by Alex Grayson
I learned that Jaxon owns a motorcycle and he enjoys taking rides just for the freedom it gives him. He said that when he needs time to think he’ll hop on it and just ride, with no destination in mind. He claims it calms him and allows him to clear his mind. I also learned that he got his first tattoo when he was just sixteen years old. His mom threw a fit, until she saw it. It was a simple design of the word ‘mom’ written in calligraphy, which he had placed above his heart. Once she saw it, she burst into tears and pulled him into a hug. She couldn’t be mad after that.
The more I learned about Jaxon, the more I liked him. He truly is a great guy. Anyone would be lucky to have him in their life. Not only is he wonderful, but he has a wonderful family as well. I can’t help but to be a little jealous of him.
After our breakfast and little chats Jaxon would always walk me home. There, standing at the door, Jaxon would lightly kiss me, just like the first morning. At first I was nervous but I’ve come to cherish each and every time he tenderly places his lips against mine. He’s always so gentle and sweet, never pushing for more. I know I’m not ready for anything more and I guess Jaxon realizes that. I may not be ready emotionally, but my body is another thing. Each time he kisses me, my body sings. My mind may be telling me to keep things slow, but my body is telling me to go further.
After Jaxon would give me the sweetest kisses ever he would leave, after hearing me lock the door. From there I would grab my purse and a book and head to the library, where I would get lost in a book for a couple of hours.
Anna and I have gotten closer as well. Once I leave the library I would head back over to Maggie’s Diner and sit while she works. Or if we both have a day off at the same time we would go back to one of our places or go to the next town over, which has several shopping centers. I’m still very diligent with my money, I never know when I might have to up and leave, but I’ve also splurged a little on clothes. As my wardrobe is seriously lacking I’ve justified the spending to needing some clothes anyway.
Nick left town a few days ago for another construction site so Anna has been depressed. I try to keep her busy so her mind isn’t constantly dwelling over Nick not being here. I have no idea what Anna is going through because I’ve never loved anyone so wholeheartedly, but I can see that when her mind wonders to Nick she is completely miserable. I can’t imagine loving someone so much that you feel lost and incomplete without them. I thought I had loved Steven in the beginning of our relationship, but it never crippled me when we weren’t together.
Each evening I would go to work. I’ve become more comfortable with my surroundings while at Jaxon’s Pub. There have been instances where a man will flirt with me and I’ll stiffen but Mia, Andrew, or Jaxon is always there. I know most of the men are harmless, but I still can’t help the natural reactions in me telling me to cringe. When the regulars do the flirting it doesn’t bother me that much, but when it’s someone I’ve never met before that’s when I become uncomfortable. It’s been ingrained in me since childhood. I’m getting better, but I’ve still got a long way to go. Luckily there have been no more Shady incidences.
Mia is still quiet and reserved, but she’s started opening up to me more. I can tell there is a story behind her reserve. Something happened to her as well. We are two peas in a pod.
Andrew is the life of the bar. He is absolutely hilarious and I love to see him shamelessly flirting with Jaxon. Jaxon doesn’t seem to mind. He’s confident in himself and his sexuality. It’s funny to watch when Jaxon gives Andrew a little run for his money and flirts back. Andrew knows that Jaxon is as straight as an arrow and nothing will ever come of it. Andrew likes to act like it’s all fun and games when Jaxon shuts him down, but I know it’s all an act. I also know that Andrew does secretly love Jaxon, I see it when he looks at him sometimes when he thinks no one notices, but he knows it’s utterly impossible. Andrew has actually confided in me about his feelings. It’s unrequited love, but he’s not hurt by it. He just knows that’s how it’s supposed to be.
I’m growing to love being in the bar. For the most part everyone is very nice. The town and its inhabitants are growing on me and I’m becoming attached, something I never thought would happen. I really enjoy seeing everyone interact with each other. The people of Jaded Hollow act as though they are one big happy family. It’s amazing to witness.
