Jeremy spoke with such conviction he had her believing his words.
‘Go for it, India. You’ve got the world at your feet, and I’m positive you’ve got your husband’s heart in your hands. You need to face whatever it is that’s holding you back and telling you that you either can’t have or don’t deserve this happiness. Embrace this relationship with everything you’ve got. Don’t push him away.’
Goosebumps had broken out so prominently on the flesh of her bare forearms, India pulled her hands out of Jeremy’s to rub at them. ‘God, I don’t know if what you’re saying is true. I don’t want Gabriel to have to abdicate, but I do want him to care enough about me that he’d make that choice. Is that extremely selfish of me?’
‘It’s not selfish. It’s love,’ he told her with a wink, ‘and I think he’s a very lucky man. Now, the first thing you need to do is tell him the truth about our engagement.’ He gave an exaggerated shudder. ‘Gabriel de la Croix, King of Santaliana is not a man to be trifled with. Gabriel de la Croix, husband of the Duchess Dunmorton, is a man I’d want to trifle with even less. Tell him quickly. I’d like to leave Santaliana with my head still attached to my body.’
Chapter 15
‘India. Wake up, sweetheart,’ Gabe told her as he tore into their bedroom, clad only in his black boxers and a dark-blue bathrobe.
‘Oh, Gabriel!’ she pulled herself up against the backrest of the bed in a flurry of movement, even though she still looked half asleep.
‘I’m here.’ He soothed his fingertips down her cheek. The soft fall of moonlight through the window gave her skin an almost luminescent sheen. ‘You were having another nightmare.’ He’d heard her scream from where he’d taken up residence in the bedroom across the hall, and he’d bolted up out of his bed to be by her side.
‘Oh, God, Gabe. It was all so real.’ She reached out and put her hand over his. ‘Hold me. Please, hold me.’
‘Shh. Of course.’ He drew her into his embrace as he sat perched on the edge of the bed, but he doubted either of them was comfortable. ‘Sweetheart, will you give me some more room? Will you let me lie down and hold you close?’
Her head moved against his shoulder in a nod and she shifted herself over, but he noticed she was careful to keep the lower half of her body under the covers while he lay on top.
Slowly, slowly, he cautioned himself. She’d just been having a nightmare. He didn’t want to frighten her by coming on to her in a time she needed to feel safe.
He contented himself with lying on the bed next to her and pulling her into his arms so her head lay cushioned against his chest. She wore a pale pink nightdress with shoestring straps, which hinted provocatively at the creamy swell of her breasts. The faint scent of her fragrance teased his senses. He breathed in more deeply, savouring the mix of bergamot, apple, and...? Rose. There were definitely hints of rose.
As if the scent of her wasn’t intoxicating enough, the feel of her soft, womanly breasts against the hard, male strength of his chest stirred every one of his sensual needs.
Sensual needs that needed to be ignored for now.
‘It’s the court hearing,’ she told him shakily. ‘It’s having to go through everything again—having to remember every little detail.’
God, but he wished he could spare her the ordeal. ‘It’s nearly over.’ He let his fingertips trace lightly back and forth over the smooth skin of her shoulder. It must be hell for her having to replay the details of her attack and her parents’ actions afterwards. Listening to her speak, Gabe had never felt as shaken. Every minute detail had been drawn-out and he’d wanted to protest as to whether all the questions were really necessary. More than once, the barristers he’d engaged to represent India had needed to whisper a word of caution to him as they’d sensed he wanted to spring to his feet and shout, ‘Enough!’
For all the power he carried in the world, Gabriel couldn’t spare her this court hearing.
India had been so courageous and his admiration of her strength had grown as he’d watched her giving her testimony in the stand.
‘Are you sure you don’t want me to ask the therapist you’ve been working with to fly over from London?’
‘No.’ Her tone was adamant. ‘Just knowing you’re prepared to arrange it for me means a lot, but I feel I’ve reached a stage where I want to do this without her.’ She shifted against him, nestling more comfortably. ‘I know you’re here for me, Gabriel.’
