And it looks good. I’m proud of the job we’ve done. Boone is running past me, carrying a bucket of something, and he turns, running backward, to call to me, “Looks good, huh?”
“It does!”
“Love you, babe!” he yells and spins around to take off down the aisle.
When I ask the head of the merchandising team what else I can do, she smiles. “We’re at the putting out stock stage. If you want to start hanging up the sunglasses, go for it.”
“Should I keep all the like ones together or mix them up a bit?”
“Mix them up. If you do that, somebody who was going to buy a twenty-dollar pair may see a thirty-five-dollar pair right beside them and decide they like them better. So yeah―mix them up.”
I spend the next forty-five minutes hanging up sunglasses, then go over and help another lady fold and stack shirts. At ten, I hear a voice yell something and look around.
Boone is standing on one of the checkout lane cabinets. “Hey, everybody! This is amazing! You guys did a great job today! I think we’ve got it under control. Let’s all knock off for the day, get a good night’s sleep, and come back tomorrow to start again. I want to thank you for your dedication and hard work. We couldn’t do this without you. And to my love, Melina,” he says and points to me. “Baby, you saved the day. I can’t live without you.” The merchandising woman nearest me pats me on the shoulder, and I know one thing for sure.
I’m a Lawson.
* * *
We’re ready for the soft opening. Boone decks me out in Lawson’s of Alabama gear to wear, and he, Brock, and Blake are dressed in it too. At five o’clock, the doors will open and employees will be on hand. There will be no sales―the cash registers don’t go online until the next morning at seven, an hour before the store opens―but there will be giveaways and a couple of speeches, one by Boone and one by the store manager, Sylvia, who worked for another major retailer for almost twenty years. The guests will be any employee who’s not on the clock for the opening, families of all the employees, local politicians, including the mayor, and the governor’s been invited. No one will be able to buy anything, but there will be free Lawson’s of Alabama tee shirts until they run out, plus can cozies and caps.
And then, at eleven o’clock, we take a plane back so I can be at work by ten tomorrow morning. Great―just great. I’ll be a ragdoll at work tomorrow.
But the opening is fun. There’s food and drinks, and everybody is smiling. Boone’s speech is beautiful. He talks about how he never dreamed when he started his little business in his dad’s garage that it would wind up being a multi-million-dollar venture. He makes Brock and Blake take a bow too. Then Sylvia talks about the hopes they have for the store. To our shock and delight, the governor does show up, and he’s a really nice guy. His wife is very nice too. Brock, Blake, and I all get introductions to them. Once again, I feel like I’m part of the family.
By the time we get on the plane, I’m shot. There’s nothing left. I’m so exhausted that I can barely move. There’s no sex when we get to Boone’s―we’re both too exhausted. He’s got all day today to recover, but I’ve got to be at work soon, so I just crash.
He’s still sleeping, so I leave him a little love note in the kitchen and head to work. When I get back, we’ll get something to eat and spend the evening together. Baker will be home tomorrow, and I’ll get to spend the day with both of them. I can barely wait.
* * *
At first, I wasn’t too worried. Now I am. “Where the hell are they?” Boone keeps growling as he paces.
“Babe, try calling her again.”
He slips his phone out of his pocket and hits Marie’s contact, then leaves the same message he’s left the last twenty-five times. “Marie, it’s almost one o’clock. You were supposed to be at work an hour ago. Where are you? I’m getting worried. Call me back.” He hangs up and tosses the phone onto the sofa. It rings almost instantly and he doesn’t even look at the screen. “Hello? Oh, hey. No. Not a word.” Must be his dad. “I don’t know what to do.” There’s no way I can hear what Brannon is saying, but I try. “Okay. Yeah. Don’t worry. I will. Thanks. Love you too. Bye.” He punches another contact and waits. “Yes, hello. This is Boone Lawson. I’m trying to reach my ex-wife, Marie. Could I … Oh. I see. Okay. Well, thank you. Yes, please. Thanks.” He tosses the phone back onto the sofa. “She’s in a patient’s room so she can’t call me back. But where is Baker?”
