Over her shoulder Monica and Kenz shake their heads at me with big eyes, letting me know what a disaster the night’s been.
“You know the best way to make him pay?” I ask.
Lin sniffles.
“Move on,” I tell her. It’s strange to be giving this advice, especially when I still feel so torn up about my own breakup.
“I don’t want to move on,” she sobs.
“I know, but he doesn’t deserve you, just like Wylie didn’t deserve me.”
“How can you be so strong?” she asks.
“I’m not strong,” I assure her. “I’m just really, really pissed off.”
That makes her crack a smile. “Can I have another drinkie?”
“No,” the three of us say in unison. She pouts.
A loud group of guys comes out, laughing and talking crudely. The stench of cigarette smoke wafts toward us.
“Oh, hey,” Monica says in a hushed whisper. “It’s Rex Morino, professional fukboi.”
I glance over my shoulder at the group. Sure enough, Rex Morino is right in the middle, leaning back against the deck rail with one elbow while his other hand holds a cigarette between his thumb and finger. His four friends circle him, all in clunky boots and grungy T-shirts. I know for sure one’s been in juvi and the other goes to an alternative school.
Last year Lin and Monica had simultaneous crushes on Rex, and it got ugly. He toyed with them both during the class they had together. For six months there’d been a rift in our friendship. All because of this stupid guy.
I don’t look away fast enough, and Rex captures my eye. His are practically black, and partially hidden by his dyed bangs, also black. They all have overgrown hair. I try to be nice to everyone at school, but I don’t bother with these guys. I avoid them like the scary dudes they are.
Rex Morino gives me a nod and blows smoke through his lips and nose. “See somethin’ you want, rah-rah?”
His whole group turns to see who he’s talking to, and they snigger. My friends freeze under their scrutiny.
“Let’s go,” Kenz whispers.
“No, hold on,” I say to her, feeling emboldened.
How many girls has Rex Morino hurt? He was my crush in the eighth grade. I wonder if he remembers dancing with me at the Snow Ball, telling me he’d be right back with cups of punch for us, then slinking out the side door with some other girl. I’d obsessed over him for months. Clinging to every look he gave me. Every word he uttered near me. Looking for some sign that he wanted me and hoping his leaving was all a big misunderstanding.
I walk toward him now, feeling a strange pull. His friends part to let me in, malicious grins on their faces. A surge of confidence that stems from a lack of caring fills me.
“Zae, what are you doing?” Monica hisses behind me. But I only have eyes for Rex Morino. The heartbreaker.
He grins now, amused beyond belief that I have moved into his bubble—that I haven’t blushed and run away.
“Careful, girl,” he says, never taking those lazy, dark eyes off me, even as he crushes his cigarette in the raised flowerpot next to him. “Once you taste this, everything else is bland.”
Oh, please.
His friends cackle at the purposefully stupid line, and he laughs, too.
I have no idea what’s gotten into me, but it feels good to stand face-to-face with Rex Morino without fear. To surprise him. To be in his sights and have his complete attention. He’s bad. An untouchable. Close up, I see the red in his eyes from when he smoked up tonight. He’s high.
“Something you want?” he asks again, but this time his voice is low, careful.
“A kiss,” I say. I can feel my heart pounding all the way up in my throat.
One of his friends whistles, but Rex and I never lose eye contact as his friends act like heathens around us. My pulse is still racing, but I embrace it. It’s been almost a year since I’ve kissed anyone other than Wylie. I feel a jab in my gut, like I’m being unfaithful, but I swipe it aside. I belong to me.
Rex doesn’t say a word. Nor does he smile again. Or hesitate.
His tattooed hand slips under my ponytail and to the back of my neck with complete ownership as he pulls my mouth to his.
In a distant land, I hear my friends screech my name in shock, but I’m focused on that smoky, masculine mouth. Those expert lips and tongue that possess mine. My hands slip into the thick, silky hair at the back of his head, as his hands slide down my waist to the belt loops of my jeans. There he hooks his fingers and yanks my hips closer to his.
