Shatter Me (The Jaded Series, #1)

by Alex Grayson

  Just then Jaxon pushes through the door and he immediately zeros in on me. He’s breathing heavily and I see his fists clenching and unclenching. I can’t really tell because of the low lights, but it looks like his knuckles have a few scratches on them.

  He starts stalking towards the bar, stopping briefly to talk to a huge man that’s standing beside the door. The man disappears through the doors. When Jaxon gets to the partition, he lifts it and then lets it drop behind him, causing a loud bang. He walks straight up to me and wraps his big hands around the sides of my head. The back of his fingers sift through my hair while the palms rest on either side of my cheeks. What is up with people touching my face?

  He bends down low so we are on the same level, his eyes darting back and forth searching mine, “Are you okay?”

  There’s not a mark on his beautiful face and I release a sigh of relief. I thank God that he was not hurt.

  “Yes, I’m okay. What did you do to Shady?” I ask nervously, not sure if I want to know the answer.

  The colors in his gorgeous eyes seem to swirl and I feel his fingers flex slightly in my hair.

  “Nothing that you need to worry about, Angel.”

  I nod my head, leaving it at that.

  “Give me just a couple minutes and I’ll take you up to the apartment. You’re done for the night.” He pulls my head forward and plants a soft kiss on my forehead.

  “But I can’t leave Mia and Andrew to work alone. It’s too busy in here. They need my help.” I protest, not sure if what I say was true or I’m just using it as an excuse. Sure, the place is hopping, but I’m sure Mia and Andrew can handle it on their own. It’s the thought of being completely alone with Jaxon that makes me uneasy. I’m not sure if I’m ready for that. I haven’t had enough time to resign myself to it. I know he won’t hurt me, but it’s still terrifying. Yes, I was alone with him in his office, but the door was open. The apartment is on a whole different level.

  “Angel, Mia and Andrew can handle it. They’ve been doing it for weeks now. They’ll be fine. You look dead on your feet. You need a good night’s sleep in a warm comfortable bed. I’ll be right back.” And with that he turns and walks away before I get a chance to protest further.

  I take in a much-needed breath and rub my tired eyes. He’s right; I am dead on my feet. It’ll be a nice change to sleep in an actual bed. There were a few motels that I’ve slept in since the beginning of my trip, but not many. I’m really looking forward to sleeping in nice, smooth, clean sheets. I can already feel the softness of the mattress beneath me and I sway a little.

  I reach down beneath the bar and grab my purse. I let Mia and Andrew know that I’m leaving and that Jaxon was going to show me the apartment upstairs. We say our goodbyes and I walk from behind the bar and sit down on one of the stools, waiting for Jaxon to come and get me.

  Chapter Eight

  When Jaxon comes back, he goes to Mia and Andrew and speaks with them for a minute. Mia hands him something and he slips it into his back pocket. When he reaches me, he holds out his hand that has the leather wristband around it, waiting for me to grab it. When I don’t immediately reach out, he takes a step closer to me.

  “It’s okay, Bailey. I won’t hurt you.” He says in his gravelly voice.

  I look from his hand to his eyes. The emotion that I see there breaks me. They look sad. For some reason, it’s important for Jaxon that I trust him. I wonder why that is. It’s so hard for me to trust people. Why would I when it’s only caused me pain in the past” The only person I fully trust is Chris, but I’m realizing that there may be more people in my life that aren’t out to hurt me; Jaxon is one of them.

  “I know,” I say softly.

  Although I’m still not quite there yet I hesitantly place my hand in Jaxon’s. He visibly relaxes a little and I see pleasure replace the sadness in his eyes that I just saw a minute ago. A small smile tips up the corners of his lips. His hand is warm and I feel the calluses that must run along the base of his fingers. He grips my hand firmly but not too tight. The feeling is unfamiliar to me, but it’s pleasant. It makes me feel like he has no intention of letting it go, but in a good way. Like no matter what happens, he’ll always be there for me.

