by Lois Richer
“Thank you.” He bit into the treat and let the flavors fill his mouth. “Chocolate, of course, sugar, coconut, oatmeal and...peanuts?” he guessed.
“Correct.” As usual, Abby’s voice sounded like she was smiling.
“They’re delicious,” he said. “Thank you, ladies.”
“We’re ladies,” Mia squealed. “Hey. There’s Ella. Let’s go play fancy ladies with her.”
Zac heard little feet thump down the stairs as the two jabbering voices grew fainter. His stomach tightened.
“Wait! Don’t you two need to ask permission?” he called.
“But, Daddy, we’re just going across the yard,” Zoe protested.
“Yeah, Daddy, just the yard,” Mia repeated.
“But I can’t see that, girls, and I need to know when you leave and where you’re going.” He hated curtailing their freedom because fear dragged at him, but he was desperate to keep them safe. If he did, maybe this feeling of impending doom would lift.
“Abby can see us,” Zoe argued.
Maybe that implied he didn’t trust Abby? But that wasn’t the case. Zac’s frustration escalated, which must have been visible to his kids. Or maybe Abby gave them a warning look because the tone suddenly changed.
“Is it all right if we go play with Ella, Daddy?” Zoe now sounded uncertain and he hated that he’d caused it.
“Sure. But stay nearby,” he muttered, disgusted with himself. “Don’t wander away.”
“Okay.” With much clatter, the two girls dashed off, footsteps pounding on the hard ground.
“They’re beginning to feel at home,” Abby murmured. “It’s a good idea to keep them busy. Drew’s very careful with his daughter. Maybe your brother could teach the twins a little about riding the horses—”
“No!” Zac wouldn’t let her go any further. “They’re too young.”
Abby didn’t argue. She didn’t repeat that Drew would never let the girls come to harm. Neither did she remind him that Ella, who was almost the same age as the twins, had learned how to ride a pony some time ago. She didn’t mention that Ella was confident and self-assured on her horse or suggest that his daughters could be the same. Abby simply let it go.
And for that, Zac was extremely grateful.
Perhaps it was stupid that he couldn’t explain why he was so determined to keep his daughters off the Double H horses. All he knew was that he lay awake at night beneath a dark oppressive cloud of fear that said God hadn’t finished with him yet, that He had something else in store, something more difficult than anything Zac had yet gone through. Until that happened, he’d keep his daughters close. Zoe and Mia would just have to entertain themselves with something other than riding.
He heard the clink of Abby’s coffee cup as she set it on the table.
“When you’re finished here,” he said, wondering whether she wished she hadn’t come to the ranch, if she wanted to leave, “where will you go?”
“I haven’t given it much thought. Why?” Her calm, quiet tone never seemed to falter with uncertainty.
“Just wondered.” The conversation threatened to die there, and Zac didn’t want that because he didn’t want to be alone right now. What he did want was to know more about this inscrutable woman. “You said you’ll stay in the US for a while?”
“Maybe. As a tourist,” she said, a hint of a smile in her voice. “I already miss Africa. It’s where my heart is.”
“Because of Ken.” He nodded. “I know. Maria’s buried there, too. But I don’t want to go back. Not ever,” he added fiercely.
“That’s understandable,” Abby murmured. “Anyway, there’s no point in going back for Maria. She’s in a better place.”
He wondered why she hadn’t said Ken was, too.
“Actually, there’s no point in me going back at all.” For once Zac didn’t care that this was getting too personal. Maybe talking to Abby would help. “The mission was our dream, Maria’s and mine. We dreamed it together, built it together and worked there together. We made tons of plans.”
“I see,” Abby murmured.
“But the worst part is...” Zac exhaled, the weight of this admission like lead. “I was supposed to finish that dream, to make it come true. I promised her I would. It will never happen now,” he told her sorrowfully, mourning that loss anew.
“Which is not your fault, and which Maria would certainly understand,” Abby insisted. “Will you tell me more about your work?” How did she manage to sound so interested?
