by Kellie Bean
I brace for impact, waiting for the part of the story where she tells her mom I'm going to meet them for dinner and then cancel at the last second. Rosie never mentions it. Instead, she breathes a sigh of relief and makes my whole summer with that one expression.
I should kiss her. I know it. Even better, I actually know that she wants me to.
As I take a step toward her, I have every intention of channeling the bravery of my sisters. As soon as I'm close enough to feel the warmth between us, all thoughts of my family are long gone. It's only me and Rosie, here together in this infinite, perfect moment.
Our noses touch first, rubbing against one another ever so gently. When she doesn't move away from me, I let my eyes flutter close. Gravity does the rest.
Her lips taste like a vanilla milkshake, and I can't get enough.
When we pull apart, my body is humming.
"Can I ask you something?" I whisper, not willing to pull myself away from her yet.
Rosie moves away from me the tiniest bit to look me in the eye, and my body wants to follow after hers, to stay as close as I can possibly get. I also want to see her face for what comes next.
"Is there any chance you'd want to be my girlfriend?" I ask. "Officially?"
I had meant for that to come out with more confidence. No taking it back now, it's out there. Right away, Rosie's expression shifts from bewildered and freshly kissed, to a kid on Christmas morning, her eyes sparkling back at me.
"Yes! Yes, please. Absolutely!" I barely see Rosie coming before she plants another kiss on my lips, sending me spinning off into happy oblivion all over again.
When we finally come up for air, we both start smiling again right away.
“So, that’s it then?” Rosie asks. She still can’t stop smiling, and I’m loving every second of this. “We’re official? This is really a thing?”
“Maybe pinch me first,” I suggest, giddy as I hold out my arm. “There’s still a chance I might be dreaming this.”
She obliges, but her fingers barely clamp around my skin before her hand relaxes against my arm.
“This is real,” she whispers.
“Should we tell people?” I ask.
I’m already picturing myself clicking that mystical button that would make this relationship, my first one ever, Facebook official. It would be a huge moment for me, but Rosie doesn’t need to tell me how much bigger it would be for her.
When she hesitates, I quickly amend my question to make sure she knows that none of this comes with strings.
“If you want to tell people on your own, I get it. Or, if you’d rather keep this between us for now, I get it.” Or forever?
Rosie shakes her head right away.
“No, I want to tell people. It would probably be easier to do it all at once than deal with the questions later. But, I was thinking that there was one more person who we should probably tell ourselves.”
Cocking my head slightly to the side, my mind tries to grasp what Rosie’s hinting at, but all my body can focus on is the feeling of my girlfriend’s fingertips against my skin. Wow. I can say that now. My girlfriend.
“Who?”
“Reagan. I mean, probably your other sisters too since you guys don’t really seem like the kind of family to announce big news to each other online. I kind of thought...” she trails off.
With a sigh, I pull my arm back down to my side. She’s right and I know it. I have no idea how Reece or Rhiannon are going to feel about me not telling them I’ve sort of been seeing someone. I can’t see any situation where the end result wouldn’t be them being happy for me. But, there’s a bigger question mark under Reagan’s name.
Rosie was her friend first, and while their group of friends is tight-knit, it’s also small. Reagan has Kent, Frank, Jen, and Rosie. Is there any chance she’s going to be willing to share?
I can only hope.
CHAPTER FIVE
"I'm pretty sure I'm going to be sick," I whisper to Rosie a few days later.
As we move together towards the back door of my house, she lets go of my hand with Molly running around our heels. Rosie sucks her cheeks in, crosses her eyes, and sticks her tongue out at me, and I feel a little better. For once, I'm glad that she doesn't tell me I don't have to do this. Because I do, and I have to do it today.
The night Rosie and I became official, I had every intention of simply going home and telling Reagan everything. By the time I got back, she was already in bed. She was probably still awake, so why bother her? Right? I fell asleep promising myself that telling my sister about Rosie and me would be the first thing I did the next day.
