by Skye Turner
He stares at me and shakes his head. “She’s my partner. I care about her. We’re friends and she’s like family. She’s into you. You’re not an idiot. You have to know that. Yet, you hang out with her and nothing happens. I think you’re an ok dude, but if you aren’t interested in her, back off. Either make a move or walk away.”
Is this asshole threatening me? Who does he think he is? Tifanie and I are friends. Just friends. I respect her and we have a good time. I like her, but this guy is not going to tell me what to do. It’s none of his business.
I breathe through my nose and look at him. “I respect your opinion. You’re her partner and I get that you’re looking out for her, but we’re friends. What happens with us is our business.”
He nods and chuckles. “All I’m saying is shit or get off the pot, Drummer Boy. In case you haven’t noticed, she’s hot. But I know you’ve noticed. I see you noticing. Lots of people notice. So, if you don’t figure it out and fast, someone else is going to take your shot.” He stands up and taps the table. “Like Remy.” He nods toward the bathrooms where I see Tifanie talking to his friend. Their heads are close together and they’re laughing. Her cheeks are flushed and his hands are resting comfortably on her shoulders.
My hands clench and my jaw locks. He smirks as he throws his hands up. “Take the shot…” and walks away.
I’m left sitting at the table watching Tifanie flirt with Remy and an unwanted feeling in my gut.
Son of a bitch… What am I going to do here? Am I going to take a chance and make a move or am I going to walk away?
Dammit, why does this have to be so complicated? There are just so many things that she doesn’t know. So many things I haven’t told her. I haven’t told anyone. No one knows. Except the guys and girls. Am I ready to let someone in?
Weirdly, I think I want to let Tifanie in. I just hope she doesn’t walk away once she knows the facts…
What do I do here?
Chapter Four
Tifanie
Remy is so attractive and sweet. He’s flirting like crazy and we’ve had a casual thing when he’s been home on leave in the past, but I’m so focused on Cruz at the table with Ty that I’m not giving Remy the attention he deserves. He chuckles as he notices my distraction.
“You’re not here with me, are you?”
I shake my head and smile at him. “I’m sorry. I am here and I like you. You know that.”
He nods and grimaces. “I do. But you like the drummer more.”
I swallow and glance over at Cruz. He’s looking over here, but looks away as soon as our eyes meet. Returning my gaze to Remy, I shrug. “I’m sorry. He’s worked his way under my skin.”
His eyes search mine and he smiles sadly. “I see that. He seems ok, but he’s got something going on, Tif. Just be careful. I like you and we’ve had fun. I’m home now and I’ve thought about possibly starting something up… with you… but, I see the coy glances you throw his way. You and me… we’ve had a good time. But you,” he inclines his chin toward Cruz, “and him, well, I can’t compete with that. Just be careful.”
I smile at Remy and lean up to kiss his cheek. Leaning back, I cup his face. “I’m sorry.” He smiles sadly at me. “I know he has stuff going on. I’d like for him to share that stuff with me.” I sigh. “I’m just not sure he ever will.”
He tucks my hair behind my ear. “If the covert glances are an indication, he will.”
Looking back at Cruz, I see Ty get up from the table and stroll away. Cruz looks back at me and this time, he stares. He swallows and I can see his throat working. My gut clenches at the sight and I let out an unintentional sigh.
Remy chuckles. “Ok, then. Go on girl, go break that man down.” He gives me a wink and walks in the same direction Ty just went.
I continue to stare at Cruz. Neither of us is willing to be the first to look away this time. When my insides are a complete puddle of mush and my panties are completely soaked, I take a deep breath and look away. Then, straightening my back, I head back to the blue eyes at the table.
He watches me walk. As I reach the table, I swipe his beer since mine is empty and take a swig of the warm liquid before sitting down on my stool. Turning to him, I smile. He’s watching me warily. Leaning over, I decide to push the envelope. I want him. And it’s time to step up my game.
