by Kellie Bean
"It's already pretty damn hard," Aunt Grace grumbles.
"Tough." I hand her the phone. "I'm going to go call Mom and give her an update. Maybe say hi to Rosie..."
"Rosie's here. Yes. I'm not even the one who is sick and she wanted to be here. That should tell you something. My point is, I'll be a while. So take all the time you need. Tell her everything or just say hi and you're sorry. Just do...something."
"I'm pretty sure you're not the boss of me," Aunt Grace pouts, probably trying to buy herself time.
"Don't do it for me. Don't even do it for yourself. Do it for her."
Not sure I can come up with a better closing line than that, I turn on my heel and walk away, hoping like hell that Aunt Grace will make the call she needs to make.
Someday, hopefully soon, she's going to be okay, and when she is, the person she loves should be by her side.
Otherwise, I might never get my bed back.
Reilly: Hey! Just finished talking with Grace. Going to call my mom now and let her know what's going on since she's been harassing the doctors. I just wanted to tell you I love you. Again. Forever. I’ll be with you soon!
Rosie: We're still here. Watching Seinfeld, because apparently they save all the shows I actually understand for the time of day when people are awake. I love you too. So much.
This Thanksgiving isn't really going as planned. Also, I'm not sure I'll ever be able to look back on it with glowing memories. Despite that, those four little words from Rosie are all kinds of wonderful.
She loves me too.
Everything is going to be okay.
Everything.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
"Delivery!" Lizzie's voice rings through the chaos of Aunt Grace's hospital room. Her arms are completely loaded down with plastic bags, and knowing her, that has to mean one thing... food! Even better, it's food that didn't come from the hospital cafeteria.
The rest of my family arrived in the afternoon, having taken a little bit longer than planned to get back to Fairview, since they had to swing by Kent's Dad's house to get Reagan first. At least we're all together now, that’s what matters.
Now with Rosie and her mom, we officially have nine people in one tiny hospital room. It's a lot to take in. Yet, wiith everyone happy and laughing, or at least putting up with one another... well, I'm willing to take what I can get.
"One vegetarian special," Rosie says, coming over to hand me a takeout container.
"You’re the most wonderful person alive."
Literally sitting with my butt on the window sill, I rest one leg against the chair my dad is currently using, trying to create a makeshift table.
"Here, you dope," Rosie says, taking my dinner from me. "I'll hold it, you eat."
"Don't you need to eat?"
"Mom and I both grabbed a sandwich at the diner while we made all your food."
"I really don't deserve you."
"Well, luckily for you, you get to keep me anyway. For as long as you'd like."
Feeling a little silly, I pick a fry out of the container Rosie is holding out in front of her, popping it into my mouth. It's not a perfect system, but if it gets fries into my body, I can live with it.
"How's everyone doing here?" Rosie asks, her eyes darting to Grace.
With my aunt's permission, I told Rosie about Rachel. What we still don't know is what actually happened. Aunt Grace not only promised that she made the call, she also showed me the phone log. Whatever they talked about, it went on for nearly forty minutes.
"She seems good. Happier. Maybe I'm just trying to see something that isn't there... you know, imagining more than there is. I think she's happy knowing that she’s going to be okay."
"Yeah, there's a million possibilities," Rosie agrees. "Either way, happy is good."
Rosie steals one of my fries, lifting it up to clink against the fry I'm holding. My smile now is big and genuine.
"Happy is good," I agree.
"Any chance you want to get out of here for a few minutes?" Rosie asks once I finish my food. "You might want to stretch your legs and get a little space. Mom and I aren't staying long." She says the last part with a definitive eyebrow wiggle.
What she's really asking is if there's a chance the two of us can be alone for a few minutes before she has to go.
There's no way I'm saying no to that offer.
"Bathroom break!" I call out as we walk away, even though I doubt anyone is listening.
Together, Rosie and I slip out into the hall.
It's a lot easier to get a sense of how busy this hospital can get during holidays, now that we're right around dinnertime.
Hand in hand, Rosie and I push past a few different crowds of people, trying to find a quiet corner of our own. Most of the families we pass seem to be in good spirits, laughing and joking together despite where they ended up for the day. The waiting room is more somber; it’s quiet and filled with those who look more exhausted than anything else.
It's only once we slip out through the doorway in the stairwell to a tiny patch of green that I finally feel like I can breathe again. The space is probably meant for smokers, not that there are any here now. There’s no one around but me and Rosie.
I lean back against the red brick of the building, looking up at the clear blue sky overhead. The air nips at my face and my fingertips, autumn clearly in full swing. A jacket would have been nice, but I didn't bring anything with me in the ambulance. Mom and Reece briefly went home to check on Molly, only bringing things back for Aunt Grace, which makes sense.
I'll be home soon enough. Aunt Grace will have to stay for a few days, so I'll even sleep in my own bed while I can.
"How are you holding up?" Rosie asks, moving in front of me so that her face is all I see.
She leans one hand against the brick behind me, leaning in slowly as her warmth surrounding me.
