“What do you say, Beth? Will you marry me?”
“Uh …” So far that was the only sound Beth was capable of.
“I told you no.” They’d formed a tight circle, but Pa pushed in farther so he stood between Beth and Alex, not squarely between, though. Alex still held her gaze, drawing strength, sanity. “I’m Beth’s pa and I make a decision like this.”
“I saved your daughter’s life today, Clay.” Alex looked away from Beth and it was like having skin ripped from her body. She almost cried out in pain. Then she watched her crazy would-be fiancé square off against Pa. The madman didn’t do half bad standing up to him. That was something that could be said of very few men. Of course Alex was insane. “Why would you deny me Beth’s hand in marriage?”
“Don’t you put my Sally’s life up as if we owe you and Beth is the payment.” Sophie left Sally’s side.
“Ma, she’ll fall off that counter!” With the eye contact broken, Beth found words beyond “uh.” Though her head still had that numb, stupid feel. And Ma obeyed quickly, which just showed how upset Ma was by all this. She’d have never left Sally’s side otherwise.
The baby started crying louder. “Doctor, are you sure my son is all right?” Mrs. Radcliff sounded fretful, not an uncommon occurrence after a child was born. The woman needed quiet and peace and sleep. Instead she had ringside seats at a circus.
“Dr. Buchanan, you and Beth can’t leave my wife so soon after our baby is born, and with a sprained ankle besides.” The parson looked scared, and Beth got the impression he thought Alex and Beth getting married boiled down to life and death.
Sally groaned and reached unsteady hands toward her neck, which no doubt hurt terribly. After all, she’d had her throat cut just that morning.
“Settle down, Sally.” Sophie abandoned the battlefield.
The parson turned to his wife, went to her side, and knelt by her, where she lay on a pallet on the floor. He reached for his tiny son. “Let me take him, Viv.”
Pa turned and looked down at Beth, blocking the whole room from her vision. “Let’s go now, Beth. If you have a serious interest in marriage, it’ll keep until you know him better.”
“Uh …” Beth felt some reason returning. She could make sense any minute now.
“Clay, help me.” Sophie had Sally’s hands, but suddenly Sally was thrashing her head and moaning.
Pa left, and in the midst of the Radcliffs calming the baby and the McClellens calming Sally, Beth and Alex were alone in a little cocoon surrounded by chaos.
And the connection returned. Alex stepped closer. Beth noted that the man was ignoring his patients in order to talk with her. Not admirable behavior. Of course she was ignoring them, too.
“You know how desperately I need you.” Alex whispered, stepping even closer so the words were only between them. If there’d been romance between them, those would have been beautiful, loving words.
“I know.” It was the simple truth. For whatever reason, Alex needed her nearly as much as he needed air. Oh, he didn’t need her if he remained a useless lump sleeping in a stagecoach. But for doctoring, it wasn’t about want. It was about need. Maybe after a time he’d be able to function as a doctor on his own, but for now, Beth didn’t think he had a chance.
“And you need me, too.” Alex’s eyes changed, became warm, burning, glittering … maybe with madness.
Beth felt her heartbeat speed up, but it wasn’t out of fear. “Why do I need you?” The gauze and laudanum must be thinning because she was sure she didn’t need Alex for anything.
“Because they won’t let you be a doctor here without me.” He leaned closer, almost as if he wanted to kiss her. The words held that kind of intimacy. “But with me, you can doctor this whole town. They’ll call you my nurse or a midwife, but the label isn’t important. Not even the respect. You have a passion to heal.”
“How do you know that?” Beth’s breathing sped up.
Alex’s voice rose from a whisper to something dark and husky and alive. “I know it because I recognize the same thing in you that I have in myself. If you were smart, you’d run. The kind of calling, obsession even, to help people hurts.”
“No, it doesn’t. It’s never hurt me.”
“That’s because you’ve never failed.”
“I’ve failed. I’ve had patients die. I know my place in their lives is to help, but survival, life and death, is up to God.”
