by Alex Grayson
As I clutch the envelope I glance up at Jaxon. “Thank you, Jaxon. Thank you for everything.” I feel moisture reach my eyes and I quickly blink the tears away. He is such a kind hearted and sweet man.
“Have breakfast with me tomorrow at Maggie’s?”
The question takes me by surprise. He looks so hopeful and earnest. The eagerness I see makes my decision for me. There’s no way I can say no to him when he’s helped me so much. If he truly wants to spend time with me by having breakfast, it’s the least I can do. To be honest, I find the thought of spending time with him exhilarating, even if it does make me a little nervous.
I tip the corners of my lips in a shy smile and say, “I’d like that.”
His gaze drops to my lips for a second before returning to my eyes. There’s something in his expression that makes me fidgety. He’s looking at me as though he wants to reach out and touch me, like I’m the most precious thing in the world to him, which is crazy because he barely knows me.
He takes a cautious step towards me and reaches out his hands. I stiffen, but hold myself still, not taking a step back. He places his hands on either side of my face and lowers his lips towards my forehead again. It’s one of the sweetest gestures anyone has ever done to me. If being touched by a man wasn’t so frightening, I could seriously get used to having his hands on me, which he seems to like to do a lot.
I feel his thumb rubbing across the scar on the side of my face and I close my eyes as a lump forms in my throat. I wish so much I could be a normal woman. A woman worthy of Jaxon’s affections. Any woman would be lucky to have a man like him in their life.
After he kisses my forehead again, he rests his against my own. I open my eyes to see him watching me. His eyes are back to the color they were before, when he was watching me laugh earlier tonight; deep purple and steel blue. I can see his pupils are dilated. When he speaks, I feel and smell his warm, minty breath against my lips. It sends shivers down my spine and I catch my breath. For some odd reason, him being this close doesn’t cause the usual effect of wanting to cower and cringe. I’m still leery and slightly uncomfortable, but I don’t get the usual run-for-the-hills feeling. It’s a pleasant change. It’s unexpected, but still nice nonetheless.
“Oh, Angel, what are you doing to me? You make me feel things, things that I know you don’t want to, and are not ready to hear yet.” The sound of his voice is so light that I can barely hear him. But I do.
I try to pull my head away, suddenly feeling afraid of where he is going with his words. “Jaxon, I...”
“I know, Bailey. I know you can’t accept what I’m telling you right now. And I understand. I am aware that it’s not normal for me to even feel them when I don’t really know anything about you. But they’re there and I can’t rein the feelings in. I don’t want to. But I hope that one day you’ll welcome them and welcome me into your life. I know that it’s a scary thought and you may feel like you can never accept them, or return them. Just know that you’ve become important to me, and to others in this town, in the short time you’ve been here.”
There’s no way that I can accept his words. It’s just not feasible for me to be with another man, whether it is physical or emotional. I don’t have that part in me anymore. It was beaten and battered out of me long ago. I’m too broken and flawed. Jaxon needs someone that is whole and innocent, without scars, inside and out. Someone that can give him all of themselves. I may not know Jaxon that well, but I do know that he deserves someone special.
“I’m sorry, I just can’t....” I squeeze my eyes shut, worried that I’ll see disappointment in his.
“Hey, look at me.”
I shake my head no.
“Angel, please look at me,” he urges me.
I force my eyes open and look at him. What I see isn’t disappointment. I see a mixture of emotions swirling in his beautiful eyes. Sadness, passion, desperation, and a whole slew of other feelings. It’s the sadness that brings moisture to my eyes. I know that my eyes reflect the same emotion.
“It’s okay. I know you’ve been hurt and I accept that it’ll take time for you to let me in. I’m willing to wait.” His lips look so soft when he lets loose with a small smile.
He pulls back and drops his hands. I don’t like the feeling of loss once his hands fall from my face. I want them back on me, which confuses me because I never thought I would enjoy and want another man’s hands on me. It’s such a strange feeling. I’m tempted to reach out and snatch his hand and place it back where it was. It’s such a contradiction to have these feelings.
“Hand me your phone,” he tells me.
I reach into my purse, which is still on my shoulder, and pull out my phone. I hand it over to him and he starts pushing buttons. A minute later his phone dings, letting him know that he has an incoming text. I take my phone from him and place it back in my purse.
“You have my number. I want you to use it if you need anything, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Promise me that you’ll use it.”
“I promise, Jaxon.”
He holds my gaze for a few more seconds, ensuring that I’m telling the truth. He then turns to the door and opens it. Before stepping through, he turns back around.
“I’ll see you in the morning, Angel. Lock the door behind me. I’m not leaving until I hear you lock it.” His face is stern. I believe he would actually stand out there all night if he didn’t hear the click of the lock.
I nod my head yes and then tell him verbally. “I’ll lock the door as soon as I close it. I promise.” I add on before he has a chance to make me say it.
He turns back toward the doorway and walks through it grabbing the handle and pulling the door closed as he goes. Right before the door closes he stops and looks me straight in the eye and says softly, “Thank you, Angel.”