  He leads the way and I trail behind him until we reach the back door that leads outside. He pushes it open and we step outside into the cool night air. Once outside, we turn left and a few feet away is another door that I didn’t notice when I got here this afternoon. He pulls out a set of keys and unlocks the door.

  “When this place was built they decided to put the entrance to the stairs that leads to the apartment outside. It’s supposed to give the person that’s living here a sense of privacy.” His voice echoes off the cream colored walls as we make our way up a flight of stairs.

  There’s a white door at the top of the stairs and we stop again as he unlocks it. Before we step through he turns to face me.

  “As I said before, it’s not much, but it’s better than sleeping in your car. My great-grandfather built this place when he was young and single so he didn’t need a lot of room. It should have everything that you need though.”

  “I’m sure it’ll be fine, Jaxon. I’m just grateful you’re allowing me to stay here.”

  He tucks a piece of hair that has fallen from my ponytail behind my ear. “Anything for you, Angel.”

  He turns back around and pushes the door open. We walk through the doorway and I immediately know that I’m going to love living here. Even though it won’t technically be my place, it’ll still be my place. I’ve never lived on my own before. While in college Chris and I shared an apartment. The thought of living by myself is a little scary, but I’m looking forward to the new experience.

  The apartment is really small and has an open floor plan. The living room that sits off to the left is only big enough for a flower print couch, a single coffee table, and a TV stand. To the right, with no walls separating the two is the kitchen. There’s a fridge and a stove, with a counter and cabinets between them. One other counter sits to the right of the stove with cabinets above and below it as well. Straight ahead there is a cute, small wooden table pushed up against the window that sits three people.

  Still holding my hand Jaxon leads me into the kitchen and starts opening cabinets to show me the contents.

  “I try to keep it stocked with necessary items a person would need while staying here. There’s plates, glasses, pots, silverware, and a few other items you’ll need.”

  He steps over to another cabinet, opening it.

  “I wasn’t sure what types of food you like so I had Anna get a variety of things.”

  Next, we step to the fridge and he releases my hand to open it. My mouth drops open when I see what’s inside. It’s slam full with a wide range of items.

  “Jaxon! You didn’t have to buy all this food!” I exclaim. He must have spent a fortune on all this food. The cabinets are overflowing with food as well. I’m mortified. He must know that I couldn’t really afford to go shopping yet and decided to buy the whole grocery store to make sure I had enough to eat.

  He confirms my fears when he says, “It’s no big deal, Angel. I know things are tight right now for you until you get on your feet.”

  I feel so embarrassed. He must think me some helpless creature that he, for some reason, feels he has to take care of. I look down at my feet as I feel heat creeping up my face.

  “I’ll pay...” I start, but he interrupts me.

  “No, Bailey. I don’t want your money.”

  “But...” Again, I don’t get to finish what I was going to say.

  “Angel, I’m not going to take your money, okay? Please, just leave it. Everyone needs to eat. Besides, it benefits me as well. You need to eat well in order to be in top shape for work.”

  Okay, that’s logical, but I still know he’s just using that as an excuse. What I don’t understand is why. Why is he so bent on helping me? I’ve asked myself this several times and I still don’t know the a
nswer. So I ask him.

  “Why? Why are you so adamant on helping me? I just don’t understand. You’re being so nice to me and you don’t really know me. Why would you do that for someone you don’t know? What do you get from all this?” My breathing has escalated. Normal people aren’t like Jaxon. They don’t just help random people. Or, if they do, they expect something in return. As much as I don’t want to believe it, there must be something Jaxon wants in return. It’s the only reason I can think of why he would want to help me so badly. He told me earlier that no woman should fear a man but him buying me food to last me a month has nothing to do with fear.

  Jaxon steps closer to me, shortening the distance between us.

