When work’s over and I leave, I stop at the market on the way home and get some little premade dinner. The early news is on, so I watch as I eat it, then turn off the TV and go get my paints and little tabletop easel. I’m working on a painting of the Space Needle from a picture I took downtown one day, and it’s coming along pretty well. It’s hard to get some of the colors right, but I think I’m doing okay with it.
At nine, I decide to quit for the night and read before I go to sleep. I’m settled in and reading along when I hear my text ping. I grab my phone and take a look.
You up?
That makes me snicker. What am I, eighty? Of course. Two seconds later, my phone rings and I answer with a simple, “Hey.”
“Hey, babe. Have a good day?”
“Good enough. How about you? Get enough damage control done?”
There’s a deep sigh and I know the answer isn’t going to be pretty. “You didn’t see him. She didn’t cut his hair, Melina―she buzzed it. I mean, it’s about a quarter of an inch long all over his head. He’s just beside himself, and I don’t blame him. It’s not even like she did a high and tight―she just took it off all over. Poor little fella cried all day. Went to dialysis and the nurse said, ‘Oh, hey, you got a new haircut! Like it?’ And he started bawling all over again. I feel so bad for him, and she did this because she’s so determined that he’s going to be nothing like me.”
“And being like you would be bad why?” I ask. I’m mystified. He’s gorgeous, smart, wealthy, so many things that most people would want their kids to be, and she doesn’t want that for Baker?
“She’s so fucking afraid he’s going to be kinky. I mean, she might as well resolve herself to it. His chances are pretty damn good, seeing as how he’s part of this family. And I think that’s the problem right there.”
“I’m not following you.”
“Remember when I told you she didn’t even want to go to his appointments anymore?”
“Yeah.”
“I think it’s because he’s part of my family. Biologically speaking, I mean. And that frosts her. I think she’d be a great mother to another kid, but I think she’s pissed that I am who I am and he shares genetics with me. I think she’s pissed that he’s a Lawson, and I also think she’s pissed that he’s not partially genetically hers. That’s something I have no control over, but I’m concerned about him when he’s with her.”
I’m beginning to believe he should be, but I’m not going to tell him that. “She loves him, Boone. He’s her little boy.”
“But he’s got so many things to deal with in his world that most kids don’t have. He feels horrible all the time. There’s dialysis six days a week. All the needles and the poking and prodding. All the worries that things will go downhill and we’ll lose him. I don’t know too many other kids who have to worry on a daily basis that they’ll die, but he does. He wants to be like me. Do you know how gratifying that is to me?”
“I can’t even imagine,” I almost whisper. Well, I can’t. I have no kids and no promise of ever having any, and even if I had some, I can’t imagine anyone would think it was a good thing if they were like me. Hell no.
“He wants to be a Lawson. He wants to fit in with the rest of the family. He―”
Something flits across my mind. “Does he know he’s adopted?”
“No. I’ve never told him and as far as I know, she never has either. That’s something she’d better not spring on him or so help me god, I’ll … It won’t be pretty. I’ll just say that.”
“I would hope not either. That’s something that should be done with both of you sitting him down and talking to him, not somebody blurting it out because they’re mad at somebody else. That would just be wrong.”
“That’s sure true. Although it doesn’t look like it bothers her one bit to hurt him. What she did this morning … There was no excuse for that. I never made her do anything she didn’t want to do, and I―”
“Did she ever actually, um, play with you?”
“No! And when I realized it wasn’t going to happen, I just let it go. And I didn’t hold it against her. I made a terrible mistake―I didn’t talk to her about it before we got married, and I should’ve.”
“True. So what are you going to do?”
There’s another sigh before he says, “Just keep going, I guess. I mean, what else can I do? She’s not going to change, that much I’m sure of. All I can do is love him and be the best dad I can. But I did make a decision today.” I’m holding my breath because I’m a little afraid of what that’ll be. “I want you to come over tomorrow. I want you to meet him and him to meet you. You’re important to me. This has to happen.”