His eyes widen as I encroach on his space, but he holds firm. Leaning in, I stop at the shell of his ear. “You ready to get out of here? I’m beat and I need a ride home. Take me?”
He pulls back slightly and watches me. I hold my breath. He nods and stands up.
My breath whooshes out as he turns his back to leave. He doesn’t move though. He just stands there. Finally, he turns around and holds his hand out to help me down. Not that he needs to. Without a second thought, I place my hand in his and he doesn’t drop it as we walk out of the bar into the night.
We walk to his car in comfortable silence as he continues to lightly hold my hand. As we stop at the passenger door, I make no move to open it. He quirks his brow as I stare at him and he leans down, boxing me in as he opens it. I refuse to move and I can feel his accelerated breaths against my neck. I stare at him, willing him to look at me. He exhales and turns his head. Our faces are so close I can see the darker rim of blue around his startlingly light eyes in his caramel face. Without thinking it through, I lightly brush my lips against his full, perfect ones. Just once. Then, I duck under his arm and plop onto the seat because my knees are so weak, I’m about to collapse.
He stands there for a full minute before closing the door and walking around to his side of the car. He opens the door and sits in silence before starting the car. The engine roars and it makes me jump.
Staring ahead, he calmly asks, “Why did you do that?”
I lean my head back and angle my body toward his as I sigh. “Because I wanted to, Cruz.”
He swallows and turns his head, looking at me. “You do whatever you want to do?”
I laugh. “Not all the time. If I did, I’d have kissed you long before now. But yes, I do for the most part.”
He chuckles lightly too. “Ok.”
Just “ok?” I finally kiss him, sort of. After two months, I finally decide to just do what I want and his response is “ok?”
Shit, I’ve already crossed the threshold, so I’m just going for it! He’s going to either admit he’s interested or not, but I’m tired of dancing around this shit.
I want him. I am pretty certain he wants me, so tonight, Cruz Edwards, tonight you’re making a choice. Either you’re interested or you’re not, but tonight, tonight, you’re making a choice!
Dear God, let it be the choice I want you to make though.
“What does ‘ok’ mean?”
He looks at me in confusion. “What does it mean?!”
I stare at him and take a deep breath. “Yes, what does it mean? I kissed you. Finally. I’m going to be straight with you so you can’t say you don’t know what it is I want. I want you!” His eyes go wide at my point blank declaration. “I like you. I want to date you. I want you, Cruz. I’m interested in you on so many levels. I think you want me too, yet, you’re scared or unwilling to make the first move, so I’m making it for you.
“I want you. That’s what I want. If you don’t want me in the same way, I’ll stop this. We can go back to being friends and just hanging out, but I’m tired of this dance. If you want me, take me. I’m here. If you don’t, it’s totally ok. It’ll suck for a bit, but I’m a big girl. So, you know what I want. The question now is what do you want?”
He stares at me and his intense gaze searches my face before he groans and looks out of his window. I watch his reflection in the glass as he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. His eyes meet mine through the reflection. I don’t look away. I refuse to look away.
Finally, he says something. “It’s complicated, Tifanie.”
Without thinking, I grab his arm. He stiffens. “Cruz. Look at me.”
> He stays as still as a statue for a minute before reluctantly turning toward me. The console is the only thing between us.
Reaching out, I take his hand and trace the veins popping out with his tense stance. “Why is it complicated?”
He looks down and watches my fingers trace the length of his hand. Muttering so lightly I have to strain to hear him, he says, “It just is. There are things you don’t know. Bad things. Things I don’t want you to know.”
My hand stills. Bad things? Like what? What could be so bad that he’s built this wall around himself? Was he abused? Molested? I don’t understand what he’s talking about, but I want him to share it with me. Nothing he can say is going to change anything I feel… right?
“Like what, Cruz? You can talk to me. You should know that by now.”
