by Lisa Rinna
“Chill out. I wasn’t going to take you, anyway.” With that, he sauntered off toward the car.
Now she wished another pap had been around ready to take their picture, because if Gabriel had seen him, he would have leaned in to kiss her, and she could have dumped her cappuccino on his head.
She could play to the cameras, too.
Chapter 14
BY THE TIME Susie had gotten back from Egypt, the tale of her M*A*S*H*U*P fiasco had reached epic proportions. The whole town was buzzing about how she’d been a diva, how she’d almost caused Calvin to have a nervous breakdown, how the cast had despised her, how she used the international crew as her personal harem, and then there was the camel incident.
In Hollywood, where myth trumps reality, this alone was enough to get any producer to think twice about hiring an actress for a commercial, a walk-on, even a reality show. The Amazing Race was a nonstarter, for crying out loud. Josh felt it was a last resort, but he was still shocked when the producers told him in no uncertain terms that his client would never be welcomed aboard. As one of the show’s producers put it, “Susie Sheppard? You’ve got to be kidding me! She’s a one-woman wrecking crew. We have to get our cast and crew in and out of fifteen countries in any given season. We can’t afford an international incident.”
That might have upset Josh, but Susie wasn’t fazed at all. “Now are you ready to talk to Burt about putting me back on Dana Point?” she asked as she paced the floor of his office.
The clacking sound of the six-inch stilettos of her Christian Louboutin leopard booties on the parquet wood floor was giving Josh a headache, but he wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction of knowing that. Instead, he shrugged and said, “Sure, whatever.” What did he have to lose, anyway? Worst-case scenario, he could drop her with no regrets, knowing he’d done everything he possibly could for her. And if she was right, he’d take the credit for having revived her career. It was a win-win situation.
“Before you go, I have a little present for my old pal Burt that I’d like you to give him for me.” She pulled out a black cardboard box wrapped with a big, beautiful bow. “Tell him it’s my way of making amends—and for saying thanks in advance.” She smiled innocently at Josh. “Oh, and by the way, I hear congratulations are in order. You’re getting married?”
Still convinced that Burt was a long shot, Josh was relieved to change the topic. “Yep, to Sadie, my assistant. I couldn’t live without her. I guess this proves it. You remember her, right?”
“Of course.” Susie was lying. Other people’s assistants were as insignificant to her as insects—unless she could coerce some important tidbit out of them about their bosses that she could use against them at a later date.
Josh kept going on about his betrothed. He told Susie how Sadie had once tried her hand at acting “before she came to her senses.” He laughed. “In fact, if you pull this off, you’ll be on set with one of her closest pals, Tally Jones—”
All of a sudden, Susie was all ears.
“Oh, really, they’re close buds?” Susie said sweetly. “How cool is that? Now I can’t wait to meet her! In fact, I insist on throwing Sadie a little bridal shower. Just us girls, you know? You’re getting married when? Next month, right before the Emmys? Perfect! I can throw something together really quickly. In fact, we’ll do it next weekend. Tell her I’ll be calling her to get the guest list. And don’t look so jealous, big boy. I tell you what: your bachelor party is on me, too.”
That’s certainly generous of Susie, Josh thought. Maybe Egypt was a wake-up call for her, after all.
Was it his imagination, or did her teeth resemble fangs?
Before she left his office, Susie said, “Oh, and Josh, let’s keep my plans to return to Dana Point quiet. I think it’s important that we keep our mouths shut until the actual day I start work. Please don’t even mention it to Sadie.”
Josh thought she seemed to be putting the cart before the horse, but he agreed. As he made his way toward Royalton Studios, he wondered what might be inside the box. It was too light to be a horse’s head, but he had no doubt that it would have the same effect on Burt. It had crossed his mind to open the box and see what was inside, but he thought better of it. No need to be an accomplice to another one of Susie’s crimes.
Like everyone else in Hollywood, Burt Tillman had heard that Susie was back in town, with her tail dragging between her legs. Or something’s tail. Burt shuddered at the thought.
