Uh-oh. I think I really stepped in it and didn’t realize it. “Yes, sir. I’ll give it serious thought.”
“Okay. We’ll have a conversation tomorrow night and see if we’re both still on the same page like I thought we already were. Text me when you get home. Talk to you later.” Before I get a chance to say anything else, he hangs up. Great. I may have ruined the relationship before it actually gets off the ground. Yep. Sounds like something I’d do.
“You okay?” Brian’s voice right beside me makes me jump.
“Uh, yeah.”
“You don’t look too good.”
“Wow, thanks.”
“I mean, you look a little pale. You feeling okay?”
I shake my head. “No. I screwed up. I didn’t tell Boone I was coming here tonight before I came. I just talked to him and he’s pissed.”
“What? He didn’t know you were here? Submissive, you know better than that. I mean, really. Did you honestly think he wouldn’t care?”
I shrug. “I dunno.”
“Or were you trying to find out if he would?”
That question slaps me across the face. That’s exactly what I was doing and didn’t know it, damn it. I wanted to get his response, and I sure did. I think I was hoping he’d get mad, and he did. That tells me a lot.
It tells me he cares. That he’s serious about the relationship. That this isn’t a game to him. It also tells me that I’ve got more than myself to consider from now on. “Melina?” Brian’s voice snaps me out of my thoughts. “Honey, don’t screw this up for yourself. You’re smarter than that. If this is your attempt at self-sabotage, it just might work.”
“I just …” I’m shaking all over, and I don’t know what to do. Part of me … “Brian, he deserves better. I’m just a washed-up porn star and he’s a rich, smart guy with a good life and a little kid and a family. I’m a nobody. I’ll just drag him down.” That’s it. I just dissolve. There it is―my greatest fear. I’m terrified I’ll fall in love with him and he’ll figure out what a loser I am and never want to look at me again. All I can do is bury my face in my folded arms as they rest there on the bar and bawl. Why don’t I just work up the courage to tell him to forget it and let him go on? It’s going to happen anyway. I know that.
Two firm hands land on my shoulders and I realize Brian is behind me. “Mel, there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re a beautiful, capable woman. You know how to make men happy, and I don’t mean with just your body. You’ve got a good mind, you’re kind, you’re smart, you’re funny as hell, and you’re a loving, giving person. Any man would be lucky to have you.”
“Yeah, like all the men who’ve had me over the years and walked away.” I’m still sobbing. I know everybody in the club can see me, and I don’t care.
Brian’s arms wrap around me from behind and he pulls me into him. “Honey, if he wants to care for you, let him. Don’t push him away, and don’t play head games with him to get him to leave.” Shit, he’s got me figured out. “Just be honest with him, and be patient with yourself, okay? You’re liking your job, right?” I just nod as I cry. “Well, see? That lady who owns the store was right to hire you. She got good help, someone who’s smart and conscientious. Boone sees all of that in you, honey. Try to see it in yourself too.”
Now I’m too sad. Why did I do this? I knew he’d be upset or I would’ve told him up front, and now I’ve made a mess. I just sit there and cry. I really don’t know what to do. Brian gives me a glass of something with vodka in it and I go to the corner and sob like a little kid. There’s no telling how long I’ve been there, maybe thirty minutes, when he taps me on the shoulder and I look up to find him holding out my phone. “Hello?”
“Hey. You okay?” That voice. Everything inside me shudders.
I can barely talk. “No. I’m so sorry for what I did, Boone. I really am. I’m just …” There are no more words. They just won’t come.
“I know, baby. Brian answered your phone and we had a little talk before he handed it to you. Melina, don’t make yourself sick over this. I’m not sure what happened, but I don’t think this was malicious on your part. I’m not sure what―”
“I’m scared!” I blurt out, and then I realize how pathetic that sounds. And then I get the surprise of my life.
“Know what? I’m scared too. I’m scared that I’m falling for you and you won’t feel the same way, and then I’ll―”
“But I will! I do!” I almost shriek into the phone, and I’m embarrassed as hell, but I can’t seem to stop myself. “Boone, please? I’m lousy at this. I don’t know how to have a relationship, okay? Really. I don’t. And I know I’ve messed it up, and I’m sorry, and―”
“Melina?”