That didn't happen either.
There was always one reason or another not to simply open my mouth and tell Reagan that I was dating one of her closest friends. Or even to tell any of my sisters that I had my first ever girlfriend, that I’m no longer the sister left behind in the world of dating.
Things like this always seem easier in my daydreams than they end up being in real life. While Rosie has been nothing but patient, promising to give me all the time I need like I did for her, the longer I wait, the harder it will get to put this off and the deeper this betrayal will feel to the people who love me best.
After two days and a half-dozen failed attempts, today is the day. With Rosie by my side, anything is possible.
"Do we know where she is?" Rosie asks as we step into the kitchen. Rhiannon is putting dishes away and barely looks up when we come in. Unfortunately, I don't actually have the answer to Rosie's question. I intercepted Rosie out front, going around through the backyard, and have been going over what to say to my sister since. I never saw Reagan.
"Uh, Rhi. Do you know where Reagan is?"
My sister turns, her hair pulled back into a bun and a pile of plates balanced on one hand. For a fraction of a second, I see my own face staring back at me. It's the weirdest feeling, and it happens so rarely. The moment passes as soon as Rhiannon's eyebrows shoot up. She looks between Rosie and me. How much is she seeing? Probably nothing. Rosie and I have been spending time together for weeks now. There's no reason to read anything into our hanging out. I'm just feeling guilty.
"In her room, maybe." Rhiannon shrugs.
That makes sense. After all, the attic is currently a disaster of tools and planks of wood, and we're not even allowed to go up there. With the way people talk, you'd think the room changes had already happened. My entire family has already made the mental leap separating the house into new parts, new corners, deciding who belongs where.
Silence fills the kitchen. I'm pretty sure that all three of us are expecting me to be the next to speak.
Yeah, I've got nothing. I turn on my heel and move toward the stairs that will take me right to Reagan's door. Molly stays in the kitchen, and now Rosie is the one following right behind me.
We find Reagan lying backwards on her bed, feet resting on her pillow with a graphic novel between her hands.
"Hey," I say, tapping gently against the already open door. "Are you busy?"
Please be busy, please be busy.
"Nope. I've read this a million times. What's up?" As my sister moves to sit up properly, she glances behind me, realizing I haven't come alone.
"Hey! I didn't know you were coming over," Reagan frowns. "Or did I forget something?"
Rosie laughs, moving to stand beside me. "Nope, this is a surprise visit."
"Awesome. Thanks, Rye."
It takes me a second to realize I've been dismissed. She thinks I'm just here dropping off a surprise visitor. Now what am I supposed to do?
Frozen, I don’t say anything or move toward the door. This is not how this was supposed to go!
"Actually, I came over to see Reilly," Rosie jumps in, her voice a little shaky.
I look toward her, but she's still intent on Reagan. She's trying to save me from this, to do the hard part for me. Even if Reagan is going to be okay with all of this, one thing she won't forgive is if she has to hear the news from s
omeone else. This has to be me.
Gently, I rest my hand on Rosie's arm, telling her I've got this. She looks up at me, face a light pink.
"I know I probably should have told you this sooner..." I start, watching Reagan's expression change from happy to confused all the way to suspicious, "...but Rosie and I have been hanging out a lot lately."
"I knew that already," Reagan points out.
Helpless, my shoulders slump. "Just...just let me get through this, okay?"
Reagan's gaze moves from me to Rosie, trying to piece together what's going on. She'll probably get to the answer before I finish telling her, but maybe that will make things easier.
"We're dating," I spit out, completely unceremoniously.
Reagan's mouth falls open. A second later she snaps it shut as Rosie snorts out a laugh.
"Nice," she mumbles beside me. "Ripping off the band-aid. I like it."
Reagan stares until, finally, a knowing look starts to take over her expression. "Oh. Alright then. Um, I'm happy for you guys." Why does that last part sound like a question?