I have no idea what he’s thanking me for. Before I get a chance to ask him, he closes the door with a soft click. I immediately reach out to flip the lock and rest my head against the door. I’m surprised I feel the sadness seep into me once the door is closed. I didn’t want him to leave, but then again, it’s a relief to not feel so on edge anymore. It isn’t until a couple minutes later that I hear his heavy boots walking away.
I let out a tired breath, beyond exhausted. I debate with myself on whether I want to take the time to relax in the bath or take a quick shower before heading to bed. I decide that my best bet would be a quick shower. I’m so tired that it would be my luck that I would fall asleep in the bath and drown myself.
I’m starving, but I just can’t find the energy to go in the kitchen and make myself something to eat. I’d like to explore the apartment some more, but again, I just don’t have the strength for that right now. Instead, I make my way on tired legs to the bedroom.
Once inside, I walk directly to the dresser and pull out a black tank top and a pair of lime green soft cotton shorts. I leave my purse and the envelope of money on top. On my way to the bathroom, I grab a towel and wash cloth out of the linen closet in the hallway.
I set my stuff down on the shelf beside the shower and start stripping off my clothes. Once I’m naked, I stand in front of the mirror that hangs above the sink to examine myself.
For most of my life I have had pale skin. This stems from not being allowed outside much. As a kid, it was rare that my parents let me outside. Even though we had a privacy fence my parents wanted me to have as less of a chance of interacting with other people as possible. If they could have gotten away with it, they wouldn’t even have allowed me to go to school. Luckily for me they were smart enough to know that if they didn’t let me go to school, then they would have Family and Children Services knocking on their door.
When I was with Steven, he liked control in all things. He liked to keep me in the house where he knew what I was doing and what people I saw. He had camera’s set up all along the property so if I ventured outside he would know and then I would be punished. I learned really fast to not chance it and
just stayed inside. Every once in a while though the call of the warm sun would be strong enough that I deemed a beating worthy of just a few minutes outside. Those few minutes were so very precious to me. I would find a nice soft spot in the grass and lay there with my eyes closed, inhaling the fresh air. I would lay there and daydream that I was anywhere but where I actually was. I was completely free in those few moments and I loved every second of them.
It was only during my college years that I really spend any real time outside. When I first left my parent’s house I would spend every waking moment when I wasn’t in class, working, or asleep outside. I spent more time outside than I did inside. There were several times that I got pretty bad sunburns from being outside so much. I know it sounds strange, but I loved the feeling of my skin being burned from the sun. Even though it made my skin itch and hurt, I would still find myself going outside whenever I could. Eventually, Chris would make me come inside so she could rub aloe vera on me. I hated going inside, but I knew that I needed to let my skin heal from the burns. Over a period of time, I stopped burning and I just started to tan.
Looking at my body now, I realize that I look even paler than I normally do. I’ve completely lost my tan from the couple of years I’ve been forced to stay inside. Maybe I’ll try to spend some time outside tomorrow before my shift. Maybe I can take my book and sit outside in the gazebo that sits on the library lawn.
My gaze wanders down my body, stopping every few seconds to look at the multitude of scars that riddle me. Steven was a sadistic bastard that liked to mark my body in numerous ways, using different kinds of instruments.
When I turn my back to the mirror, I looked over my shoulder and see even more scars. They run from the tops of my shoulders all the way down to the back of my thighs. I’m covered in them. I will forever be branded by Steven and our life together and no matter how hard or far I run I will always carry the memory of him with me. He made sure that I’ll never forget.
I release a tired sigh and walk over to the bath and adjust the temperature to my liking. I’ve always enjoyed scorching hot showers. There were many times as a child and an adult that the only thing that made me feel somewhat clean was a blistering hot shower. Most people would shrink away from the heat of the water, but I welcomed it.
Once the temperature is just right, I climb into the shower and let the hot water beat down on my head and shoulders. It is so nice to take an actual shower. No more ‘whore’s baths’ for me. At least not for a while anyway. I know I’ll have to go back to them once I get back on the road.
I reach through the curtain and pick up the washcloth and bath soap. I squirt some on the small towel and start to lather it across my tired body. I start with my shoulders and work my way all the way down to between my toes. Once finished, I rinse and do it again. After I deem my body clean enough, I start on my hair. I wash that twice as well, but I only run conditioner through it once.
When I’m done, I shut the water off and grab the towel and dry my heated body. I’m still exhausted, but I finally feel clean again. I hang the towel on the hook on the back of the bathroom door and slip into my clothes. I run my brush through my hair and then braid it down my back. When I’m at home, I don’t mind having my hair pulled back from my face. I’ve grown used to the scar that runs across my face. It’s just another reminder of what I’ve left behind and it continues to give me the courage to keep running.
I pick up my clothes and walk into the bedroom. I drop my clothes right inside the closet. Walking back to the dresser, I dig through my purse and grab my phone. I need to call Chris and give her an update. Once I pull back the covers and slip into bed, I push the button on my phone to bring up my contacts. I only have three. Chris, Mia, and now, Jaxon. I stare at his number for a couple of minutes. I wonder what he’s doing right now. Did he go back to the bar? Is he below me right now wondering what I’m doing? Did he go home for the night? Either way, I’m sure once he left here I was the last thing on his mind.
