by Malone, M.
I move to walk past him and he grabs my arm.
“Take your hands off me.”
He yanks me closer. “What did the old man promise you, huh?”
Suddenly standing up to him seems like not only a bad idea but the stupidest idea I’ve ever had.
“Nothing! I don’t know what you’re talking about. He’s just a nice old man and I visit him sometimes. He’s lonely and needs someone to talk to.”
“That’s how it always starts. He’s lonely and he finds some pretty young thing to cozy up to. Did he tell you that you’d be his next wife?”
“No, of course not. He’s old enough to be my grandfather.”
“That’s never stopped any of the others.” His eyes travel the length of my body. “You’re definitely his type.”
His breathing changes, getting rougher. He’s enjoying this and the thought sickens me. It gives me the strength I need to shove him away. Surprise works in my favor because he has to let go of my arm to keep his balance. I race for the door, leaving it hanging open as I jump over the top two steps and down to the lawn.
I’m in my car pulling away by the time he appears in the doorway.
Chapter Sixteen
Tank
When Emma returns, she goes straight to the bedroom. I follow but stop when I see her sitting on the bed.
She’s texting.
When she looks up, tears shimmer on her cheeks. She hasn’t noticed me yet and I’m not sure whether I should give her privacy or just run in and grab her up the way I really want to.
Every instinct tells me I should be in there with her, but whenever I get too close, she always pulls back. The last time things got intense, she asked for time apart.
So even though it’s killing me, I step back and retreat down the hall. Poochie curls around my ankles and lets out a garbled purr. I pick her up and carry her into the living room.
“You really are a funny-looking thing aren’t you?” She grumbles and purrs under my hands as I stroke her wrinkled back.
It’s strange that despite how chaotic things have been lately, I feel more at peace now than ever. It makes no sense since I’m sitting alone on my couch with a cat that looks like a wrinkled old man, but the difference is I’ve made the decisions I needed to. I’m doing things with a clear head and focusing on what’s important now instead of just reacting out of fear.
And I have Emma. No matter what happens going forward, I have Emma.
The rest I can figure out as it comes along.
A few minutes later, she emerges wearing one of my old Army shirts and a pair of fleece sweatpants. Her hair is up in a messy bun and she’s scrubbed all the makeup from her face. She’s gorgeous.
“Are you okay?”
I don’t want to pry but she’s clearly upset. I’m not sure what it is about this girl but just the thought of anyone hurting her makes me crazy.
She sits down on the couch next to me and gives Poochie an absent scratch behind the ears.
“I can’t find Ivy. She’s always been a little flighty but she’s been ignoring my calls since the weekend. I don’t know what to do. And Jon was there when I went to pick up some stuff.”
My jaw clenches. “Did he say something to you?”
Her bottom lip trembles. “I know this is probably a little forward considering we’ve only been on two dates but can I stay with you for a while longer?”
You can stay forever.
The thought crosses my mind but I figure that would freak her out so I grab her hand.
“You can stay with me for as long as you want.”
“I’ll start looking for a place tomorrow.” She laughs suddenly. “We seem to do everything out of order. Our dates end up … not really being dates. I tell you we need to take time apart and I end up driving you home as you bleed all over my car. Now I’m asking you to move in because my sister’s boyfriend is a disgusting perv. Nothing about us makes any sense.”
“I want you with me. I don’t care if it’s bad timing or out of order or doesn’t make sense.”
Her eyes lock on mine. “You don’t?”
“No. I don’t. Break the rules with me, Emma.”
She leans into me and we sink back into the cushions of the couch. Then she looks up at me with an expression of mischief on her face.
“I’ll help you out around the house. This place needs a woman’s touch anyway. And another cat. I’ll help you find a friend for Poochie.”
When I look at her in disbelief, she buries her face against my neck, giggling uncontrollably. And it’s the sweetest sound in the world.
* * *
Over the next week, we settle into a rhythm. I’ve never lived with anyone before. I was expecting the usual irritants such as someone moving things from where I’ve left them and having someone in my space.
What I couldn’t have predicted is the incredible beauty of having someone there when I get home. Someone who smiles at me with pure, incandescent happiness just from seeing my face.
I’m falling for her. Even more shocking, I’m enjoying it.
“Did you get the mail?”
Emma grabs me from behind as soon as I enter the apartment. She smells like something spicy so I know she’s been cooking again.
I hold up the stack of letters. Emma has forwarded her mail to my address temporarily so that she doesn’t have to return home to pick it up.
“How are things with your sister?”
From what I can understand, they still aren’t getting along.
“Well, she finally returned my calls but she hasn’t explained where she disappeared to or why she didn’t call me back.” She glances at me and then flips through the stack of letters, pulling out her bills. “She accused me of hitting on Jon.”
“What? Why would she say that?”
“I’m sure he told her that. He’s so sick. And very good at this game. Because he told her that, now she thinks anything bad I say about him is because I’m jealous and want him for myself. Those were her exact words by the way.”
She smiles but I can tell how much it hurts her.
