by Jessica Marx
I send Tara a text while it’s on my mind. I ask her to let her friend know the apartment will be ready in a month. I need to give myself a deadline and stop procrastinating. The time has come to face the truth, and whatever happens, happens. Regardless of my parents’ feelings, I know they will take me in. It may be awkward for a bit, but I’m still their baby and they love me. Once they warm to the idea, I know they’ll get excited about having a grandbaby. I just have to take the first step.
While we’re texting, I ask Tara to come over Sunday and help me start to get some things together. I know myself well enough to know I’m going to wait until the last possible moment to tell my parents and then there won’t be much time to get ready. I might as well start now before I get even bigger. Tara tells me Sunday is perfect—apparently, she was hoping to see me then, anyway.
I pick up a couple of extra shifts during this week to try and make some money while I still can. I’m not going to tell my manager until the end of next week. I need all the time I can get right now. I spend another week working and sleeping, thinking and planning. Ryan still doesn’t text or call me. He’s decided to move on, I know it, and it’s my own fault.
I work a double on Saturday and come home totally drained. I pass out shortly after walking in the door and sleep until noon on Sunday. My mom calls to say hello and the phone wakes me up. She wants to come see me, or have me come for dinner, since it’s been so long, and I agree. My time is running out, anyway. We make plans for me to come to see them next Sunday for dinner. I’m nervous already.
I laze around the apartment for the afternoon just trying up a bit. I have a fleeting thought of making dinner for me and Tara, but nix that idea. I’m craving Chinese food and I don’t feel like cooking at all. I’m sure she won’t mind. I’ve never cooked for her before, no reason to start now. I’ll still treat her to dinner, regardless.
Tara rings my buzzer later in the afternoon, I let her up and we greet each other. She brought a coffee for herself and some kind of sugary hot concoction for me, which happens to be delicious. We hang out for a bit, enjoying our beverages.
“Are you okay?” I ask Tara, she seems a little antsy.
“Yeah,” she answers quickly, “just had a lot of coffee today. Are we really going to do this?” she asks, looking around at my apartment.
“I don’t have much of a choice,” I reply. “Even if I could manage to stay, the thought of walking up and down those stairs over the next few months makes me cringe.”
“Okay, then,” she says, standing up. “Where do you want to start?”
“I figure we can get the things together that I don’t really use—like some stuff in the kitchen and up high in my closet.” I’m not moving for a few more weeks, but I need the help, and a head start can’t hurt.
“Sure. The kitchen sounds like a good place to begin. It’s not like you cook, or anything,” she says with a snicker.
I laugh. “True. Speaking of which, how do you feel about Chinese food for dinner? I’ve had lo mein on the brain all day.”
“Sounds good,” Tara replies. “Want me to order some?”
“Let’s get at least one box packed, first,” I suggest. “Then at least I’ll feel like we accomplished something.”
“Cool,” Tara says and stands on a chair to reach the top of the cabinets in the tiny kitchen. She hands me the few things that are up there and I wrap them and put them in the box. There’s not much in there, so it doesn’t take long.
“I’m going to miss this place,” I muse, looking around. “It’s crazy everything that’s happened in the short time I’ve been here.”
“I know,” she agrees.
“I really miss Ryan,” I admit. Tara looks surprised at my openness, but doesn’t say anything. “Seeing him on television and hearing what he said, it was like he was saying it only to me.” I stand somberly, recalling the interview.
“I’m pretty sure that’s what he was doing,” Tara replies, getting down from her chair.
“I don’t know,” I say, shaking my head. “He stopped calling after that—like, not one text or call. Nothing.”
“Maybe he didn’t want to bother you anymore,” she reasons. “You never once answered or acknowledged him. Maybe he thought it was best to give you some space.”
“Is that what he said?” I ask anxiously.
“He didn’t say anything to me about it. That’s just my own thoughts,” she answers. “I don’t like being in the middle of you two, that’s why I don’t ask questions. Do you mind if we order dinner? I’m getting pretty hungry.” I think she’s trying to change the subject, but I’m not going to push it right now. She sounds upset.