“You haven’t failed like I’ve failed. You haven’t seen butchery. You haven’t been surrounded by death and dying, blood and screams, women and children, young men with their whole lives in front of them …”
“War. You’re talking about a war. What war?” The Civil War was long over. Alex was too young to have been through it.
“The frontier. I was a doctor for the cavalry. I saw the troops, but also the Indian villages. I saw—I saw …” Alex’s voice faded away. The look of horror in his eyes shook Beth and she wished so terribly she could take that vision from him, that memory.
Alex’s hand trembled as it reached to rest against her face. “It’s not about love, Beth. It’s about something bigger, more important.”
Beth wanted to tell Alex there was nothing more important than love. Nothing. “It’s about helping these people, using the gift God put in you. A gift that glows and burns like red hot coals and makes you feel like the suffering of others is your own.”
Alex nodded his head slowly. His hand settled more firmly against her face and lifted and lowered, gently guiding her to nod along with him.
Somehow that motion of agreement transferred itself inside her, and she knew Alex was right. She did need to heal. And it hurt. And it burned inside her, a flame that never went out.
“You need me as much as I need you.” He leaned closer still, his voice only for her. “With me beside you, the work of a doctor is possible for you.”
“I’ll do it.” Beth reached up to rest her hand on his, where it cradled her face. Nodding under her own power now. “I’ll marry you.”
Alex lowered his head and she thought he’d kiss her. She realized she was intensely curious about how the connection between them would feel if it was expressed in a kiss.
Instead he closed his eyes and rested his forehead on hers. “I’m sorry. I should just go.”
“Beth, lend us a hand.”
Beth turned at her mother’s urgent voice. Sally was half-asleep and only reacting to the pain now, thrashing. Her little sister was going to be fine, but right now she couldn’t stand to lie still another second. Sally needed Beth’s calming voice.
She felt like she had to tear at something that bound her to Alex, but her mother’s need for help wasn’t something she could ignore. She rushed to Sally’s side and began crooning.
Behind her, she heard Alex go to the Radcliffs and talk with that same soothing tone as she had. A quick glance and she saw he held the fretful baby in his arms.
A miraculous voice. He’d just used it on her to persuade her to commit an act of madness. She was as crazy as Alex. But she was going to do it.
“Sally, honey, listen to me. It’s Beth.” Her sister’s thrashing slowed. Her growing hysteria eased and her eyes focused. She let Beth soothe her. The struggles gradually ceased. While she crooned, Beth considered the madness of what she’d agreed to. But was it madness? Or genius?
As a single woman, she’d never be allowed to use her God-given gift for doctoring. And “God-given” was the key part of that thought. This gift was hers from her earliest memory. The compassion, the gentling voice, the healing touch, the gift for reaching all living creatures.
And now here stood Alex, who had connected to her in a way beyond her understanding. His proposal gave her the chance to fulfill God’s call. To Beth it seemed that his very proposal was guided by God.
She needed Alex even more than he needed her.
Yes, she’d marry him.
Fifteen
I know what you’re thinking, Beth.”
Beth didn’t doubt it. Her ma had always been one step ahead of everyone.
As Sally finally subsided into sleep, Beth smiled at her mother, so tough, so smart, the best woman Beth had ever known. “I told Alex yes. I’m going to marry him, Ma.”
“It’s true I got married fast, Beth, honey. But my situation was completely different from yours. I had no other prospects, and Clay was your pa’s brother. Even though I hadn’t known him long—”
“About twenty hours as I recall, and he spent sixteen of those hours either unconscious or in town or riding ahead of you on his horse when we went back to the ranch. I think you probably actually talked to the man for about a half an hour.” Beth grinned.
Ma’s eyes narrowed. She didn’t like not getting her way.
“Alex doesn’t seem all that—” Ma’s eyes slid to Alex, who was on his knees beside the parson’s wife, talking quietly to her. He held the Radcliffs’ new son in his arms.
