by Kate Keir
I told Pen the whole dream, starting with my first moments walking through the Endwood and finishing by telling Pen about Sluag’s threats against the Dion and his promise to kill me.
“The part that really bothered me was when he said he would use the Dion against me. I don’t want you or any of the others to get hurt because of me,” I finished.
“We aren’t going to let that happen, Flora. But you must remember, your Dion are ultimately there to protect you, and if that means they get hurt or even die, then only the expected price for your safety has been paid.”
“I didn’t ask for people to die for me. I don’t want anyone to die for me. I’d rather die myself than lose Finlay.” My voice was getting louder as all the worry and fear I had pushed away earlier came crashing back over me like a wave.
“Stop!” Pen’s voice bounced back from every wall, making me flinch and hold my tongue.
“Flora, I’ve heard a Soul Keeper say almost those exact same words once before. He said them about three weeks before he took his own life. I must tell you the story of that man, who should have been my only Soul Keeper. I need to tell you because I will not allow you to end up walking the same path as he did.”
My eyes were wide with surprise as I nodded and sat back in my chair. I wrapped my arms around myself, as if to shield my body from some unseen danger, and settled down to listen.
“I’m sure you have realised by now that I am not of your generation, Flora. You and I were never supposed to meet. You should have been born an ordinary girl, with your own soul, and parents who survived to raise you.”
I blinked at that. It was difficult to think on how differently my life would have turned out if I hadn’t lost my parents.
“Your predecessor was called Aiden Williams, and he was just thirty-five years old when he died. That probably seems a thousand years away to a girl who’s only nineteen, Flora. But trust me that is not a life expectancy I wanted for my last Soul Keeper, and I certainly don’t want it for you.”
“What happened?” I was genuinely curious now, even though the darkest part of my heart told me what I was about to hear was going to be awful.
“Sluag had no goal other than to get Aiden to the Endwood so he could kill him. It is the exact same thing he wants from you. Sluag has become a little more desperate as each year passes without success. He wants to escape the Endwood, and he wants to bask in a world that is torn apart by pain and fear and evil.
“In truth, the world will never be entirely free of evil. We can send infinite amounts of souls to meet their end with Sluag, but there will always be some pure souls who are eventually tainted by the pain of living within the mortal world. Some of those souls will embrace the darkness that lies on the edge of every human subconscious, and they will no longer be pure; they will become rogue.”
“So, it’s all for nothing then? If we’re never going to be able to rid the world of evil, then my existence is pointless.” That hurt, more than I could have imagined it would.
“You are not pointless, Flora. You control the evil within the world. You and your predecessors are the reason that the balance of good far outweighs the bad. But, Sluag isn’t taking any chances. He has been nervous for centuries that we will eventually put him out of existence. As the world grows more articulate and more connected, we are undoubtedly improving the way we treat each other. His supply of rogue souls is dwindling.”
“But it’s not good enough,” I insisted.
“It is good enough. Although it doesn’t stop Sluag from desiring to break free from his confinement and bring the darkness of the Endwood to the mortal world.”
“Which he needs to kill me to do,” I pointed out.
“If you allow your Dion to do their job and take care of you, then he will not succeed, Flora. That was where Aiden failed,” Pen finished softly.
“You were telling me what happened to him?” I prompted.
She nodded before continuing with her story. “Aiden was strong and smart, not unlike you. He knew that the world would be destroyed if he ever went to the Endwood, and so he avoided it at all costs. He played the game the right way, as a Soul Keeper should. Sluag was understandably displeased by Aiden’s avoidance of his Draugur. Myself and the other Dion protected him admirably for twenty years after he was first exposed as the Soul Keeper.
“So Sluag changed tactics. He sent the Draugur to target the Dion when they were alone, rather than Aiden. He picked us off, one by one, like deer being stalked. Aiden started off with eight Dion. When he died, he had only me left. But, Sluag didn’t stop there. He learned that he could summon a Soul Keeper while they were asleep.”
“You mean like he did with me?” I asked.
“Yes, Flora. You didn’t allow Sluag into your dream; he took your soul to the Endwood while you slept. He summoned you. That was exactly what he did with Aiden. He started off by planting seeds of doubt, convincing Aiden that he was responsible for the deaths of his Dion. Then his torment progressed until he made Aiden believe that his Dion would eventually betray him. It drove Aiden to the edge of despair and isolated him beyond even my reach.
“Only my bond with Aiden allowed me to be there for him until the end. But, even that wasn’t enough. Aiden disappeared one morning, and by the time I found him it was too late; he had thrown himself from a cliff, and he was dead.” Pen’s eyes shone with tears that spilled down her cheeks as she finished.
“Why?” I breathed.
“He left me a note that told me exactly why he did it. He knew that Sluag wouldn’t stop until he had what he wanted. Only I stood between them by that point, and he refused to allow me to die for him. His reasoning was that if he killed himself in the mortal world, then Sluag could no longer do it in the Endwood and open the veil. He also didn’t want to sacrifice my life for his own protection.
“Aiden allowed Sluag to break into his mind, Flora. That was what killed him. That is why you must find a way to disbelieve the things that Sluag tells you when he summons you.”