“Sure. I’ll call the place down the block,” I offer, pulling the menu from the drawer.
“That’s okay. I’ll call, you treat,” Tara says with a big grin, snatching the menu from my hand.
I tell her what I want to eat and continue to wrap and place the things she put on the counter into the box. Tara walks into the living room to place the order.
“Shouldn’t be too long,” she informs me when she comes back into the kitchen.
“Good. I’m starving now,” I say.
She helps me wrap the rest and we successfully fill a second box when we hear the buzzer.
“I’ll let them in,” Tara says, quickly walking to the door. She presses the buzzer to let the delivery guy up.
“I told you, it’s my treat,” I say and blow her a kiss. I grab my purse and start counting out the money when he knocks on the door.
I’m still looking down at the bills in my hand when I open the door. I look up and my mouth drops open. The delivery is here, but it’s not the nice, young Asian boy that usually comes—it’s Ryan.
My mouth drops open and I stand there, speechless. Ryan doesn’t say a word. He looks back at me with tear-filled eyes and shrugs, holding up the bag of food we ordered.
“What? How?” I stammer at a loss for words.
“Well, my work here is done,” Tara says from behind me.
I turn around and she is putting on her coat. She walks over and kisses me on the cheek. She kisses Ryan on his cheek next and then reaches into the bag and pulls out the box of fried noodles.
“I’m done keeping all of your secrets,” she says addressing both of us. “You guys are on your own. I’m going for a drink.” And with that, she leaves the two of us here. There is no sound other than the faint echo of Tara’s footsteps as she makes her way down the stairs.
“Can I come in?” Ryan asks.
“Yeah. Of course,” I answer nervously. I step back from the entrance allowing him space to enter. I wrap my sweater around myself and tie it closed as he enters. He looks around, seemingly recalling his days of living here together for a moment.
“What are you doing here?” I ask him at last.
“I had to talk to you, face to face,” Ryan answers. He places the bag on the coffee table and takes off his coat.
“Ryan,” I start, but he interrupts me.
“Eve, listen, please. I came all the way across the country to talk to you. Just let me speak.” I remain silent while he takes a moment to get his thoughts together.
“I love you. I have always loved you. I told you before I left that I would wait for you, and I meant it,” he takes a breath, trying to slow down. “Calista and I were never together—never. We were photographed together as a publicity stunt for the movie. I was going to tell you all about it when you got to California. I didn’t realize you would see the photo. I didn’t know you would react to it like that, or I would have told you sooner. There was nothing between us—nothing. That rumor did amazing things for the movie, and more importantly for my career, but if I knew I would lose you because of it…” he trails off.
“Ryan, I…”
“Wait, Eve. Please, let me finish,” he asks kindly.
“I thought the television interview would make you see, but you still didn’t call. I would have come here to make
things better—or at least try, but I couldn’t. I haven’t had enough time until now. Even now I only have a few days, but I needed to see you. I can’t lose you, Eve. I love you. I need you. You’re my girl.
With that, Ryan reaches into his pocket. He pulls out a small box and kneels down onto one knee. “Eve, I have always loved you and I always will. My life will not be complete unless you are in it. Would you please do me the honor of becoming my wife?”
Ryan looks up at me, and tears are streaming down my face. With all of my being, I want to say yes, but I can’t. “Tara told you, didn’t she?” is what comes out of my mouth instead.
He stays down on his knee, looking dumbfounded. “What are you talking about?”
“You know what I’m talking about. Why else would you want to marry me?” I say, breaking into a full cry now.
Ryan still looks clueless as he stares up at me. “I had this ring in my pocket when I was waiting for you at the airport,” he explains. “I had this amazing night planned for us when you arrived in California. I was waiting at the terminal with flowers and a limo. I was going to take you to this restaurant with the most incredible view of the city, but you never got off the plane,” Tears well in his eyes again. “This was my surprise, Eve.”