“I’m sure I’m going to do more stupid stuff, and then you’ll be mad and we’ll break up, and it’ll be―”
“Melina.”
“―a big mess and everybody’ll get hurt and―”
“Melina!” he yells.
That stops me in my tracks. “Yeah?”
“Baby, stop! Just stop. I’m not mad. I was, but I’m not now. I see what’s going on.”
“You do? Because I don’t. I’m not sure what’s going on. I’m really confused and―”
“Melina, stop. Listen to me.” I’m sniffling and still sobbing. “Are you listening?”
“Yes.”
“Good. I think we’ve got more to work out than most couples, but we can do this. Do you hear me? I know we can.”
Couples. We have more to work out than most couples. Holy hell, we’re a couple. In two seconds I’m wishing I were dead when I verbally spew out, “I love you, Boone.”
I hear him chuckle and I almost faint, but then he says, “I love you too, you crazy little thing. It’s all gonna be okay. Hear me?”
“Yes, sir,” I whine.
“Okay. Pull yourself together and go home. Call me when you get there. Baker’s in bed and we can talk. Please? And be careful? Okay?”
“Yeah. Uh-huh. Okay.”
“Can you ask Brian to call me?”
“Yes, sir. I’m sorry, sir, I just―”
“Stop it. Ask Brian to call me. Then you go home. Love you, little girl. It’s gonna be okay.”
“Yes, sir. Love you too, sir. Bye.” I guess Brian sees me hang up because he comes toward me. “He wants you to call him.”
“Okay. I will. You all right?” he asks, the concern obvious in his eyes and voice.
“I will be.”
He sits down beside me and takes my hand, and I wonder what he’s about to say. “Melina, I need to tell you something.”
Oh, god, is he dying with cancer or something? “Brian, you’re scaring me a little.”
“Don’t be scared. Just listen to me. The night I told him you weren’t my submissive? Know what he said?” One shake of my head spurs him onward. “He told me he was really glad because that night in orientation, when you knelt in front of me and I pressed my hand to the top of your head? He said, ‘And in that very moment, I was jealous as hell. I wanted that to be me. Brian, tell me she’s not promised to somebody else because I want her. I have to have her. I think I fell in love with her the first time I laid eyes on her.’ That’s what he said.” The words he’s saying, I can’t believe I’m hearing them. “You listen to me like you’ve never listened to anybody. This guy is crazy about you, and he’s somebody very, very important and yet very down to earth and decent. This is your chance, sweetheart. He’s your Prince Charming. Do not mess this up, girl. I mean it. Don’t do it.”
“Okay, okay! I won’t. At least I’ll try not to. Brian?” When he squeezes my hand, I know he’s listening. “I love you. Thank you for being a good friend to me. You and Cirilla, and Dave and Olivia, and Clint and Steffen and the girls. I don’t know where I’d be if it weren’t for all of …” And I dissolve again.
He just sits there and holds my hands while I cry. I’m so tired and scared and confused that I don’t know what to do. I feel someone else touch me
and find Cirilla sitting on my other side, her arms wrapped around me, hugging me. And then another presence comes into my space. When I look up, I think I’m imagining things.
It’s Boone. Brian and Cirilla both stand and walk away so he can sit down beside me. “What are you doing here? Baker’s at home and―”
“Millie’s there. I woke her so she’d know I was going out.” He’s sitting to my right, and his left arm encircles my waist as his right hand takes mine. “I had to come and talk to you. Baby, I don’t know what to do, but I know we’re going to get through this, okay? Just don’t give up.”
“I won’t. I promise.” That does it―I start crying again.
“Melina? Stand up. I’m taking you home.”
“But my car―”
“I’ll get somebody to follow in it and then I can bring them back here. But you need to go to bed and get some sleep. We can talk more tomorrow night, but there’s something I need to say to you right here, right now.” With a finger under my chin, he tips my face up. “I love you, Melina. I don’t know how it happened so fast, but it did, and I’m glad. You’re going to be mine. There’s no doubt in my mind. You just have to understand that if I say you’re good enough for me, you’re good enough for me. If you don’t believe me, Brock and Blake will make sure you understand that. Two weeks. Two weeks from now, you’re going to meet Baker, no matter what I have to do to make that happen. This is how it’s going to be. Settle it in your mind, because I just announced it so. Go get your stuff out of the locker room and let’s go.”