"I'm good. Really. Today has been weird from beginning to end, but it all worked out. We're all okay."
"Good. I'm glad you're good," Rosie says, rambling a little. "Because I love you, I worry."
We've been passing those words back and forth all day. I'm still not sick of hearing them. When I finally managed to tell Rosie how I felt early this morning, it was the best part of a terrible day. Now, hearing the same words said to me has become my favorite part of a day I'm going to remember forever.
"Tell me again," I whisper, talking softly so she'll have to move in even closer.
With her forehead leaning against mine, her mouth moves to silently tell me exactly what I want to hear.
Rosie loves me.
Our lips meet and I'm swept away from everything else going on inside the hospital. Here, in this moment, there's no pain or injury. No worry, no doctors.
Only Rosie.
Her body presses into mine as my hands tangle in her hair, getting us as close together as we can possibly be. My body forgets all about being cold or being afraid.
Here, in this place, with this girl, everything is exactly how it needs to be.
We stay outside longer than we should, sometimes kissing, sometimes leaning on one another, just staring off into the park beyond as birds zip through the sky, and squirrels rummage through piles of fallen leaves.
When we finally make ourselves go back inside, the hospital is just as we left it. Now, the sweet smell of fall air replaced with the sting of antiseptic everything.
I'm barely paying attention as we wait for the painfully slow elevator that will take us back to Aunt Grace's floor. I’m still wrapped up in Rosie when I see a face I know.
I can't look away.
Where do I know that woman from? She looks so familiar yet I can't place her.
The doors to the elevator open at last.
"Reilly, are you coming?" Rosie tugs at my hand.
"We'll catch the next one," I say as realization hits me.
The woman , leans over the desk of the nurses station, seeming to be trying her hardest not to look impatient. Her th
ick hair, more gray than black has been braided back. At the end of long fingers are bright blue nails that perfectly match the boots she's wearing. It’s a style I don't think I've seen on anyone older than twenty.
I just know I've seen her somewhere before. The reason that I can't match her face up with any of my memories suddenly comes to me.
I've only ever seen her picture.
I've seen her so many times, though never really noticing her.
Until now.
I hadn’t realized just what made her so important. She’s in Aunt Grace's wall photos and in her profile pictures.
It doesn't look like she's going anywhere, so I risk a few seconds to talk to Rosie.
"That's her," I say, trying to nonchalantly use my head to point to Rachel behind me. "That’s the woman that Aunt Grace..." I don't need to explain anymore.
"Whoa, really? Did you know she was coming?"
"No. I don't even know if Aunt Grace knew she was coming. Maybe she did, maybe not. Either way, there's about to be a big reunion in Aunt Grace's room. I don't think they're going to want all of us there to see it."
"What do you want me to do?"
"I don't know. I don't know how much I'm supposed to be sharing with my family. Maybe you should just head back upstairs and grab your mom. The two of you deserve some time at home by yourselves anyway. I'll talk to Rachel and see if I can come up with a better plan, I'll text you in a bit to tell you how it goes."
"I can stay with you if I want."
For a second, I consider agreeing. Good or bad, whatever's coming next, I'll feel better with Rosie here.
But Aunt Grace's hospital room is already too full. Also, considering how private she's always been about this relationship...
"I'll be okay. The only real trick will be wrangling my family without making a scene."
"If anyone can pull it off, you can do it. Even if it all goes horribly wrong, I'm pretty sure Grace is about to be too distracted to care."
Rosie squeezes my hand one last time before letting go to resummon the elevator. Still trying to work out what I'm going to say to Rachel, I wait with my girlfriend for it to return. My eyes stay on hers as the doors slide shut, both of us mouthing one last ‘I love you’, before the other disappears from sight.
I’m left with the thought of worried family members and a woman I know I should talk to, not able to figure out exactly how to break the ice.
What am I supposed to say? ‘Oh hi, you're my Aunt’s super special best friend. I'm her lesbian niece. Wink wink, nudge nudge. Does she know you're here or are you about to give her a heart attack?’
Nope. That won’t do.
Oh well, here goes nothing.
"Excuse me?" It’s the best I can manage as I approach slowly, not wanting to startle her. "Are you Rachel?"
The womanjumps a little, turning quickly to see who is talking to her. Briefly, she studies my face, looking me up and down, making me a little too aware of the fact I've been wearing this same outfit for a long time now. The only sleep I've had has been curled up at the foot of Aunt Grace's hospital bed, covered in a small blanket one of the nurses got me.
Not exactly a great first impression.
To my surprise, Rachel's entire face lights up.
"Oh, hello!" She says, her voice loud and cheerful. "You're one of Grace's girls right? Reagan, Reece, Reilly, or Rhiannon.”
She rattles the names off like she's spent some real time trying to memorize them.
"I'm Reilly. I’m guessing you're Rachel?"