“I’m sorry. Hopefully she’ll realize how wrong she is soon.”
“She actually said that it was for the best if I don’t come home for a while. Not that I want to be there.”
She rips open one of the letters and suddenly she’s completely still. Then she crumples up the letter and drops it in the trash.
“Everything okay?”
I watch as she opens the refrigerator and stands there, staring aimlessly,
“Yeah, fine.”
I wrap her in my arms from behind. “Talk to me buttercup. And none of that fine stuff. Everyone knows that’s woman code for something is wrong, please ask me. This is the one area where we’ve never been backward. You’ve always been honest with me. That’s one of the things I love the best about you.”
“I’m not perfect, Tank. I’m not always honest. Not by a long shot.” She sounds so sad when she says it.
I squeeze her tighter. “I disagree. You told me I was an arrogant flirt. You forced me to realize how much my father’s desertion bothered me. You’ve never held back on me before. Talking to you is the best part of my day.”
She looks over her shoulder and then leans forward and kisses me on the tip of my nose.
“It’s just school stuff. I shouldn’t let it bother me so much.”
“Is it about your classes next year?”
She rolls her eyes but her nonchalant attitude can’t camouflage the sheen of tears clinging to her lashes.
“There might not be any classes next year for me. I didn’t get one of the grants I applied for. It’s the biggest one I’m eligible for so I’m just really disappointed.”
My laugh startles us both.
She turns to me with a disbelieving look. The refrigerator door closes with a slam.
“Did you just laugh?”
“Emma, baby, I’m sorry. It’s just that … well, we’ve never talked about th
is. But I’m going to guess you know I’m not exactly poor since you know my dad.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Why haven’t you asked me? You know I’d love to help you reach your dream. I’ve seen you with animals. You are going to be a wonderful, compassionate veterinarian. Poochie and I are lucky to have you.” I grin.
She doesn’t smile back. “You can’t give me the money.”
“Why not? This is something I want to do.”
“Maybe this just isn’t meant to be,” she continues. “Maybe this is a sign that being a veterinarian isn’t what I’m supposed to do with my life. Is it crazy to keep trying for something when the universe is telling you it won’t happen?”
“Or maybe this is a sign you should learn to ask for help. Asking for help doesn’t make you weak. It’s okay to let someone catch you. To let me catch you.”
“Why? So I can drag you down with me? So we can both sink?”
“No. So I can pull you up.” I’m truly stunned.
The idea of her turning the money down never occurred to me. I think of all the girls I’ve dated in the past. The thought of any of them turning down a gift is laughable.
“Well, I don’t want you to do it. This is my dream and I’ll get there through my own hard work. Not because my boyfriend bought it for me.” She pulls away from me, and takes in several gasping breaths. “Oh god, this is just … I can’t breathe.”
I crouch down and peer into her eyes. She’s flushed and still taking breaths like she’s been underwater for hours. This is how she looked when she saw my gun in the nightstand. But there’s nothing here that could possibly have scared her like that.
“What’s happening, Emma? Tell me what’s going on?”
Her eyes look strange, the pupils slightly dilated. She sits down right in the middle of the floor and puts her head between her knees. Her breaths are coming a little slower now. She threads her fingers together and holds them behind her neck.
I sit next to her and rub her back gently. Once her breathing sounds more normal, she looks over at me.
“Panic attack. They always hit me out of nowhere.”
I wipe a stray tear from her cheek. “Are you okay?”
Watching her suffering and not being able to do anything is excruciating.
“I’m fine. I just need a minute.”
We sit quietly together, right there in the middle of the kitchen floor.
“Everything is going to be okay, you know? School, work, all of it. You’ll figure it out. I know you will and I’ll be there to help as much or as little as you’ll let me. You’ve got this, Emma.”
“No. I haven’t got anything.” She leans against my arm and closes her eyes. “There’s so much I wanted to do and I’m failing at all of it. All my mom wanted was for me to be happy. All my dad wanted was to watch me graduate. They would have hated that I dropped out of school and gave up on my dreams. I’m failing them. There’s just so much and I can’t bear it.”
I pull her on my lap so she’s facing me. She chuffs out a little laugh and rests her forehead against mine. I remember doing this to her when I was the one having trouble holding it together.
She helped me pull through that and I’ll help her get through this.
Whatever she needs me to do.
“You’re not alone, Em. I’m here. You’re trying to do it all by yourself but that’s too much for anyone. We all need someone strong enough to hold us up when things get too heavy. Someone to be our anchor.”
“Ever since my parents died, I haven’t had an anchor. I’m just adrift. And when I fall, there's no one there to catch me. It's terrifying. There’s so much and I just can’t handle it all. All the worrying. Sometimes I think hitting rock bottom might be a relief.”
“Then give some of it to me. Let me bear it for you. I'm strong enough. I will be your anchor. And I will never let you down.”
* * *
There have only been a few times in my life when I’ve truly felt lucky. When my mom beat cancer the first time, when I found out that Finn survived the IED blast that almost took his leg and when Eli gave me a job so I could feel useful again.