“Good question.” I don’t know what to do. There should be something I could do, but I’m not sure what.
Another hour passes, and Boone’s almost crazed. Marie’s never called him back. “I’m going to the hospital.”
“Babe, no. Don’t. Security will―”
“Fuck security. I’ve got to know where my son is.”
“No! Boone, don’t. You’ll wind up getting in trouble, and Baker doesn’t need that.”
He wheels and screams at me, “Then what am I supposed to do, Melina? Just sit here? Because I can’t! I don’t know where my son is, and now I know his mother’s at work! What I know is that he’s not where he’s supposed to be! I can’t just sit here!”
“I’m not suggesting that.” I think for a few seconds. “I know what to do. Hang on.”
Whipping out my phone, I hit the contact and Trish answers. “Hi, Melina!”
“Hey. Is Clint home?”
“Yeah. He’s watching the game. Do you need him?”
“Actually, yes. It’s kind of an emergency.”
“Okay. Hang on.” I hear her call his name and in seconds, there’s the sound of the phone changing hands.
“Melina! How ya doin’, honey?”
“Not good. Today’s Sunday. Boone’s ex was supposed to bring his little boy here and they’ve never shown up.”
“What time?”
“She had to be at work at noon, so before that.”
“Shit. It’s almost three. Did she show up at work?”
“Yes.”
“What can I do to help?”
“Can you go to the hospital and find her? Talk to her in person? Just tell her you’re a friendly third party and you want to know what’s going on because Boone’s so upset. No threats, no ugliness, just calm and rational.”
“I can. I’ll take Dad or Steffen with me. If they can’t go, I’ll take Brian. I’ll take somebody, but I’ll go over there, honey. And I’ll call you from the parking lot when we’re finished.”
“Thank you so much, Clint. Thanks. We’re just …” My voice breaks as the waterworks start. I can’t help it. Baker’s somewhere and we don’t know where, and it’s terrifying.
“It’ll be okay, babe. I’ll call you when we’re done. Bye.”
“Bye.” Boone’s staring at me. “Clint’s going over to the hospital. He’s taking somebody with him. He’s just going to talk to her.”
He sits down and drums his fingers on his knee, then jumps back up and starts pacing. “I just don’t understand. I really, really don’t understand.”
“We’ll get to the bottom of it. Clint’s good at things like this. Let him help.”
And we wait. We wait for what seems like forever. My phone rings at about five o’clock―Clint. “Hey. Were you―”
“I’ve got some bad news, Melina.” I hope Boone can’t see my face, because I’m sure it’s gone pale. “He’s with her boyfriend.”
“Boyfriend? What boyfriend?”
“It seems she has a―”
“Hang on.” I hit the screen. “You’re on speaker. Boone’s here. What’s this about a boyfriend?”
“He’s with her boyfriend. She says he’s not going back to his dad’s and she’s already called her attorney.”
“Why?” Boone almost screams. “What the fuck is wrong with her?”
“She says he’s safer with her new boyfriend than he is with you.”
“What the hell? What is she talking about?” he bellows.
“She says he’s safer with a guy she barely
knows than he is with your porn star girlfriend.”
I can’t breathe. I can’t speak. I don’t know what to do. The room is spinning and I feel like I’m having a heart attack. I hear Boone say, “That’s total bullshit!”
“I know, buddy, but you need to call your attorney. She was intractable about this. And I swear to god, I kept my cool, but I wanted to punch her lights out for talking about Melina the way she did. It was ridiculous.”
“Oh, god.” Boone sits down hard and I’m still fighting to stay alert. “I can’t believe … Clint, thanks, man. I appreciate it. You didn’t have to do this, but―”
“I’ve got a son whose mother didn’t tell me he existed until he was Baker’s age. If I can help you, I will. Just say the word.”
“Thanks. Thanks so much. I’ll talk to you soon.”
“Stay strong, friend. Talk to you soon.” And the phone goes silent.