This kiss is different for me from any others I’ve experienced. I’m lost in the physical sensations but emotionally detached from it.
Like a guy.
Rex’s hands roam farther down, cupping my butt, which is my cue. I slowly pull away, taking a steady step back. When he stares at me like I’m some kind of glowing anomaly, it’s my turn to grin.
“Thanks,” I say.
His mouth is still open as I turn away. His friends gawk. My friends gawk.
“Come on,” I say to the girls.
They follow me, our hands automatically linking. I pull us like a train through the party, refusing to stop for anything.
The moment we hit the driveway out front, my friends are shrieking questions at me, jumping up and down, flipping out.
“What the heck was that badassness?”
“Holy freaking shit, Zae!”
“Are you crazy?”
For the first time all week, I let out a real laugh. There’s something freeing about not giving a crap.
“I think it’s time we turned the tables, girls.”
We stop at my car and I lean against it. They stand in front of me, a wall of shocked faces. “Boys use girls all the time. They want things from us, but they don’t want to give anything in return. They hurt us and lie to us and make fools of us, and I don’t know about you guys, but I’m over it.”
“How are we supposed to turn the tables?” Lin asks.
I smile. “We use them for one of our favorite things.”
They stare at me, baffled, as if I hadn’t just demonstrated my intentions on the most infamous bad boy we know.
“Kissing!” I clarify. “This spring break, we kiss as many boys as we can. We don’t fall for them. We don’t care about them. We kiss them and we compare them and we bring them to their knees.”
Kenzie giggles and covers her mouth.
“That is genius.” Monica’s eyes dance as she imagines it. Moonlight glints off her thick cocoa hair, courtesy of her mother’s Salvadoran genes.
Only Lin frowns. “I don’t think I can.”
I move forward and take her hands. Tonight she’s hurting and still in denial that it’s over with John. But one thing I know about Lin is that she’s competitive.
“You can, Lin. Let’s make it a contest to see which one of us can kiss the most boys before the end of spring break.” Nine days.
Kenz and Monica both let out little squees and clap their hands at the idea. Lin still frowns, but it’s tinged with frustration now.
“I don’t know if I can do this.” Her voice is a little slurred.
“Take all the time you need,” I tell her. “Meanwhile, we’ll be racking up our numbers. If I can kiss Rex Morino, then you can kiss anyone you want.”
Her eyes widen in indignation, knowing I’m cornering her.
“The contest began tonight,” I say. “And I’m in the lead.”
“Hey, no fair!” Kenzie says.
“Yeah,” Lin cries. “You can’t count Rex. We didn’t even know it was a contest yet!” She nearly falls over putting her hands to her hips.
I smile to myself as I climb in the van, knowing I have her now. Monica gives me her fist and I touch it to mine. Our fingers explode.
I turn to Lin. “So, if I erase Rex’s kiss and we’re on even ground, you’re in?”
She cuts her sexy gaze to me and crosses her arms. “Fine.”
I smile and say, “Ever
yone buckle up.” In the compacted space, I can smell the alcohol on them. The seat belts click and I put the minivan in drive.
“I’m not gonna lie, Zae,” Monica says. “That was hot. You freaking owned him. You should have seen him staring at you when you walked away!”
Cruel pride parades through me.
“Is he a good kisser?” Kenzie leans toward me from the front passenger seat.
“Yeah,” I admit. “Except for the weed taste. But his technique was awesome. He’s very . . . confident.”
Kenzie sighs.
“I still can’t believe you kissed him,” Lin says. “So, if I decide to do this, what are the rules?”
I inwardly cheer.
“No kissing each other’s exes,” Kenzie immediately says.
That should go without saying.
“No going after guys who have girlfriends,” Lin says. “We don’t need any psychos hunting us down, and we’re not homewreckers.”
“It has to be a real kiss. With tongue,” Monica clarifies, waggling her eyebrows.
“Does it count if we end up kissing the same guys?” Lin asks.
“Ew!” Kenzie giggles.
“What? It’s like sharing a drink.” Lin grins. “I don’t mean we’re kissing him at the same time or anything.”