Each night Jaxon walks me to my apartment door and gives me another lingering kiss. He never asks to come in, needing to get back to the bar. I want to ask him to come in, even if it’s just to watch a movie with me, but I don’t know how to approach it. I don’t want him to think I want more right now but, I love spending time with him. I see him in the mornings and then again at night during work, but it just doesn’t seem enough. I hate to hear him on the other side of the door walking away. I’m so confused and I don’t know what to do.
So, that is my current daily routine. Currently, I am lounging on my couch watching The Big Bang Theory. It’s a show that I discovered the other night when I got off work and couldn’t get to sleep. Every night since then I try to catch an episode whenever I can. Sheldon is a hoot and I love to see what crazy idea he comes up with next.
I’m sitting here debating on whether or not to go to bed or watch another episode, when my phone starts ringing. The only people that have my number are Chris, Jaxon, Mia, Anna, and Andrew. Knowing that it has to be one of them I snatch up my phone and answer it without looking at the screen.
“Hello.”
There’s nothing but silence. Thinking that maybe they didn’t hear me I repeat myself. “Hello?”
Just as I am about to hang up because obviously there is a bad connection, I hear one of the most chilling sounds I’ve ever heard. I go completely still and I’m frozen in place. My heart stops for a second before it starts slamming in my chest like it’s trying to escape. My mouth goes dry and I begin to hyperventilate, breathing in and out heavily. What I hear crushes me. It’s a sound that I used to long to hear but now it terrifies me.
On the other side of the phone I hear a baby wailing at top of its lungs. It’s excruciating to listen to and it breaks my heart into a million pieces. The baby cries and cries and cries. The sound seems like it goes on for hours, but I know that it’s only been a couple of minutes. In the minutes that I hear the awful sound I come undone and let loose my own sobs. Clutching the phone to my ear my other hand comes to my mouth and I fall apart.
Abruptly, just as quickly as it started the wailing stops and then silence. I’m still crying into the phone when I hear a click and then the dial tone.
I drop the phone into my lap and grab at my hair on either side of my head, pulling hard. I scream out so hard that I wouldn’t be surprised if I popped a blood vessel in my eyes. I know I’m losing it, but I’m helpless to stop it.
It’s obvious that Steven has figured out my phone number, but I wonder if he knows where I am. I’m thinking he doesn’t because if he knew where I was then he would be here right now, instead of terrorizing me from afar. He may not know where I am now, but it won’t be long before he does.
I squeeze my eyes at the thought. I don’t want to leave this place. I’m finally happy where I am. I have friends, I have a job, I’m sort of living on my own, and I have a guy, I’m not really sure what Jaxon is, that seems to genuinely care about me.
I don’t want to leave, but I also don’t want Steven to find me here either. There’s no telling what he’ll do if he sees that I’m happy and that there are people that care about me. It terrifies me to think about Steven’s reaction if he finds out about Jaxon. I know that Jaxon can hold his own in a fight, but Steven won’t come at Jaxon without backup. He also won’t come at Jaxon fairly. Steven is a hot shot lawyer and he has many contacts, some that work on the right side of the law and some that work on the wrong side. I need to leave.
Just then my phone starts ringing in my lap and I jump. I can’t deal with another phone call like the one I just received. I pick it up to throw it against th
e wall when I see on the screen that it says it’s Jaxon. I frantically push the talk button and bring it to my ear.
“Jaxon,” I say hoarsely into the receiver. My throat is dry from my screaming and crying.
He knows immediately that something is not right.
“Angel, what is it? What’s wrong?” He hurriedly asks.
“He..he has my number. He’s going to find me.” I start crying harder. Oh God, this can’t be happening. Not now.
Jaxon speaks again into the phone. “Bailey, listen to me. I’m headed out the door of the bar right now. I’m headed your way, okay. Don’t hang up. I’m almost there, Angel.”
I hear his rapid breathing at the same time I hear him pounding up the stairs. A couple seconds later there is pounding at the door. I know that it’s Jaxon, but I still give off a little yelp at the pounding.
