I searched through my emotions, trying to see how the betrayal was affecting me, but actually I didn’t mind too much. I did want to only be angry at Derek, but it was impossible. Seeing him had dragged up all the good memories we shared, the times when things were amazing, which only served to confuse me further. Plus, Max had always been there to help everyone. That was his nature, so there was no reason why this should be any different.
“No, it’s fine,” I eventually reassured him. “A bit weird, but okay.”
“Are you alright?” There was a gentle kindness to Max’s tone. “I know this must be hard for you.”
All I wanted to do was fall apart and rant, but I couldn’t, not when Max hadn’t shared his good news with me yet. It wasn’t fair.
“Tell me about the engagement,” I tactfully changed the subject… or so I thought.
“As if you didn’t see the string of updates online, don’t give me that. I documented every second of it. We can bask in my happiness later. I want to know about you. Can I come round tonight?”
“Actually it’s Jamie’s birthday tonight. We have to go to Oceans. It’s going to be a nightmare.” The more I thought about it, the worse an idea it felt. “But maybe tomorrow?”
“Oh well, maybe I’ll join you. I could do with a night of enjoyment.”
“I might see you tonight then.”
I needed to get Max off the phone now.
I needed to work out how I really felt, especially if I was going to see him later. He would definitely ask me about Derek, and since I wasn’t totally sure how I felt I wanted my head screwed on for that conversation.
“I have to go to this meeting. See ya.”
My head returned back to the desk where I feared it might stay all day long. This certainly wasn’t about to be my most productive afternoon, but I really did need to get my head screwed back on if I was going to have a half decent night out. I couldn’t wreck Jamie’s night out, just because everything was falling apart around me…
***
The music vibrated through my whole body. The streams of garish lights flickered all over the throngs of sweaty, gyrating bodies…
It was safe to say that this was not the sort of place I expected my suave, rich boss to want to spend his birthday.
He said he wanted to return to his youth, but this was the sort of place no self-respecting person over the age of twenty-three would ever step in.
Still, it seemed that he was having a good time, which was the most important thing.
While the accounts team played drinking games, the other managers compared bank balances, and Jamie danced with a handsome stranger, I considered how long I’d have to stick around to be polite. Surely the time would come soon where everyone was too drunk to notice me slipping out the door?
“Hey.” As some fingers curled around my shoulder I span around like a frightened rabbit, just to find myself looking at a friendly, smiling face.
“Oh hi, Max, I almost forgot you were coming.”
His arrival would make it harder for me to run, but maybe I wouldn’t want to as much with him to chat to.
“I’m really sorry,” he gushed into my ear so that I could hear every single word.
“I told Bryant I was going out, and he wanted to come, and…”
“So, what’s wrong with that? I’d like to see Bryant.”
“Well.” Max shrugged his shoulders and bit his lip, a cold guilt flooding his expression.
“He didn’t know that I was coming to meet you, or he never would’ve invited him. Then I tried to get away to meet you alone but they insisted on coming and now… well, now they’re here.”
They?
Derek. Of course.
“Derek is here?” My eyes darted everywhere as I did my best to locate him.
“Are you serious?”
“I know I’m so sorry,” Max groaned loudly. �
��I never meant for any of this to happen. I just wanted to come and warn you so you can make your escape…”
But it was far too late for any of that.
I could see him.
Derek could see me.
He was standing next to Bryant in a crisp white shirt and trousers that had to belong to Max. He looked uncomfortable, out of place, like he really needed someone to make him feel better.
I really wanted that person to be me.
“It doesn’t matter,” I tried to sound breezy while I reassured Max.
“I’ve just seen him. It’s okay. We’re both adults; we can handle it.”
“So… you want to come over and talk?”
God no, I want to crawl under my duvet to weep like a baby!
“Sure. Sounds good.”
As Max moved toward the bar where they were standing, and I followed closely behind, I felt anxiety buzz through my entire system. I was going to have to face Derek now, in a really public place, where we’d have to act like normal.
I had no idea how people did this, how they spent time with their exes without dying. It didn’t seem right. It was absolutely unnatural.
Our eyes connected, and I had to touch my lips to stop myself from being sick. I’d only had one drink, but it was enough to have my true feelings spilling out into my brain a little more honestly.
I still loved Derek Tricks.
I hadn’t ever stopped, and now because of that I was about to end up destroyed all over again. There was no way this story would have a happy ending; it just couldn’t.
Get me out of here… kill me… do anything to get me out of this mess.
“Hello, Bryant, Derek, it’s good to see you again.”
“Yes, it’s good to see you too.”
Chapter Six
Derek
I couldn’t stop my eyes from flickering toward Max.
Was this some sort of plan? He’d practically dragged me out even though I really didn’t want to go anywhere, he’d dressed me up like a dog’s dinner, and now I was standing in front of Gio having an incredibly awkward, stiff conversation in a totally bizarre nightclub. The sort of place I didn’t think either of us would normally be.
“So, this is nice.” Bryant tried his best to make it less weird. “A bit of a coincidence.”
“Erm, actually Bryant, I need your help with something.” Max tugged on Bryant’s top and physically dragged him away from us.
I shoved my hands in my pockets and watched them move right across the building on some mystery mission, just to avoid looking back at Gio. Much as I wanted to speak to him again, to really explain, this wasn’t the time or place.
“Well that was subtle, wasn’t it?” Gio dragged my eyes back to him with his slightly bemused remark.
“Honestly, this is worse than being back at school.”
I nodded but couldn’t bring myself to say a single thing on that subject. Being at school was the best time of my whole life, and that was primarily down to the person standing in front of me. Ever since he’d been gone, things had gone downhill.