“Can’t I just stop him from summoning me? That would be a hell of a lot easier, right?”
“We can’t protect anything except your mortal body, Flora. There is no way I know of to help your soul when you are sleeping. That was why I went to Edinburgh with Finlay today. To see if I could find something in our manuscripts that would tell me how to stop Sluag from summoning you. I knew it wouldn’t be long before he started to wage war on your mind.”
“Did you find anything?”
I was sure Pen thought I didn’t notice the dark look on her face as she replied. “Nothing of any great importance, Flora.”
I was quiet for a moment as I thought back over all that Pen had told me. “Mara told me that you said it was inevitable I would fall in love with one of my Dion, and become bonded to them?”
“Yes, you will.” Pen agreed.
“You were in love with Aiden.” It wasn’t a question.
“And he was in love with me. We were married for twelve years. Aiden Williams wasn’t just my Soul Keeper, he was my soul mate.”
“Pen, I had no idea. I’m so sorry for everything you’ve been through.” I felt tears prickle at the back of my own eyes.
“Don’t be sorry for me, Flora. I told you this not because I wanted to make you feel bad for me, but to give you a warning. You must trust in your Dion. They will only ever try to protect you and if they die doing it, then they will do so in the knowledge that they gave their lives for yours.
“And you must think hard on who you choose above all the others. It’s clear both Finlay and Lyall desire to have you for their own. The wrong decision could have devastating consequences.”
“Pen, I’ve never even thought about having a boyfriend. I’ve always figured I was young enough to put that stuff off for at least a few years yet.”
“I’m not asking you to decide right away, Flora.” Pen reached across the table and covered my hand with hers. “That wouldn’t be fair to Lyall as you’ve
only known him such a short time. But you must eventually learn to place your trust in your Dion–the Dion with whom you are bonded above all others. It could save your life.”
“I will think about it, Pen. I promise.” I sighed heavily. I doubted I’d be able to think about much else.
Chapter Eleven
Once I left Pen, I was determined to find Finlay. Aside from everything that Pen had told me, we’d never fallen out in all the years we had been friends, and it upset me to know I’d hurt him.
I headed up the stairs to the first-floor landing and knocked on the third door along, which I knew was Finlay’s room. When I didn’t get a reply, I knocked a second time and rested my ear against the wood of the door to listen for any sounds of movement inside. Nothing.
Deciding to try the gardens, I began descending the elaborate staircase toward the ground floor and the castle door. I passed Freya, who was on her way up the stairs and I paused in my quest to ask if she had seen Finlay.
“Not since he got back about an hour ago. Sorry, Flora.” She flashed me a genuine smile as she spoke.
I thanked her and carried on down the stairs and out into the gardens. It lifted my mood to know that Freya and I were apparently still on good terms, and I made a mental note to myself to spend some girl-time with both Freya and Mara very soon.
Without even thinking about it, I found myself walking to the spot Finlay had chosen for me to practise going to the Everwood. I was disappointed but unsurprised to find he wasn’t there. After one final check, I began to make my way toward the water’s edge. Even if I didn’t find Finlay there, it was peaceful and beautiful. The perfect place for me to reflect on my chat with Pen.
I found a tall, old Oak tree and sat down with my back resting against the ancient trunk. I briefly toyed with the idea of going to the Everwood, but the warmth from the golden light of the setting sun glistening across the blue-green water was so tempting I decided I would prefer to stay in the mortal world today. Closing my eyes, I leaned my head back against the knotted tree-trunk, listening to the sound of the water lapping gently against the shore.
I thought about the things Pen had gone through. She had lost the most important person in her world and it clearly still haunted her almost twenty years later. I was pretty sure if I lost Finlay I would feel the exact same way. The problem was I felt as though I was already losing him, and I couldn’t figure out a way to stop it.
I did love him. I was completely certain of that. But, even though it sounded totally clichéd, I wasn’t in love with him, and I wasn’t sure I ever could be. I just didn’t feel that way when I looked at him. Even when I melted into one of his huge bear hugs, it was because I craved the comfort and protection that his friendship offered.
“Maybe that’s exactly what love is,” I mused aloud.
Although I had my own very definite idea of how love should feel. I expected fireworks, dancing unicorns, and an inability to spend more than ten seconds apart from that person without feeling as though I was dying for need of them.
“I’ve definitely been watching too much Vampire Diaries.” I laughed into the evening air.
“You still obsessing over Damon?” Finlay’s voice made me jump, and my eyes flew open.
“Hey,” I offered softly.
“Hey, Flor,” he answered back as he sat down beside me, leaning his back against the tree trunk.
“Finlay, why were you so angry with me earlier? I kinda feel like I should apologise for something, but I’m really not sure what.” It wasn’t the most tactful start I could have gone with, but I was getting tired of feeling like the bad guy when I hadn’t done anything wrong.
“Oh, I don’t know, Flor. Maybe it was because you’ve only known Lyall a few days, and he was all over you. Meanwhile you don’t have time to even hang out and play pool with me.”
Seriously? I seethed internally.