We both sit in stunned silence. I don’t know what to say. This is all my fault―my fault. My voice is thready and weak when I say, “Boone, I’m so sorry.”
“Not your fault, Angel. Not at all. She’s just a bitch.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I’m going to call my fucking attorney, that’s what I’m going to do.” He takes out his phone, punches another contact, and he’s talking as he walks out of the room.
I want to die. The person I love the most―the two people I love the most―I’ve hurt. I’ve destroyed Boone’s life. His son is his whole world. And if ever there was a time when Baker needed his dad, it’s now. I’m so broken that I can’t think. When he steps back into the den, I ask, “What did he say?”
“He says he’ll start on it in the morning, but right now, there’s nothing he can do. He’ll have to call her attorney. He said he might do that tonight, but otherwise, tomorrow morning.”
I’m numb all over. There’s nothing I can say or do that will fix this, and I did this―me. I did it. “I’ve got to go to work,” is what I come out with.
“Seriously? I need you here with me, Angel. Please? Please don’t go. I’m going crazy.”
“I have to keep my job, Boone. It’s all I’ve got.”
“You’ve got me. It’s not like I’m poor.”
My phone tumbles to the floor when I shoot up from the sofa. “You’re not going to want me anymore! This is my fault, Boone! I never should’ve gotten involved with you!”
He’s walking toward me, arms outstretched. “No, baby. It’s not you. It’s her. This isn’t your―”
I just bat his hands away. “Yes! It’s my fault! I should’ve known better! I’ve gotta go―I’ve gotta get to work. I can’t stay. If I leave, maybe she’ll forget about all this. I’m sorry, Boone. I’ve gotta go.”
“Melina!” I can hear him calling to me as I run from the house, hop into my car, and jet out the driveway. He’s standing in the drive, hands on his head, yelling my name as I drive away, but I can’t stay. I’ve done this to him.
I love him. And I’ve ruined his life.
Chapter Thirteen
He tries to call me all night at work, but I won’t answer. I finally turn off the ringer because I can’t stand it anymore.
And I don’t turn it back on. At two o’clock, I hear a car door and in seconds, he’s banging on my door. “Melina! Let me in, babe! I need to see you! I need to talk to you! Please, baby, let me in?” That goes on until I hear somebody yelling and he says, “Fine, fine. I’ll go. Don’t call the cops.” The sound of the car door closing rings out and then the motor sound recedes into the night.
Monday is pure hell. He calls all day long while I’m at work, or at least until two thirty. At that point, he stops calling.
Tuesday is worse. He doesn’t try to call me all day and I wonder what’s going on, but I’m not about to call him. The sooner he turns loose of me, the better.
But Wednesday? Wednesday, I get sent straight to hell.
He doesn’t call all day but when I get ready to leave, I find him leaning against my car, waiting. “Boone, you shouldn’t―”
“We’ve got to talk, Melina. It’s important. It can’t wait.”
“Okay. Get in.” He hesitates. “What?”
“It needs to be in a public place. The coffee shop over here?” he says and points to it.
“Okay. Sure.” As we walk he doesn’t try to take my hand or touch me in any way, and I figure he’s probably pissed at me for walking out. He’ll get over it.
When we sit down, I order a soft drink and he gets a coffee. As soon as the server walks away, I look into his eyes and there, deep within them, I see all the love he’s shown me the whole time we’ve been together. “What’s going on?”
“I’ve spent the last two days with my attorney.” Uh-oh. This can’t be good. “Hers has responded to everything and they’ve talked back and forth. And we can’t see each other, Melina.”
“Oh, I know. When this gets sorted out, we can―”
“No. You don’t understand. It’s not getting sorted out. There’s no sorting it out. Ken says that, based on what he and her attorney have discussed, there’s a very good possibility that if I keep seeing you, if we stay together, she could have my custody terminated.”
“What?” The day Honker died and I held that little boy, I didn’t think I could ever feel worse than I did right at that moment.
I was dead wrong.