The press of her lips against his chest made his heart swell. Every day they connected a little more. Every day, he sensed her trust growing.
‘The lawyers are confident there’ll be no recommendation following this court hearing that you stand trial. Very soon, you can put it all behind you.’
Gabe had been advised by the barristers that India could attend a court hearing in Santaliana but, in the name of impartiality, the judges should be appointed by the International Court of Justice. Ordinarily, the principal judicial organ of the United Nations wouldn’t be involved in such a case. However, due to the special circumstances—the French Embassy’s involvement in Bagazin, India’s royal status and the need to ensure absolute impartiality, the head of the court had sent three judges to the kingdom.
India had spent a full day at the hearing answering questions. Later today, they’d be back in the courtroom for the judges’ decision—whether or not there was sufficient evidence to require India to stand trial for a criminal offence.
India’s barristers were confident the case would be dismissed on the grounds of self-defence—especially as she’d been a juvenile at the time the alleged crime had been committed, and her parents had been the ones who’d covered up the incident. The fact that she’d spent her life working to help others would also point to the inherent goodness of her character.
She pulled away from his embrace and sat up, drawing her knees up under the covers and wrapping her arms around them. ‘I’m sorry about all the bad publicity this is bringing to the kingdom.’
‘If you’re worried about it, then you’re the only one who’s worrying. Just think of all the crowds who’ve turned out to greet you at the events Mackenzie has organised. Everybody’s received you well.’ He pushed himself up a little straighter and angled his body so he sat facing her. ‘The newspaper reports are very supportive of you, and Michael tells me that there are so many requests pouring in for you to attend functions—both in Santaliana and abroad—that you need a full-time assistant of your own.’
‘I know everyone’s been supportive.’
‘You won the people’s hearts when you spoke so honestly during the television interview.’ He took both her hands in his and raised each to his lips in turn as he placed worshipful kisses on them. ‘I know I told you afterwards, but I keep replaying your bravery and courage in my head and I’m so very proud of you.’
‘You really mean it, don’t you?’
‘Absolutely.’
‘I don’t think I could’ve done it if you hadn’t been sitting by my side.’ She swallowed. ‘Every time I faltered, I was reassured by your presence. Just knowing you were there—feeling your strength and your encouragement gave me the nerve to keep talking.’ Her eyes were moist and her voice was a little tremulous as she said, ‘Apart from my grandmother, I think you’re the only person who’s ever told me they’ve been proud of me.’
If he’d been stabbed through the heart with a blunt knife, it wouldn’t have been able to inflict any more pain in his chest than he experienced at her words. Squeezing her hands, he told her, ‘The people of Santaliana approve wholeheartedly of their new queen. I have tremendous admiration for you, but there’s something I want you to do for me.’
‘There is?’ Her head tilted in question.
‘I need you to start being proud of yourself.’
‘Oh.’ Her lips pressed together to the point of disappearing for a few seconds and she disengaged her hands from his. ‘I can’t help feeling I’m a fraud. I know if I’d told you the truth about why
I didn’t want to go back to Africa in the first place, you wouldn’t have had to marry me.’
His heartbeat stuttered. ‘You’re regretting that you were unable to marry Artarmon?’
‘No.’
He looked at her sharply and observed the hesitancy in the way her gaze kept flicking at him then skittering away.
‘I’ve wanted to talk to you since Jeremy came to see me.’
Every nerve pulled tight and he steeled himself to hold his emotions in check for whatever it was she was going to hit him with. India’s meeting with her ex-fiancé had lasted for almost an hour—way more time than was needed for India to provide him with closure. He hadn’t asked her to tell him what they’d discussed. In part, he’d wanted to place his trust in her and perhaps, if he were honest, another part of him preferred not to know.
‘Jeremy urged me then to tell you the truth about our engagement.’
The truth about our engagement. His head jerked back a fraction.
‘I’ve been plucking up the courage to talk to you, but we’ve hardly had any time alone.’