As our eyes connected I was inexplicably taken back to the moment where we both lost our virginities together. It was sweet, tender, a little bit awkward but fine because it was us. There wasn’t anyone I would have rather shared that moment with. That was back when we were totally in love and we had the world at our feet.
“What are you doing here?” I couldn’t help but ask.
“I can’t imagine you coming here voluntarily. It just doesn’t really scream Gio.” As soon as those words spilled past my lips, I felt bad.
I didn’t know Gio, not anymore, so I shouldn’t pretend like I did if I didn’t want to make an already fraught situation worse.
Luckily, Gio didn’t seem to pick up on my faux pas.
“No, it isn’t really. I got dragged here by my boss who for some reason seems to be in the middle of a mid-life crisis. He made us all come and I really don’t know why.”
“Yeah, it is a bit grim, isn’t it?”
We both laughed loudly, which was so much better than the big fight we had the night before.
At least this felt a little bit easier.
Still, it wasn’t the time to force that horrible conversation upon us. I would just have to wait until he hopefully gave me another shot at talking.
“Well, I suppose I better get going back…” he indicated behind him and started to sidle away which had all my defenses raised. This moment talking to him was the happiest that I’d felt in a very long time, and I wasn’t ready to give that up just yet.
“No wait!” The words blurted out of my mouth before I had the chance to think them through. I was going to have to think on my toes now. “Let’s go and dance.”
Dance? Urgh, why the hell did I say dance? I wasn’t a dancer, not really!
“Are you serious?” He furrowed his eyebrows at me, which made him look utterly adorable. I loved his expressive face; it was one of the best things about him.
“You want to dance?”
Well, I couldn’t back out of it now. I grabbed hold of his hand and dragged him out toward the masses of bodies. Drunk people were everywhere we looked, grinding against one another.
It was late enough in the evening that politeness was starting to fall to one side, and people were getting down and dirty. The dance floor was filled with lust, and that affected me deeper than I expected it to. By the time I spun back around to face Gio, I could feel a deep need flowing through my veins.
He moved his body in time with the music, shaking his hips to the beat in an incredibly sexy way.
My eyes were drawn to him. I found myself staring intently, my whole body heating up. He was smoother now, even more so than me, and I really wanted to know how that would translate in the bedroom.
I didn’t come here wanting to explore Gio’s body all over again, but now it was the only thing in the world that I wanted.
“Are you dancing, or what?” he teased, sliding in closer to me.
“You brought me up here so let’s see what you’ve got. Don’t leave me here doing this alone.”
With him up in my personal space, breathing on my neck, it was easy to lose my self-consciousness. I could barely remember that there was anyone else in the entire building. It was as if me and Gio were the only people left on the planet.
I inhaled, breathing him in, and I started to wiggle. I did it in a goofy way at first, but soon I forgot myself and I moved in nearer to him, grinding in time with him.
This was a bad idea.
There was no denying that, I never should’ve suggested it, but with Gio’s knee bumping against mine, with his hand lightly brushing my skin, with that playful smile on his lips, it felt like the best thing that could’ve happened.
I moved in nearer again, until my body was practically pressed up against his, lust absolutely fogging up my brain.
I felt heady, desperate, like all I wanted to do was lean forward and kiss him. My body was tense and relaxed, stressed and happy…
Everything was buzzing, my whole mouth was tingling, this was exactly the sort of passion that I needed in my life. This was what I wanted for my own happiness…
God I should never have screwed things up.
“I’m sorry,” I leaned in and whispered into his ear.
This was a bad time for anything, but I needed to say something.
“Just know that you’re incredible.”
With that I pulled back, just so Gio would know that I didn’t expect him to answer me, but he laced his fingers through mine and he yanked me back to him. Once we were connected again his head fell on my chest and we moved a lot slower. We were practically slow dancing to a fast paced dance song. My heart flip-flopped, my emotions danced, and this felt like a perfect scene in a romance film.
It was just a shame that I’d already wrecked the ending.
My feet shifted from side to side and I held Gio close to me. I didn’t want the song to end because I n
ever wanted to let him go. I wanted to clutch him in my arms for the rest of my damn life.
“Oh my God!” I jumped as Gio exclaimed and pointed wildly in another direction. “Oh God, I’m so sorry I just have to go and stop this…”
“Why, what’s going on?” Panic bulldozed through me, as I tried to grip onto him.
“That’s Jamie, my boss, and Nadine from accounts. She’s hitting on him, even though she knows he’ll never be interested. That’s why I have to intervene. I was basically brought here to stop things from getting too messy.”
I fell backward, hating how much this sounded like an excuse, but if Gio wanted to go then I had to let him. I couldn’t be in charge of how he felt at all.
“Okay, sure…”
But just before he left he grabbed onto my hands and he stared intently into my eyes.
“But if you want to hang out afterward, then I can meet you outside? We can speak a bit more then?”
This was it, my second chance. There was no way in hell that I could let this one slide by.
“Of course, yeah I’ll go now. You take as long as you need.”
He raced off and I watched him for a second with a smile on my lips. That was until Max grabbed hold of me, and I was reminded of the reason I’d turned up.
“Are you okay?” he whispered, giving me an apologetic look.
“I’m sorry for what I did, I just want the both of you to talk. I thought that bringing you into a more relaxed environment would help you both to loosen up.”
He bit down on his nail, looking very guilty, which actually made me forgive him. Maybe this wasn’t the best way to go about things, but he did have both of our best intentions at heart.
“Actually, it’s okay. He’s asked me to meet him outside for a talk so I think I finally might be able to explain myself. That’s all I really want to do. I just need him to know that I didn’t ever want to go.”
“Hmm…” Max didn’t look totally convinced. “Okay, well have fun and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”
I made my way outside, anticipation coursing through my veins.
I was almost as excitable as the teenage version of myself, back when my love story was on the right track.