Alex seemed pretty wonderful to Beth right at that second. Sure, she’d thought he was a lunatic at first. But he was coming around. Showing flashes of occasional sanity. At least as long as she was at his side. “There’s something between us, Ma. I feel it. It’s meant to be.”
“You can’t have fallen in love with the man this fast.”
“I didn’t say love. You’re right that it’s too soon. But I can—I can see into him. He’s no good at covering his feelings. I can see he’s got a gift for healing like I do. I can see he’s wounded from giving too much. And I can see—” Beth looked up at her ma, a woman she respected more than anyone else on earth. “I can see that I will be able to heal him by supporting him and encouraging him.” And maybe, occasionally, beating on him with his hat. Beth didn’t rule it out.
Ma frowned and shook her head doubtfully. “Beth, honey—”
“He needs me, Ma,” Beth cut her off. “And I need him.”
“You don’t need anyone, Beth.”
Pa was there, too. He wasn’t ever going to agree to this. Beth knew for a fact that her pa didn’t think there was a man alive good enough for any of his daughters. So she wasn’t too worried about convincing him. He wouldn’t kidnap her to stop the wedding and he wouldn’t shoot Alex, unless Alex really provoked him. So Pa wasn’t the one who needed convincing—since it was hopeless. But she’d really like her mother’s blessing.
“This town—the whole West—will never let me tend to the sick. I thought they would. I did a lot of doctoring when I was back East. But now I know it was because I was at a doctor’s side. Alone, I won’t be able to do anything.”
Alex came up to her side. They exchanged a glance, and Beth knew he’d heard everything. He didn’t interfere though. Instead he stood beside Pa, across from Beth, and bent down to examine Sally’s throat. “We can’t let Sally eat for twenty-four hours. We need to get the trachea incision to close. I don’t want to suture the outer layer of skin because we’ll need to take the inner stitches out. She can have a bit of water in about twelve hours. She’ll be hungry so it won’t be easy to hold her back. She needs careful watching. It’s best if she stays here rather than goes home. Jouncing her around could slow down the healing.”
Alex looked away from the incision, right at Beth. Then his eyes cut to Ma. Beth was afraid of what he’d say. Things were balanced on the very edge of disaster. If he said the wrong thing, it could tip the wrong way.
“Sophie”—he looked sideways at Pa—“Clay, I want permission to marry your daughter. I know we haven’t known each other long enough. I know that. But we are suited to each other.” Alex looked at Beth now.
She nodded. “We are.”
“She fills an empty place inside of me. And I think—I hope—I will be a good mate for her, too.” Alex looked back at her parents. “We’d like your blessing. We’ve already decided that we will get married. And we’re doing it right now tonight. But to have your support and blessing would mean a lot to Beth, and because her feelings are important to me, they’d mean a lot to me, too.” He looked directly at Pa then. “I will treat her with kindness and respect, Clay. I already respect her more than any woman I’ve ever met.”
The two men stared at each other.
Pa had his usual grim, narrow-eyed look, the one he always got when there was a male paying attention to his girls. He looked away first to Ma. “What do you think, Sophie?”
Ma rolled her eyes. “He can’t be much worse than your brother, I suppose. And we’ll be here to take care of her if he turns out to be worthless, as I firmly believe he will.”
A disgusted huff of breath escaped Pa’s lips. He looked at Beth. “Marry him then. You can always come on back home.”
Beth almost laughed at the depth of her parents’ low expectations. She did smile at Alex, who looked offended and hurt and a bit angry. “That’s as close to a blessing as you’re likely to get from my folks. Maybe if you shape up to be a decent husband they’ll give it after a few years. Five or ten.”
“Can’t say as I blame them.” Alex sighed then called over his shoulder, “Can you spare a minute, Parson Radcliff? Beth and I’d like to get married.”
“Sure, won’t take but a second.”
Beth remembered that the parson had been all for this. He was a man of God. Surely that meant something. What though, she couldn’t exactly say.