“Seriously, Finlay. You’re going to say that to me? Lyall wasn’t all over me. He was teaching me about shifting, remember? We’d been working so hard all day, and you turned up right on the tail end of it when we’d actually cut loose and chilled for about thirty seconds. And, anyway, if I want to flirt with Lyall or let him be all over me, then I can, because I’m free to do what I please.”
“Flora, I’ve looked after you for almost your whole life long. I’ve loved you for almost as long as that. I know that this is all really new to you right now, but I’ve spent the last fourteen years knowing that you would have to choose one day.
“I guess it just never really occurred to me that you would ever choose anyone apart from me. We’re best friends, and we know each other better than anyone. I’ve held you while you full-on snot-cried into my T-shirt, Flor, and I still think you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. I don’t want to have to compete for you, and I never expected to have to.”
I stood up with a yowl of frustration. “Arggh, Finlay, it’s not a competition, though.” I paced furiously up and down in front of the tree. I was so angry with him.
“Give me a break. I’ve just found out that I’m a Soul Keeper. I didn’t even know those existed a week ago. I’m trying to learn to change into an animal shape of unknown origin. Again, that stuff didn’t exist for me until just now. I have a crazy version of the devil coming to me in my dreams and telling me he’s going to kill me. Then to top it off, my best friend now wants me to declare my undying love for him, and he’s having a tantrum because I’m a bit distracted right now by everything that’s going on!”
“Sluag has been to you in your dreams?” Finlay’s voice was a lot calmer as he registered my slip up.
I stopped pacing and grimaced at my big mouth. “Yeah, last night. It’s no big deal. He just threatened my Dion and then swore he was going to drain every last drop of blood from my body in a ritual sacrifice that will rip down any defences for the mortal world. It’s fine.” I sighed and sat back down against my tree.
“That’s not good news, Flor. He only found out who you were when that Draugur discovered you at work. He didn’t wait very long to start trying to mess with your head. I’m assuming you told Pen about this?”
“Of course I told Pen. I tried to find her this morning, but you guys had already left for Edinburgh. Not that you felt our friendship worthwhile enough that you needed to tell me about your little trip, obviously.” It was childish, and I knew I shouldn’t have said it, but I did anyway.
“Jesus, Flora, grow up. I’m worried about you. I’m always worried about you. I didn’t tell you about Edinburgh because I didn’t want to make you think we’d come back with a ton of answers for you, in case we didn’t find anything.”
I thought back to the odd look on Pen’s face when I asked her if she found anything important in the manuscripts. “Did you? Find anything, I mean?”
“No.” He answered me too quickly and avoided meeting my eyes with his own.
“You see, you tell me to be honest with you, Finlay, and Pen tells me I need to trust all of my Dion. But both of you are lying to me. I know it. How can I even think about putting my heart in your hands when you won’t even tell me what you found out today? I don’t care if it’s something horrific, I want to know?”
“I don’t have anything to tell you, Flor. We didn’t find anything out.” His voice was quiet now.
“Well thank you for your honesty. Do you want some of my honesty, Finlay?” I didn’t wait for his answer. “I am attracted to Lyall. It’s true. He’s a great looking guy, and he’s also more focused on helping me find my way with all of this than he is on trying to score points. Plus he’s hot, he’s funny, and he’s mature.”
“Wow, I never realised you could be such a complete bitch, Flor.” Finlay started to walk away from me, his fists clenching and unclenching in anger.
“Finlay, I didn’t mean that.” I stood up and walked toward him, grabbing his right hand with my own and twining my fingers through his.
“You’ve been my best friend since forever, and I
love you, Finlay. That’s the biggest reason I find it so hard to think of you in any other way. Being romantically linked with you wasn’t something I’d ever even contemplated. To be honest, I had no idea that you had. You always had a steady supply of girlfriends coming your way.”
“I had girls throwing themselves at me, but I never actually got serious with them, Flor. It’s all about you. It’s always been about you. Not because I had to take care of you, but because I cared for you.” He gave me a sad look. “You really never felt it, though?”
I thought frantically back to Pen’s story before I replied, knowing that what I said next could have a devastating impact on, not just our friendship but also the safety of my Dion and myself.
“Maybe, in time…”
Pulling his hand away from mine, he gave a harsh laugh that sounded nothing like the Finlay I knew.
“Don’t waste your breath, Flora. You’ve told me everything I needed to know. I never realised that when this day came I just wouldn’t be good enough for you.”
He turned away from me and before a heartbeat of time could pass he shimmered and changed before my eyes, becoming a pure white cat about the size of a leopard. Turning wounded feline eyes on me he ducked his head and bounded through the trees and out of my sight.
I felt the first tear escape as I leaned my forehead against the Oak tree and wondered how the hell I had just managed to screw up every single thing that Pen had warned me about.
Chapter Twelve
Hunger eventually drove me to leave the tree behind and head for the castle, just as the sun was starting to set, and a chill had found its way into the air around me. I didn’t want to see Finlay or Lyall right now. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to see Pen.
I had suspected Pen was holding something back when I asked her about the manuscripts. I might have been able to let it go, but after speaking to Finlay and seeing his reaction, I was more convinced than ever they were hiding something from me.