He nods. “I do know that. I know you say that, but I have a feeling it won’t matter. It always ends up mattering to people. People think about me differently.”
What on earth is he talking about? He’s not making any sense.
“I have to admit, I’m lost here, Cruz. I know you have secrets. Hell, anyone can see that you have a wall up, but I really haven’t the slightest idea as to why that is. I want nothing more than for you to talk to me. I’d be there for you. I would still be here. Nothing you can say will change anything about the way I feel for you, but you have to let me in.
“I can wait. I’m not pushing, but I want you to tell me, when you’re comfortable. I just can’t do this anymore. I want you. I care about you. I want things to move on to the next level with us, but you have to give me something. You have to either tell me that you want me too or you don’t. I promise I’ll be fine with either, but you have to give me at least that.”
Shit, Tif, nothing like laying it all out there.
I know that breaks every rule, but shit… I need an answer and he’s going to give me one.
Cruz is still just watching me, saying nothing. Finally he nods.
What the hell is the nod about? Does he think he just answered me? What the hell?
He puts the car in reverse and backs out. What the hell?!
I stare at his profile in confusion. What was the nod about? Was he saying he is interested? Is he saying he’s not? That nod has me more confused than anything he’s done up until now.
I watch Cruz expertly handle the sports car through traffic. He drives fast, but cautiously. Within ten minutes, he’s pulling up at my small house. He pulls into the driveway and parks before he looks at me. The security light came on when he parked, so his face is illuminated. God, he’s perfect.
We sit in silence and I pick at the seam on my jeans. He doesn’t talk, but then again, he’s never been much of a talker. Eventually, I can’t take it anymore. I blurt out, “What the hell was the nod for?”
He lightly chuckles. “I knew that would eat at you.”
Slapping the seat in frustration, I lean back and glare at him. “Well yeah! What did it mean? You want me? You don’t? I need more than a nod, Cruz!”
He leans over and gets into my space as he pulls the handle on my door. He gestures out. “Let’s get out.”
I’m going to kill him. Is he purposely trying to drive me batty? Every question is just ignored or he’s evasive with his answers. Dammit man, throw me a breadcrumb!
I get out and stomp up my steps before throwing myself into the cypress swing hanging from the rafters and watch him.
Ok, maybe that was juvenile, but he’s literally making me crazy!
He trails up the steps and leans casually against the post as he watches me with a slight smile.
“Are you enjoying pissing me off?” I throw out at him.
He can’t help it, he laughs. The sound is so amazing, I can’t stop the smile that spreads across my face or the heat that pools in my center.
Crossing the porch, he joins me on the swing and uses one foot to gently push us. He’s on one end and I’m on the other. He laughs again. “I am enjoying your huffing and puffing.”
I slap his shoulder and the muscles jump. “That is so rude.”
He looks at me and his face sobers. We stare for a long time before he again turns away and looks through the trees and up at the moon. He speaks and I watch the shadows dance across his face. “Ok, Tifanie. I’ll tell you a little something…”
Chapter Five
Cruz
Am I really going to do this? Am I really going to talk to Tifanie about my demons? Am I ready to open myself up to anyone?
I’m not actually, but she’s been brutally honest with me. She deserves to know. At least a little bit.
Here goes nothing…
It’s a beautiful night. It’s not sweltering hot and there’s actually a cool front, so with the breeze, it’s about seventy out here. Tifanie’s porch is nice. It suits her.
Nature relaxes me, so I watch the breeze through the leaves as I decide to tell her some of my past.
Her breath catches, almost as if she’s startled I’m really going to tell her. I can’t really blame her. I’m a pretty secretive guy.
“My momma is amazing. She raised me on her own. She was right at twenty-one when I was born. She worked for an architecture firm in Baton Rouge. She was in college for architecture, so the internship was exactly what she wanted.
“The day she started at the firm, she met one of the partners. He was wealthy and a little older than her, but he seemed to like her. She was focused on getting through college and soaking up all the knowledge she could gather from working at the firm.