“It’s okay Angel. It’s just me. Come to the door and let me in. Hurry.” I can tell he’s out of breath and straining to stay calm.
I immediately get up and run over to the door to unlock it. As soon as I open the door I rush into Jaxon’s arms and push my face into his hard chest. I suddenly feel safe again and I burst into more uncontrollable sobs. He walks me backwards with his arms around me and then kicks the door closed. He reaches one arm back to lock the door.
He scoops me up and walks to the couch. He takes a seat with me still cradled against his chest. While he strokes my back and hair, soothing me I try and calm my crying. I clutch his shirt and breathe him in. He feels so warm and smells so good and refreshing. I wish I could stay here forever, in the protection of his arms and forget about all my worries.
“Shhh...I’ve got you.” He whispers in my ear.
I sniffle into his shirt and reluctantly lift my head from the safe haven of his chest. His hands move from my back to my cheeks and he wipes away my tears. I must look a mess, but he doesn’t seem to care.
“What the hell happened?” The vehement in his voice takes me by surprise, but I know it’s out of concern for me.
I sit there and stare into his odd eyes. I debate with myself on how much to tell him. I need to give him something, but I don’t want to reveal the whole story. First, it’s too painful to revisit. I already live with it every day. Second, I don’t want Jaxon to look at me with pity, or God forbid, think less of me because I kept myself in the situation for as long as I did. And third, I know Jaxon cares about me but I also know he has a temper. I worry about his reaction if he were to learn everything I’ve gone through. I take a deep, encouraging breath and decide to give him a little.
“I had some trouble back home and decided that I needed to leave. I received a phone call right before you called that brought it all back.” I glance down at my hands to avoid his gaze.
He grips my chin and tilts it back up to him, forcing me to look in his eyes. “What kind of problems Bailey?”
“I can’t – I can’t tell you. It’ll only make them worse.” I whisper back to him.
I can see the disappointment and frustration in his eyes. As much as it pains me to see the two emotions I just can’t take the chance and tell him. I know that if he were to ever learn the truth he would interfere and inadvertently make the situation worse by unknowingly letting Steven know where I am. It would not only bring the wrath of hell down on myself but, even worse, bring it down on Jaxon and the ones that I’m starting to care for. No matter what, I can’t let anything happen to them, especially Jaxon.
“Baby, you need to learn that you can trust me. I can help you, only if you’ll let me. Please let me do this. I can see the struggle that you carry. It’s killing me knowing that you’re going through something that I have no knowledge of. I care for you, Angel, and it’s eating me alive not knowing.” He pleads with me.
It takes everything I have to not give in to him, but I just can’t. I can’t let him put himself or anyone else, in danger. He doesn’t understand the ramifications if I were to tell him. Steven is too much a figurehead and is too high on the chain for Jaxon to come out unscathed. No! It’s just too risky!
“You don’t understand, Jaxon. It’s too dangerous. I can’t tell you. It’ll only hurt you and I can’t do that. As much as I thought I could never trust or care about someone again, I have come to care about you. And trust you. That’s why you can’t know. I can’t bear the thought of you getting hurt, especially because of me.” I beg him with my eyes to understand.
The grip he has on my chin tightens slightly. His expression determined. “I can take care of myself. It’s you that needs protecting. I just don’t know what from. You’re leaving me blind here.”
“There’s nothing you can do. There’s nothing that anyone can do. I brought it on myself and I have to figure out a way to fix it. Thank you for caring and wanting to help. You have no idea how much that means to me, but there’s nothing that can be done.”
I see the torment swirling in his eyes before he roughly pulls me forward and into his arms. I feel him rest his chin on top of my head. I wrap my arms around him as well, basking in his outdoorsy scent. It’s amazing how safe I feel when I’m surrounded by Jaxon. I’ve never felt safe in my life. I savor it and wish that I could have it forever. I tuck each and every one of Jaxon’s hugs away in my memory bank so that when I leave and I need comfort I can pull them out again.