“Sure,” I said. “But we have to remember that we’re using them. Not the other way around. So, no getting mad at each other. If y’all want sloppy seconds, go for it.”
The four of us laugh, giddy.
“Be forceful,” Monica says, punching the air with a strong arm.
“Be aggressive,” Kenzie adds with a growl.
Like the huge cheer dorks we are, we automatically break into a catchy cheer from middle school, clapping and chanting at the top of our lungs:
“Be aggressive. Be, be aggressive, say B-E A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E!” And then we laugh hysterically at our own absurdity. Yeah, we’d die if any living soul saw us do that.
“We take what we want!” I yell. “And we don’t feel guilty for saying no to what they want. We’re the bosses. And the biggest rule of all is no falling for any of the boys we kiss. This is our time to rule! No love. No emotion. Just kisses and fun. Got it?”
“Got it!” they respond together.
I turn up the radio as loud as it will go without blowing out the speakers and we car dance with hyper, reckless abandon. I’m taking back my life, one kiss at a time.
Chapter Eleven
Sunday
Three o’clock in the morning is not a good time to wake me.
OMG, Zae. Did you kiss some dude 2nite? Some asshole? Stay away from him, k? I’m goin crazy. I miss you.
Is he out of his mind? In what messed-up world does he think it’s okay to cheat on me, and then give me a hard time when I kiss a guy after we’ve broken up?
I turn on all caps. MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS AND STOP WAKING ME UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT!!! Then I turn off the sound.
I’m too pissed to go back to sleep. Over and over I formulate more scathing comebacks that will put him in his lowly place, but I know my silence will hurt him more than anything. He’s a spoiled boy used to getting attention whenever he wants it. Especially from me.
When I pull my butt out of bed at ten the next morning, Mom is still at work. She works the four to ten a.m. shift Sunday mornings. Zeb is sitting up on the couch, hair askew, playing a video game. I make us both bowls of cereal and he pauses the game to eat with me. For some reason, his slurping bites don’t irritate me like they used to.
“You doin’ okay?” I ask when he’s finished. He looks so young in his Pokémon pajama bottoms with his bird chest and milk mustache.
“Yeah,” he says quietly, wiping his mouth on his bare forearm. He grinds his teeth as he looks down at his lap, a sure sign he’s upset. Not being one to talk, he loses himself in the game again. I make a mental note to do something fun with him this week.
When I get out of the shower, Mom is home with two-day-old pastries they can’t sell anymore. My mouth waters as I put an almond croissant in the microwave and then eat it while it’s hot enough to burn my fingers and mouth.
“Careful, Zae!” Mom scolds.
“I smell bread.” Zebby comes into the cramped kitchen like a zombie.
My phone dings, so I sit at the table to read my text while I eat.
Kenzie: Are u going 2 the baseball fund-raiser at the mall?
Oh, crap, I’d forgotten about that. The pizza parlor and arcade are donating a certain percentage of their proceeds to our baseball team from noon to two this afternoon. I still don’t feel like being social, though. Plus, I’m not asking for money from Mom for overpriced mall pizza.
No $. I tell her. LMK if you do something tonight.
OMG just let me pay for your pizza. Plz come?
I glance over at Zeb, who is inhaling a cold cheese Danish in one hand and a smashed bear claw in the other. Do you care if I bring Zeb? He’ll just play at the arcade the whole time.
Aw, my lil’ boyfriend! Of course I don’t care!
I laugh. “Hey, Zebby. Wanna come to the arcade at the mall?”
“Yeah!” He spews crumbs, and Mom gives his arm a small whap.
“Okay, I’ve got some quarters in my piggy bank,” I tell him. “We’ll leave at eleven thirty.”
“That will be nice,” Mom says, and I realize I didn’t ask for her permission, and she’s trying to make me acknowledge her.
“There’s a fund-raiser for the baseball team,” I force myself to explain.
I brush my hands over a napkin, then hole myself in my room until it’s time to go.