“I don’t want to dwell on it now,” Zac mumbled. “Let’s talk about something else.”
“Sure.” Abby’s silence lasted barely a second. “Miss Partridge?”
“Not my favorite subject, either.” He grimaced. “She wants me to talk to some fellow named Leo who just lost an unborn child.”
Abby gasped. “Oh, how sad.” Then in the next breath she asked, “Why you?”
“It’s a long story.”
“I have time.” Abby said no more. He had the sense that she leaned back, waiting.
“I finished high school before my sixteenth birthday.” Zac could hear her huff of surprise. “I told you Drew and I were nerds. Anyway, I was bored and I had a lot of spare time. I spent some of it at the library, helping a buddy of mine finish his studies so he could graduate. I didn’t realize Miss P. was listening to us.”
“Sounds interesting.” Abby’s unspoken curiosity made him chuckle.
“That’s a nice word for eavesdropping. Anyway, later Miss P. invited me to hear a speaker at the library. Turned out he was Ben’s client, a psychologist who’d come to the ranch many times to hike.” Zac could still visualize that round face with its wise eyes peering at him.
“Go on,” Abby encouraged.
“Dr. Dave could get anyone to talk, including me. He got my dad to agree to an overnight campout where he coaxed me into pouring out my dream of medicine. It was Dr. Dave who suggested I begin studying for a counseling degree through distance education with him as my mentor, while I waited to get into college. He said it would show serious intent and, because of the science requirements, might even be allowed as a premed degree.” He shrugged. “Miss Partridge used her library connections and helped me figure out how to do it.”
“Wasn’t that kind of her?”
Looking back, Zac had to agree.
“Very kind,” he said with a chuckle. “Even if she did set herself up as my taskmaster. Thanks to her grilling, I absorbed a lot of stuff I might never have learned till med school. Also thanks to her, I never turned in a late assignment.”
“How does this relate to Leo?” she wondered.
“I needed to do a practicum to get my master’s in counseling. Dr. Dave invited me to live with him and work under him for a year. I got hooked on talking to people and racked up more hours counseling than any other master’s student. Turns out, that’s what fast-tracked me into medical school at nineteen.”
“So counseling comes naturally to you.” Abby sounded impressed, but he didn’t want her to get the wrong idea.
“I didn’t do much after that, just the stuff we were required to do during training and residency. But in Africa, at our mission in the boonies, we didn’t have psychiatrists or psychologists so I either had to manage the best I could or send folks to the city. Most couldn’t afford to go or wouldn’t leave because of family commitments, so last year I got back into counseling. I asked Dr. Dave to send me as much material as he could so I could catch up with current views and methods. We’d begun to get a lot of people coming to the mission who had lost family in traumatic circumstances and wanted to talk about it. So...” His voice trailed away.
“So you helped them,” Abby finished. “Amazing.”
“It’s a much different experience than medicine. More intuitive, I guess. What goes on inside human heads is fascinating. Talkin
g with folks gave me a welcome break from the medical stuff I’d been doing.” He shrugged. “Turns out my mom blabbed about my brushing up on counseling to Miss P. and now she thinks I’m the perfect person to talk Leo through his grief.”
“Is that what she said?” Abby asked.
Zac mentally replayed the conversation.
“No,” he finally admitted. “She just asked me to talk to him. But I doubt counseling him would be anything like what I did in Africa.”
“Isn’t the basis of counseling listening? Maybe Miss Partridge realizes that what Leo really needs is someone to listen to him,” Abby said thoughtfully. “Sometimes the kids that came to me—never mind.”
“No, please continue.” Surprised by how much he wanted to hear her thoughts, Zac inclined his head and waited for her to explain.
“Of course it’s not the same as what you did or Leo’s issues. Many of the children who came to me were running from danger and were so terrified about what had happened that they kept themselves locked up tight.” It was obvious Abby was remembering specific cases.