“Really?” I ask, coming to my senses. “Really?”
“Yes. Tara knew all about it,” he says, then changes his tone to one of suspicion. “What does Tara know about you?”
I have anticipated this moment for so long but I don’t know how to say it. “Ryan, I… I’m…” I stammer while he continues to look at me. “I’m pregnant,” I finally blurt out. Ryan’s mouth drops open and he looks at me, puzzled.
“You’re pregnant?” he says. “Is it…?”
I nod before Ryan finishes his question. He looks at me, silently asking permission, then he unties my sweater and places his hand on my stomach.
Tears are now streaming down his face also. “Eve, we’re having a baby?” he whispers.
“We are,” I say, smiling and full of relief. It feels so good to tell him.
Ryan stands back up. He puts both hands on my belly. One is still holding the ring. “How come you never told me?”
“I don’t know,” I say, starting to sob again, “I wanted to tell you in person. I planned on announcing it when I got to California. Then I saw the magazine photo and I just… I lost it. I let my feelings get in the way—I didn’t know what to believe. Maybe it was my hormones, I don’t know. Then you seemed to be doing so well, I didn’t want to screw it up for you. After the interview, I wasn’t sure if there was someone else. I knew in my heart you were talking about me, I knew it,” I admit, feeling ashamed. “I’m such an idiot, Ryan. I made such a mess of everything.”
“Well, we’re here now—together. We can fix it,” Ryan assures me. He wipes the tears from my cheek with the back of his hand, then places it under my chin, tilting my face up. I look up into his eyes; they are filled with tears, but he’s not crying. Ryan is smiling at me and looks completely content. “We’re going to be together, Eve.”
Ryan kisses me gently on the lips and runs his hand over my stomach. “Forget everything that happened since I left. None of it matters anymore. We were in love when I was leaving, and we are in love now.” He gets back down on one knee. “Eve Thompson, will you marry me?”
“Yes! Yes, I will,” I reply joyfully. Ryan slips the beautiful ring onto my finger. I hold my hand out and look at it in wonder, grinning from ear to ear. He kisses me softly on my stomach and stands back up. His eyes look bluer than I have ever seen them. His smile is as big as mine as we gaze at each other, letting the pain and hurt and confusion disappear. There is now only joy and happiness, for today and the future.
Ryan presses his lips to mine for the first time in weeks. The warmth of his mouth feels amazing. It’s only a matter of seconds before I slip my tongue into his mouth and we begin to kiss passionately. Our mouths are bound, our tongues twirling together in rhythm once again. Ryan’s hands are still on my face, holding me there gently, like he doesn’t want to let me go. I have my arms around him, pulling him close to me as we maintain our embrace until he gently pulls his tongue from my mouth and kisses me on the lips again thoughtfully.
He reaches his hand down and entwines his fingers with mine. He raises it up and looks at the sparkly ring on my finger, which is weaved into his. Ryan kisses me on the hand and moves it over my belly where both our hands come to rest.
“Is our baby is craving some Chinese food?” he says with a chuckle. “How about we have something to eat and catch up?”
I laugh. With everything being said and the feelings being shared, I forgot how hungry I am. “Sounds like a great idea,” I reply.
We hold hands and walk over to the table. He starts unpacking the food and I grab the plates and drinks. We sit down for dinner, and even though so much has happened, it feels like no time has passed at all. We begin to talk about all the things that we’ve missed since he left. I tell Ryan all about what’s happening with the baby and everything I’ve been learning. He tells me all about the filming the movie and California. Our conversation continues well past the time it takes to eat our meal.
Both of our phones go off at the same time. It’s Tara sending us a group text: Hope you were able to work everything out. Let me know what happened. I’m at the Dive with everyone and I still haven’t said a word. We both laugh.
“Poor Tara,” I say. “She’s been so good to me. I feel terrible for putting her in the middle of all this.”