Along with the excitement of the idea, I have more than just a little apprehension. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
“Of course! Why wouldn’t it be?”
There’s something I have to say. It’s been there in the back of my mind for days, bubbling and brewing, and it’s begging to be said. “Boone, we’ve only really known each other for a little over a week. Do you really think … I mean, should we …”
“Melina, I’m sure of how I feel about you. Are you sure of how you feel about me?”
“Absolutely! I’ve never been surer of anything in my life!”
“And I feel the same way about you. So really, should we wait? Because for every day we wait, that’s a day you won’t have with Baker. He’s a great kid―he’s such a great kid―and I really want the two of you to get to know each other and have a relationship. So please, just think about it, okay?” Hearing him plead like that tears me apart. This is something he feels strongly about, obviously, and I can’t say that I blame him. Every minute he has with his son is precious, but I know he loves me too. It only makes sense, I suppose.
“I don’t have to think about it. Do you want me to come over tomorrow afternoon? I mean, that will give you the morning to talk to him about me, get him prepared a little, make sure he’s okay with it.”
“Good idea. He’s never had to share me with anybody except Marie, so this will be something new, but I think he’ll be fine. But yeah―I’ll do that. Maybe come over about two o’clock? I can send Maurice for you.”
“No. I’ll drive myself.” Even though I’m not going to say it, I’m pretty sure he’s not going to want me to spend the night with Baker there, at least not for a little while. “I’ll come at two. Is there something he really likes? Something I could bring him? Because I’d like to give him a little present of some kind. I mean, he has a dad who’s rich so he has everything he needs, but still―”
“You don’t have to get him anything. If you do, just make it something small and I’m sure he’ll love it. And babe?”
“Yeah?”
“Thanks.”
“For what?”
“For … everything. For being you. For loving me. For everything. I’ll see you tomorrow at two, okay?”
“I’ll be there. I love you, Boone.”
“I love you too, Angel. See you tomorrow.”
And now I have a present to buy. I’ve never bought anything for a child before. This might be fun!
* * *
The next morning I call Dave, who tells me to call Trish, but she’s not answering. He said they might’ve gone swimming at Marta and Angela’s, Clint’s mom and her wife. So I call Sheila instead.
“Sure! I’ll help you! I know what little boys like. I’ll come pick you up in a few minutes, how’s that?”
“God, you’re a lifesaver, Sheila! Thank you so much. I’ll be waiting.” Their kids, Joseph and Rachel, are the cutest ever, two adorable little dark chocolate kids with big brown eyes who love their blonde dad and ginger mom. I watch them and the little Winstead family and I see what family can truly be when everybody’s not a drunken, dysfunctional mess. I’m praying Boone’s family is like this too. If there was ever anything I needed in my life, it would be a family that looked something like normal.
Sheila takes me to the
biggest damn toy store I’ve ever seen. The sign out front has a big purple elephant and blue monkey on it, and the name of the store is Adventure City. When I walk in, I find out why. There are things whizzing and buzzing and talking and burping all over the place, little cars running around on the floor by themselves, and kids everywhere. And I do mean everywhere. It’s sensory overload. There’s a whole bank of tablets along one wall and there are kids of all ages playing dozens of different kinds of video games on them. There’s even a section for kids’ cell phones. I’m sorry―I can’t believe that’s a good idea. But then what do I know about kids?
A salesperson sees us wandering around and stops to ask if there’s anything they can help us with, so I take that opportunity to ask about the latest and greatest technological wonder for children, and she leads us straight to it. “And this is similar to the smart devices for homes. It interfaces with the home’s wifi. You download the program onto your computers, mobile devices, and tablets, and you can choose apps for the device. And you name it too! Like this one―somebody in the store named it Buzzby.”
Before she can say anything else, the little device says, “Yep! It’s Buzzby! What would you like to do today?”