  “I’m helping you because we all need help sometimes, even when we don’t want to ask for it. I’m helping you because I see something in your eyes that compels me towards you.” He slides his hand around the back of my neck into my hair. The rough pad of his thumb starts rubbing along the bottom of my jaw and I close my eyes at the sensation it brings me. His touch is light and it sends shivers down my spine. I slowly open my eyes when he continues.

  “I have this uncontrollable need to be near you, to protect you, to make sure you have what you need to be okay. I don’t know why I have this need or why it’s you, but it’s there. And I know, I know, that if I don’t follow this need I will hurt. No, I don’t know you, but I want to. I want to know everything about you, even the things that you’re scared to tell me, especially those. As far as wanting something in return, the only thing I want is a chance to get to know you, to earn your trust enough to give me that chance.”

  I suck in a breath at his words and the sincerity in his eyes. Why this man feels the urge to help me is a mystery. What he sees in me, I have no clue. What I do know is that I want, with every fiber of my being, to trust him enough to give him what he wants. I’ve only known him a few days, but there’s something about him that pulls me towards him as well. I just don’t know if I’ll ever get to the point where I can completely trust him. Besides, it’s much too dangerous to tell him all my secrets. Jaxon is the type that would seek vengeance on those that hurt the people he’s close to. I can never take that chance. He’s already becoming too important. Not to mention the fact that if I let him too close, it’ll hurt a thousand times worse when I leave.

  I look up into his eyes, eyes that are pleading with me to give him a chance. They truly are the most spectacular eyes I’ve ever seen, which fits Jaxon perfectly because he’s the most spectacular man I’ve ever met, inside and out.

  While still holding his gaze, I tell him the truth, a truth that I wish wasn’t so.

  “I don’t know if I can ever I trust someone else, Jaxon. Yes, I’ve had bad things happen to me in the past and that has made it hard for me to give my trust. I don’t know if I’m still capable of giving it anymore.”

  My words are low and I know they hurt him from the look that enters his face. The last thing I want is to hurt him, but I just can’t give him what he wants.

  “One day, Angel. One day, you’ll trust me.” He whispers to me. I don’t tell him that one day soon I’ll be leaving.

  He drops his head and I feel his soft lips against my forehead again. It gets easier and easier to accept each time he does it.

  He removes his hand from the side of my face to grab my hand again.

  “Come on. I’ll show you the rest of the apartment. I think you’ll really like the bathroom.” He grins at me over his shoulder.

  He flips on a light at the mouth of a short hallway and we make our way to one of the three doors. He opens it and steps to the side so I can enter. What I see makes me want to push him out of the apartment so I can become acquainted with the huge, old fashion, iron claw foot tub that sits up against a wall below a window. It looks like something that you would see in a movie or read about in a book. It’s white and has high faucets. It even has the round shower rod that people back in the day used to use. There’s a white shower curtain hanging from it. Classic. Beside the gorgeous tub sits a shelf that has shampoo, conditioner, cucumber melon scented body wash, bath salts, and a loofa on it.

  Wow, Jaxon’s thought of everything. I don’t know which I’m looking forward to more. Sleeping on cool, clean sheets or taking a real bath, especially in such a gorgeous tub.

  Dragging my gaze away from the temptation, I take in the rest of the bathroom. The walls are a soft baby blue. There’s a pedestal sink that sits in the corner. Beside it, between the tub and the sink, is the commode. There’s another shelf that sits on the other side of the sink, which carries several different items that women use, some of them are mine and some are new. There’s plenty of lighting, but I like the natural light that comes through the frosted over window that’s above the tub.

  “Do you like it?” Jaxon asks from behind me.

  I twirl to him with a big obnoxious grin on my face and clap my hands in front of me. “I love it!”

  He chuckles, which causes his eyes to crinkle and little laugh lines appear by his eyes. I love his laugh. It makes him even more gorgeous that he was before, if that’s even possible.