“Understandable reactions for anyone who’s gone through horrible situations.” He nodded, thinking about his own reactions.
“I never pressed them because I didn’t want to make them sad or force them to relive their pain. But it would always come out, sometimes bit by bit, sometimes in a rush of weeping and sometimes in a whisper, as if they were afraid to say the actual words but desperately needed the release.” Her voice lightened. “I guess we all need someone to confide in once in a while.”
Inherent in her comment was, Even you, Zac.
He pushed it away. He did not want to talk about his memories of that black day when he’d lost his sight. Not with Abby, not with anyone.
Except perhaps with God, to ask why He’d allowed it.
* * *
A week later Abby sat on the lawn in front of the log house, enjoying the afternoon sun on her skin as she demonstrated how to make dandelion necklaces to Mia and Zoe. She hoped to keep them interested in something for perhaps an hour or so. But it was getting difficult to keep them entertained and busy enough so that Zac could hear them without being bothered by their noise.
The three of them all looked up when a half-ton truck pulled into the driveway. A man in his early thirties climbed out, a desperate weariness reflected in the slump of his shoulders and his preoccupied gaze around the yard.
“Hello,” she called when it looked as if he was searching for something. “Can I help you?”
“Miss Partridge said—that is, uh...” His face reddened.
“Are you Leo?” Abby’s heart welled with sadness when he nodded. “You’ll want Zac. He’s inside. Come, I’ll introduce you. I’m Abby, by the way. Zac’s nurse.” She rose and introduced the twins, then told them to remain where they were until she returned. As she walked with Leo toward the house, she tried to prepare him. “Zac is recovering from some eye injuries so he won’t be able to actually see you,” she warned.
“Miss Partridge told me.” He stopped, hesitated. “Maybe I shouldn’t bother him—”
“Oh, please stay. I think his injuries make him a bit lonely,” she said, lowering her voice as she led the way up the stairs. She tapped on the door once, then peeked inside. “Zac? Leo is here wondering if you have a moment to speak with him.”
Zac had been sprawled on the sofa, hands behind his head. But at her words he sat up, swung his legs around and planted his feet on the floor.
“Come on in, Leo,” he called. “Have a seat. Want a cup of coffee?”
“Sure. Thanks.” Leo studied Zac for a few seconds before choosing a seat across from him. “Thank you,” he said when Abby handed him a steaming mug. “Black is perfect.”
“Anything else I can get?” She glanced from one man to the other. “Coffee for you, Zac?”
“Just a glass of water, please,” he said quietly. The fast swallow and his hand feeling for the cushion beside him told her he was nervous.
“Here you are.” She placed the glass in his hand and smiled at Leo. “If you’re good to go, the girls and I will be outside. It’s so lovely I think we’ll go on a treasure hunt.” She’d only just made up the idea, but Zac didn’t need to know that. Something told her he needed time and privacy to concentrate on the other man. “See you, Leo.”
“Nice to meet you, Abby. Thanks.”
“No problem.” When she stepped outside, the twins were nowhere to be seen. Abby’s heart stopped for a minute until she spied them talking to their grandmother on the deck of the main house. She walked over, trying to decide the best way to reprimand the two spirited girls for disobeying. In the end she didn’t have to.
“We came over here without asking.” Mia hung her head. “I’m sorry, Abby.”
“Me, too.” Zoe’s chin thrust up defiantly. “But we wanted to talk to our grandma.”
“Oh, Abby, I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize you’d told them to stay where they were.” Bonnie surveyed the twins with a serious expression. “Obeying the rules is very important on a ranch, girls. We need to know you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.”
“Why?” That was Zoe, always the bold one.
“So that you won’t get hurt.” Abby stepped in. “We can’t always explain why to you, Zoe. But you must obey. Otherwise I am going to have to restrict you.”
“We’ll obey,” the twins said in unison. “We promise.”
“I’m sorry, Abby.” Zoe did indeed look repentant.