I don’t get a chance to tell her how much that creeps me out before she says, “Kids like the semiregular polyhedron shape and the colors.” I have no idea what she just said before the word “colors.” “The different surfaces flash different colors of light too, and you can change them. Bright, primary and secondary colors for boys, or pretty pastel colors for girls. And neon colors too! Plus it can act as a nightlight.”
“What else can it do besides talk?”
“The apps can do all kinds of things. Buzzby, tell me about chickens,” the young woman tells the little machine.
The object immediately starts talking. “Chickens are farm animals. They eat grain and bugs of all kinds. There are many, many kinds of chickens, all colors and sizes, from the tiny bantam chickens to the giant coachman breed. Chickens are birds, so they lay eggs which hatch into chicks. Not only do they give us eggs, but they’re good to eat too. Chicken meat is very―”
“Buzzby, stop,” she calls out. And it does. “It can do all kinds of things―tell jokes, answer questions, play games. You can even ask it to fart.” I can see a seven-year-old boy loving that. I can see his dad, eh―not so thrilled. And then I think about what a big kid Boone is and I realize he’d probably love that too. But what the hell? “I’ll take one. Is it hard to set up?”
“No, not at all, but if you have trouble, we have a team member on staff who can come and set it up.”
“Great. I want one.” Yeah, the damn thing’s expensive, but I don’t care. This is Boone’s little boy. I want him to have something he’ll love, something from me so he knows I’m his friend and I want to get to know him.
“Would you like that gift wrapped?”
“Yes! Please.”
“What’s the occasion?”
“Um, I’m meeting him for the first time and I’m dating his dad.” It’s the first time I’ve said that to anybody, and it feels pretty good.
“I’ll tell them to use some kind of sports paper. That should work. Be back in a few.”
As she walks away, I turn to Sheila. “Did I go overboard?”
“Yes, but under the circumstances, based on what you’ve said, I think it’s a great gift and something he’ll love. And I think I know what Rachel and Joseph are getting for Christmas,” she says with a wink.
Along with the device, which I discover is called a Gadget, I buy a fifty dollar gift card so he can buy apps for it. The final amount due is still less than a hundred and twenty dollars, so I think I did pretty good. By the time we’re finished it’s almost noon, so I treat Sheila to lunch for going with me. We laugh and talk. It’s so nice to have a friend like this. When I was working in the industry, I had no one. Nobody wants to be girlfriends with a porn star.
It’ll take me about thirty minutes to get to Boone’s house, so I leave at one thirty. I’m nervous as a cat. I feel like I’m about to be interviewed by a little kid, and that’s hideously uncomfortable. By the time I get there, I’m on the verge of a come-apart. Instead of pulling around back to the garage entrance, I park out front like a visitor, which I suppose I technically am. But I don’t get to ring the doorbell.
The door pops open and a little boy yells, “Daddy! She’s here!” He’s grinning and almost jumping up and down. “Are you Melina? You’re Melina, right? I’m Baker. Baker Lawson. Do you know me?”
“I know who you are, but we’ve never met. Yes, I’m Melina.” Before I can say anything else, Boone appears in the background wearing a grin that covers his whole face. “Hey!”
“Hey, babe.” Instead of just taking my hand, he leans out and kisses my cheek. “I’m glad you’re here.”
“You kissed her! Is she your girlfriend?” Baker asks loudly and pointedly.
“Yes, actually, she is. Come on in, babe. Want something to drink?”
“I’ll just take some water,” I say, and I’m still holding the bag with the gift in it behind me.
“Miss Melina, I have a watch. Do you wanna see my watch?” Baker asks, his eyes bright.
“Sure! I’d love to see your watch.”
“I’ll go get it. Daddy, I’m gonna go get my watch. Miss Melina wants to see it!” he yells and runs up the stairs full speed.
Boone’s laughing when he reappears with my water. “He’s been jumping up and down all day because he was excited that you were coming over. Wait―what’s that behind your back?”
“I just brought him a little present because―”
“You shouldn’t have done that,” he says, and I can’t tell if he’s angry or not. I never thought he might not want me to give Baker something.