Her expression shifts into something that looks to both perplexed and amused. She's surprised I know who she is, I guess. I don't know if her relationship with my Aunt was supposed to still be a secret or not, so I just decide I won't pretend not to know. Now that she's here, I'm not sure I'll even be able to keep this from my sisters anymore. It's too big.
"Aunt Grace told me," I say carefully, smiling so she knows I'm fully supportive.
"Good. I'm glad. It seems like our Grace has been holding on to a few too many secrets this year."
I nod in full agreement. "I'm so glad you're here."
"Me too. I've been in New York for a few months now. I needed to get away, you know? A change of scenery. I've always loved the city. I can't believe I've been this close to Grace this whole time and haven't known."
She's talking a mile a minute, and I do my best to keep up.
"When I got Grace's call this morning, something she said I should thank you for, I wasn't sure what to do with myself. I told her I needed to think. So, I did. I was already ordering a rental car before I could stop myself. The drive gave me plenty of time to think. Now, I just need to see her. That’s proving difficult though since no one here will tell me where she is."
"So, Aunt Grace doesn't know you're coming?"
"Not at all. I told her I'd call her later, then I decided this seems a better idea. Besides, she got to throw a doozy at me today, and this seems the least I can do to return the favor. I just need to find her first."
"That, I can help with. It might be better if you give me a few minutes with her, to you know...tell her."
"You think I should warn her first?" Rachel's face shifts with concern, reminding me that this woman only just got the news today that someone she cares deeply for is sick. "Maybe I shouldn't have come."
"It's not that. My whole family is up in her room right now. The two of you deserve a chance to see each other without all of us seeing you at the same time. Hopefully we can do proper introductions a little later. Are you going to be in town for long?"
"That's up to Grace. I have a few deadlines coming up, but I can hit those from anywhere. I've already found a rental house in town. I'm only going to stay if she wants me here, if—" Rachel cuts herself off, probably realizing that whatever she wants to say next isn’t for me to hear.
Well, there's someone else she wants to say it too.
"Of course. Come with me. I'll show you where the room is. You'll just need to wait a few minutes, and then you and Aunt Grace can have as much time as you need."
Convincing my family to go home and give Aunt Grace some time to rest is easier than I imagine. After a day spent squished in a car together and an evening all crammed into one small hospital room, everyone is ready for a little space. Aunt Grace included.
"You'll call if you need anything?" Mom asks for the second time, as everyone starts gathering up their things.
"I promise."
"Look through the bag when you get a chance," Dad adds in, "Send over a list of anything we missed. I'll bring it over first thing. You'll be back home before you know it."
"Will do," Aunt Grace agrees over Reagan's shoulder, as she hugs the last of my sisters goodbye.
It's totally possible that I'm being overly optimistic, but I'm already imagining her and Rachel living together. Somewhere nearby for a few months while Grace finishes out her treatment.
As the six of us leave the room and head for the parking lot, I make sure to be at the back of the group. I shoot Aunt Grace a thumbs up before we turn down the hall, andshe returns the gesture a second later, looking only a little confused.
We pass Rachel in the hallway. She's perched almost on the very edge of her seat, making a point to look down at her watch when our group passes. No one seems to notice her. No one but me.
Not wanting to add to the pressure I'm sure she's already feeling, I make myself look up before she does, sending so many happy thoughts her way, it's almost ridiculous.
I don't know what the future holds for her and Aunt Grace, or even what Aunt Grace's life or health is going to look like in the months to come, but I want good things for them.
Health, forgiveness, and hopefully, love.
Our family is already kind of big, but we've always got room for one more.
I get in the van last, taking the seat next to the sliding door beside Rhiannon. Dad's driving. He’s already chatting with Mom as he puts the van into drive and pulls out of
the hospital parking lot.
"Are you alright?" Rhiannon asks, reaching over to poke me.
I've been staring off into space, and she must have noticed.
"Yup. I'm good. Crazy tired, but good. Sorry your trip got cut short."
"Sorry you were here on your own for that," she answers. "No harm done on the trip, I got to go by our old house and film a video on the yard about where we grew up, so that was something at least."
"Have you talked to..."
"Nope," Reece's voice interrupts from the back seat. I thought she had her headphones in.
"Well, you're going to have to eventually," I say, still looking at Rhiannon, who is busy rolling her eyes. "It's the holidays now. It’s also the last holiday where we're alltogether living at home. So since you're obviously not going to be mad at each other, maybe today is as good a day to start acting human to one another as any, hmm?" My gaze moves from Rhiannon to Reece, hoping my point is clear.
Both of my sisters shrug, Reece adds in a non-committal grunt for good measure. I know they've heard me. After the day I've had, no one is really going to argue with me either.
"I'll take that as a yes," I say, settling back into my seat. "Also, I call dibs on one of the showers as soon as we get home." Might as well push my luck on this one.
It's been a couple of days at the end of a weird few months, so I'm still worried about Aunt Grace. For right here and right now, it's Thanksgiving, I am literally surrounded by my family. I'll still get to spend the rest of the weekend with Rosie, and soon Christmas vacation will be here.
What more could a girl really ask for?