“I know. Me too,” Ryan agrees. “Why don’t we go down there? Then we can tell everyone everything.”
I sigh. “Yeah, we should. I haven’t seen anyone in so long. At least now they’ll understand why,” I answer, placing my hands on my belly again.
“Good. Let’s do it. Then we can come back here and figure out what we’re going to from here on out.”
“True. We have a lot of decisions to make,” I agree.
“We do. And we are going to make them together,” Ryan replies. He gets up and kisses me on my head. “I’ll clean up, you go get dressed. I want to see everyone, but I also want to get back here and be with you.” He winks at me.
I go into the bedroom to get dressed. I stare into my mirror and feel like I’m seeing someone completely different. It’s like the cloud of doubt has disappeared from around me. Having Ryan here, knowing he loves me, wearing this ring, everything is falling into place.
28
Ryan and I are curled up on the couch, waiting for his car to the airport. It’s as if we are reliving the day he left, except this time, there is no sadness. Of course, I will miss him, but I know we will be together again soon enough, and then we won’t be apart ever again. The few days he was here were like a whirlwind.
After we caught up with each other, we met our friends at the bar. I wish I had taken a picture of their faces when we walked in together, although it doesn’t compare to the shock we saw when we told them about the baby and our engagement. Everyone is so happy for us, most of all Tara. I’m sure she is also relieved to not be carrying the weight of both of our secrets anymore. She made such a nice toast in honor of the both of us and we thanked her for helping us get back together. Without her, I don’t know what would have happened.
We spent the next day with our parents, breaking the news. I’m sure it was a mix of happiness and sadness. They weren’t happy that I hid the pregnancy from them, but I was in for a bigger shock. Ryan had told them everything before he left for California. My stepfather had been angry, but they’d come to terms with our relationship months ago.
My mother tries to convince me to stay with them while Ryan finishes up his film, at least until the baby is born, but my mind is made up already. I’m going to California to be with Ryan. He needs to be there now, and I need to be with him. She plans on making arrangements to stay with us and help with the baby once it’s here. She is over the moon about having a grandbaby. I can tell I
hurt her feelings because I wasn’t open with her, but the look in her eye tells me she understands.
Later, when we’re alone, I snuggle in close to my soon to be husband.
“I can’t believe how everything has worked out,” I say softly.
“It’s incredible,” Ryan answers, “it’s like everything I’ve wished for keeps coming true.”
I tuck myself tighter under his arm and we go back to our thoughts. The buzzer rings a few minutes later, indicating his ride is here. Ryan kisses me softly and stands up. He reaches his hands out to help me up off the couch. I don’t really need his help yet, but I don’t mind, I will, at some point. He wraps me in his arms and hugs me snug against him.
“I love you so much,” Ryan whispers.
“I love you too,” I whisper back.
Our lips connect one last time. In the brief moment we have, we let our passion share the unspoken feelings we don’t have time to say before the driver rings the buzzer again.
We hesitantly break our embrace and look at each other once again, taking a mental picture before Ryan leaves. He places his hands on my stomach once more.
“I’ll be waiting for you, Eve,” Ryan reminds me. He smirks. “You better get on the plane this time.”
“I wouldn’t miss it for anything,” I reply.
We quickly kiss one last time on the lips. Ryan rubs my stomach and picks up his bag. “I’ll call you when I land. I love you.”
“I love you,” I say and blow him a kiss as he starts down the stairs.
29
I’ve been worried and complaining about how I have nothing pretty to wear. My body is huge and it doesn’t matter what I put on—I look like a giant balloon. Ryan keeps telling me how beautiful I am and that I’m carrying our little miracle inside me. I appreciate it and I know he’s trying, but what I see in the mirror is reality. Nothing I put on will make me look as exquisite as any of the famous actresses and models that I will be surrounded by. The only thing I have to wear is not even close to the level of style the other women will be wearing, but it’s my only option. I leave the store, feeling defeated.