When he stands, he reaches for my hands and as soon as they’re in his, he pulls me to standing. “Go on. Right now.” I know without looking back that he’s gone over to talk to Brian. As soon as I come out, he fixes me with a piercing gaze. “Give me your keys.” Before I can argue, my keys are in his hand and passed off to Ansel. He barely gives me time to wave to Brian and Cirilla before he whisks me outside and into his Rover. “Up in there with you,” he says and points up inside it, then helps me in and makes sure I’m buckled in. When he slips behind the wheel, he checks to see Ansel in my car behind us. “Here we go.”
He drives along through the darkened city, street lights casting a yellow glow on his face, and I stare. He’s got to be the most amazing person I’ve ever met, and I can’t figure out for the life of me why he wants me, but I know I should be thankful that he does. We’re not talking, and I’m not sure I want to anyway, but we’re almost to my house when I ask, “Boone, I’m not sure I can be who you want me to be.”
There’s that chuckle, that warm, huggable laugh that makes me smile. “Angel, all I want you to be is yourself. If you’re yourself, you’re exactly who I want you to be.” I can feel the tears starting again. “Do not start crying again. Do you know how much it kills me to see you cry?”
It kills him to see me cry. No man has ever cared if I cried or not. Matter of fact, I got the distinct impression that a lot of them liked it when I cried. But not this man. What’s the difference? I’m not sure. But I can take a guess.
I think it’s because he’s a real man.
He pulls up to the curb in front of my house and I look back to see Ansel park my car in my drive. I don’t even notice when Boone gets out of the SUV, but he opens the door for me and helps me to the sidewalk. At my front door, he stops and stares down at me. “Coming in?” I ask.
“No. I’ve got to get back home, but I’ll see you tomorrow night. I’ll come and pick you up about six.” I nod. “If I go in, I won’t be able to leave, and I don’t think Ansel wants to sit out here in your car all night!” he says with a laugh.
I finally smile. “Yeah. Probably not. Thank you.”
“For what? You scared me, babe. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.” As soon as the door is unlocked and open, I turn to face him and he smiles. “I wasn’t kidding. I love you, Melina. The sooner you get that into your head, the better off we’ll all be.”
“I love you too.” His hands cup my face, he kisses my lips gently, and everything inside me turns to mush. I don’t know if this man is really perfect.
But he’s perfect for me.
Chapter Six
The first thing I see when I wake on Wednesday is those roses across the room on my dresser. They’re still as fresh and lovely as they were on Monday. Good stock, I think, and then realize that the guy who gave them to me could be described the same way. I grab my phone and send him a quick text: Good morning!
I get one back almost immediately. Good morning, beautiful! Getting ready for work?
Will be in about ten minutes. Just looking at my flowers. Still very pretty. Can’t wait for tonight.
My smile is so big that it hurts when he sends back, Want you in my arms. See you at six. Have a great day. He ends it with a little heart emoticon and I almost melt with joy.
I hum in the shower. I hum in the car. I’m so happy I can barely stand it. Somebody loves me! And he’s not just somebody, he’s a really important somebody! Brian was right. I can’t mess this up―I just can’t.
True to her word, Frieda is teaching me the cash register. I swear to god, I don’t think I’ll ever figure this thing out. I could do it faster with a damn piece of paper and pencil, what with all the buttons on this thing. And it’s all touchscreen, like a thing called Cube or something. I have no idea. Very frustrating. I decide if I’m going to have to do this, I’ll have to cut my nails way back. They’re too long for tapping on a screen. “Here. This is Chelsea’s cheat sheet,” Frieda announces and hands me a little notebook from under the counter
Between being overwhelmed with this fucking cash register and trying to decipher Chelsea’s handwriting―wish she was here to translate―the hours are just dribbling by. At a little after three, I hear the chime on the front door and turn. It’s the lady from yesterday. “Hi! You’re back! Good to see you!” I say in greeting.