“I forgive you, sweetheart.” She kept her voice firm even though her heart weakened at their sweet smiles. “Sorry means you won’t do it again, right?”
“Right,” they chirped.
“I’m glad you understand that obedience is important.” Bonnie smiled at both before glancing at Abby. “Now, would it be okay for you all to visit my petting zoo?”
“I’d love it.” Abby tucked away her treasure hunt plans for another day. “Girls?”
“Yes, please,” they responded, again in unison, eager smiles wreathing their faces.
Ten minutes later Abby leaned against a fence rail beside Bonnie, chuckling as the excited sisters scurried around, scattering seed for the chickens to eat.
“Tell me about yourself, Abby. I’m sorry we haven’t had more time to chat since you arrived.” Bonnie laughed when the girls shrieked as an old rooster raced toward them. “Zac said you’re a widow?”
“Yes.” Abby gave the barest bones explanation about the deaths of her husband and son and her life following.
“How awful! I’m so sorry, dear.” Bonnie, eyes teary, embraced her. “And then out of your grief came your children’s ministry. How amazing.”
Encouraged, Abby told her about the kids she’d hosted. When she realized she was talking too much, she quickly turned the conversation back to Bonnie and her adopted sons.
“Taking on three young boys must have been challenging.”
“But such a blessing. Ben and I adored every moment. Having the boys return home again is even better.” Again Bonnie’s eyes welled with tears.
“I’m sure you missed Zac, Maria and the twins,” Abby said consolingly.
“Oh, we did! So much. But we sacrificed willingly, knowing how important their ministry was both to them and to Africa. We are so proud of our son.” Her eyes grew sad and her voice snagged in her throat as she whispered, “I suppose that’s why it’s so difficult to see Zac the way he is now, aimless, his mission gone, frightened about his eyesight. He doesn’t seem interested in his future at all.” Bonnie sighed. “It’s hard to understand God’s ways sometimes.”
“Yes, it is,” Abby agreed fervently.
“And yet we must trust that our Father knows best.” Bonnie regained her composure and smiled. “What about your future, Abby? You’re very beautiful. Don’t you want to marry again?”
Bonnie asked.
“No.” Abby shook her head firmly.
“I understand. But in time your grief will pass.” Bonnie touched her shoulder. “The pain does lessen with time.”
“I don’t want it to. I don’t want to ever forget my marriage.” Abby knew she sounded strange, but she didn’t care. She needed to say it out loud, to remind herself that she had to quash any and all soft thoughts about Zac. “Girls,” she called, hoping to forestall the questions she saw building on Bonnie’s face. “Remember to ask permission before opening a gate.”
Bonnie agreed Mia and Zoe could enter the pen that held six chocolate lab puppies. The twins oohed and ahhed over the animals as they flopped down on the grass. They burst into giggles as pink tongues licked their faces.
“I’m like the local pet shelter,” Bonnie explained. “I try to ensure that unwanted, found, injured or otherwise displaced animals are given good homes where they will be cared for. I can’t turn any needy animal away.”
“It’s wonderful.” Abby couldn’t believe the number and variety of animals around them and was about to ask a question about them when Bonnie changed the subject.
“I’m so glad you agreed to stay awhile to help Zac. I’m praying your sunny spirit and cheery ways will help him overcome the negativity that has him in its grip.”
“I’m sure the uncertainty of not knowing what will happen with his sight must be daunting,” Abby murmured.
“Yes, but I’ve never seen him so negative about God. It worries me,” Bonnie admitted. “I’ll keep praying God will send him a new task to help get his mind off his own situation.”
Abby didn’t tell her that it might already be happening with Leo.
“I’d better find Ben,” Bonnie said after a glance at her watch. “Miss Partridge is taking us to get our dressings changed. It’s a long drive.”
“I could change them for you, if you like,” Abby volunteered, thinking that here at last was something she could do to repay these wonderful people. “That’s if your doctor agrees, and if you want me to.”