  Grabbing my hand again, he pulls me from the bathroom and we stop at the next door in the hallway. It’s a linen closet and he shows me the extra sheets and towels that are inside.

  The last door is the bedroom. It’s the room that makes me the most nervous to enter. Bedrooms are made for two reasons. For people to sleep or for them to do more carnal things in. I really don’t want to go in there with Jaxon. I know it sounds silly, but it just seems too intimate for me to be in a room with Jaxon where people have sex.

  My heart rate picks up when we make it to the last closed door. Jaxon pulls it open and steps inside, dragging me with him. He must sense my apprehension because once we step through the doorway he releases my hand. I miss the warmth and strength of his hand, but I’m also grateful that he understands my need for distance.

  This room is small, too. Up against one wall there is a double bed that has a lime green comforter on it. On either side of the bed are small night stands. Directly across from the bed sits a small dresser, with some of my things placed on top. On the far wall, just below the bare window there is a writing desk with a chair sitting in front of it. The walls are a cream color and there’s nothing hanging from them.

  While I’m taking in the room, I feel Jaxon’s eyes on me. I don’t look at him, afraid of what I might see in them. Nervously, I glance around the room some more and notice a door to my left. I walk over and open it. It’s actually a pretty decent size walk-in closet, which surprises me because of the size of the room. I flip the light switch and see some of my meager belongings sitting on the floor; a couple of boxes, a suitcase, and a small travel bag. Most of my clothes are hanging up.

  I walk out of the closet and move to the dresser and start opening the drawers. What I see is what I feared. All of my undergarments and the few t-shirts and shorts I have are already placed inside.

  I close my eyes in shame at how pathetic I must appear. When I left Steven, I left all my clothes behind, except for the ones I was wearing. I was never allowed to work so all the clothes I owned were ones he bought for me. I didn’t want to bring anything that came from him. The only things I took were a few things I still had when Chris and I shared an apartment. Once I left the town where Steven and I lived I stopped at a thrift store and bought the bare minimum of clothes. The only items I allowed myself to buy brand new were panties and a single bra. I just couldn’t force myself to buy and then wear undergarments that have already been worn. Yuck! Even still, the panties and bra I bought were the most basic and cheapest I could find.

  I turn and face Jaxon, which is casually leaning against the doorway with his arms and ankles crossed. He answers the question that’s on the tip of my tongue.

  “Anna put away your things.” He says quietly, realizing I’m the verge of another breakdown. He must think I’m a crazy person with serious mental issues. All I seem to
do around him is either cry or completely lose it.

  I nod my head and tell him thank you.

  He cocks his head to the side a little and asks, “You okay?”

  My head nods again when I reply, “Yes. I’m fine.”

  His brow puckers a little, like he doesn’t believe me. It looks as though he wants to push the issue, but then he straightens up from the doorway.

  “You look exhausted, Angel. I’m going to head out so you can get some rest. Walk me to the door?”

  “Yeah, sure, I can do that.” I stumble out my reply.

  He turns and makes his way back down the hallway as I trail behind him. When he reaches the door, he turns back towards me while reaching into his pocket and pulling out a key ring with two keys on it.

  “This key is to the apartment door.” He says while pointing to a silver key. He then points to a slightly bigger brass key. “And this one is for the door leading to the stair.” He holds out the key ring and I take it by letting it slide on my pointer finger.

  He then reaches into his back pocket and pulls out an envelope handing it to me.

  “Here are your tips for the night. Mia cashed you out while you were waiting on me to bring you up here.”

  I take the envelope feeling the excitement of finally making money on my own again. I haven’t had a job and my own money since my last year of college. It’s such a nice feeling knowing that I actually earned the money that’s resting in my palm. Steven always made plenty of money for the both of us. He always said there was no sense in me working when he made enough for us to live the high life. Of course, I know the true reason he didn’t want me to work. He didn’t want to take the chance of people finding out about his extracurricular activities regarding me.