Burt sat patiently as Josh made his pitch. In fact, many of his points were valid, such as how easy it would be to bring Susie back into the fold, since the Katherine character was only in a coma, and how the publicity would boost the ratings right in time for May sweeps. Not to mention that, since both Jamie and Katherine were supposedly in love with Hank, it might make for a series of compelling conflicts between the two characters (a.k.a. great catfight material).
And most important, Josh concluded, Susie so badly wanted to make peace between the two of them.
Burt smiled at Josh. “Sorry, buddy. I’m not buying it. You know better than anyone how great Tally’s been for the show. Why would we need Susie back? You can use any excuse you want with her, but the truth of the matter is this: that bitch will never work on another Burt Tillman project again.”
Well, that’s that, Josh thought. He had done his best, but it just wasn’t going to happen. Unless Susie was right, and the black box in his hand held the key to her survival in Hollywood.
“I hear what you’re saying, Burt, believe me. Still, I’m honoring Susie’s request. She wanted me to give you this, as a token of her appreciation for all your past efforts on her behalf and any future consideration.” He placed the box on Burt’s desk.
Burt looked as if Josh had handed him a bomb. He didn’t open it. Instead, he jerked his head toward the door. Josh had worn out his welcome.
As the door closed behind him, Josh hoped Burt wouldn’t hold whatever was in the box against him or any of his other clients. Then again, if what Susie had on him was that great, maybe he’d use it against Burt himself one day.
When the time came, he’d ask Susie to disclose her dirt.
It took half a bottle of Crown Royal before Burt had the nerve to open the box. When he lifted the lid, there they were, the pictures taken on that awful, awful night, along with a note: Forgot to mention that I e-mailed these pictures to myself. Ooops, my bad! Hey, what do you say to tripling my per-episode fee and putting me in every episode? You do the math. Your primetime princess is back!—Susie.
He had no choice.
Josh wasn’t even off the Royalton lot before Burt reached him on his cell: “I’ve got to talk it through with the writers, but let’s say she starts a week from Monday. Just give her this warning: No shenanigans.”
Yep, the bitch is back, and on even better financial terms than before, Burt thought. By the time he finished his bottle, he was sobbing like a baby.
Sadie wasn’t exactly thrilled that Josh had taken Susie up on her offer to throw a bridal shower, and she said as much to Tally and Mandy, who were sunbathing with her out on the deck of Josh’s house. “I don’t even know the woman. Why would she do this for me, anyway?”
Mandy, who had been checking out the man candy walking by on the beach, poked Tally to get her attention at one of the finer specimens within eyesight before answering. “Look, with all the bad press she’s been getting lately, my guess is that she’s figured out she needs all the friends she can get right now.”
Tally nodded as she slapped Mandy’s hand away. As far as she was concerned, she was off the market. She wondered if Gabriel felt the same way. “Frankly, I think it’s a very sweet gesture. Besides, Sadie, she’s one of Josh’s clients. If you say no, it will put him in a difficult position.”
Sadie sighed. “Well, the good news is that she wants to plan it all on her own. All she’s asked is that I supply the guest list. Since she’s one of my aunt Essie’s favorite actresses—don’t ask me why—I’m su
re she’ll be thrilled that Susie’s doing this for me.” She smiled brightly. “And considering all the other details I’ve got to manage, why look a gift horse in the mouth?”
The invitations arrived the next day, printed on thick cream-colored stock and embossed in gold. The shower was to take place a week from Saturday, in one of the bungalow suites at the Beverly Hills Hotel.
How posh, thought Tally.
For the event, she chose a chiffon dress by Jean-Paul Gaultier. It was short and sleeveless, with thin straps and tiered tulle ruffles along one side. By the time she arrived, most of the guests were already there and milling around the bungalow’s living room, laughing and talking. It was a small group, twelve at the most. Sitting in the various chairs and on the two facing couches were Susie, Mandy, and Sadie, as well as some actresses Tally immediately recognized, all of whom were Josh’s clients and currently starring in various television shows or feature films. Granted, Sadie knew them all, but she wasn’t really close to any of them.