“I’m sorry. I never thought you might not want me to―”
“No! No, no, no. I don’t mind. It’s just that I hate for you to spend your money on―”
“I wanted him to have something from me. Is that okay?”
“Of course! Thanks. I know whatever it is, he’ll love it. Baker? Where’d you go?”
“Right here, Daddy.” His little feet pound on the stairs as he comes rushing down. “See, Miss Melina? See my watch?” He holds it up, but just as I start to look at it, he pulls it back down to his face. “It says kurtz on the front.”
“That’s quartz,” Boone corrects.
“Quartz. I don’t know what that means. But it has an alarm on it too so I know when to take my medicine. I have medicine I have to take all the time. Do you have a watch?”
“Yep. Looks like this.” I hold out my arm so he can see my fitness watch. “It tells me how many steps I’ve walked every day.”
“Cool! That’s really sick.” I have no idea what that means. “Daddy, can I go outside to the pool?”
“Nope. We’re going to sit around and have fun together instead. But I think Miss Melina brought you something,” he says to give me an entrance strategy.
“I did. I got you a present. I hope you like it.” I pull the bag out from behind me and hand it to him.
He sets it timidly on the coffee table and pulls the top open, then takes the gift out. “That’s a nice wrapping job there,” Boone says with a chuckle.
“Thanks to the people at the store.”
“Can I open it now?” Baker asks, looking at me first and then his dad.
I nod. “Please. I hope you like it.”
He rips into it like it’s a million bucks. When the wrapping paper is off, he starts to scream. “A Gadget! It’s a Gadget, Daddy! I’ve been wanting one of these! Oh my gosh, Miss Melina! It’s so great! It’s sick! Thanks so much!” Then he stops dead and looks at me. “Is it okay if I hug you?”
I feel like I might cry. A kid wants to hug me. I don’t think I’d ever even talked to a child until I started spending time with Clint’s girls, and that wasn’t much. “Of course. I’d love it if you’d hug me.”
; He sets the present down carefully and walks straight up to me where I’m sitting on the sofa. When I lean out, he wraps his arms around my neck and whispers in my ear, “Thank you, Miss Melina. I want you to be my friend.”
All I can do is cut my eyes toward Boone and pray I don’t burst into tears. It looks like he caught my meaning because he says, “Baker, why don’t you take the present upstairs and we can help you set it up in a little bit, okay? Run on up and then get back down here. I got ice cream for us.”
He turns me loose but not before he’s given me a kiss on the cheek. “Thank you, Miss Melina. Do you want some ice cream?”
“Sure. I’ll have some with you.”
“Then don’t leave. Please? Don’t leave? Okay?”
“I’m not leaving. I’ll still be here,” I assure him.
“Okay. I’ll be right back. I promise.” I watch as he heads out of the room and toward the staircase before I let the tears fall.
“Babe? What’s wrong?”
I’m sobbing. “He likes me! He actually likes me!”
I hear him chuckle as he wraps his arms around me. “You didn’t think he would? Hell, babe, he loves everybody. It never occurs to him to not like somebody. Unless you hurt him, you’re his friend. That’s how he sees it. Now stop crying before he gets back down here. He’ll think you’re upset with him for some reason.”
“Oh, no. I don’t want that.” By the time I straighten up, he’s already handing me a tissue.
“Miss Melina? Are you crying?” a little voice asks.
“No, honey. It’s allergies. Terrible.”
“You should take some medicine for that. Right, Daddy?”
Boone laughs. “Yep. I think so. Let’s have some ice cream.”
“Can we sit by the pool?”
“Of course. Let’s go get it and we’ll go outside.” Boone leads the way and in a couple of minutes, we all have a plastic bowl of ice cream and a drink to take out to the pool.
While we eat the ice cream, Baker tells me all about school, then about dialysis. He has a friend named Homer in dialysis. “But I make up names for my friends. I call him Honker Sparklepants. I should make up a name for you. What do you want it to be?”
Undeniably His: Bliss Series, Book Five Page 17