“Yes! Thanks so much for your help yesterday. I just wanted you to know …” She leans in and whispers, “… you were right about the vibrator and the, um, dildo. That was awesome,” she whispers. “Amazing. Incredible. And I want another one. Dildo, I mean. Variety, you know?” she says, her cheeks pinking up but her smile even bigger than before.
“I know what you mean. Just buy more. It’s like having a drawer full of boyfriends!” I say with a laugh, and she giggles. “Come on. Let’s pick out something you’ll really like. By the way, what’s your name?” I ask so she won’t know I snooped.
“Beatrice. I know―old fashioned name, but I like it.”
Twenty minutes later, she’s got two more glass dildos, and I talk her into some warming lube. I actually manage to ring her up and because it takes me forever, I give her another ten percent discount. “I’m sorry it’s taking me so long, but I’m just learning to use this thing. I hope I did it right. If your charges aren’t right when you get your statement, come back and I’ll try to fix them.”
“Oh, you’re fine. No worries,” she says as she signs the screen while I’m wrapping her purchases in kraft paper to keep them from getting broken.
“Here you go, and thanks for coming back. Hope to see you again soon,” I tell her as I walk her to the door.
Then she stops and turns to face me. “Mary, thanks for not treating me weird or anything. I was almost too embarrassed to come in here yesterday, but now it’s kind of exciting!” she gushes quietly.
“You’re welcome. Sexuality isn’t weird. The way Americans treat it is weird, but it’s not like that in other countries.”
She nods. “You’re so right. Well, thanks again.”
“You’re welcome. Any time,” I say and wave as she crosses the parking lot to her car.
By the time I get to go, it’s fifteen after five and I’m panicked. I’ve got to get home and get showered and changed. Once I stick the key in my ignition, I send out a quick text: Had to work a little late. Will six thirty be okay?
I get a smiley face back and a reply. I’ve seen you naked. Is it not
okay if I come on over?
That makes me laugh aloud. Of course you can. Just didn’t want to waste your time.
And his reply makes my heart sing. Being near you could never be a waste of my time.
My car seems to fly home of its own accord, and before I know it, I’m in the shower. I’m drying off when I hear the doorbell ring. “Just a minute! Hang on!” A fast wrap with the towel and I jet toward the door. When I open it, he’s standing there, grinning. “Hi, sir!”
“Hey, babe!” Oh, god, I hope all the neighbors see as he steps up to me and drops a kiss on my lips. “Look at you, all wet and beautiful.”
“No makeup and my hair matted,” I answer.
“Stop running yourself down,” he says and slaps my ass. I kinda like that.
“It’ll only take me a few minutes to get ready, I promise.” I head to the bedroom and I hear him following me. “What are you doing?”
“I want to watch you. I love watching you. Creepy, yeah, but hell, why not?” He’s laughing and it makes me laugh too. “So did you have a good day at work?”
“Yes. Made another sale too. I’m doing pretty good, I suppose,” I say, rifling through my closet.
“Good. I knew I’d be proud of my … proud of you. You’ll be employee of the month before you know it!” I wonder what he was about to say before he corrected himself.
Then I think of something I wanted to ask him. “Um, I have this observation. You know I called Baker mini-Boone when I saw that picture of you guys.” He nods. “I mean, he looks a lot like you, Boone. A lot. But he’s adopted?”
He sighs and falls back onto my bed. “That’s because he’s related to me.” I don’t ask more, just wait, and he finally says, “Remember when I told you my dad has a lot of brothers?” I nod. “He’s biologically the son of one of my cousins.”
Well, that explains a lot. “So where’s your cousin?”
“My cousin was killed. Active duty. Basra. It was gruesome. His wife was pregnant and when the baby was born, she didn’t want him. She didn’t want anything to do with anything that reminded her of my cousin. She’d actually left the family right after he died, and she came back to see my uncle and aunt and then abandoned the baby with them. They were going to ask one of their other sons to take him, but one of them suggested my ex and me, since we’d been trying to get pregnant and didn’t seem to be able to. I was beyond excited. She was less than, but since he was related to me biologically, she decided to go along with it.”
Undeniably His: Bliss Series, Book Five Page 10