Even more strange was the fact that none of Sadie’s family was there. When Tally greeted her, she noticed there were tears in Sadie’s eyes.
“Where are your mom and your sister?” Tally asked. “Where’s your aunt Essie?”
Sadie tried to shrug it off. “Apparently, none of my family was invited.”
“An oversight,” Susie purred in Tally’s ear.
Tally turned around to face the hostess, and what she saw was pretty intimidating. Make that frightening. Up close, Susie’s face was stretched so thin it seemed to have the texture of fine lined porcelain. The older actress was known for her beautiful features, but from where Tally was standing, the symmetry of her face was unnatural. When she held out her hand, Tally pretended she didn’t see the pronounced veins.
“Ah, so glad you made it! Josh sings your praises endlessly. I have been really looking forward to meeting you. But no time to talk now, the entertainment is about to start.”
“Oh, great,” Tally said. “I love all the silly parlor games people play at bridal showers. You know, the don’t-say-a-word game and the one with the balloon—”
“Oh, I’ve got something a lot more fun for us than a few silly balloons. But shhhhh! It’s a surprise.” She gave Tally another once-over. “Frankly, dear, I’m saving the best surprise for last. And it’s just for you.”
Tally forced a smile onto her face and resisted the urge to shiver.
Just at that moment, the lights dimmed, and a Lady Gaga song came on over the in-room speakers. Everyone went silent, and the anticipation in the women’s eyes said it all: A male stripper? This might be fun.
But instead, two women entered the living room from the bedroom, wearing nothing but wedding veils, Gstrings, and six-inch white stripper shoes. Their silicone-stiffened breasts, which protruded from their bodies unnaturally like heat-seeking missiles, made them look like live Barbie dolls. Or maybe it was their hair, which was like straw in both its color and its texture.
The guests didn’t know whether or not to laugh. Most glanced over at Sadie for a clue, but the shocked look on her face proved she was just as mortified as they were. “Is this some kind of sick joke?” she asked no one in particular.
It got even worse when the strippers pulled out canisters of whipped cream and proceeded to smother each other in a gooey lather before taking turns licking it off. While some of the guests snickered or rolled their eyes in disgust, a few remained frozen in shock.
Only Mandy seemed enthralled by the performance. Sadie nudged Tally. “I think Mandy is actually taking notes on their technique.”
Tally felt Susie’s eyes on her. When she glanced over, Susie gave her a knowing wink.
Why is she staring at me so intently? Tally wondered. She shivered again as she remembered Susie’s promise to give her a very special prize.
When one of the strippers made the mistake of squirting whipped cream on her breast and offering it up to Sadie, the bride-to-be gave her a look that sent her scurrying off to the other side of the room. But she was soon back, this time holding something behind her. “My, my, my, what do we have here?” she asked in a cheery voice. “Sadie, does this remind you of anyone?”
She then revealed a very large two-headed dildo. Each girl took one of its heads in her mouth and proceeded to give it quite a moan-and-groan workover.
“The natural blonde is pathetic, but the other one’s got some technique, for sure,” Mandy whispered to Tally.
“Just don’t offer to give her lessons,” Tally hissed back. “Sadie will kill you. Frankly, after today, I wouldn’t be surprised to find Susie’s body bobbing out in Los Angeles Bay.”
Mandy shrugged, and after the women were done with their show, she handed the more skilled of the two her business card. “Give me a call. I’ll set you up with my agent,” she murmured.
Just when Tally thought it couldn’t get worse, Susie did the unthinkable. She grabbed one of the girls and dry-humped her, straddling the woman between her legs as if she were a prized bronco. Then she pulled the other stripper onto her lap and cupped her breasts for good measure.
Was this an act? No, it couldn’t be. Susie looked as if she was enjoying it too much.
Tally and Sadie hug onto each other in horror. They couldn’t believe what they were seeing.
Sadie whispered, “I guess Josh wasn’t lying when he said Susie would screw anyone at any time. I just thought he meant, you know, to get to the top!”
“Well, look at the upside,” Tally said. “Aren’t you happy now that your aunt Essie’s invitation got lost in the mail?”