Those were times when I finally felt like someone upstairs was looking out for our family. Or at least not kicking us when we were down anymore.
But as much as I love my family and my career, they don’t take away the loneliness I’ve felt all my life. I look down at Emma, her eyes soft and languid as she leans against me.
Maybe I’ve found what I need.
What I need but didn’t even know to look for.
“Come on, buttercup.”
She doesn’t resist when I lift her and carry her down the hall. She’s so slim, almost too slim in my arms. It makes her seem even more fragile. The most fierce, protective feeling flows through me. I want to put her to bed and watch over her while she sleeps.
Protect her and keep her safe from all the things that scare her.
Then she turns her head and takes the lobe of my ear between her teeth and that feeling morphs, shifting into the desire to take her. To keep her safe by keeping her under me.
We’re on a collision course for the bedroom and I’m not stopping until I have her again.
She clings to me with her legs wrapped around my waist and her arms around my neck. Soft, fluttery kisses dance along my neck and then her hands are in my hair. She seems to particularly like gripping the thick strands at the base of my neck. Her breasts press against my chest teasing me with the stiff tips of her nipples.
I can’t wait to have the tight points on my tongue.
I push open my bedroom door and we tumble on the bed, a tangle of arms and legs. She rolls over and climbs on top of me, running her hands over my chest. I sit up briefly to tug her shirt off. Her plain white bra is revealed. It’s not meant to be sexy, just white cotton with no lace or details.
With her flyaway cloud of buttery hair and the carnal look on her face, she looks like a naughty angel.
I dip my head and trace the plump flesh spilling over the cups before unhooking the clasp. She moans and her head falls back as I peel it down her arms, exposing miles of creamy skin. I breath deep, nuzzling against her throat.
Being with her like this, touching her, tasting her, it's just as good as the first time. If I’m honest with myself, I can admit that I can’t imagine it ever getting old.
I tug at the waistband of her jeans and she allows me to work them down her hips. While I strip out of my own clothes, she steps out of the little pink panties she’s wearing. This time when she straddles me, there’s nothing between us but skin.
I bite her on the neck and she cries out, the sound echoing in my ears. I take a deep breath, trying to calm down but the smell of her arousal curls through me, driving me higher. Her scent is intoxicating, warm and rich like vanilla.
“You are so beautiful. You stagger me.” I take one of her hands and press it between my legs.
There’s nothing as arousing as the wonder and erotic curiosity in her big gray eyes as my cock juts into her hand. She caresses it lightly, learning the contours of its length. Then she grips it firmly between her fingers and squeezes. I groan as my cock jumps in her hand.
“You did that to me.”
I pull her down to the bed and run my tongue over the smooth skin of her stomach. She smells like spice and sin and tastes even better. I look up over the alluring curves of her body and watch as she arches into my touch.
Talk about a hell of a view.
With her neck bowed and her long hair curling against the creamy sheets she’s like a siren in my arms, all fire and flame.
I want more than just to have her for a tumble.
I want to possess her.
I want everything she has to give.
My hands slide under her hips cupping the soft flesh there. I squeeze the full globes of her ass, rewarded when she moans and tries to inch away from me. I swat the side of her thigh lightly. The look of shock on her face makes me
laugh despite how turned on I am.
My innocent little angel will be thoroughly shocked in every way possible if she keeps hanging out with me.
The pang that hits me in the chest reminds me of just how badly I want that, too.
“Tank, what are you doing?”
I turn her over until she lays on her front, the tempting lines of her back and ass now easily accessible. I take my time nibbling down her fragrant skin, teasing my tongue over the indentation of her spine. She arches and moans into the touch, her back curving like a cat in heat. When she moves that way her ass pushes back until it fits snugly against my cock.
“I’m giving you what you want. What I know you need.”
She rolls over and raises an eyebrow. The low light filtering in from the open curtains is just enough illumination to highlight the creamy tones of her skin, the perfection of her form.
“What I need huh?”
She props herself up on one elbow, her perky little breasts moving with the action. It’s all I can do to keep from leaning over and taking one of her nipples in my mouth.
“I don’t recall asking you for anything.”
I grab a condom from the nightstand. She watches with interest as I roll it down my length. She wiggles her ass slightly and I move behind her again. I nudge against her wet folds, rewarded when she half shrieks, half moans at the contact.
“You will before this night is over. You’ll ask me for things you never imagined.”
I move my cock around, playing but never quite giving her the stimulation she needs. One finger presses deep, and I grit my teeth as her body clamps down on the digit.
She’s so tight. So fucking tight. I stroke her in long, slow measures using her body’s moisture to ease the way. Before long her hands twist in the sheets and her skin gleams, damp with perspiration.
But she still hasn’t said a word.
I slip my hands underneath and cup her breasts. They tighten until her nipples are like stiff little berries against my palms. I pull back again, my cock sliding inside her a fraction of an inch. She stills, the muscles in her arms straining as she tries to push back against me.