The girls flirt mercilessly with Zebby in the van, hugging him and ruffling his curls. He gobbles up their attention like candy, and I think his face might break from smiling. It makes me glad I brought him.
My plan is to let Zeb have my piece of pizza, but it turns out Mom slipped him a fiver, which he uses to get his own slice with sausage, then I fill his pockets with quarters and send him on his way.
“Don’t leave the arcade,” I call after him. “And if anyone tries to steal you, dig your fingers into their eyeballs and scream!” He rolls his eyes and heads to the blinking, bleeping room, looking taller and skinnier than ever.
“I can’t get over how cute he is,” Kenzie says.
I’m glad we got here right on time so we could get a booth, because now the place is getting packed. Two guys from the baseball team, Kyle and Callum, wearing their blue Panther hats, squeeze onto the edges of our booth seats, squashing us in.
“Thanks for the support, ladies,” Kyle says with a cocky smile.
“Oh, is there something going on here for the baseball team?” Monica asks. “We were just craving pizza.”
The guys laugh at her sarcasm.
“Hey, my parents are leaving tomorrow for a cruise,” Callum says. “You guys wanna come over tomorrow night?”
Kenzie opens her happy-looking mouth, and I grab her leg under the table.
“We’ll think about it,” I say.
“Cool.” Callum stands, and Kyle follows. “Y’all know where I live, right? Around the corner from Monica? We’ll have beer.” He knocks twice on the table and turns to bother another table of girls.
“Will John be there?” I ask Lin since John’s on the team.
She shakes her head. “His family’s out of town for spring break.”
The three of them look at me, and I say, “Good. Then we’re going.”
They cheer.
“I call dibs on Kyle!” Kenzie whispers.
“Not if I get him first,” Lin responds with an evil laugh.
“You’re feeling better, then?” I ask Lin.
She gives a shrug and her face falls. “Not really, but I think I knew it was coming.”
“You seemed pretty crushed last night,” I say.
“That was partly the beer.” She gives an embarrassed eye roll. “I mean, I’m still upset, but I thought about it all night, and . . .
I’m not sure I loved him, you know? Not like you loved Wylie. So, I guess if you can move on, I can, too.”
I put my fingertips together and hold them out. She does the same and we touch them together, like our fingers are smooching.
Kenzie’s phone starts blaring Harry Potter music, her ringtone, and she sighs. “It’s my mom. Be right back.”
The rest of us eat until she comes bouncing back in with a huge grin. “Someone at work gave my mom four tickets to the country jamboree tonight, but they already have plans. She said we could have them . . . .” She bites her lip and watches us expectantly while Monica, Lin, and I share What the what? looks.
“Is that a jug band?” Monica asks, making me snort.
Kenzie sighs, exasperated. “It’s a huge country concert. Come on, you guys, it’ll be so much fun!” She starts to name off the bands and singers who will be there, and I recognize a few of the names from online and television.
“Is this an old people thing?” I ask.
Kenz gawks at me. “I only went to one in Texas, and there were tons of country boys.”
The other three of us perk up now, and Kenzie goes for the kill.
“Cowboy hats. Cowboy boots. Super hot guys who call you ma’am, and not in a you’re-an-old-lady way but in a sexy I-respect-your-womanhood way. And the music is fun, I swear! It’s outdoors. The weather is supposed to be beautiful.”
“What would we wear?” Lin asks. “And do we have to square dance?”
Kenzie laughs. “No! It’s all about cute comfort. Jeans. Boots. Maybe something flannel tied at the waist. Pigtail braids. I have some hats— Ooh, Monica, I have a leopard-print one that would be amazing on you. We can get ready at my house!”
We’re all smiling now, because her excitement is contagious.
“I’m in,” I say. The others agree, and Kenzie claps her hands. If nothing else, it’ll be an experience.
When we finish eating, we start to get dirty looks from the people who are standing with trays, so we get up to let others sit. I lead us into the arcade where I find Zeb immersed in a race-car simulator. I crouch next to where he’s sitting.
“We’re going to walk around the mall. Call me if you need me.”
“Okay,” he says without looking away from the screen.
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