"Are you sure?" I ask. The one thing I never really prepared myself for was the possibility that Reagan would tell me she can't handle this, to end things. I know she never would. She'd shove me toward happiness if she had to.
"Yeah, for sure," she says back, not looking at me. "I'm just going to finish reading this." She holds up the book in her hand. "I'll see you guys later, okay?"
“Okay, Reagan! We’ll see you ‘round.” Rosie blurts out as she pulls me from the room before I can pester.
"She's just surprised. Give her some time," she whispers to me.
I know she's right, but I still want to go back in there and demand my sister tell me everything she's feeling.
Rosie squeezes my hand, and against my better judgement, the action makes me feel a little bit better. I'll give Reagan time. I'll let her adjust. In the meantime, I'll enjoy my new girlfriend.
"I guess we should go talk to Rhiannon," I say with a sigh, squeezing Rosie back.
Parts of July fly by too quickly. The days I get to spend with Rosie feel like magic, while the ones spent moving stuff around the house, volunteering, or doing nothing while Rosie works at the diner seem to go on forever.
Rosie and I move seamlessly through the same milestones I've seen my sisters go through with their boyfriends: getting more comfortable around each other, spending time with parents, a fight that seems to come out of nowhere and that finishes just as quickly.
I'm not sure if my first time meeting Rosie's friends as her new girlfriend is easier or more awkward than it would have been if I hadn't met all of the people she usually hangs out with years ago. I know them, and I like them. I've even spent time with them before with Reagan. But, one night at the movies holding their friend’s hand was clearly enough to make them feel like strangers all over again. Despite that, we get through it. Even though Reagan never brings up my new relationship at home, she goes out of her way to make me feel at home with her friends, who are every bit as nice as I remember. At least they are, once they get past who it is that Rosie’s dating.
Did her ex ever feel like this when he first met these people as Rosie's new boyfriend? Did he make a better impression than I did? It's a thought I'm not ready to deal with yet, so I push it away. Away, away, away. Day by day, then week by week.
Even being in school seems like a lifetime ago. Summer vacation is a world of its own, and I want to stay here forever.
By the second day of August, I'm ready to be an only child. The alarm beside Reece's bed goes off at six in the morning, and even though the sun is starting to shine outside the window, there is no part of me that is ready to be awake.
"What’s happening?" I groan, my body ready to go back to sleep in an instant if only that noise would go away.
"It's moving day!" Reece squeaks from her bed. For a second, I think I'm back in my life two years ago, preparing to be ripped away from my friends, my school, my life. Then I'm convinced I'm dreaming. When Reece still hasn't stopped her alarm, it has to be a nightmare.
"I can't find my phone."
"Between your mattress and the headboard," I answer her automatically.
We've been here before. Unfortunately, it means I'm not dreaming, and that I'm probably not going back to sleep. Today is a different kind of moving day, a little less significant than the last but more exciting too.
I'm never going to have to listen to any alarm clock other than my own again. I won't have to navigate around Reece's clothing, and I'll always have my own space to retreat to. Or to share with anyone I want to.
When Reece's phone finally goes silent, I fumble for my own and send off a quick good morning text to Rosie. She's definitely still asleep. I’ll be forever jealous.
"Go back to sleep," I say, mostly for the excuse to stay in bed a little longer.
There's no chance Reece is going to listen to me. I'm not ready to deal with her yet. A second later, my sister is out of bed.
As of this morning, we're officially allowed to begin switching rooms. The construction has been finished for nearly a week so the paint should be dry. Plus, our parents have run out of excuses to put this off, so today is the day. Yet, as I sit up in bed, despite the weeks of notice we've had that this was coming, Reece's stuff is still absolutely everywhere.
She's filled exactly one box full of what looks to be a random assortment of stuff. That same box has been sitting at the edge of her bed since the night we learned this was happening.