“Ah, Angel, I wish you would let me be the judge of that.” I hear him murmur.
We continue to hold each other for several minutes. We sit there in silence, both lost in our own thoughts. He pulls back slightly but keeps his arms around me loosely. His eyes are my favorite color again.
“I need to get you in bed.” He says huskily.
My body jerks and I suck in a quick breath. My heart starts to thunder in my chest. I don’t know if it’s from fear or anticipation. The act of sex itself terrifies me but I know that it would be different with Jaxon. Jaxon wouldn’t force me. He wouldn’t make me do anything that I didn’t want to do. He would be gentle and easy. Even knowing this I’m still not ready. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready. I worry that all I’ll ever see when it comes to sex is Steven and his goons and the heinous things they’ve done to me.
Jaxon notices my pending panic attack and quickly places both of his hands on the sides of my face. He bends down so we are eye to eye.
“No, Angel, no. That’s not what I meant. As much as I want to take you to bed and love you I know you can’t handle that right now. I can be patient and wait. You’re beat and need to get some rest. I just want to hold you until you fall asleep. No funny business. I promise. Will you give me that?”
As I look up at Jaxon, I realize three things. One, is that I’ve come a long way since I first rolled into town. I no longer shrink away when Jaxon gets too close or initiates intimate contact. An action that I never thought was possible. Two, is that I’ve never wanted anything more that to have Jaxon hold me as I drift off to sleep. To be cocooned in his big arms seems like the most perfect way to fall asleep. And three, is that I completely trust Jaxon to keep his word.
I give him a timid smile and say, “I believe I can do that.”
He graces me with his own smile and reaches down to peck a simple kiss on my lips. My own grin widens.
It’s hard to believe that I can smile after the phone call I received tonight, but I blame it all on Jaxon. He makes me feel different. Happy. More confident. Relaxed. He brings light into my dreary life.
Jaxon reaches down and scoops me up into his arms. The move is so sudden that I let out a loud yelp and throw my arms around his neck.
Jaxon isn’t fazed by my yelp and starts chuckling while he carries me down the hallway.
“It’s okay, I’ve got you.” He says while still chuckling.
He doesn’t set me down until we reach the bed. He gently lays me down in the middle and then reaches for the comforter. I’m forced to lift myself so he can pull it back. He sits down and starts pulling off his boots. I lay on my side huddled into a ball and watch h
im. He then gets up and removes his jacket and places it at the end of the bed.
Tonight he’s wearing his standard black shirt and ripped jeans. Jaxon sits back on the bed and lays down, bringing the covers with him. I have to admit that I’m a little disappointed that he didn’t remove his shirt.
He rolls towards me and opens his arms. “Come here, Angel.” He says softly.
Hesitantly, I scooch over to him. He puts his arm around me and maneuvers me until my back is facing his front. Once that’s done he has one arm wrapped around my middle with his hand tucked under my side. The arm that I’m lying on goes around my neck and lays diagonal across my chest and is resting on top of my arm. He buries his face in my hair and takes a deep breath. I am completely wrapped in Jaxon. I thought I would be nervous and a little uncomfortable lying in bed with Jaxon but it’s the opposite. I love it.
He releases a sigh. “Thank you. I’ve wanted to hold you like this for a while now.” He shifts slightly to bend his knees, which causes me to bend mine as well.
“Is black the only color t-shirts you wear?” I ask him curiously.
He laughs lightly in my ear before replying. “I never really thought about it before, but I guess it is. I’m a guy, when I shop for clothes I don’t stop to think about what looks good. I just pick up the first thing I see. I guess what I always see first is black.”
“Hmm...I think I like you in black.” I try and stifle a yawn, but it manages to escape.
I feel Jaxon place a soft lingering kiss on the back of my neck and it causes shivers to go throughout my body.
“Sleep, Angel,” Jaxon says.
“Okay, Jaxon.” I respond quietly, already halfway there.
“Sweet dreams, baby.” I hear him say right before I succumb to the darkness.