He’d deliberately orchestrated their schedules that way because he knew he needed to give India time to adjust to their marriage and time to get through this court hearing. Lack of privacy had been essential because he’d been concerned that his control would snap—that he wouldn’t be able to stop from telling her and showing her how he felt about her if they were alone. Logic and caution had warned him that he shouldn’t make any confessions to her at this point. The last thing he wanted was for her to respond to him because she felt gratitude.
‘I’ve kept way too much from you,’ she said on a sigh of regret, ‘and I don’t want to keep any more secrets from you.’
She had more secrets? As he braced himself for another revelation, her fingers plucked nervously at the fabric of the sheet. ‘I was engaged to Jeremy, but we never planned to marry.’
That didn’t make any sense. ‘Why become engaged if not to marry?’
‘I was very close to Jeremy’s parents.’ The words rushed out, accompanied by agitated little movements of her hands as she spoke. ‘They were great friends of my grandmother and their country estate borders on the Dunmorton lands.’
‘And?’
‘Jeremy’s mum was very fond of me.’
‘Yes?’
‘Her multiple sclerosis wasn’t diagnosed early because she ignored the first symptoms so she wouldn’t worry Jeremy or his father.’ Her hands went to her face and she brushed aside the curtains of hair, which had fallen forward. ‘The earl asked Jeremy and I to come to see him one day after she’d been diagnosed. The prognosis wasn’t great, and she was declining rapidly.’ She grazed her bottom lip with her top teeth in an action that spoke of her tension. ‘Apparently, Jeremy’s mum had told the earl that she’d had a wonderful life and her only regret was that she’d not live to see the woman Jeremy chose to be his bride.’
Gabriel thought he could guess at the rest, but he didn’t interrupt her. He needed her to confirm his suspicions.
‘The earl told Jeremy and me that he and his wife had often said that they loved me like a daughter, and would be so happy if the friendship we had would deepen into love.’
‘But it never did?’ He couldn’t help himself. He had to ask.
‘It never did,’ she confessed.
Suddenly, Gabe’s breaths were easier. He hadn’t realised until then that there’d been such a heavy weight pushing down on his shoulders.
‘The earl asked both of us if we’d pretend to be engaged. He loved his wife so much and wanted to give her every happiness he could until the very end.’ She reached up and brushed at the tears, which had formed in her eyes. ‘We loved her too—so much that we didn’t hesitate in announcing our engagement.’
It explained a lot, and he could hardly blame her for the deceit when her only motivation had been to make a dying woman happy.
‘You’ve never felt anything but friendship for Artarmon?’
‘He is my friend, but perhaps I see him in a closer light than that. In some ways he’s like a brother I never had.’
A brother he could deal with.
Triumph surged through him. ‘When I saw you together, I was certain there was no deep attachment between you.’
‘You were right.’
‘Why didn’t you tell me all this back at the ball in Santaliana?’
‘I’d promised Jeremy’s father I wouldn’t tell anyone, but...’
He sensed the struggle within her—her internal debate over whether or not she should tell him the rest—or perhaps how she was going to tell him the rest. ‘But?’
‘I admit, I hid behind my engagement as well,’ she told him quietly.
‘What else were you hiding?’
She went back to hugging her drawn up knees. ‘When you waltzed me right off the dance floor that night, I was scared.’
‘I scared you?’ Surely not?
‘Not you.’ She hesitated again. ‘I was scared of this awareness... this attraction between us.’
‘Because of what happened to you in Bagazin?’ He’d wondered how difficult it might have been for her to form sexual relationships after her rape.
She nodded. ‘After that night, I changed.’
‘Oh sweetheart.’ He reached out to hold her hands again because he needed to touch her—needed to try to reassure her with his touch. ‘How could you not change after having been through something so traumatic?’
‘I withdrew completely. I pretty much stopped eating because I had no appetite, and every time I closed my eyes to sleep I just kept reliving the horror. I can still feel him on my body and... I can still feel the weight of the candlestick in my hand and the movement of my arm as I hit him.’