“He asked her out for drinks and dinner almost daily, but she always politely declined. Something about him made her uncomfortable, but she said she couldn’t put her finger on what exactly. This went on for months.
“A large contract came to the firm and they had late nights and all hands on deck to perfect the proposal. The partner started flirting more and more with my momma as they worked closer and closer together.
“She continued to decline. The firm got the proposal and everyone went out to celebrate one night. It was at a bar and people were drunk. She left after a couple of drinks because she had class the next morning and while she unlocked her car, he followed her. He was drunk and aggressive. She declined his advances again and he lost it. He beat and raped her and then he freaked out and stole her purse to make it look like a robbery.
“He left her there… in the dirty parking lot of a bar while he went back in and had more drinks.
“She was able to identify him after she was examined and cleaned up in the hospital. He was arrested and eventually convicted, but he left a permanent reminder… me.”
I watch Tifanie as I say the last part. I want to see her reaction. Her eyes widen, and her hand flies to her mouth, but she doesn’t say anything.
I tell her the rest. “I’m the child of a rape, Tifanie. My momma is black. The man who raped her is white. I’m a mixed child resulting from a heinous act.”
She swallows and looks at me. Her eyes are glassy, but she doesn’t speak. Finally, she removes her hand and lets out a long, drawn-out sigh. “Cruz, I am so sorry for your mother. No woman should ever have to deal with that. I see it more than I ever want to.” She looks at me and cocks her head to the side as she concentrates on my face. “I’m confused though. I knew you were mixed. You are in fact black, though you are light and your eyes are blue. Was that supposed to come as a shock to me?”
Does she really not understand? She’s acting like I’m mixed is what she should be scandalized about. Did she not hear the part about me coming from a rape?!
I am in shock. “No, I know you know I’m mixed. I just told you I came from a rape, Tifanie.”
She nods. “I know. I heard you. Every word. But what I’m confused about is why you think that has any bearing on you. You are a good man, Cruz. You are loyal and smart and beautiful and talented. Why do you think the sins of your father have anything whatsoever to do with you?”
Is she serious?
; “What? How can you say that?
“The only reason I exist is because a man whose blood created me raped and beat my mother. His blood is in me, Tifanie. He’s a part of me.”
She shakes her head and takes my hands. “No, Cruz. You’re wrong. Yes, he helped create you, but you define you.
“What I see is a man who is letting the shame of someone else’s acts make him feel inferior. You are not. You are amazing. And your mother should be very proud of this amazing man you are. She molded you. You learned from her not from him. I don’t believe that he’s a part of you. I believe that we define ourselves.”
Does she mean that?
I swallow as my chest gets tight. The guys have said as much for years now, but they know the story. They know everything. Can Tifanie really be serious?
My hands cradle hers and I tighten my fingers. “What?”
She smiles and leans over, closing the distance between us. She looks into my face and squeezes my hands. “Cruz, I wish you could see what I see…”
Without thinking it through, I close the remaining distance and capture her mouth. She gasps as she’s taken by surprise. Her hands leave my hands and trail up my arms before circling my neck. Her head angles, giving me better access. She moans into my mouth as she opens her lips to grant me the access I’ve been craving.
I didn’t realize how badly I’ve wanted the feel of her mouth on mine. Our tongues weave a magical spell as they dance.
She moans my name as she breaks the kiss, only to climb across my lap and straddle me on the swing before meshing her mouth once again to mine.
My hands are weaving through her hair, anchoring her head at the angle that I want it. She runs her hands over my shoulders and down my chest and abs before running them back up. She’s tracing all of the ridges.
She moves again and we almost fall off the swing. It interrupts us and she breaks the kiss to keep from falling backwards.
Leaning her head into my neck, she breathes deeply. I lay my head back and try to gather my thoughts. That was… incredible.