“You’re going to figure this out, Boone. I’ll still be here. I just―”
“No, Melina. I’m not. There’s no figuring it out. Ken says our hands are tied. He says, illegal or not, there’ve been several judges in the state who’ve taken biological children from their mothers who were exotic dancers or adult movie actors. They’ve also terminated rights for dads involved in the industry. So there’s no figuring it out.” And he falls silent.
I don’t know what to say or do. After I sit there for a few minutes, tears dripping into my drink, I reach for my left hand with my right and grip the ring there.
“No.”
My eyes meet his. “Yes. We’re breaking up, right?”
His eyes are lost and his voice is weak. “Yes. I guess we are. But I want you to keep that.”
“Why? I can’t wear it.”
“I hope you’ll be able to wear it at some time in the future.”
I just shake my head in hopelessness. “Boone, in this state, kids can’t express an interest in which parent they’ll live with until they’re fifteen. Fifteen. That’s eight years from now. You’ll forget about me in eight years!”
The pain in those beautiful eyes is beyond words when he says, “Melina, Baker won’t be around that long.”
No. No, no, no. This can’t be happening. “Boone, I―”
He stands and looks down at me. “No. I can’t be seen with you. I’ve got to call Brian and have him revoke my membership in the club. I can’t be on the books there. Everything in my life has to be squeaky-clean. My whole fucking world is upside-down because of her.”
“No. Because of me.”
He slams a fist on the table and I jump. “No, Melina. It’s not you. It’s her.” Other people are staring at us. When he realizes that, he closes his eyes for a few seconds, then opens them. “I love you, Melina. I’ll always love you. But right now, it has to be this way. I’m backed into a corner. This isn’t goodbye forever. It’s just goodbye for now.” Without another word, he turns and heads to the door.
“Boone! Boone, please!” When he finally stops, I call out, “Please keep me informed about Baker? I love him and I want to know that he’s okay.”
Exhaustion has etched his face when he pivots slowly toward me. “I will. I promise. Thanks―for everything.”
And he’s gone.
* * *
I curse the day I met Boone Lawson. My life was unbearable before. Now it’s intolerable.
I’m a member of the walking dead, going from place to place, doing the things I’m supposed to do. The weather has started to cool off, and
I don’t even want a sweater. I’ll freeze. They say that’s a peaceful way to go.
I work just about every day, but even the visits from Beatrice don’t help me. I can’t even smile anymore. No matter how hard I try, it doesn’t work. I asked Frieda if I could pick up extra shifts and work on my days off and she told me to do whatever I needed to do. She can see the shape I’m in. My face is gaunt, my skin is sallow, my hair looks dry and brittle, and I’ve lost twenty pounds even though I didn’t have twenty pounds to lose. But I find out from Clint that everything is back to normal. Baker is back at his dad’s on his mom’s days at work, and that’s as it should be. My sacrifice has been huge, but it’s been successful.
I can’t go back to the club. A week after all that shit went down, I went over to Dave’s and had him take my collar off. I can’t wear it anymore. Looking at it is a constant, painful reminder that the Dominant who gave it to me isn’t mine anymore. I’ve tried to go in and scene with some of the other Doms, play and have a good time, but I can’t. My heart’s so broken that I can’t even think about it.
Time passes slowly, so slowly that I think old age will never reach me. It seems like it’s been so long since I’ve seen him that I’m not sure I’d recognize him, but I’ll remember his touch for eternity. I’m sitting at home, trying to concentrate on a book, when the phone rings. “Hello?”
“Hey, cupcake. How ya doin’?”
Brock. I suppose he’s going to bitch at me. “Hello, sir. How can I help you?”
There’s silence for a few seconds before he asks, “Melina, what’s wrong?”
“What do you mean, what’s wrong?” He’s got to be kidding me.
“I mean, what’s wrong? You don’t sound right.”
Boone hasn’t told him? That’s not possible. “Ever since Boone broke up with me―”
“WHAT? When? What the fuck? What happened?” he bellows into the phone.
Boone hasn’t told him. That’s unbelievable. “He broke up with me over a month ago. He didn’t tell you?”
Undeniably His: Bliss Series, Book Five Page 24