Noting Sadie’s disgusted look, Susie slithered over to her. “Something wrong, sweetie? Oh, let me guess. This sort of thing just doesn’t do it for you.” She clicked her tongue in mock regret. “Oh, well, win some, lose some.” She let her hand glide down Sadie’s arm longingly. “But fair is fair, right? I just didn’t want to short-change you, so I gave you the exact same party I threw for Josh last night.”
Sadie turned to stone. Josh hadn’t come home last night, and now she knew why.
Tally, Sadie, and Mandy looked at one another as they all had the same thought at exactly that moment: Was Susie at that party, too?
The girls couldn’t get out of there fast enough. Just as they reached the door, Susie sidled up to Tally. “Now for the best surprise of all: we’ll be cast mates! I’m returning to Dana Point.”
“Oh. That’s … nice.” Tally smiled, but her gut took a dive. She couldn’t believe her ears. She remembered what Ben had said about Susie: When she was on the set, someone ended up in tears every single day.
She was beginning to understand why.
Chapter 15
DEPENDING ON WHICH of the entertainment rags one read, Susie’s return to Dana Point was either a triumph or a tragedy. People heralded it as “The Comeback of the Decade,” while The Hollywood Reporter declared, “Been There, Done That: Is Dana Point on Its Last Legs?” One thing was certain: everyone was going to watch it. Susie’s comeback was a television event not to be missed.
And didn’t she just know it.
She had one goal in mind as she basked in the attention: get Tally off the show. But it wouldn’t be easy. The cast and crew had tremendous respect for the younger actress, so getting rid of her would take a major case of sabotage.
That meant starting at the top. Even before she showed up on the set, Susie called Burt Tillman with some specific demands. “Darling Burt, we have to milk my return for all it’s worth, don’t you think? After all, everyone will be looking at me. Why take the focus off the star? This little actress you hired as Hank’s temporary love interest … what’s her name again … oh, yes, Tally. I presume you want to start moving her out now, am I right? Please tell wardrobe no D&G, Marc Jacobs, Gucci, Gaultier, Cavalli, Versace, or Herrera for her. Why waste designer clothes on a secondary character? Off the rack is good enough, don’t you think?”
Burt had no intention of phasing out Tally, but he didn’
t have the guts to say that to Susie. Instead, he said, “Sure, Susie, whatever. I’ll talk to Gladys in wardrobe.”
Thanks to what Susie had on him, all he could do was sit back and watch the carnage.
Dana Point’s show runner, Chase Bracken, was next on Susie’s list, and she arranged to meet him for dinner at the Polo Lounge the night before her first day on the set.
Susie’s last stint on the show had taught Chase to be wary, but when he got to the restaurant, he was surprised—make that shocked—to find a sweet, meek Susie ready to greet him in a back banquette. She was up on all the story lines and complimented him on how exciting she thought the show had gotten that season.
“Boy, I so miss being a part of a show with such great writing!” she said. She touched his hand gently when she talked and hung on his every word as he filled her in on what was coming up.
“Wow, it sounds like we’ll be ending the season with a bang! And now that Katherine is to be resurrected, I guess you can alter that episode this way—” As Susie made her suggestion, her hand, which had been idle between them on the banquette bench, inched its way up his thigh. Chase shot straight up at attention, but he didn’t scoot away.
Nor did he come up with an excuse for why he had to get home to the missus and their caterwauling twin toddlers when Susie asked him to walk her to her car or when she suggested that he follow her back to her place. By the time he got home the next morning, she had his mind spinning with ways in which her role could be massaged and enlarged.
Susie’s first day on the set was tense. The hair and makeup trailer was as quiet as a morgue, as all of her cast mates—including Tally—waited for her to appear. When she arrived, she came bearing gifts: wonderful little bazaar trinkets from what she called “my little vacation away from all of you, my friends here on Dana Point.”
Everyone knew what she really thought about them. Still, it was always better to stay on Susie’s good side, so they all smiled and were effusive in their thanks. “So sweet of you to think of me.” “We’ve missed you, honey.” “The place wasn’t the same without you.”