Chris is the first person in my contacts and I click on her name and push the talk button. It rings four times before she answers.
“Hey, Bailey! How are you? How’s the new job going?” It’s always the same with Chris. She sounds so excited to hear from me. I don’t know how I got so lucky to find a friend like her.
“I’m doing pretty well and the job is going great. There were a few hiccups, but nothing too bad. It’s been better than what I thought it would be. I think I might actually enjoy working there.” This is the truth. Other than the Shady situation, I really like working there. I don’t tell her about the alteration between Jaxon and Shady. It’ll only make her worry more.
“That’s wonderful news, hunny. How’s the town? Is everyone nice? From what you’ve said it seems pretty small and I know some small towns don’t take kindly to new people encroaching on their turf.”
“To be honest, everyone’s been really nice. Too nice sometimes. There’s a girl named Anna here that’s been really sweet. I like her a lot.” I go on to explain how I met Anna and how she found me screaming in my car after my nightmare. I tell her about her and Nick’s relationship, explaining how I’ve never met two people more in love with each other.
“Have you had any luck with a possible place to stay? You can’t keep staying in your car. It’s not safe and I’ll worry about you until you find a place.” To this day it still amazes me how much Chris cares for me. Other than her there has been no one else that cared if anything happened to me.
“Actually, I did find a place to stay. That’s where I am now. Jaxon, the owner of the bar, has an apartment above it and is letting me stay here. Once I start making money, I’ll be paying rent.”
“This Jaxon character seems like a nice guy.” I hear a question in her voice. I’m not ready to divulge everything that’s happened between Jaxon and me yet. I’m still trying to figure things out myself. I give her just a little bit.
“He’s been very nice. He got his sister to stock the fridge and cabinets for me. Unfortunately, he found out that I don’t have much money so he sent her to get some things I would need until I can get them myself.” I still feel extremely embarrassed about the whole situation. I also still intend to pay him back.
“Wow, that is nice. It sounds like you stumbled across an amazing little town. Enjoy it while you’re there, Bailey. You deserve to be treated with kindness. You’re way overdue for it.”
“It’s just so strange. I’ve never had people act the way these people act towards me. They seem to like me and I don’t know how to respond. I’ve been so out of touch with people that I feel lost.”
“Just be yourself, okay? You’re such a wonderful person. It doesn’t surprise me that these people see that. One look at you and anyone could see that you’re special.” Chris always knows what to say. She doesn’t realize that she is the one that is amazing. It’s because of her that I’m still here. She’s brought me through the worst of my life with Steven. She’s been my rock and I love her dearly for it.
We talk for a few more minutes. Me telling her more about the town and its people and her telling me about how school and work is going. She talks about a guy she met yesterday that just started working at the restaurant she’s waitressing at. She has the hots for him. I know it sounds juvenile, but those are her exact words.
Ten minutes later we get off the phone after I reassure her that I’ll call again in the next day or two. She doesn’t like going too long without hearing from me. Calling and giving her updates is the very least I can do after everything that she’s done for me. Besides, I always seem to feel better after talking to her. I feel guilty for not telling her about everything that’s happened here in Jaded Hollow’s. We normally are very open with each other and I feel as though I am betraying her. I’ll tell her eventually, but I’m just not ready yet.
After hanging up, I place the phone down on the night stand and snuggle down under the warm soft comforter. It’s total bliss. I bury my head in the plump
pillow and allow my eyes to drift closed.
Chapter Nine
“I told you, you stupid bitch that I won’t put up with you associating with that cunt! Why won’t you listen to me? Why do you push me?” Steven says as he lands another kick to my stomach with his fine Italian loafers. I suck in a breath and I swear his last kick must have broken a rib and punctured a lung. The breath that I take in is almost as painful as the kick itself.
I’m huddled on the floor in the corner of our living room with my arms thrown around my head. Steven had just walked in unexpectedly while I was finishing up my phone call with Chris. He wasn’t due back for another couple hours so I thought I was safe. Apparently I was wrong.
Steven crouches down next to me and grabs a fist full of hair and yanks it back, hard.
“You will not speak to her! You will not see her! You will not even so much as think of her! She’s bad news Bailey! I’ll not have her putting crazy ideas in your fucking head about you leaving me! I’ll fucking kill her and you before I allow that to happen! I know she hates me and I’ll not have you around her! Do you hear me?” He emphasizes his words by slamming my head down onto the hard tile floor. I hear a crunch and I immediately feel blood gushing out of my nose and mouth. The pain is excruciating.
“Fucking answer me, Bailey, or so help me God you’ll live to regret it.” The grip on my hair tightens.
I stifle another pain filled cry when he yanks my head back again and gets in my face.
“I’m sorry Steven. I promise I won’t talk to or see Chris again,” I croak out. The sooner he is appeased the sooner this will be over. I’ll say or do anything to make the pain go away.
Steven slams my face back onto the floor which causes another bout of pain to shoot through my head. I roll to my side with my back facing him. Steven stands back up and plants another kick to my body, this time to my back. Blood sprays from my lips while I’m forced to arch my back and whimper through the pain.