‘Which is what you have nightmares about?’
‘Yes.’ She nodded slowly, her eyes pools of glistening, deep violet.
‘Your parents should’ve sent you home to your grandmother.’ He couldn’t contain his frustration with them. ‘They should’ve organised professional counselling for you. They were doctors for God’s sake!’
‘They were very good at curing physical illness, and they had me checked out physically with a pregnancy and STD check,’ she defended, ‘but they had no idea how to get inside my mind and chase my demons away. I’ve actually suffered from panic attacks over the years, but Gran organised counselling for me when I returned to England and I’ve learnt to manage the panic.’
‘Your parents should’ve had the sense to ship you straight home. Instead, they exposed you to more human hardship in another foreign land.’ His hands left hers to run his fingers through his hair in a gesture that highlighted his frustration.
When India reached out to him and reclaimed his hands in hers, the significance of her gesture wasn’t lost on him. She was the one in need of support, yet she was trying to comfort him.
Speaking calmly, she told him, ‘After the South-East Asian floods, we went to help at an earthquake in Sichuan. I was in the medical isolation tent one afternoon with only one patient, and...’ She squeezed his hands. ‘I was attacked again.’
‘Mother of God!’ He couldn’t even begin to analyse the cauldron of emotions churning in the pit of his stomach.
‘It’s okay, I was able to fend the guy off before anything got out of hand,’ she hastened to tell him.
‘Had your parents learned nothing?’ In his opinion, they’d been criminally negligent. ‘Did they at least get you professional counselling then?’
‘I was nineteen by that stage and much more capable of taking care of myself. The whole thing shook me up all over again, and I finally told them I’d had enough of travelling from one hellhole to another.’
‘I should bloody well hope so!’
‘Mum and Dad agreed to send me back to London to live with Gran.’
‘About bloody time,’ he exploded.
She sent him a rueful smile. ‘I love the way you champion me.’
‘I’m
glad I never met your parents. I would’ve found it extremely difficult to be polite to them.’
‘Gabe...’ She hesitated, looked away and swallowed hard. Seconds ticked by and he sensed she was digging deep for the courage to continue.
‘You can tell me anything, India. I care deeply for you and I won’t judge you.’
He watched as she took a deep breath, then seemed to launch herself into speech. ‘I was extremely timid, but most of all I was very frightened by the thought of intimacy. When I was with you at the masquerade ball, it was the first time I thought I could actually spend the night with anyone.’ She bit down nervously on her lower lip. ‘I was really upset when I found out you were engaged.’
Gabe groaned. ‘India, I wish I could have that night with you all over again. Believe me, I’d do things differently this time around. But you have to believe I would never have taken you to bed without telling you about my commitment to Angelique. In fact, I believe I was at a turning point that night. Had you consented to spending the night with me, I would’ve called off my engagement with her.
‘When you didn’t return, I felt I had to follow the obligation I’d made—I didn’t feel like there was any reason why I shouldn’t. But I thought of you constantly and when I took Angelique to bed on our wedding night, I’m ashamed to say that in my mind, it was you I made love to.’
‘I don’t believe it!’
‘It’s true.’ He willed her to believe him. ‘Memories of you tortured me. I was as angry as hell because even believing you’d been toying with me—that you’d left the ball with another man—I wanted you. I still want you, India. I desire you like I’ve never desired another woman.’
Shaking her head, she looked away from him. Her brow deeply furrowed she said, ‘I wouldn’t have been able to be your lover the night we met, Gabe.’
When she looked back at him he sent her a lopsided smile. ‘I think I might’ve been able to convince you.’
‘No.’ She tugged the fine pink strap of her nightie back up into place as it slid down her shoulder. ‘You don’t understand. It took me another two years after that masquerade ball to pluck up enough courage to try again. I was absolutely determined to take a lover—to take a voluntary step into womanhood for the first time, but I failed.’
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