Something thuds to the ground in the room next to ours as I pull myself to a stand, my eyes still closed. I wouldn't be surprised if Reece and Rhiannon coordinated this attack ahead of time. I hope the two of them will be very happy together on a different floor of the house, leaving Ray and I to sleep in in peace.
Which gives me an idea.
There's no point turning on the light in the bathroom that separates our two bedrooms. I tread over a still damp towel to the bedroom facing the front of our house. One of my sisters is silhouetted against the window, a box cradled in her arms. Another is still a lump in bed. It's not hard to figure out which is which.
"Sorry, did I wake you?" Rhi whispers, moving her box out to the hallway and returning a second later for another.
Reagan continues to do her best impression of a coma patient.
"Nope, that was all Ree. I figured you were going to be way more organized than she is." A quick glance around the still dim room promises I'm right.
Rhiannon has probably been ready to go for at least a week now. All that's left is getting everything out of this room and into the new one.
"Want to sleep in my bed for a while?" she asks, reading my mind.
I nod happily, shifting around her as she passes by me before I curl up in her bed to finish the rest of my good night's sleep.
It feels like I've gotten at least a few hours more sleep by the time the sound of Reagan's voice wakes me for the second time today. I look up to see her walk out of the bathroom, shutting the door behind her.
Her eyes widen when she sees me in Rhiannon's bed, though she quickly adjusts to the surprise.
"Oh good, now you're moving in with me?" she jokes.
"What can I say, I've missed being your sleepover buddy."
It's been years since Reagan and I have shared a bedroom. When we were kids, the four of us would switch sleeping arrangements almost weekly, right up to the point where our parents stopped trying to keep up. Around when we were seven or so, Reagan and I ended up sharing for a couple of years, calling each other sleepover buddies like the nickname made perfect sense.
"How about we be bathroom buddies instead?" she suggests, clearly joking.
I make a face, not loving the imagery.
"You know what I mean. Having two less people in that bathroom is going to be amazing. If I thought getting Rhiannon's clothes out of my closet was going to feel good, I can't wait to see what life is like without Reece's makeup all over
the counter all the time." She adds.
"It's going to make it that much harder to borrow," I point out.
"We'll manage." Ray sticks out her tongue. "They do technically still have to share that bathroom with us." She has a good point. Since the attic is pretty big, it didn't make sense to turn the floor into two massive bedrooms. Instead, there are two bedrooms, a new bathroom, and a small sitting area or reading nook, depending on who you ask.
Basically, it's a space for us to bring our friends if our parents don't want them in the living room. So, the attic is still very much a shared space as it is Reece and Rhiannon's new bathroom. While the only way to get into ours is through one of our bedrooms. I'm all for avoiding surprise visitors in the bathroom.It's already stressful enough having two doors.
"Are they gone then?" I ask, not sure what I missed while I slept in. I left my phone on my bed, so I don't even know what time it is.
"As gone as they're ever going to be. They're eating breakfast now. We're supposed to help them move furniture upstairs after they’re done eating."
"Sure." I nod, having seen this part coming a mile away even though no one ever asked if we wanted to help.
"Is Rosie coming over today?" Reagan asks out of nowhere, her expression oddly still. It's the first time she's brought Rosie up on her own with just the two of us.
"I think so," I say, voice too light and having every intention of seeing Rosie today. "No set plans, but we'll probably do something."
It didn't take long for the two of us to just start assuming we were going to see each other every day we could. Now, we only bring up plans for the next day if there's something that will keep us apart instead of the other way around.
"Of course you will." Reagan gives a tight lipped smile and turns back toward the bathroom.
What's that supposed to mean? I think about the question, but never ask it out loud. I'm still giving Reagan time. As much time as she needs. Whatever Reagan's been holding in, she's not willing to hang on to it a moment longer.
"Would it kill you to spend one apart?" she says, grumbling as she turns back to face me.