The parson came to stand by Sally’s head carrying his fussing son. Beth and Alex stood facing each other over Sally. Her parents stood in such a way they’d almost work as a best man and matron of honor. Except for her little sister stretched out on a counter, it was a little like a wedding. Not a lot, but a little.
The vows were short and to the point because Parson Radcliff’s baby started crying. Beth never knew if Alex would have kissed her because the parson didn’t take the time to order it and the counter and wounded young woman between them didn’t make it convenient.
“You can go home now, Ma and Pa. We’re married now and that makes it proper and legal and safe for you to leave us alone.”
“Legal, definitely,” Ma said. “Proper—I suppose. But safe?”
Pa shook his head. “No, she’s safe. Beth knows how to take care of herself. Alex here looks none too tough. You can handle him if he gets to being trouble. You have your knife, right? Where’s your rifle?”
“I don’t usually bring it to church.” Beth didn’t look at Alex for fear of what she’d see while they talked rifles and knifes.
“I’ll bring it in tomorrow.” Pa patted Sally on the ankle.
“I can turn him into one of my patients in a flicker of an eyelash. Don’t worry. I’ve already proved that one.”
“Oh, brother.” Alex turned and went to check on Mrs. Radcliff and urged the parson to go home. Alex kept the baby.
Satisfied that her new husband had been reminded of exactly whom he was dealing with, Beth kissed her folks good-bye and went back to tending her now-sleeping little sister.
Sixteen
The hospital was settled quickly. The parson and the McClellens left. The baby and Mrs. Radcliff slept quietly on the pallet on the floor.
Alex made up another pallet on the floor and gently moved Sally to a spot where she wasn’t at risk of falling. “Strange,” Alex whispered to himself.
“What’s strange?”
Alex jumped. He’d been so focused on Sally he hadn’t heard Beth come up behind him. He glanced down, afraid he’d jostled the girl and awakened her, but Sally slept on. Alex rose to his feet and faced Beth. Almost alone with his wife. “I just realized I’ve got a little sister.” Alex smiled. “I kinda like the idea.”
Beth’s expression lightened. He saw exhaustion on her face, but the serenity and compassion were still there. And the strength, under it all, more strength than he’d ever had.
“Well, once you get to know her, I’m sure you’ll find out she and my other brothers and sisters will drive you crazy.” Beth grinned. “They’re a wild bunch, all right.”
“And a wife.” Alex a
lmost regretted saying the words, because Beth’s smile shrank like wool underwear in boiling water. But there wasn’t much point in denying it.
“You’ve got yourself a wife.” Beth nodded but commented no further.
“And you’ve got a new name. Beth Buchanan. Pretty.”
“The name?” Beth’s forehead furrowed.
“The name is pretty … too.” Alex leaned forward and kissed her. He was there and away so fast she didn’t have time to use her strength to beat on him. He even took a few steps back.
“Now, Alex.” Pink rose in Beth’s cheeks. “This marriage isn’t going to be—be—about—about k–kissing.”
Suddenly Alex was absolutely determined to prove her wrong.
“It’s going to be about caring for sick people in Mosqueros,” she added.
He’d seen her mad and compassionate. He’d seen her smiling and courageous and tough. He’d seen her thrilled to see her pa and loving with her little sisters and brothers. But he’d never seen her blush. It made his brand spankin’ new wife prettier than ever.
“Agreed.” Alex didn’t agree. He’d break that news to her later. He was watching her so intently he noticed the tiny flinch of hurt when he agreed so quickly. The madness, the haunting seemed a bit further away with every moment he spent in her company. He knew it was just another kind of weakness to think a woman could heal a tormented soul. Alex had to figure out a way to save himself.
And then he thought of Someone else who could save him.
God.
He’d believed that fiercely when he was young. But for so long, Alex had believed that his actions put him beyond the pale. Maybe not. Maybe he had reason to hope.
Smiling at his blushing wife, he said, “Our marriage is going to be about caring for sick people.”
She squared her shoulders and nodded, as if there’d been no flinch, no hurt. “Good, I’m glad we see it the same way.”
Sophie's Daughters Trilogy Page 10